Leadership Thought: You Don't See Movies Like That Anymore

Dear Friends,

"You don’t see movies like that anymore, do you?  it was amazing!" 

Such was the response from Sandy Manchella, a friend from St Louis I met several years ago at a restaurant in Henderson Harbor, a little town a few miles from where I  spend my summers. She was working as a waitress for her brother who had just opened the restaurant, and we became instant friends. How that happened is a subject for another story, but now being on my Leadership Thought mailing list, she e-mailed me the introductory words to my message above. She wanted to let me know about the movie she had just seen.

The movie, Soul on Fire, is about the life of John O' Leary. who as a child suffered burns over 100 percent of his body. Doctors gave him little to no chance of survival. However,  because of the encouragement of Jack Buck, a legendary play by play broadcaster for the St Louis Cardinals, a janitor, who every day faithfully cleaned and disinfected his room, and a nurse who wouldn't let young John give up on himself during those darkest days of his life, John survived to become one of the most popular speakers in the world.

Even before I had learned about him from Sandy, I had come to know John through his writing. His stories and his life experiences were always a source of  great inspiration and encouragement to me, so when I learned they were making a movie about his life I was eager to see it.

So yesterday, on a cold and blustery day, I ventured forth to see what probably will be my only movie of the year, and how glad I was for the choice I made. 

If you are anything like me who averages one movie a year, then this is the one movie you must see. 

For those of you who live in my area it is being shown in theaters in the Monmouth Mall and in Hazlet.

I know this is not a typical Leadership Thought, but I hope my message, and one of John's messages which I share below, will provide you enough encouragement for you to  experience the movie for yourself.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Connecting with People and a Book That Saved Me $4,000

Dear Friends,

Investor Warren Buffett states the ability to speak and connect with people is the most important ability a person could ever develop, and I believe he is right. It is one thing to communicate with people: it's another thing to connect with them. The turmoil taking place in today’s political world is a perfect example of what happens when people communicate and yet are unable to connect. 

I believe the most important key in communication is possessing a genuine interest in the other person.

Good communicators forget about themselves in their effort to connect with others.

They know that it is important to be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.

Good communicators are always looking for ways to add value to others. They forget about themselves and always look for ways to make the other person feel important. 

It is very true that people don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care, and they may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel

When looking to connect with people, we must put everything else aside. We must sacrifice our own time, interests, and concerns and focus completely on their needs Our goal is never to impress but to be impressed, and to make the other person feel that he/she is the most important person in the room.

Good listeners are empathetic. They are anxious to learn how the other person feels, and so they listen not only with their ears, but they listen with their heart.

Those seeking to connect with others are curious to learn more about the  person, so they ask relevant questions to move the conversation forward to gain greater clarity on how the person feels so they are better able to help the person.

In his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People, a book that should be required reading for anyone interested in learning how to connect with people, Dale Carnegie states that that "the sweetest word to a person’s ear is his own name. Remembering names is an important part of connecting with others and using the person's name in your conversation is not only a helpful way of increasing your connection but assisting you in remembering the person's name long after your visit.

Good communicators are always looking for memorable moments that might cement one's relationship. 

Last week I met with the orthopedic surgeon who is going to perform my second hip replacement. He is the same doctor that performed my initial hip surgery 30 years ago. When he walked into the room, I was reading a book on leadership by John Maxwell.  After briefly chatting about the last time we saw each other over 30 years ago, he asked me about the book I was reading. 

I told him of my interest in leadership, and he commented that he had been asked to lead a conference in Naples, Florida for 2,000 orthopedic surgeons on the topic of building and leading your medical team.  I pointed to the book and offered it to him,  I said, "I think you will find some good information in it for your message."  He initially declined, but when I insisted,  he took it, and I facetiously remarked that I would trade him the book for my surgery. He laughed, and after his lengthy assessment of my hip was completed, we discussed the cost since I knew he didn't take Medicare. He told me the cost, and then he said, "I am going to knock off $ 4,000 from my normal fee."

Of course I was grateful for his generosity, so I followed up our conversation by sending him a letter of appreciation along with a devotional book on encouragement that I had written, and a week later I got a personal note from him indicating that each day he was reading a devotional from my book, and  that he found the other book I had given him very helpful in preparing the message he was giving in Naples.

Special stories and shared experiences like this have a way of cementing relationships. In my case a John Maxwell book, How to Be a People Person, not only saved me $4,000, but helped cement a connection that I suspect neither of us will ever forget. 

A friend laughingly suggested I should charge him the balance of the surgery for the  book I sent, and  I said to him that it wouldn’t be fair, for I knew in my heart that my book was not all that good and certainly worth far less that the balance I owed him.

The story and our connection to be continued…

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Teaching Leadership Lessons at the Staff Level

Dear Friends,

Most of my day yesterday was spent in New York city  at the Hospital for Special Surgery where I was having preoperative testing for a hip replacement that was scheduled for October 22nd.

Thirty years ago I had a hip replacement on the same hip, but because I had heart stent surgery performed in  June, the doctor felt it was prudent to push back another surgery for at least six months, so the surgery will now be scheduled for late November or early December which means I will have  to continue limping around  in this old body for a couple more months.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me during time, and please continue to pray as I wait for my new scheduled surgery.

As one who has always been interested in developing leaders, I would frequently do leadership training with my staff. Equipping leaders is a key part of every leader’s responsibility, so I am always looking for ways to teach leadership principles at staff meetings. I have found that leadership is often best learned together when the leader and all of the team members sit around a table teaching and learning from one another.

The good leader recognizes that he/she doesn't know all of the answers to every leadership issue, but together with your team, those answers can often be discovered through informal around the table  discussions.

I know  that everything gets better when people get together, for as leadership expert John Maxwell reminds us, "one is always too small a number to achieve greatness." It is amazing what transpires when a group of people get together to learn about leadership. Yes, two heads are always better than one.

One productive way I have found to teach leadership is by providing a list of leadership principles and then providing opportunities for members to discuss them, while sharing their own personal examples of how those principles have been experienced and lived out in their own personal lives. In so doing, everyone is engaged, and every team member has the opportunity to not only become a learner but also a leader. 

Here a just a few leadership principles that lend might lend themselves to informative learning discussions .

“Relationships are forged, not formed. They require time and  common experience.”

“We can do anything, but we can’t do everything.”

“If you want to go up, there must be things that you are willing to give up

“Never take a journey along; always take someone with you.”

“Pass credit when the sweat is still on their brow.”

These are just a few of the possible statements that you could discuss, but you can come up with your own list that addresses the leadership principles you wish to instill in the hearts and minds of your people.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Shining the Light of Christ's Character in the Athletic Arena

Dear Friends,

Today we have lost many of the wonderful values that once characterized athletic competition. We have experienced cheating scandals and witnessed coaches and teams that will do almost anything to gain an advantage, even if it means skirting the rules to accomplish their goals.  

The sports' world is full of such  stories. Today some coaches teach their players to fake injuries on the field to stop the clock. Teams routinely spy on one another's practices to gain an upper hand. Winning at any cost has become the rule and no longer the exception, and as a coach and  longtime baseball umpire it troubles me, for I know the wonderful values  of respect and integrity athletics can promote. Something has been lost  today on the field and courts of competition, and it is the value of character development.

A year ago, I was the only umpire working a freshman high school baseball game, and I was working behind the plate when I got blocked out by the batter on a steal of third. I couldn't see the play and having to make a quick decision I guessed he was safe, but unfortunately, I guessed wrong , as he was clearly out.  Everyone - the fans, the players and the third base coach, knew I had blown the call and that the visiting team's runner was out and that I had unfortunately called him safe. I huddled up with the coaches, explained the situation, and while both coaches knew he was out, the third base coach said to me you called him safe, and you can't reverse the call. He was right technically, but I had hoped he would have enough integrity to acknowledge my mistake and admit his runner was out. Unfortunately, he did not do this.

To the credit of the home team's coach, also a teacher, he simply walked away disappointed in the opposing coach's attitude and unwillingness to see my mistaken call rectified. To his credit, he used the situation to teach his players that mistakes will happen on the field and in life, and that day those players learned a very valuable lesson in character development. 

On my way home after the game I thought of some of the values we sought to instill in our athletes while I was athletic director at Calvary Christian Academy in Fort Lauderdale.

I thought of Emma Kimso,  who was dribbling up the floor when she noticed the girl who was guarding her had fallen down. She calmly stopped her dribble, helped the girl up, and then picked up her dribble  and headed to the basket where she scored a layup. The official later said to me, "I had no. Idea what to do or what to call."

Some might scoff at such an act, and while admitting it might be a selfless action, they would say it  was completely out of place in the midst of  such competition. My answer to that would be that  we need more Emma Kimso's today. 

I long for those young people who, while giving their best in the sport they are playing, have not lost sight of the fact that "letting your light shine," means  just that- "letting your light shine,"  and that  "light shining" is never out of place, regardless of where it takes place.

Who won the game? I honestly don't remember and frankly I don't care.  All I want to remember is a young lady who for a short moment demonstrated the kind of behavior that makes me proud to have been a coach and athletic director. 

And then only a few days later our wrestling team continued to "let their light shine"  when team members  led two competitors to Christ. Two members of the Eagle team had learned how to share they faith and they witnessed to two opposing team members and led them in a prayer to receive Jesus Christ. How exciting to know that our athletes were integrally involved in God's spiritual harvest

And then I remember how we always had an opening prayer before every home game and how our basketball players would meet at center court following our games to pray with opposing team members, and how our football team would do the same.

I miss seeing or hearing about these kinds of examples today. 

May we be quick to remember that as fans, coaches and players, we need to emulate the quality of sportsmanship reflected in the lives of these young athletes who did not hide their lights under a bushel but in word and deed brightly shined forth the light of Christ's character as they modeled moral and spiritual character, something that is extremely rare in our sports' world today. May their tribe increase.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: So, You too Struggle to Share Your Faith

Dear Friends,

I remember one of the first times I shared my faith. I was a young pastor outside of Syracuse, N. Y. and I had been to a conference on evangelism. I knew as a pastor I needed to share my faith more often than I was doing. 

I decided that I would visit the home of Don and Mary Wallburger who had visited our church several times.

I purposely parked my car far enough  from their home, so  that they wouldn't notice me if I chickened out  and left without being noticed.

I remember approaching their door in fear as I offered a few light taps on the door hoping they wouldn't hear them, so I could avoid doing what I knew God had called me to do. Quite frankly this young pastor was scared to death to share my faith.

The Wallburgers did hear the knock and opened the door, and for the next hour I tried to share my faith. I bumbled and stumbled through a gospel presentation, and while they graciously listened, I knew I was not connecting. After what seemed like an eternity, I left embarrassed, feeling like a complete failure in my efforts to reach them for Christ. I am happy to say, however, that this wonderful couple did eventually pray to receive Him in spite of my ineffective witness.

Perhaps your first experience witnessing was something like mine, and you too felt like a complete failure. You  were fearful because you felt untrained and ill equipped to share the faith.

At that point I could have decided to write off evangelism because of my colossal failure. I could have said I don't have the gift of evangelism and left witnessing to others, except for the fact that I knew every Christian has been called to share his faith.

The greatest obstacle to sharing our faith is fear, and almost every believer has to overcome that initial fear. What if those to whom I speak reject me? What if they are not interested in what I have to share or I can't remember any of the verses, and I make a complete fool of myself?

I have news for you. Almost everyone who witnesses for the first time feels that way I  did.

The key to witnessing is to remind ourselves again and again that we are not alone and that the omnipotent One, the Lord Almighty is speaking for us and through us. We are only his vessels, His messengers, and it is the power of the Holy Spirit that takes our imperfect words and uses them to pierce the heart of the unbelieving soul. 

Jesus says, "You shall be my witnesses' when the Holy Spirit comes upon you," and you can be confident that  He will come upon you when you are faithful to share the truth of the gospel. "It is not by might or power,” says the Lord, but it is by my Spirit," and when you trust not in your own abilities but trust completely in the Holy Spirit you can be sure you will always be successful

I love that wonderful definition of  witnessing used by Campus Crusade for Christ: "Witnessing is sharing Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to God." 

You are successful whether or not the person comes to Christ. You success comes not from your results but from your obedience. You are faithful, regardless of the results.

I love the words of Matt Smethurst who states in Before You Share Your Faith these words: "Imagine- especially if you didn't grow up in a Christian home- if the person who first spoke the gospel to you had instead been frozen by fear. What if they had concluded, No, Lord, not me! I'm still not equipped, still not ready. Plus, the environment isn't ideal. Where might you be today?" 

Witnessing is for every believer, and I hope you will heed His call to be faithful in sharing the transforming Gospel message that once changed your life.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: How to Add Value to Others by Simple Acts of Love

Dear Friends,

What keeps me up at night or wakes me up early in the morning to write these Leadership Thoughts?  It’s an intentional desire to add value to people. I hope and pray that each message I share makes a difference in each person who reads them.

Many years ago, I remember reading a quote by author and speaker Zig Ziglar who taught that “If you help enough people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.

The stories are too numerous to share of how this principle has been born out in my life

Albert Schweitzer writes “The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and possess the will to help others.”

Valuing others doesn’t come naturally, for we are born with a selfish and sinful nature that would much rather be helped than help, served than serve, and loved than love. Valuing and putting others first won’t come naturally but can only be done with intentionally. We must always be on the lookout for ways to add value to others.

We must constantly be looking for opportunities to make a difference in people’s lives, for service to others seldom happens by accident.

The idea of adding value to others started early for me when I realized by simply holding the door  for someone, as simple as it was, would not only  add value to others,  but also add value  to someone and bring pleasure to me.

.I will never forget an illustration by my favorite teacher John Maxwell. He demonstrated the example on stage by using his hands to show that when you pushed someone down, you had to go down with them, but when you lifted them up, you not only lifted them up but you lifted yourself up as well. This simple illustration has stuck with me throughout my life, and it has been  a constant reminder of the fact that when you lift others up you lift yourself up as well.

I recently read of a pastor who described a man in his city who stood on a street corner holding up a sign reading FREE HUGS. The pastor commented that at first, he thought it was strange, but his heart was quickly changed when he saw the stream of people lining up to receive a free hug.

Just this past week, I closed our early morning prayer time with what I call a “holy hug.” We all get together in a circle and press in as tight inwardly as we can, and then I pray. Simple, yes, but oh so meaningful to feel the warm embrace of your brothers and sisters.

As a coach I was always on the lookout for ways to add value to my players through encouragement.  I would sometime stop our  practice to point out someone who went above and beyond what was expected.

 I will never forget the words of a coach who taught me to always encourage others when the sweat was still on their brow, and I have taken that message to heart.

Some of these illustrations seem like little things, but they are not, for there is never a little gesture of love or some form of encouragement  that ever goes unnoticed by our heavenly Father.

Who doesn’t like a hug, a hand around your shoulder, or a clap on the back. I will never forget the coach who reminded me “ that a pat on the back is only a few inches removed from a kick in the pants, but oh what a difference those a few inches make.”

If you and I will start our day praying to be “plus people” whose goal is to add value to others, and if we will always living intentionally, always on the lookout for ways to add value to others, there is no telling the difference we can make in our community, our nation and our world.

Words and works of selflessness will not only make a difference in the lives of others but in your life as well.

Every day let us give our time, share our knowledge, and offer our gifts and in so doing each of us we will become more like Jesus.

Jesus valued everyone, He loved everyone, He served everyone, and He never missed an opportunity to make people feel valued and you and I ought to be doing the same, seeking for ways to turn minus people into plus people.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Leadership Thoughts: Quotes I Shared with My Basketball Team Twenty-Five Years Ago

Dear Friends,

Twenty-five years ago, I had the privilege of becoming the first  school chaplain,  and first athletic director of Calvary Christian Academy in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

The school was born from a congregation of 16,000 where I was one of 22 pastors. 

From humble beginnings in 2000 when the school started  with 200 students, the school has now grown to become the largest Christian School in the country with an enrollment of almost 3000 students. 

From the school’s beginning when I coached our first basketball team of 8th graders who played on an outdoor court while the first gym was being constructed, the school has  excelled athletically winning a number of  state championships in baseball, basketball and track and field. In the last few years, our basketball team was ranked among the top five schools nationally among all public and private schools in the county. Now with three gyms, and a 7-million-dollar field house, the school’s enrollment continues to grow both athletically and academically.

In each of the last three years I have had the privilege of spending a week at the school visiting coaches and teachers, some who are still there while I was teaching and coaching.  I still marvel at the growth and development of the school, but the quality that impresses me the most about the school is their continued commitment to developing the spiritual and moral character of every student. 

As I reflected on my eight years as pastor, teacher, coach, chaplain and athletic director, I thought of some of the values I sought to instill in my teams and in my family of athletic coaches.

Yesterday I pulled out a book of quotes that I would often share and discuss with my players at the beginning of each and every practice. Yes, I worked hard to develop their basketball abilities, but more importantly I was fully committed, as are the schools' coaches today, to the development of their moral and spiritual character. 

As I thumbed through some of the quotes from that book, I thought a few of them might be helpful to you as you teach and coach your own children and grandchildren. When I recorded the sources of the quotes, I included them, but unfortunately, I didn't always write them down.

 

            Some of the Quotes from My Personal Notebook

“The best way to inspire change is to be the change you want to see.”

“Act the way you'd like to be, and soon you'll be the way you act.” 

 “Only the guy who isn't rowing has time to rock the boat.”

“The only thing that walks back from the grave and refuses to be buried is the character of a man”.

“Character consists of what you do on the 3rd and 4th tries.” Senator Dan Coats

“It is not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are.” Walt Disney

“Live in such a way that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.” Will Rogers.

“The secret of success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching.”

“You can't make another person feel important, if you secretly think he is a nobody”. 

“Place a ten on everyone's forehead.” 

“Treat people as the most important people in the world, and you will communicate that they are somebody to you.” 

“Consider it a wasted day when you have not learned something new or peered into the mystery of God's grace and wisdom.” William Barclay

“Pass credit while the sweat is still on their brow.”

“Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit”. Vince Lombardi

“To ignore evil is to be a partner in it.” Martin Luther King

“Character consists of what you do on the 3rd and 4th tries.” James Michener.

“Flatter me, and I may not believe you, criticize me and he may not like you,  ignore me, and I may not forgive you, but encourage me,  and I will never forget you.” 

“A clear conscience never fears midnight knocking.” Chinese proverb 

“Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless.”  Mother Teresa.

“Touch a person's heart before you ask them for their hand.”

“Believing in people before they prove themselves is the key to motivating people to reach their potential.”

“Don't be a tombstone encourager; encourage them now.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom