You Better Read This If You Don’t Want to Be a Part of a Small Group

Dear Friends,

I want to ask you a question today. What is a disciple? How would you define the word? You know the word Christian is rarely used in the New Testament to describe a believer. When the Bible talks about a believer it almost invariably refers to him/her as a disciple. Having said this, I wonder if maybe we should stop asking people if they are Christian, but instead ask if they are a disciple.

When I think of the word disciple, I think of a person who has accepted Christ as his/her personal Savior, is growing in faith,  sharing the gospel with others, and is involved in a nurturing community where people are regularly meeting together to love and encourage and build up one another.

It is this last characteristic which I would like to address this morning. A Christian is one who is involved in community. Acts 2:42-43 describes the characteristics of this community. “They devoted themselves to the apostle’ teaching, and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.”

The early disciples lived in community. They met in a groups. They shared their lives with one another.

Your leadership is sold on the importance of small groups, and because of this, we are slowly laying the foundation for the development of small group life at New Monmouth. Over the next six months, you will be hearing more and more about the importance and value of small groups, and you will be encouraged to become a part of one of the groups being offered.

In every church I have served, I have either led or been a part of a small group. From my perspective small groups are indispensable to the life blood of the church. If the church is to truly be the church God designed it to be, it will be a church fully committed to the ministry of small groups where people can get to know  one another,  laugh and cry with one another, and  serve and minister alongside of one another

I was reminded of just how important small groups can be when I recently attended an Andy Stanley Seminar in the Lancaster area. I had the good fortune of riding with Matt Agresti, one of the pastors at Park Church (formerly ORB Outreach Red Bank) and three of his leadership team. For most of the two and a half hour trip, I listened intently to one story after story of how God had been at work in their small groups, changing lives and making disciples. They call their groups community groups. They are totally committed to the building of a small group ministry, and today almost every one of their over 250 regular worshippers is committed to one of their geographically organized 14 groups. Weekly I personally experienced the enthusiasm and excitement that characterizes these groups, as I live in a home where my daughter and son in law, Park Church members, host a group every Wednesday night.

Why would I want to be in a group, you might ask? Well, for one reason it was the model of the New Testament Church. The early disciples were committed to being together. It’s what characterized their ministry. It was their spiritual incubator for making disciples.

I know some of you may be thinking, “You will never get me in a group. I hate groups.” Well let me give you a non-spiritual reason for joining a group. You will live longer if you do, and I think most of us would agree that that might be a good rationale for at least considering joining.

Let me close with a remarkable study on health and small groups. “Researchers found that the most isolated people were three times more likely to die than those with strong relational connections. People who had bad health habits (such as smoking, poor eating habits, obesity, or alcohol use) but strong social ties lived significantly longer than people who had great health habits but were isolated. In other words, it is better to eat Twinkies with good friends than to eat broccoli alone.” Everybody’s Normal Til You Get to Know Them, John Ortberg p 33

There you have it. Want to live longer? Join a group, and if you do you may not only add years to your life but life to your years, and even better than that, you begin to become a living example of what a disciple is called to be.

Yours in faith,

Pastor Tom

What Makes Church Growth So Deceptive

Dear Friends,

"How is your church doing?”, someone recently asked me the other day. I responded by stating I was encouraged by the general increase in attendance, sparked by a large influx of new people who have begun attending and who have caused a spike in attendance.

A crowded church can be very encouraging to a pastor. Who wants to see empty pews, when they are teaching?  That is why Easter is so often the highlight of the spiritual year. Crowded pews, enthusiastic singing, a packed Sunday School are all qualities that make Easter such an exciting and exhilarating time.

However, we must never allow ourselves to be fooled by numbers. We must equate packed pews with a 'successful' church.

Jesus was surrounded by a crowd of thousands, as he stood upon a hillside overlooking the Sea of Galilee. In fact, it has been estimated that there may have been as many as 15,000 who had gathered to hear the Master teach. Sparked by his miracles in Cana, where he turned water into wine, and the raising of the paralytic, who for 38 years lay helpless beside the pool of Bethesda, the people flocked to hear this minister of miracles "do his thing". But Jesus was not impressed with the numbers who attended his 'hillside' service. He knew their hearts and he knew that most of them were there for only selfish reasons, to 'get' what He might 'give' them.

They were looking for food for their bodies, healing for their sickness, and relief from the oppressive Roman government which had politically enslaved them. He fully understood the people didn't receive what he was trying to give them. And so after feeding the thousands who had flocked to hear him, and only after constraining his disciples to get in a boat and sail from the glutted crowd who were filled to the gills on their miracle meal, he departed to be alone. 

All of this got me thinking of what is really the true measure of church's spiritual success. Is it just attenders that marks success? Are we more concerned about attendance than we are what happens to the attendees? Are we only interested in filled pews or is there some other measuring stick to determine success?

The longer Jesus continued to teach, the more his crowds continued to thin out. Many did not like his hard sayings, or his challenging truths. As long as He gave them what they wanted, and didn't offend them in doing so, they were all in. 

Friends, we must recognize that the most effective measure of any church is not bodies or budgets or buildings, but how many of its attendees are becoming active disciples. What if instead of asking people 'are you a Christian', a word used only three times in the bible to describe a believer, we asked them 'are you a disciple, the word that was most predominately used to define a believer?

If we are only concerned about attendance, we can easily fool ourselves into thinking the church is doing well. But if we look at how many members are becoming 'missionaries' and how many spectators are getting suited up, we recognize that congregational growth is not always the best indicator of a spiritually healthy church.

A church can witness a significant increase in their budget, but if less than half of its membership is giving, there is little to celebrate, for a win for the organization can be a loss for attendee.

A healthy church will be comprised of those who are serving, giving, learning,

sharing and inviting. As leaders, we need to ask ourselves the following questions: Are our members involved in some form of service activity? Are they giving and is their giving of a sacrificial nature? Are they learning as they study God's word individually and in groups?  Are they looking for opportunities to share their faith with others? And finally are they inviting friends and neighbors to join them for services? To me these are the five components of a successful church, the one Jesus might applaud. 

So you see numbers can be very misleading. Decisions for Christ need to become disciples for Christ.

A growing attendance can be very deceptive. As church leaders, we must always be more concerned about discipling attendees than counting attenders, and our goal as leaders is to make sure we distinguish between the two.

Yours in faith,

Pastor Tom

Men, what kind of spiritual inheritance are you leaving your children?

Dear Friends,

I was recently sitting at a basketball game with a friend from the church, and I turned to him and said, “I have missed you the last couple of weeks in church.” His response saddened me. “Well, I have been pretty busy the last couple of weeks, and I need to take some time for myself.” And so his wife comes to church on Sundays, alone, assuming the spiritual leadership of the household that was meant for him to take. I turned to my friend, and I said, “You shouldn’t let your wife come to church alone; you need to step up and be the spiritual leader of your home.” Yes, I might have been a little too direct, but quite frankly I am tired of seeing moms fulfilling the role that dads should be taking.

This was not an isolated incident. In too many churches where I have pastored I have encountered a similar scenario. The wife is forced to be the spiritual leader in the home, while her husband remains content to sit idly by, watching her perform his role of family spiritual leadership. On Sundays she comes alone to church bringing her children with her. She takes time to teach Sunday school, and then she returns home to take the lead in the spiritual nurture of the children, while her husband willingly watches from the sidelines, accepting little or no responsibility for their spiritual development.

Many men take the approach that it is my job to earn a living. Raising my kids is my wife’s job, and that job includes taking charge of their spiritual development. 

Dad, I ask you what kind of spiritual inheritance you are leaving your children? What kind of example are you setting for them by letting mom fill the role you are called to take?

In Ephesians 6:4 Paul is speaking to dads when he says you are “to bring up (your children) in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Dad, the word is clear when it says your role is to nurture or discipline your children, as you seek to guide and direct them to walk in the path of God. It is your responsibility to deal with the sin in their lives, and to teach them and correct them and reprove them when they choose to follow their own selfish desires. You are the spiritual leader, and you can’t afford to neglect this critical responsibility.

And when we read the word admonition (warning, counsel, advising), it reminds us that we are to talk to our sons and daughters constantly about the things of God. Men, you are commanded to do so. Listen to the words of Moses who writes “These words (Words of God) which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up”.  Deuteronomy 6:6-7

Dad, you are to talk to your children all the time about the Word of God. Your job as a parent is to train them how to live on earth successfully so they can live in heaven eternally.

And if they won’t listen, or if they turn away, or won’t talk with you about the things of God then as John Courson writes in his commentary on Ephesians you have the privilege to do what the most righteous man on the face of the earth did. Scripture tells us “that Job got up every morning and offered sacrifice on behalf of his kids, he bloodied his hands; he sweat; he expended energy in prayer for his children, lest today be the day they forget God or curse Him”. Job 1:5

Dad, I close with this revealing study from an article about the importance of your involvement in the spiritual development of your children. A Swiss study found a father’s faith to be the number one critical factor for determining if parent’s religion will be carried through to the next generation. Dad, your role in the spiritual development of your children is far greater than the role of your wife’s.

Why is this true? The article states as follows: “Both adults, women as well as men, will conclude subconsciously that dad’s absence indicates going to church is not really a “grownup” activity. In terms of commitment, a mothers’ role may be to encourage and confirm, but it is not primary to her adult offspring’s decisions. Mothers’ choices have dramatically less effect upon children than their fathers, and without him she has little effect on the primary lifestyle choices her offspring make in their religious observations.” To read the whole article, click on the internet “Research Shows Dad More Important Than Mom in Passing on Faith, Dec 17, 2013

Yours in faith and friendship

Pastor Tom

A Letter I Will Never Forget

Dear Friends,

I want to share a letter which touches me every time I read it. It was written by a daughter to a mother at the time of her marriage. It reads as follows

            “Mom,

            I have watched you every year of my life and most of those 25 years I have been RIGHT by your side, literally. I am a mommy's girl. I am not sure when our relationship changed from mother-daughter to best friends, but I am thankful that it did. I have learned so much from you along the way! You work hard at everything you do! You set your mind to a task and you will not quit until you achieve it. You have instilled that in me.

            Your devotion to dad is something I want to imitate in my marriage. You have allowed dad to be the person God designed him to be. You have supported him in times when it would have been much easier to go against him. I admire that and hope I can offer the same support to my “husband”.

            Your love for your 4 children, 3 son-in-laws and your 2 grandchildren is greater than anything I have ever seen. It is so clear that we are all a top priority in your life, and you will do anything for each of us.”

I treasure this letter because it was written by a person who is very close to me - my very own daughter Rachel - who penned it 15 years ago. Her mom and I had the privilege of hearing her read this letter during the wedding service just before I married Rachel to her husband Drew.

I too was privileged to receive a similar gift at that wedding, one which she also read to me prior to taking her vows. Today that letter is carefully preserved in my Bible along with a number of other encouraging and affirming letters I have received from my children over the years. These letters are among my most treasured gifts, and I often reread them in times when my encouragement tank is on empty.

One of the greatest gifts one can offer anyone is the gift of encouragement. There are few gifts of which I know that are more significant and longer lasting than this gift.  Encouragement “is oxygen to the soul,” and like oxygen we can’t live very long without it. 

Paul knew the value of encouragement when he wrote to the Thessalonians and exhorted them "to encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing" 1 Thess. 5:11

As a pastor, I have always tried to follow Paul's exhortation knowing that encouragement is a gift that can touch and impact lives in a multitude of ways.

It you are looking for a gift that everyone needs, and one which no one can’t afford, this is the gift for you. Just pick up a pen and some paper (maybe a card if you want to make is even more special), and send a gift that will never be forgotten for words of encouragement are not only priceless but eternal.

And don’t ever forget that “When a person is down in the world, an ounce of encouragement is better than a pound of preaching.” Edward George Bulwer Lytton

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom