Leadership Thought: The Gift That Everyone Can Give

Dear Friends,

One of the greatest gifts you can give another person is the gift of encouragement.

One day a church member asked a pastor, "How can you tell if a person needs encouragement."

The pastor responded, "It is simple. If he's breathing, he needs it. If he's not, don't worry about it."

Yes, everyone who journeys through life needs encouragement. People need to feel special, valued, loved and supported, and encouragement, which is 'oxygen to the soul', can do that. 

When you encourage someone, you make two people happy: the one you encourage and yourself. The encourager derives as much joy out of encouraging someone as does the one who is received it. It's a win-win situation.

George Adams was right when he said, "There are high spots in all our lives, and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone."

Can you think of someone who made a difference in our life because they encouraged you? Maybe it was  a coach, teacher, pastor or friend. They put a 10 on your forehead and made you feel  special, and because of it you will never forget them.

Through the years, I have been blessed to have had many such encouragers in my life.

I believe I am in the ministry today because of Sam Tatem's encouragement. Sam was a retired pastor living in Norfolk Va., and he read about a ministry we had established at Washington and Lee University through the ministry of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  Student athletes took time to visit area children's home, sharing our faith in Christ and seeking to encourage all whom we visited.

The story of our ministry had spread across state and been picked up by Sam's hometown newspaper  200 miles away. He was so impressed reading about our ministry that he took time to write me a personal note to thank and encourage me for this ministry. 

This began a letter writing relationship in which over the next two years our friendship deepened. This unknown pastor, who took the time to write and encourage me and those in our ministry, became my friend and our relationship continued to deepen over the next two years of our correspondence. 

In one of the letters I received from Sam, he encouraged me to consider the possibility of ministry upon graduation, something which I had never considered.

Unfortunately, before my plans to drive across the state to personally meet my friend and inform him that because of his encouragement I had decided to enter seminary, I received word he had passed away. 

Although the two of us never personally met, I felt like Sam was one of my very best friends, and I will forever be thankful for his encouragement to pursue the ministry.

Benjamin Disraeli said, "The greatest good you can do for another is not to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own." Sam did that for me. He put a 10 on my head and always made me feel like I was a man meant for ministry.

It is true that people will go further than they think they can go when someone thinks they can. 

All of us are like the little boy who wanted to play ball with his dad. 

"How do you want to play?" asked the dad.

"Simple," his son said, "I throw the ball and you say wonderful."

The Apostle Paul exhorts us to speak words of encouragement to others. "Don't let any unwholesome words come out of your mouth except those that encourage and build up someone in need (Eph 4:29).

The writer of Proverbs reminds us that "Kind words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones" (Proverbs 16:24).

Don't be a tombstone encourager. "If you know the praise is due him, now's the time to give it to him, for he cannot read his tombstone when he's dead."

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: A Pastor's Passion to Grow and How He Seeks to Do It

Dear Friends,

John Maxwell teaches that "You will never change your life until you change what you do daily."

As a pastor and as a leader, I am always trying to change and improve myself on a daily basis. I spend time studying the Bible in order to  learn how I can be a more effective witness to others. 

Today I possess a greater passion than ever before to know my Savior better and to live for Him and to tell others about Him.

Besides my commitment to daily study the Word of God, I have also made a commitment to improve my leadership skills in an effort to become the best leader I can be. I am intentional about daily developing my biblical and leadership skills.

It has been said that nobody goes uphill by accident, and I know if I want to improve in any area of my life, I must make an intentional decision to grow, and so I am always eager to learn truth and skills that will improve the quality of my life and witness.

Each day besides studying the Bible, I try to learn principles of leadership that will increase my influence and ability to impact others in  positive ways.

My bottom line is trying to do whatever I can to be the best version of myself I can be.

I am not content to simply coast through life, so I am trying to be faithful and diligent to use all of the natural and spiritual gifts God has given me.

As I watch the sands of time slowly pass through my life's hourglass, I want to maximize the value of my life by being faithful in fulfilling my call to serve Him, and I hope you do too.

With a host of commentaries and sermons by my side, I'm daily seeking to learn valuable spiritual truth from our brother Peter as I study his two letters to the early church. 

I am going slow-it has already been three weeks, and I am only half way through my study, but the time I've spent has been enormously encouraging as I seek to learn and live out the lessons he taught those first believers whom he exhorts "to grow in grace and in the knowledge of the Lord (2 Peter 3:18). 

While studying the Bible each day for spiritual truth, I am also devoting my time to learning and applying leadership truth. 

"Leadership is nothing more than influence," so whether we like it or not each one of us is a leader. Some of us, because of our positive influence are good leaders, but some of us because of our negative influence are poor leaders. As followers of Christ, each of us should want to improve our leadership skills as practiced in our homes, schools, work and church. 

I have found very valuable leadership lessons in the writing of leadership expert John Maxwell. John has written over 100 books and is recognized as the world's leading expert on leadership. He has written more words on leadership than any person who has ever lived. But John is not just a leadership writer and speaker; he is a Christian leadership writer and speaker, and his faith bleeds through the pages and principles of the leadership lessons he teaches. 

I follow John's teaching because he takes leadership principles that are deep and complex and makes them simple and easy to understand and implement. I read his books and listen to his podcasts as I walk my dog, and just yesterday I listened to the podcast-link below-on "How to Change the World and Transform Your Life." I hope you will take a listen and let me know what you think. 

All of this leads me to ask you how are you growing?  What are you doing to improve yourself and your witness? Are you a little  different today than your were yesterday?

Remember, "If you are green, you’re growing, but if you're ripe you rot." God wants green and growing fruit in our lives.

I remind you as John Maxwell teachers: "everything worthwhile is uphill." If you are going to grow, you must be willing to change the things you do daily.

There is no such thing as 'accidental achievement.' If you want to grow and develop spiritually, relationally, professionally or athletically, you must make changes in the way you spend your time. Your daily agenda must change.

I share this information with you, not because there is anything special about my strategy for growth, but because it is a simple plan you might wish to try if you are serious about increasing your impact and influence as a believer.

In closing, I remind you of the importance of changing good intentions into good actions because the biggest gap in the world is between the words,  "I should" and "I did."

Keep learning and keep growing my friends and let me know how you are doing.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S.I encourage you to click on the link below and take a listen to the message. I can promise you that you will be glad you did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPprex3811E

Leadership Thought: Are You a Disciple or Just a Believer?

Dear Friends,

We are a church committed to making disciples, and last night at our Life Group eight of our church members sat around a table discussing discipleship.

Jesus gave the Great Commission to all who claim His name. 

He taught, "All authority. has been given to me in heaven and on earth.  Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Matthew 28:18-20)

Making disciples should be the goal of every church and of every church member.

But what is a disciple?

A disciple is not a deluxe version of a Christian. Every believer is called to be a disciple.

The view that every believer should be a disciple is foreign to many church members who believe discipleship is for the mature super saint, the one who is entirely sold out to Jesus.

But that was not the case for those first disciples. Uneducated, ill equipped, and just newly saved, they went everywhere gossiping the gospel, so much so that by the fourth century there were over 30 million believers in the Roman Empire.

I have often wondered if Christians should change their names. 

When you fill out a religious survey, one of the choices given to identify you is the term Christian. But what if instead of Christian, we were to read the word "disciple?" Would that make a difference in how we see ourselves? I am no longer just a Christian, but I am a disciple.

The early followers of Jesus were called Christians, resulting from their testimony and witness in the city of Antioch. (Acts 11: 25), but before the word Christian became widely known to describe a follower of Christ, the word disciple was used. Followers of Christ were known as disciples and very rarely described as Christians in the Bible. 

A disciple is a Christian who is a follower of Jesus and who seeks to share his/her faith, and who seeks to disciple others as they have been discipled. 

The word disciple comes from the Latin word 'discipulus' which means a pupil or a student or a learner. A disciple learns about Jesus so that he/she can become more like Him. A disciple loves Jesus and wants to learn about Him. A disciple lives in such a way that he/she reflects the qualities of His life in all they say and do. 

I wonder if we should call ourselves disciples if we are not obedient to the command of Jesus to be a one and to become a disciple maker.

To be a disciple is not simply a request Jesus makes; it is a divine command. 

Pastor and author David Platt writes: "Disciples are to be disciple makers. Disciple making is what happens when we walk through life together, showing another how to pray, study the Bible, grow in Christ, and lead others to Christ." (Church Growth Magazine, David Platt).

How are we doing? Are we disciples or just believers?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Principles for Dealing with Difficult Conversations: Add, Affirm and Agree

Dear Friends, 

Matt Agresti is a friend and a local pastor who shared an insightful formula for getting along with those with whom you might normally disagree.

He imagines having a difficult conversation around the table in the presence of an "Uncle Fred," the person who always seeks to steer the course of conversations in polarizing and uncomfortable directions.

His recommendation was to keep in mind  a "Triple A" perspective as you engage your 'Fred' in potentially divisive and unproductive conversations. 

Always try to keep three things in mind when you face such conversations: "Add, "Agree," and "Affirm." Doing these three things will go a long way in preventing relational erosion that will sabotage any possibility of  meaningful discussions.

Add  Ask yourself how I can add something to the conversation that will make it better and more positive and productive.  What can I say that will enhance our conversation and keep it on track and moving in a positive direction? What can I do to add value to the person with whom I know I may disagree? How can I embrace him and show him respect without necessarily affirming his views or position? How can I be a more nonjudgmental listener who tries to understand his perspective?

When you add value to someone you make them better. When you genuinely value someone, you will find ways to be present with them, believe in them and encourage them. 

Agree  Search for areas of agreement. Even if it is only a small area of agreement, embrace it. Finding common ground is an important place to begin a difficult conversation.  It is much more productive to begin searching for areas of agreement than concentrating on areas of disagreement that will only move the conversation in a contentious direction.

Affirm  Find those areas that you can affirm. Affirm and express appreciation for the way the person is handling his emotions, expressing thoughtfulness, showing wisdom, or listening intently. Congratulate the person for challenging your perspective and helping you to more clearly see and understand his point of view. Treat the person like a new friend and demonstrate that you respect and care for him, even if you don't necessarily agree with his position.

Always remember that "a friend loves at all times" (Proverbs 17:17), and don't lose sight of the significance of that verse. No matter how draining or difficult the conversation may be, it's better to lose an argument than to lose a friend.

A lawyer friend of mine recently told me  of a judge who said the best decision that can be rendered in the courtroom is one that leaves both parties feeling a little unhappy. What he was saying was that compromise  may not always be most satisfying for those involved, but at least both parties derive something positive from the judgment.

Always remember your goal is not to win an argument but to build and strengthen a relationship. 

Yours and faith and friendship

Tom

Leadership Thoughts: Have You Ever Been Surprised by God?

Dear Friends, 

I love being surprised.

While I was driving home from Florida last week, the phone rang. I was surprised to hear a friend of mine on the other end of the line. My friend Jim was calling to apologize for being a day late in remembering the anniversary of Jean's passing, part of the very reason I traveled to Florida in the first place as I had wanted to be with friends Jean and I made while we lived in Fort Lauderdale.

For many years I have called Jim every November 10th, the day his young and talented college daughter was shot to death in a botched computer robbery. The conversation is always short and to the point.

"I'm thinking of you on this day. I love you and I want you to know that I'm praying for you and Signe," his wife, Signe." That's pretty much all I say, and I hope that's enough. 

Little did I expect that I would receive a similar and surprise call from my dear friend as I headed home to New Jersey. Short and sweet and to the point. "I'm thinking of you today and wanted you to know that I'm praying for you and your family." 

My friend's surprise call made things a little easier on my. long trip home.

Sometimes Jesus comes to us through some unexpected person at some unexpected time in some unexpected place. The Lord will come to you through a brother or sister, through a family member or friend. But so often, like Mary's. unexpected conversation at the tomb our eyes are so filled with tears that we don't always recognize it's the Lord speaking to us, and we are surprised by the unexpected

This experience made me think of a message I read and saved from Charles Swindoll's Day by Day Devotional. 

He told of how the famous Englishman Horace Walpole, was reading a Persian fairy tale that brought joy to his heart on a cold, dreary day. The story brought a smile to his face, and so he wrote to his longtime friend, Horace Mann, telling him of the thrilling approach to life he had discovered from the folktale.

The ancient tale told of three princes from the island of Ceylon, who set out on a pursuit of  great treasures. They never found those treasures for which they searched, but in route they were continually surprised by delights they found along their journey and which they had never anticipated. In looking for one thing, they found another. 

The original name of Ceylon was "Serendipity", which explains the title of this story, The

Three Princes of Serendip. From that, Walpole coined the wonderful word, "serendipity," and from then on, his most significant and valued experiences were those that happened to him while he was least expecting them.

"A serendipity occurs when something beautiful breaks in to the monotonous and the mundane. A serendipitous life is marked by surprise and spontaneity." Day by Day, Charles Swindoll.

As I thought about the background of this wonderful word, I found myself thinking of the many ways God has surprised His people. There was Abraham and Sarah,  Zachariah and Elizabeth, and Mary and Joseph, all being surprised to learn that children would be born into their families when they least expected it. 

There were other surprises. There was the surprise of those praying for Peter safety only to discover him standing on their front doorstep; And then there were those disciples walking the Road to Emmaus with  a stranger only to discover to their surprise that the stranger walking with them was none other than Jesus. And what about the surprise of the women who came and discovered the empty tomb, and the appearance of Jesus in the upper room following his crucifixion, and the list goes on and on

God is in the wonderful business of surprising people, and He's good at it. He seems to show up at just the right time and in just the right place. He is the "Master of Surprises."

It was Oswald Chambers who wrote, "When you are rightly related to God, it is a life full of spontaneous joyful uncertainty and expectancy- we do not know what God is going to do next; He packs our life with surprises." (Quotations for the Christian World, Edith Draper)

The prophet Isaiah said it  a little differently when he wrote, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19)

The next time the heavy storm clouds of disappointment hover over your head, or the winds of adversity come howling across the landscape of your life, remember that God is in the business of showing up big time. So, let's all be standing on tiptoes, for God may just well be planning a special serendipity in your life, and how exciting that would be. 

And yes, don't forget "that it is when you are out of options that we are most ready for God's surprises." Max Lucado.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. God reveals Himself through surprises, and His greatest surprise is that He chose you  and me to be His children.

Leadership Thought: Something to Keep in Mind When You Start Screaming at an Umpire This Season

Dear Friends,

I love sports. That's why when my college playing days were over, I continued to stay involved, first coaching and then officiating. Of all the sports to officiate, I especially love umpiring baseball, and that's  why I am looking forward to the start of another umpiring season.

It is exciting being out there in the crisp air, smelling those hot dogs and hamburgers being grilled, talking with coaches and players, meeting and making new friends with those with whom you are working a game, observing the skills of the different players, and getting caught up in all of the excitement and enthusiasm of the crowd. There is nothing quite like it.

I can still remember a game I did a number of years ago. It was a key game between two of the better teams in the area. The bleachers were packed. The game was riding on almost every pitch. It was an umpire's dream, a game where you had to be on your toes every minute, so you didn't blow a key call that might impact the result of the game.

The thing that really struck me about that game was the level of intensity of the crowd and the players. Fans were yelling at each other and at each other's teams. Coaches were complaining about the strike zone. Players were trying to get on each other by making cutting and caustic remarks about their opponents. 

I was working the field and not behind the plate, so I had the opportunity to stand back and listen and take in all that I was seeing and hearing, and it disturbed me then and it disturbs me today. 

I thought back to the days when I played, and when I could seldom recall that kind of atmosphere. Sure, fans would occasionally get excited, and coaches would complain, and players would sometimes try to distract another player, but we didn't have the kind of animosity and extremism that I witnessed that day.

Sports, unfortunately, and not just baseball, have reached a new and dangerous level, and it concerns me as I begin another season on the field.

Not only on the playing fields, but in our society as a whole, there is a lack of restraint, of self-control being exhibited, and sad to say it's reaching epidemic levels. 

Fortunately, nothing bad happened that day, but in that kind of atmosphere, it could very well have. 

And today as I reflect on the changes I have seen in sports over the years, I thought of the words of an umpire who was umpiring a little league game in Terra Haute, Indiana, and who was struck in the head by a ball thrown at him by a fan. He continued to work the game, but later that evening, he was taken to the hospital for observation. While there, he wrote an eloquent letter to the kind of folks who embarrass you and make you cringe when you attend sporting events. 

He writes, "The purpose of Little League is to teach baseball skills to young men. Obviously, a team which does not play well in a given game yet is given the opportunity to blame that loss on an umpire for the one call or two, is being given a chance to take all responsibility for the loss from their shoulders. A parent or adult leader who permits the younger player to blame his failures on an umpire is doing the worst kind of injustice to that youngster. This irresponsibility is bound to carry over to future years."

Donald Jensen's words still ring true today. What these athletes learn on the ball field will be carried on into every walk of life, and if they see violence and sportsmanlike like conduct exhibited and tolerated by their fans, coaches, parents, and fellow players, they will grow up thinking that this is an acceptable form of behavior in dealing with differences and disagreements.

The next time you think of screaming at a player, coach, or an umpire, just remember the words of the "late"  Donald Jensen- the following morning, he died of a brain concussion.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. And yes, when you are screaming or barking at me or some other umpire for a call you don't like, may you remember  the words of the Apostle Paul who writes: "Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you are sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:29-32). 

And by the way, don't forget that the umpire wearing that mask behind the plate you are screaming at might just be me, and how embarrassing that would be?

Leadership Thought: The Day I Went to Church Four Times

Dear Friends,

I arrived home from Florida with Covid, so while quarantined  I had the spiritual luxury of watching four worship services. I viewed our own worship service online, while earlier tuning into the television services of  David Jeremiah, Charles Stanley and Stephen Furtick. 

Each one spoke on something I needed to hear, and while I hated to miss in person worship, God had other plans for me. He knew what I needed.

I was especially impacted by Stephen Furtick's message on the importance of "Covenant Keeping." Furtick is the pastor of Elevation Church in N.C. and a well-known teacher and song writer.

He spoke about the importance of honoring our covenant with God. A covenant is like a contract or a will. It is an established relationship where reciprocal promises are made and where consequences are established when conditions of the covenant go unmet. 

In the Old Testament when a covenant was made between two parties, it was a sacred commitment and expected to be honored by both parties.

God considers marriage to be a covenant relationship involving mutual commitment, loyalty and a sense of shared purposes.

When a man and woman, say, "I do," they are vowing to each other before the Lord that they will remain together until one or the other dies. The pastor proclaims, "What God has joined together, let no man separate." 

Today such covenants or promises are not always honored the way they should be or the way God meant them to be. Comfort and convenience have a way of easily undermining the sacred covenant or promises one makes to another.

Furtick then went on to tell a moving story about his upbringing, living as a child in a marriage relationship that presented some significant challenges for both him and his mom.

Furtick tells how December  2012 was the worst Christmas of his life because his dad was dying of ALS.  "I watched firsthand how his life slowly ebbed away at the expense of this dreaded disease."

"During that time his father had made several decisions that separated him from his family. When he started losing his functionality, he asked if he could move back home, so mom and I could be a part of caring for him. Unfortunately, that didn't work out."

"My mom and dad had a very complicated and strained relationship. They were good parents to me. I think they did the best they could, but I think she approached him a little bit too much like a renovation project, and she didn’t know he had some stuff 'under the tile.' 

"He had a very rough upbringing and that can be very difficult and sometimes such a living relationship just doesn’t work out. I can remember when I was 10 or 11 and my mom and dad sat me down and said we’ve got bad news for you, and I remember my mom was crying. She said we’ve been married for many years and your dad, and I have done the best we can, and I knew where she was going. They were going to spit up, and I remember crying out, no you’re not."  

"I wouldn’t say they mom and dad had the most enjoyable marriage, and there were moments you know like in every marriage when things are very difficult." 

"In December when dad had moved home, he threatened my mother- I think it was a combination of the pain and the medication he was taking which caused him to lose his mind. He just was not himself, but when he threatened my mom to the point where I had to go in and confront him, and the two had to be separated, I knew he could no longer live with us in Charlotte, and we asked him to leave, and he went off and left on his own."

"I was paying financially for him to live in an assisted-living facility, about three or four hours away from my family, which was sad because my dad, who was 60,  was too young to be in that facility of 80 plus residents. I would feel so bad for him, but over time I recognized I couldn’t provide for his physical or emotional needs. Sometimes you just can't do it, no matter how hard you try." 

"It came to a point overtime where my dad's health so deteriorated that I could no longer provide for him. I won’t tell you all the details for some are too personal for me to share, but it was painful for me to recognize I could no longer address my dad's deteriorating situation."

"My mom wrote me a letter, and I asked her if I could share it with you this morning to show you how God can use something evil for something  good."

"She wrote it to me six months before my dad would die. She didn’t know he would die, but this is what she wrote."

“I spent three nights at the assistant living facility to be with your dad to see where the relationship might be going."

"While there, I realized that in spite of everything that had happened, I needed to take care of your dad as long as I’m able, whether it’s one month, one year or more.'"

"I was able to see that everyone at the home has dementia, and I can't leave him knowing  that he has no one to talk with. How hard that must be for him? How can I leave him there with no one to talk to and with only a brief time in which he may have the ability to speak? He’s alone after 7 PM with no one, but himself.'"

"The fact that he has brought  much of this on himself, doesn’t change the fact that he’s facing a terrifying death process and unless God decides differently, I believe it is as big of a sin on my part for me to leave him there as it was for him to speak the evil words he spoke to the many people trying to help him the most.'"

"I don’t in any fashion, or any way, want to minimize the pain he has inflicted on so many people, especially you. I hate it, and I always will  ask myself over and over what would Poppi do?'"

"She was now speaking about her own father, who cared for his wife through 14 years of Alzheimer’s, because it was his decision to  honor his marriage covenant."

"Mom continued," 'How you honor your covenant today will affect the future generation. I’ve asked myself over and over again what I should do, but I know your grandfather would agree that I should honor my covenant. It is what he did, and it is what I know I need to do now.' 

'Your dad‘s behavior was repulsive but seeing him like he is now I believe I should take him home with me and care for him as long as I can physically do so."

"I don’t know what it’s like to lose your legs, arms, hands. Even worse, what it’s like to lose your ability to eat and speak. Whether he is a good or a bad dad, it’s gut wrenching. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a husband, but I do recognize what it's like to be kind, and I know that I have to let him come home and care for him the best I can. I believe that love does bear all things.'"

'I’m not physically fearful of your dad any longer, so I believe God is telling me to let him out of solitary as he sits on death row. It will be harder than hard, but I know I will receive mercy. I have to be merciful in this season of my life and when the end comes for your dad and when it comes for me, I want to know that I was the wife God called me to me and that he well deserved. I want to finish strong.'"

"All my heart"

Mom

"Six months later my dad breathed his last death breath. We were all there because a woman kept her covenant." 

These were the closing words of Furtick's message which I transcribed from the television service, and as he closed the service, he exhorted those in attendance to always choose covenant over convenience.

God is a covenant keeping God, and He was faithful in keeping His covenant with us, and He desires the same from us.

May you and I never forget this lesson whenever we find ourselves tempted to choose comfort and convenience at the expense of a covenant keeping commitment. 

Yours in faith and friendship.

Tom