Leadership Thought: Connecting with People and a Book That Saved Me $4,000

Dear Friends,

Investor Warren Buffett states the ability to speak and connect with people is the most important ability a person could ever develop, and I believe he is right. It is one thing to communicate with people: it's another thing to connect with them. The turmoil taking place in today’s political world is a perfect example of what happens when people communicate and yet are unable to connect. 

I believe the most important key in communication is possessing a genuine interest in the other person.

Good communicators forget about themselves in their effort to connect with others.

They know that it is important to be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.

Good communicators are always looking for ways to add value to others. They forget about themselves and always look for ways to make the other person feel important. 

It is very true that people don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care, and they may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel

When looking to connect with people, we must put everything else aside. We must sacrifice our own time, interests, and concerns and focus completely on their needs Our goal is never to impress but to be impressed, and to make the other person feel that he/she is the most important person in the room.

Good listeners are empathetic. They are anxious to learn how the other person feels, and so they listen not only with their ears, but they listen with their heart.

Those seeking to connect with others are curious to learn more about the  person, so they ask relevant questions to move the conversation forward to gain greater clarity on how the person feels so they are better able to help the person.

In his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People, a book that should be required reading for anyone interested in learning how to connect with people, Dale Carnegie states that that "the sweetest word to a person’s ear is his own name. Remembering names is an important part of connecting with others and using the person's name in your conversation is not only a helpful way of increasing your connection but assisting you in remembering the person's name long after your visit.

Good communicators are always looking for memorable moments that might cement one's relationship. 

Last week I met with the orthopedic surgeon who is going to perform my second hip replacement. He is the same doctor that performed my initial hip surgery 30 years ago. When he walked into the room, I was reading a book on leadership by John Maxwell.  After briefly chatting about the last time we saw each other over 30 years ago, he asked me about the book I was reading. 

I told him of my interest in leadership, and he commented that he had been asked to lead a conference in Naples, Florida for 2,000 orthopedic surgeons on the topic of building and leading your medical team.  I pointed to the book and offered it to him,  I said, "I think you will find some good information in it for your message."  He initially declined, but when I insisted,  he took it, and I facetiously remarked that I would trade him the book for my surgery. He laughed, and after his lengthy assessment of my hip was completed, we discussed the cost since I knew he didn't take Medicare. He told me the cost, and then he said, "I am going to knock off $ 4,000 from my normal fee."

Of course I was grateful for his generosity, so I followed up our conversation by sending him a letter of appreciation along with a devotional book on encouragement that I had written, and a week later I got a personal note from him indicating that each day he was reading a devotional from my book, and  that he found the other book I had given him very helpful in preparing the message he was giving in Naples.

Special stories and shared experiences like this have a way of cementing relationships. In my case a John Maxwell book, How to Be a People Person, not only saved me $4,000, but helped cement a connection that I suspect neither of us will ever forget. 

A friend laughingly suggested I should charge him the balance of the surgery for the  book I sent, and  I said to him that it wouldn’t be fair, for I knew in my heart that my book was not all that good and certainly worth far less that the balance I owed him.

The story and our connection to be continued…

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom