Dear Friends,
I received some reaction to my message yesterday in which I challenged introverts to cease using their personality type as an excuse for not taking the first step in reaching out and relating to others. I made it a point to declare that I was not in any way disparaging introverts, for as I stated, "I is one of them kind.”
The whole point I was trying to make is that if you are more on the introverted side, work hard to be an extrovert when you are meeting people. Don't use your personality type as an excuse for not being outgoing when you have an opportunity to meet and engage others.
I reasoned from my experience yesterday while attending a pastors’ conference at a Christian university, that there must have been a lot of introverted types on campus. Between sessions I decided to take an informal campus survey to determine how friendly and outgoing Christian students would be to a total stranger. I didn’t believe that students would perceive me to be dangerous or foreboding, and yet only two of the over 30 plus students I passed on my 300-yard journey spoke or even made eye contact with me. Now admittedly this was far from being anything close to a serious scientific survey, but it did give me cause to wonder why so few at Christian university would not even make eye contact, let along speak to me.
Last night at our men's spiritual leadership class, one member mentioned how the vast majority of those he met while traveling in Germany and the Netherlands went out of their way to be friendly and welcoming to a stranger. Yes, another unempirical survey, but again another incident that reminded me that we Americans aren't the friendliest people on the face of the planet. Now that I have gotten this bit of information off my chest, let me comment on “The 30 Second Rule” which in yesterday’s “Leadership Thought” I mentioned I would share with you.
The Thirty Second Rule is simply a reminder that when meeting and talking with people, we should immediately focus our attention on them and not on ourselves. During the time you are with them, you are searching for ways to make them feel and look good. You are to remind yourself that your goal is not to be impressive but to be impressed. Try to think of something encouraging to say to them. You might compliment them by saying “You have a wonderful smile”, or “you seem to be so comfortable with children”, or I couldn’t help notice how helpful you were one of our members.”
I often imagine the person with whom I am talking is wearing a large name tag that reads "Please help me feel important." Someone else suggests that he always perceives his mother’s face on the person with whom he is talking, and hopefully this will keep your comments warm and encouraging. During the conversation, I may often ask the person, “Do you know what I like about you”, and then I specify the things that impressed me about them. Please, no phony baloney stuff, but make sure your compliments are honest, genuine, and sincere.
As Mother Teresa, the Roman Catholic nun and missionary once remarked, “Make sure that anyone who comes to you always leaves you happier and healthier.” Whether introverts or extroverts, that’s good advice for all of us to heed.
Yours in faith and friendship,
Pastor Tom
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