Leadership Thought: Engaging  Others by Asking Questions 

Dear Friends

Do you have trouble connecting with people? A wonderful way to get to know people is by asking a lot of questions.

Jean and I are a part of an exercise program called “Rock Steady” that meets twice a week in Shrewsbury. It’s a boxing program. Yes, that black eye you saw me with may have been the result of a left jab or a right hook that caught me by surprise. Rock Steady is an international program for those diagnosed with Parkinson’s.  Its purpose is not to enhance boxing skills, but to improve the strength, balance, and range of motion of those of those affected with this disease. If you walked into the “training room,” you would see a heavy punching bag and participants wearing boxing gloves. I am Jean’s ‘corner man’ and throughout the one-and-a-half-hour class I assist her with activities like hitting the heavy bag, doing wall pushups, standing and sitting down in front of a chair, and just walking through various obstacle courses. It is fun, but its goal is to encourage those with Parkinson’s to exercise different parts of the body in hopes of slowing down its progression.

I enjoy being there with her as we work through the multiple exercises, many of which are the same exercises done by professional boxers. But the best and most enjoyable part of the class for me is the opening when we all sit in a circle, and the leader asks the eight or ten couples a sharing question. These are fun questions designed to help the boxer (Jean) and her ‘corner man,’ (me) get to know others in the group. Through this sharing time I have learned something about a bombardier who dropped bombs from a B 52 in the Viet Nam War, a former professional baseball player, and a lover of classic country music like me.

You know you can learn a lot about someone, if you will ask enough questions.

Larry King, who made his living speaking to people as a television talk show host, believes that asking questions is the secret of good conversation. He says, “I’m curious about everything, and if I’m at a party I often ask my favorite question:” Why?”  If a man tells me he and his family are moving to another city: “Why?”. If a man tells me he is changing jobs, “Why?”  Someone roots for the Mets, “Why?” (Taken from the Internet, “Questions to Ask During a Learning Session)

Asking questions is a wonderful way to engage others and build relationships that can lead to much deeper and much more personal spiritual conversations. 

My dear friend Dan Herman, who is now the Riverview Hospital chaplain, is in the Kingdom today because of a question I once asked some 20 years ago. After several previous spiritual counseling sessions, I asked Dan a spiritual question as he was leaving my office. I asked Dan, “Where would you wake up today, if after leaving my office you got hit and killed by a truck?” Trust me, not all the questions I ask are quite that direct, and if they were, I probably wouldn’t have many counselees. However, Dan will tell you that this was the question that finally opened his heart to Jesus, and the following session he surrendered his life to the Savior. 

Now, not every question I previously asked of Dan was that deep or that heavy. There were hundreds of less personal, and yes, less threatening questions that led up to Dan’s decision, but his spiritual journey with Jesus began with a lot of little questions that ended up with one big answer, and that answer was saying “Yes” to Jesus.

Don’t ever underestimate the value of asking questions, no matter how trite or unimportant they may seem to be. If you do, you may one day have the joy of seeing one of your best friends come to Jesus. Don’t be an “Answer Man,” but instead be the “Question Man.”

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom