Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Leadership Thought: The Day I Cried in Another Man’s Arms-A Lesson in the Value of Tears.

Dear Friends,

A while ago I was talking with a friend who shared a sad story of marital heartbreak through intermittent tears. The person kept apologizing for his emotions, but I assured him that I was very comfortable with his tears and there was no need to feel embarrassed. In fact, mid-way through the conversation, I even teared up. Yes, I confess that there have been many times I have cried when praying for someone who was going through a difficult time. After all, one who still cries while listening to a tearful classic country song, is certainly not exempt from shedding a tear or two in the midst of someone’s heart ache.

But I thought you are supposed to be objective; a professional counselor might say, “How  can you be objective if you allow yourself to be drawn into your client’s emotions?” Now I only have a seminary degree, and I didn’t major in counseling, but to that kind of counseling approach, I say, "hogwash." If you can’t feel the pain of the people you are counseling, I question your counseling efficacy. But that’s a story for another time.

Long ago I filed the following quote from a Navigators’ Daily Devotional: “Stoic insensitivity may be admired by the world, but the child of God should be no stranger to tears of tender compassion. I believe a good servant of God will have a heart that is soft and tender. He/she will often pray that famous prayer, ‘Lord, let my heart be broken by the things that break your heart.’”

I agree with the person who said, “Tears flow freely from the fountain of a love-filled heart.”

When I did a word search, I discovered that tears were no stranger to the pages of the Bible. In fact, I counted 32 verses where they are mentioned in Young’s Analytical Concordance to the Bible

Paul shed tears over lost people, and Jeremiah’s book, Lamentations, is a tear stained diary of his efforts to reach lost people. Far from being a sign of weakness, I believe tears can be a sign of strength. The man or woman of God who is seeking to minister to broken hearts will do so with tender tears of compassion.

It was my first year of ministry when I was called to the home of a Roman Catholic family living only a few hundred yards from our church. His son had just been struck by the blade of a power mower that had broken off when it struck a rock. The blade had disengaged, instantly becoming a lethal weapon as it hurdled through the air, striking his two-year-old son in the head. The boy died instantly.

Fresh out of seminary, I confess I was not very well  prepared to handle this kind of experience.  I was not sure what to say when I met the father n his front lawn only  a few minutes after they had taken his son to the hospital morgue. 

I don’t have any recall of what I said, but I do distinctly remember reaching out and grabbing this dad and holding him to myself as tightly as I could as together we silently  tasted the salt in one another’s tears. Weeks later when I was talking with him, he thanked me for the impact I had made on him, a resident in the community, and yet a total stranger to me. It wasn’t my words that impacted him, for I didn’t have much of anything to say. What impacted him, however, were the tears I shed as I held him there on the front lawn of his home.

Sometimes tears can be your greatest sermon. I will never forget that incident which was one of the greatest learning experiences of my life. In the words of country singer Alison Krauss,  “Sometimes you say it best when you say nothing at all.”

Don’t ever apologize for tears. Don’t ever become so hardened that you cannot elicit emotion over someone else’s pain. Just remember the words of Chuck Swindoll who wrote, “Sometimes tears are God’s way of clearing your vision.” And in clearing my vision, God helped me to see His grace made perfect even in the midst of my weakness.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

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