Dear Friend,
Thanks for those of you who took the time to respond to
yesterday’s message on confrontation. One reader shared the following words:
“When I was young in the Lord, I hated that word (balance) almost as much as
“hypocrite”. Instead, I preferred to be “radical”, radical for Jesus I would
claim.
Now, it’s about analysis of all truth, including self-evaluation,
beginning with Jesus’ perspective, not my own or the world’s view. Jesus
demonstrated perfect balance in every situation - truth mixed with love!
Our world of confrontation needs a balance adjustment. Truth and
love are out of whack. Today’s political arguments invariably tilt in one
direction or the other. Rather than working together to solve problems, it
seems as if we are intentionally trying to heighten our problems. The left
fights to preserve its principles, and the right fights just as hard to hold on
to its values. The political demarcation line is clearly drawn, and few
dare to move toward the center. As a result, little or nothing gets done.
Everyone is only satisfied with a win lose solution. How about trying to
achieve a win win solution where people of different perspectives can come
together and allow truth to be a part of the balance equation Truth mixed
with love, and I would add grace to the equation, equals
accomplishment.
Instead of balance, I only hear a lot of angry voices confronting
one another. There is a lot of ‘truth’ being promoted, but where is the
love? Where is the love that lets people disagree with one another without
assaulting one’s character and treating one another as the enemy?
Who’s to blame. It is not just the politicians. It is us. We are
partly to blame for our unwillingness to love those who differ and disagree
with us. We are the enemies or balance when we champion our own opinions and
our causes at the expense of the other person, leaving behind scores of damaged
relationships, casualties of our need to win the argument.
Let me suggest some balance parameters as you seek to be a part of
the win win crowd. They are taken from The Leadership Bible, John
Maxwell, p. 1324, and they are an illustration of how Paul used healthy
confrontation to resolve a difference he had with his friend Philemon over the
issue of his runaway slave Onesimus. See verses 8-10.
“1 Pray through your own anger. Do not let emotion lead you. Wait
until you can be objective.
2 Initiate the contact. Do not wait for the other person. God
calls us to make things right.
3 Begin with affirmation. Encourage first, then receive permission
to talk candidly.
4 Admit you have a problem. Acknowledge you share part of the
blame for the situation.
5 Bring up the issue and explain you don’t understand what’s
happened. Aim to clarify.
6 Let the person respond. After you lay out the issue. Let the
individual speak from his or her perspective
7 Narrow the focus. Identify and prioritize the issues. Go after
one change at a time,
8 Establish forgiveness and repentance, if needed. Don't stop
until change occurs.
9 Compromise on opinions, not on principles . Be flexible
with everything except truth.
10 Pray and affirm your love as you close. Never let the person doubt God's love or yours."
These are the principles that could not only help solve our
political gridlock but could heal the relational damage we have inflicted upon
those with whom we disagree.
They may not be easy answers to resolve confrontational matters,
but Jesus never said doing the right thing would ever be easy.
Yours in faith and friendship,
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