The story is told of the mother who came home after a long hard day. Her little girl ran out of the house to greet her, ‘Mommy, Mommy, wait until I tell you what happened today.’ After listening to a few sentences, the mother responded by indicating the rest could wait, as she needed to get dinner started. During the meal, the phone rang, then other family members’ stories were longer and louder than the little girls’. Once again, she tried after the kitchen was cleaned and the brother’s homework questions were answered, but then it was time for her to get ready for bed.
The mom came to tuck her little girl in and quickly listened to her prayers. As she bent down to tousle the little one’s curls and to kiss her soft check, the child looked up and asked, ‘Mommy, do you really love me even if you don’t have time to listen to me?’ (Taken from Stories from the Heart, by Alice Gray).
One of the best ways that we can show others that we care for them is by listening to them, and that is good advice. It is true as author and speaker Bruce Larson has said that “one of the best ways to demonstrate God’s love is to listen to people.” How true were his words. Listening is simply another word for caring.
Now I don’t profess to be the greatest listener in the world. I try, but there have been all too many times in my life when I have been guilty of allowing the busyness of my life to crowd out my ability to listen to another with a heart filled with caring concern. Someone mistakenly spoke that “a good listener is one who can give you his full attention without hearing a word you say,” and sadly, I confess that I have the ability to do just that.
A number of years ago, I encountered a situation that vividly reminded me of the importance of being a good listener, and how by simply listening one can heal the hurts of a breaking heart. I got a call from the reception area in the church, where I was serving. There was a young girl who was downstairs who needed to talk with someone. When I came down, I found her overcome with emotion. As we walked up to my office, tears were falling, as she began unraveling her story. To make a long story short, her life was collapsing all around her, and she didn’t seem to think there was anyone who cared. We sat down in my office, and for the next 45 minutes she poured out her life to me. I didn’t say much. I just tried to listen, interspersing our conversation with a few questions. At the end of our time together, she got up, and thanked me, and then she said this: “I really feel so much better now, and I am so glad that I had a chance to talk with you.”
I could only wish that every counseling appointment turned out like this one. But what she was expressing was the fact that she was grateful that someone had taken the time to listen to her. So many times, what people need most is not the semblance of a sermon but the solace of silence. As a preacher, I am fully aware that I am often much better at delivering a sermon than dispensing silence.
Let me encourage you today to really work on your active listening skills. It is often hard with all the demands that people will make upon us, but when we are talking with someone, let’s try extra hard to give that person our fullest attention. And remember that the most lasting gift you can give to anyone today may be a listening ear and a caring heart.
And yes, don’t ever forget to heed the good advice of our friend in the faith, Pastor James who writes, “Everyone should be quick to listen, (and) slow to speak . . . (and) if anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” James 2:19, 26
Yours in faith and friendship,
Pastor Tom
