Leadership Thought: Thank You for Giving to the Lord.

Dear Friends,

"Then the 11 disciples left for Galilee, going to the mountain where Jesus had said they would find him. There they met him and worshipped him-but some of them weren’t sure it really was Jesus!

He told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and earth. Therefore go and make disciples in all the nations, baptizing them into the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and then teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you; And be sure of this- that I am with you always, even to the end of the world.” Matthew 28.: 16-20. (Parenthesis, TLB).

Our lives are different because these 11 men committed to follow Jesus. They accepted the challenge and the cost of being and making disciples. And today you and I are the beneficiaries of their ministry.

Down through the years the message of the wonderful good news of the gospel, was passed on to those who would then pass it on to others and one day you became a beneficiary of that message. 

Maybe it happened in church, in school, in an office, or like me, at a conference.

And as we look back at that special moment most of us can remember a person or persons who were instrumental in that decision.

For me it was a college football player, Chuck Beale. He was a teammate of mine, who had heard the message, and was on fire to share it. It was his enthusiasm and determination to be used by God that resulted in his sharing the message that was passed on to him. And today I am so grateful  he did.

You probably have a Chuck in your life-someone who influenced you to follow Jesus. Maybe they were the ones who shared Jesus with you and you accepted Him. Or maybe like me, the person influenced you to explore the faith and you did, and as a result you came to know Jesus.

What happened forever changed your life and mine, and it all began with someone God used to impact and influence you.

Jesus called His disciple to go into the world and make disciples and we are the products of that call. The message those disciples shared with the world is the same message you and I heard and our response to it has changed our lives for all eternity.

So my question to you this morning is, have you thanked the one who passed along the message of those disciples? Does that person know your life is different because of his or her words, prayers, or actions?

I hope so. But if you have never taken the time to thank that faithful witness that impacted and influenced your life,  I encourage you to do so.

Take a listen to the song  “Thank You” by Ray Boltz, and then pick up a pen, or the phone and share your thank you with that special person or persons.

                   “Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed.

                   “Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am so glad you gave.

                   “One by one, they came as far as the eyes could see,

                   “Each life somehow touched by your generosity.

                   “Little things that you had done, sacrifices made,

                   “Unnoticed on the Earth, in heaven now proclaimed.

                   “Thank you for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed.”  

And just as the message was shared with you, may you  commit to sharing and passing it along to others ,who like you, will say “Thank you, I’m so glad you did.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Thank you for giving to the Lord

Leadership Thought: Hospital Visitation for Dummies.

Dear Friends,

Please don’t be offended or insulted by the title. I know not everyone is unprepared or ill equipped when it comes to visiting people with a heavy or hurting heart, but perhaps some of us could use a little refresher course on how to make such visits more meaningful and productive.

Our deacons have been studying how to be more effective in their ministry to those in need, and we have been studying the book Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart by Kenneth Haugk.

This week we spent a portion of our meeting sharing parts of the book what were especially helpful in preparing us to make those sometimes-difficult visits.

Such visits need to always be bathed in prayer, and Haugk provides a simple prayer to commence one’s visit.

“Dear God, I’m relying on you. Speak to me and tell me what to say. Speak through me and console the other. Speak for me and tell the other person what he or she needs to hear. Oh, and Lord- Tell me when to be quiet  Thanks for being faithful. Amen.” (P. 53).

Some of the best introductory words you can express in greeting the person are, “It’s good to see you,” and then depending on the response you might give the person a touch, hug or a handshake and say, “Fill me in on what’s been going on” (P. 55).

Asking them “to fill you in” provides and immediate opportunity to assess the state of the one being visited. This can set the direction for your future conversation. Asking them for information enables them to take control of the conversation, which is important. Remember your visit is a dance. They lead and you follow.

The goal of your visit should be to encourage them to talk about the things they want to talk about, not the things you want to talk about.

Be quiet and listen with not only your ears but your heart.

Encourage them to share what’s on their heart, even if the things you hear make you feel uncomfortable. This is not the time to debate their feelings or theology but to practice nonjudgmental listening and to show unconditional love.

Someone who is grieving or in pain typically has conflicting feelings and thoughts that shift, sometimes back and forth in the same hour-even in the same minute. “Your focused listening puts you in tune with the person with a ‘heavy heart’ and helps them realize you understand how they are feeling. Such listening makes your presence all the more healing to the one you are visiting (P 57).

Remind yourself that the visit is not about you but the other person. Forget about yourself and focus on the one to whom you are seeking to minister.

Avoid words or phrases such as, “We….When I….I remember…My…” that can change the course of the conversation from them to you. Save your stories for another time.

This is not to say you should never share stories or personal experiences, but if you do, they should be limited to those that are encouraging and uplifting.

But what if your efforts are met with silence. There are few things more uncomfortable than silence when talking with someone, but you must try to get over your anxiety and realize that silence can be positive. In fact, silence can sometimes be better than a sermon if it gives the suffering person a chance to think and reflect on what is being said.

Sometimes silence is the perfect prescription for the person you are visiting.

I personally know the power of silence. As I lay on the hospital bed beside Jean in the closing days of her life, the two things that meant the most to me had nothing to do with conversations I had with others.

In the absence of conversation, I was wonderfully ministered to by music. I listened to the words of  “Jealous of the Angels” by Jenn Bostick and “The Goodness of God” by Ce Ce Winans-I played these songs over and over again, as I lay cuddled up beside my wife with my little dog Maggie by my side. It was the music and its message that especially spoke to me and helped ease the pain in my broken heart.

All the while the music played, some of my best friends sat silently beside me , but in the silence of their tears, I was strengthened and assured that they knew and  understood what I was going through.

There is a  Jewish proverb that says, “eloquent silence is better than eloquent speech.” That is a good lesson for all of us to learn.

I close with the words of Haugk who reminds us, “You don’t need to be totally passive during such a silence, not by any means. Touch the suffering individual-hold the person’s hands, pat a shoulder, give a hug- whatever is appropriate. Cry together. Most importantly, you can use the quiet to pray silently for the hurting person and to ask for guidance in your caring. 

A perceptive pastor shared that he often prayed these words: “O Lord., please keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth…” When silence fills the room, remember that God is beneath and within the silence, radiating his love. You are always there as God’s emissary of love. You can speak in love. You can listen in love, and you can simply be with the other person in love” (P. 64).

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: What I've Learned on My Journey Through Grief.

Dear Friends,

Most things in life that are best learned are experienced outside the classroom. Who would want to go up in a plane with a pilot who had completed reading a manual on flying but never had actually flown a plane. The same is true for those who have gone through the experience of grief. You can read all about how to handle grief, but until you have experienced its devastating consequences, I doubt one can fully understand or appreciate its impact.

In dealing with grief personally after the loss of my precious wife, Jean, I am learning some lessons that hopefully will be of value to others who are, or who will someday be going through it.

Let me acknowledge I am no expert on the subject, far from it. I am daily learning about it as I walk through my own experience with it, and so what I share about grief is based more on my own personal experience and my conversations with others than it is on what I have learned through reading about it. 

In talking about grief, I acknowledge personal experience may be the best teacher 

I know everyone is different and so not everyone will experience grief in the same way, but there are some general guidelines that are important to keep in mind when personally dealing with it or helping others who are dealing with it.

1. You can't rush it. Everyone's time table will be different, so don't be surprised if it takes some people longer than others to work through it. Be patient with those going through it, and let them go through it at their own pace. Grief is one thing you can't hurry.

2. It is helpful to have caring and understanding people around as you go through it. One of the most helpful thing for me has been having friends in the church stop by or regularly call to check in to see how I am doing. Knowing that someone loves and cares for you and is praying for you has been invaluable to me as I work through my sadness. One of the reasons I recently traveled to Florida was to be with friends and family who I knew would be there to support and encourage me. The constant consistent concern of those who care about you can help immeasurably as one goes through their period of grieving

3. Be present with the one who grieves. As my family and I were together with Jean during the last two weeks of her life, we were fortunate to have several friends who were constantly present with us. Often times they would say nothing, but their presence was comforting and reassuring. Sometimes as the popular song says, "You say it best when you say nothing at all." Thanks Teddie, Dan, Harriett and others whose presence supported me and our family through the difficult times of our grieving. 

4.  Be a good listener Allow the griever to share his/her pain and communicate you are happy to listen without judgement and without an agenda. This is not the time to share unsolicited advice on what they should do or how they should feel. No one wants to hear sermons when they are grieving. Don't say you know how they feel or what they are experiencing for you don't.

5. Be proactive. Often those grieving are reluctant to ask for help or express their needs. Look for little, practical things you can do to help-making calls, tidying up the room, providing meals, or buying groceries-are all helpful ways to relieve the one who is grieving.

6. Encourage the one grieving to talk about the person they have lost. It may feel uncomfortable to do so, but the griever often finds it helpful to share experiences and memories of the one who has passed. 

7. Stay connected. Grievers often receive a lot of support the first few months after a loss, but it is essential that you stay connected, and that you check in with them months down the road. Long term care is important for the one who is grieving and knowing that there are people who will continue to support and care for them is an important part of the recovery process.

8. Assure the one grieving that it is alright and normal to cry and express their emotions. I find myself susceptible to sudden and unexpected bouts of grief when I will break down and cry uncontrollably. Assure the griever you are comfortable in the presence of his/her tears. 

Good Grief, by Granger Westberg, is a short but classic book on grief that I would recommend to anyone wanting to know more about the subject of grief. Granger writes "One of the great faults of intellectual Protestantism is that it has tended to stifle emotion. The Sunday services have more resembled a lecture series than a worship experience. We must not and need not apologize for emotions in our religious experience, nor need we apologize for it in our grief. (pp. 22-23) I know who my close friends are. They are the ones I can cry with and not be embarrassed or feel uncomfortable doing so.

While in Florida I visited a friend who had recently lost her husband after a three year battle with  brain cancer. She sent me the following quote: "Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It is all the love you want to give, but cannot. All the unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go."  James Anderson. 

Hopefully those of us who have the opportunity to deal with those who grieve can help our grieving friends find a place for their love to go.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: A Package of Pens Become One of the Greatest Gifts I’ve Ever Received: A Lesson in Thoughtfulness.

Dear Friends,

A small package arrived in the mail. I quickly opened it to discover that it was a package of Bic Velocity pens. To appreciate the gift, you have to understand the back story.

While I was in Florida I celebrated my birthday in the home of a teacher with whom I served while pastoring in Fort Lauderdale. During the course of our conversation, we somehow got sidetracked and found ourselves talking about pens.

Because I have neuropathy in my hands, and it is difficult for me to write legibly, I am always looking for pens that are smooth writing and comfortable to handle. I told them about my favorite pen, the Bic Velocity pen. If any of you have  used it, you know that it is one of the best and least expensive ball point pens you can buy.

My friend’s husband picked up on the conversation and as a way of expressing his appreciation for my ministry, had purchased a package of these pens, wrapped them and mailed them to me as a belated birthday gift.

This package of  non-expensive pens received a few days after my birthday proved to be one of the most memorable and most thoughtful gifts I have ever received. Kindness and thoughtfulness share a lot in common. They are both wonderful gifts that are so easy to give and so memorable to receive.

Mother Teresa writes, "Thoughtfulness is the beginning of great sanctity. If you learn this art of being thoughtful, you will become more and more Christlike, for his heart was meek, and he always thought of others. Our vocation, to be beautiful, must be full of thoughts for others.”

The gift of thoughtfulness doesn’t have to be big or costly. Jesus said, "Whoever, in the name of a disciple gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones, truly, I tell you, that person will certainly not lose His reward” (Matthew 10: 42).

In the Book of Hebrews, we are told that the "Lord is not forgetful to reward our works of righteousness" (Heb.6:10).

The key to thoughtfulness is intentionality. A thoughtful person is always on the hunt to lift someone up, to add value to their life, and to bless and encourage them.

So today why not spend some time thinking about how you could bless another with your thoughtfulness. Perhaps a phone call reminding someone that they are loved, and not forgotten, or delivering an unexpected meal to one you know who may be too tired to cook, or becoming the babysitter, who shows up, so that a husband and wife can have a much-needed night out. 

If you are intentional about being thoughtful, God will reveal the perfect gift to offer.

Just 8 words could make a difference in your life and in the life of someone else: "Forget yourself and think of those around you.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom 

P.S. "Thoughtful people don't just help when they are asked to. They will try their hardest to do something nice for someone who might not be expecting it.” 17 Characteristics of a Thoughtful Person, taken from the internet

Leadership Thought: A Policewoman’s Encounter That Opened My Eyes to the Transforming Power of Kindness.

Dear Friends,

I was in a hurry, too much of a hurry when she stopped me.

I was on my way to Florida to visit friends when I saw out of my rear-view mirror those dreaded blinking red lights. I pulled over and reaching for my wallet, I pulled out my license as the policewoman made her way to my car.

I knew I had been speeding-probably somewhere near 80 in a 60-mile per hour zone, and I could only imagine the fine awaiting me.

As she stood outside my window, she asked, “Where are you heading?”

 I said, “I was heading to Florida to see some friends.”

And then it happened. I suddenly erupted into a flood of tears, crying uncontrollably as the policewoman began reading my license. My emotional outburst was uncontrived and not in any way premeditated in an effort to gain her sympathy.

I apologized for my tears as I told her, “My wife died a week ago, and I was heading to Fort Lauderdale to see some friends and that I was still pretty fragile emotionally.”

She hesitated for a moment, probably not sure how to handle the moment, perhaps thinking to herself, “I’ve never heard ‘this one’ before.” 

And then she quietly said, “I am so sorry,” as she handed me back my license and said, “Please take it easy as I want you to get to Fort Lauderdale safely," and then she turned and walked back to her car.

I can’t tell you how relieved I was by her words. But the relief was not so much the result of avoiding a hefty fine; it was relief that I had met someone so kind as to overlook my transgression and give me a second chance.

All the way to Florida I thought of that encounter and how kind she was to me at a time when I was so emotionally fragile. Her kindness changed the way I drove the rest of the way. I was careful to keep my eyes on the speedometer lest I take advantage of her kindness.

Every little act of kindness can make a difference in a person’s life. How different our world would be if we were to practice kindness to everyone we meet. What if out of kindness we gave everyone the benefit of the doubt when they said or did something that hurt or angered us?

What if we responded with empathy and understanding, as this policewoman did, when we had violated someone’s trust?”

As one writer said, “Kindness asks us to extend our approach beyond niceties and good manners, and into transformative action, compassionate and intentional inclusion and empowering solutions….kindness is a choice, a muscle we all flex, and which could quite frankly use a little more of our attention.”

Ian MacLaren reminds us, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Archbishop Desmond Tutu writes, “Do your little bit of good where you are. It’s those little bits of good put together that can overwhelm the world.”

Our world desperately needs kindness and what a difference we could make in that world if we took seriously the exhortation of the Apostle Paul who writes,” Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

When that kind of love is practiced, it changes your heart, just as it changed mine on that winding road somewhere in the middle of North Carolina.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness." Seneca

Leadership Thought: Chuck Smith, The Jesus Revolution, and a Heart Grateful for the Calvary Chapel Movement.

Dear Friends,

I arrived home last Tuesday with Maggie, my traveling canine companion after driving some 4,000 miles and meeting over 30 friends I have made throughout my years of ministry. I stopped to see friends in Annapolis, Md., Oak Island, N.C., Savannah, Ga., Vero Beach, Fl., Melbourne, Fl., Palm Beach, Fl., and finally Fort Lauderdale, where I spent  four days visiting a number of friends with whom I served while pastoring at Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale.

In Melbourne, Fl. I visited Armando Quatela, our former much loved pastor to our New Monmouth church's Hispanic congregation. 

Armando and I had a wonderful time catching up and sharing how we  had been dealing with our wives' passing. I am always on the lookout to talk with people like Armando who have lost loved ones and to learn how they traversed their grief, for grief continues to be a constant companion of mine.  

One of the friends I visited was the wife of a former athletic director at Westminster Academy where my son Tommy went to school. She lost her husband to brain cancer a few months ago. In the course of our visit, she reminded me "that love is grief with no other place to go," and I found those words helpful. Yes, grief is the price we pay for love, but who would want to miss the wonder of love, even it if meant missing the pain of grief.

I still have those moments when my soul erupts with a grief that spills over at unsuspected times. It is often little things- a picture of Jean, the sight of an empty bed, the passing of a restaurant where we enjoyed dining together- that opens the floodgates of my emotions.

My primary reason for heading South after Jean's passing was to spend time with some of our friends in South Florida. I spent 8 years as athletic director, chaplain, and varsity basketball coach for Calvary Christian Academy while serving on the staff at Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale

In 2000 we opened the school with 400 students, and today it is the largest Christian school in the country with an enrollment of over 2,000.

From humble beginnings in 2000 when our basketball team played on an outdoor court while our gym was being constructed, the school now has three full sized gymnasiums and hosts a varsity basketball team that last year won the hypothetical national public and private high school basketball championship. 

With Florida state championships in track, baseball, and two in basketball, and achieving a reputation for developing Christian character coupled with academic success, the school continues to thrive while impacting the lives of its rapidly growing student body.

Calvary Christian Academy was established by Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale. Calvary Chapel churches comprise a network of churches first established in the 60's and 70's in Southern California. The movement was begun in Calvary Chapel, Costa Mesa where the late Chuck Smith was pastor. 

Pastor  Chuck recognized the search for meaning that those young people flooding the beaches of southern California, were looking for, and he opened the doors of his church where they were introduced to Jesus. This was the beginning of the Jesus Movement where thousands of young people gave their lives to Jesus.

Today there are almost two thousand Calvary Chapel churches scattered over the country, and I have been privileged to serve in two of them-Calvary Chapel, Fort Lauderdale and Calvary Chapel Old Bridge. I am indebted to these Calvary Chapel churches for they have greatly shaped my understanding and practice of ministry.

Why do I share all of this information? Because you may have recently seen advertisements for the movie "The Jesus Revolution." It is the story of the birth of the Calvary Chapel movement, which sparked our nation's last great spiritual revival in the late 60s and early 70s. The movement produced well known pastors like current evangelist Greg Laurie and a host of others, and it has given rise to the birth of over 1,800 Calvary Chapel churches spread across our country and around the world.

As I sat watching the film with a church consultant friend in Oak Island, N.C., my tears flowed freely as I was again relived the beginnings of the last spiritual revival to sweep across our country. 

Could such a revival happen again? I hope so, for our nation is in great need of such spiritual revival.

2 Chronicles 7:14 reminds us "If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.".

The late Jerry Falwell writes, "Revival is not just a feeling of excitement of the Lord. We get excited about many things, but excitement is not a revival if God is not the thing that gets us excited."

Billy Sunday the famous evangelist years ago asked, "When is a revival needed? When carelessness and unconcern keep the people asleep."

We desperately need people who are excited by the Lord and who will not allow carelessness and unconcern to keep them asleep to the need for revival.

I encourage you to pray for the revival that our nation so desperately needs.

And while you do, you might want to take a trip to your movie theater where "The Jesus Revolution" is playing or watch it on Netflix.  I don't think you will be disappointed. 

And who knows, perhaps like Chuck Smith, you might be that instrument that God chooses to spark the flames of revival in our land.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom