Thursday, February 27, 2020


Thought for the Day: Let's Be Lifters and Lookers

Dear Friends

I want to remind you that we can either be the wind beneath someone's wings or the anchor in their boat. Leaders should be both lifters and lookers. We should be Lifters who lighten other's loads and we should be Lookers, always on the lookout for ways to inspire and encourage others.

Mother Teresa once said, "Let no one ever come to you without leaving healthier or happier."   There are far too many people who act like anchors in our boat. They are intent on dragging others down. They possess the attitude that communicates "If I can't be happy, neither should you be happy."

Leaders should be fire lighters, who comes along side of others and help ignite their dreams.  “You can do it,” "I’m with you,” “You can count on me" are some of the words in the vocabulary of the fire lighter.  Every one of us needs firelighters in our lives.  But unfortunately, there are also  fire fighters in our lives. These re the people intent on dousing dreams and dampening spirits. The fire fighter pours water on the flames of enthusiasm.  His vocabulary consists of phrases like,  “You can never do it,” “the task is insurmountable,” “you don’t have the resources," "you don’t have the background, or you lack the experience.”  The words of the firefighter will leave you discouraged and  ready to quit.

David Mains tells the story of how he and his wife sought to address some behavior issues with their four-year old son Jeremy. He had a habit that they wanted to break, but they were making Iittle progress. They had tried everything until as a final resort they applied physical discipline, spanking. When the conversation was restored, his wife, Karen, asked the chastised little boy, ' Jeremy, what are we going to do with you?" Fully contrite, he slowly answered, Why, don't you 'just throw me in the garbage.  " Moody Monthly,", Summer 1982 p. 43.

And you know there are many people in life, who like little Jeremy, feel like they have been thrown into  the dumpster.  They don't feel as if anyone cares about them. They feel they are without value, good for nothing except to be cast on the garbage pile.

Several years ago, Anne Murray popularized a song whose lyrics remind me off something we all need:

“I cried a tear, you wiped it dry
I was confused, you cleared my mind
I sold my soul, you bought it back for me
And held me up and gave me dignity
Somehow you needed me

You gave me strength to stand alone again
To face the world out on my own again
You put me high upon a pedestal
So high that I could almost see eternity
You needed me, you needed me

And I can't believe it's you
I can't believe it's true
I needed you and you were there
And I'll never leave, why should I leave?
I'd be a fool 'cause I finally found someone who really cares”

We all have a need to be needed. We want to know that people care for us. We want them to affirm our value and importance. We want someone who we know truly cares for us and will be there whenever we have an unmet need. We want to know we are of value and that we are important to someone. Blessed is the person who knows he or she is needed and has someone who really cares enough to provide for that need.

Today let's be Lifters of someone's arms, helping to share their heavy load. Let's be Lookers, intentionally seeking out that person who needs someone to inspire and encourage them. If you do, not only will you bless someone but you yourself with be blessed for the greater blessing comes to the one who gives, not to the one who receives.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Wednesday, February 26, 2020


Thought for the Day: "The Write Way to Encourage" Get a Pen and Start Writing

Dear Friends,

Another letter in my church mail slot, but this one was different. Not some generic information about some new book I must read to revolutionize my ministry, or some information about a conference every pastor must attend. No, this letter was different. It came from a student I had taught several years ago at Calvary Christian School in Old Bridge. Mike was one of those who sat in the middle right of my Spiritual Leadership Class, and to my surprise he had taken the time to share his appreciation for the lessons he had learned in class.

In a handwritten note, he writes "The class was very foundational for me and I still find myself thinking about those lessons from time to time. In fact, I have since re read the 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (by John Maxwell) and shared it with my friends along the way at college who also found it very helpful. Whether the lesson of the Messiah is among you, or always trying to be an attentive listener, or that great adage  people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care, I continually find myself reflecting on how I can implement those lessons into my daily life....So I just wanted to thank you for those lessons and for the encouragement you provided me and encourage you in whatever life is bringing your way these days. I hope all is well with you and your family. God bless, Mike Giammarino."

Wow, you don't think a letter like that adds value to your life! Handwritten notes of encouragement are in short supply these days, but when they arrive, we ought to frame them and hang them in some place special where they serve as a daily reminder that our life has made a difference.

One of my favorite pastors is David Jeremiah and in  The Joy of Encouragement  he titles one of his chapters "The Write Way to Encourage" and he concludes the chapter with this exhortation, "Start now on the write direction." Good advice for all of us who are interested in making a positive difference in people's lives.

I often carry a well-worn, well-marked bible with me wherever I go. The bible was given to me over 20 years ago by a Scott Harrigan, a college student who sat in the pews of a church I once pastored. That bible means a lot to me, and I would be devastated to lose it. However, the reason the loss would be so profound is not because I couldn't find another one, for I probably have 20 other bibles lying around my house or office. What makes my bible so special is what's packed inside the front cover. It is here that I access large supplies of encouragement found in a valued collection of handwritten letters that scream "I love you and you are making a difference in my life." This treasure trove of encouragement" comes from the notes of friends and family alike, and they are a continual reminder that when things are tough and I may be discouraged, I still have a multitude of friends that walk with me wherever I go.

Thanks Mike. I wanted you to know that you just became another one of my friends I carry with me.

Is there someone you need to write today, a person who would appreciate knowing that you were thinking of them? Why not drop them a note and let them know how much they have meant to you. I am going to do it, and I hope you will too.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom
P.S. And if you are not sure how to begin that love letter to a friend, just flip open your bible to Romans 1:8-9 and you will read a perfect model. I bet anyone who received a letter like that would carry it with him/her  wherever he/she might go.

Thought for the Day: A Computer, a Customer, and a "Breakfast Special" I will Never Forget

Dear Friends,

Yesterday I had lunch at a restaurant in Red Bank with a friend I had met last year at a high school football game. I arrived early, bringing some work with me to do before my friend arrived. I noticed the "Breakfast Special" on the menu which was good until 11:00 am, and I planned on ordering it when my friend arrived. Unfortunately, he was five minutes late, and when I asked the waitress if I could still order the special, she informed me that the special was no longer available because it was five minutes after 11. I thought at first, she was just kidding, but she was serious, and so I swallowed my frustration and ordered pancakes instead. I guess I didn't do a very good job of hiding my frustration because she leaned over and  whispered in my ear: "Sir, I will check with my boss and see if you can still order the special." What had become a normal request had now become a monumental issue, and I told the server not to worry about it. Apparently she didn't heed my advice, however, and a few minutes later she came back to tell me her boss informed her that the computer at the register was set for 11.00 am and after that the price automatically increased, and he couldn't do anything about overriding the computer.  Now, it was not a big deal, and I am one of the last people in the world to complain to a waitress about the service- all my girls were waitresses, and I know how hard they work-but I did leave the restaurant disappointed.  And while the food was good, and the portions great, the customer service left much to be desired. The diner didn't have a computer issue, it had a customer issue, and this customer might never enter that restaurant again.

Now what's the point? Aren't you making a little too much over a three-dollar difference between some restaurant special and the regular price of a couple of eggs, toast, hash browns and  a cup of coffee? The answer is yes, but all the while I couldn't stop thinking how easy it is to fall into the trap of choosing principle over people, and yes, a computer over a customer.

We in the church are in the people business, and we should do everything we can to serve others, even when it is not comfortable, even when it is inconvenient, and yes, even when there is a conflict between the computer and the customer. You and I are called to go out of our way to serve others, and if we forget that, we ignore the message of our "Founder" who taught us to "go the extra mile." Translation: You and I are nothing more than an the "unprofitable servant" that Luke describes in Luke 17:10.

If, or when I should ever see that restaurant owner again, I am going to leave him with these words: "I bet Chick-fil-A never did it that way."

Yours in faith and friendship

Pastor Tom
P.S. Remember, "A leader serves by leading and leads by serving."

Thought for the Day: The Day I Cried In Another Man's Arms

Dear Friends

Many years ago, when I was fresh out of seminary and serving a small church outside of Syracuse, New York, I received a call that I will never forget. An accident had just taken place a hundred yards from the church I served.  I was new to the area and didn't know the family, but from everything I had learned from my brief telephone phone conversation the accident was horrific involving the accidental death of a child.

I had been informed that a dad was outside mowing his lawn when the blade of the lawn mower struck a rock, became disengaged, and like a missile went hurtling through the air, tragically embedding itself in the skull of his four-month-old son who was outside in a stroller.   Seminary had not prepared me for this kind of visit and words often have a way of escaping you when facing a  tragedy like this.

As I quickly walked up the street to the home, I wondered what could I ever say to help this family?  You see in seminary we had always been trained to know and say the right thing in situations like this. However, at this moment, nothing I had ever learned inside the walls of those counseling classes made any sense to me. I felt powerless to speak and inadequate to minister.

As I arrived on the scene, they were loading the tiny child into the back of the ambulance, and I was informed that all attempts at resuscitation had failed, and the child had been pronounced  dead right as he lay there on the front lawn.

Amid the crowd of people who had now gathered, I saw the boy’s dad sobbing uncontrollably as he watched his tiny child being placed into the ambulance. Never having met him  I walked up to him and without knowing or having anything  to say, I just threw my arms around him and hugged him as tightly as I could. For what seemed like minutes and without a word being spoken, we just stood there tightly holding on to one another as we tasted the salt in one another’s tears. To this day just writing about the experience brings tears to my eyes. I don't remember saying a thing, but I later learned that my embrace and my tears  communicated a message far more powerful  than any sermon I could ever preach.

A few days after the funeral, he called me and told me how much he appreciated all I had done for him. As I heard his words, I wondered what I had done that was so deserving of such appreciation.  I hadn't spoken a word, and in my mind I  felt  embarrassed that I had been speechless at a time like this.  "I didn't do much of anything” I said to my friend. "Oh, yes you did,” he said. “You held me and cried with me, and that meant more than anything you could have ever done or said.”

That day I discovered the power of  empathy as communicated through a simple touch. I thought how true the lyrics of the song were made famous by Allison Krause who sings, “You say it best when you say nothing at all.” That tragic episode was one of the greatest learning experiences of my early ministry. It was so reassuring to discover that one doesn’t have to possess all the answers to help someone who is hurting, nor does one need to dispense some empty theological platitudes to help heal a hurting heart.  All one needs are a couple of arms, and a heart that is large enough to feel the pain of another’s loss.

Henri Nouwen sums up the power of empathy when he writes “We tend to look at caring as an attitude of the strong toward the weak, of the powerful toward the powerless, of the haves toward the have nots….Still when we honesty ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us,  we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions or cures have chosen together to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and  tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.  Quoted from Quotations for The Christian World, Edythe Draper, Tyndale House Publishers Inc.

The world doesn’t need answer men to heal the wounds of  broken hearts, just a couple of arms and a heart big enough to feel the pain of another’s loss will do just fine.

Yours in faith and friendship,
Pastor Tom


Thought for the Day: Grab a Broom and Start Sweeping

Dear Friends

A well-dressed woman on an African safari was part of a tour group that stopped briefly at a hospital for lepers. Amid the intense heat and filthy conditions with flies buzzing all around her, she noticed a nurse bending down in the dirt, tending to the puss filled sores of a leper. With disdain she exclaimed, “Why I wouldn’t do that for all the money in the world.” The nurse quietly replied, “Neither would I!”

From time to time it is important to remind ourselves of who and whose we are.  We are  nothing more than “Unprofitable servants”, who are only doing what our Master has called us to do ( Luke 17:10). Following Jesus may not take us to an African leper colony, but that doesn’t change the terms or circumstances of our service for once a servant, always a servant. Wherever we are, we are called to serve, and service is not always fun or easy. It can be hard and humbling and it can be dirty and demeaning. 

I remember the times when I was a senior pastor, and  I had no problem cleaning up  dirty bathrooms. When I saw something that needed to be done, no matter how menial it was, I did it. Because of this, I thought I had somehow arrived at doing this ‘servant thing.’. But when I became one of 17 pastors while serving at Calvary Chapel, Fort Lauderdale, and I was no longer atop the pecking order as a senior pastor, I discovered my servant attitude needed a severe adjustment. It is one thing to be a servant when you can choose whether to be one or not. It is another thing when you are told and required to be a servant, and someone above you is treating you like a  servant, the very thing you’ re called to be. 

A businessman in a bible study asked the leader. “How do you know if you are servant?” The leader wisely responded, “By the way you react when you are treated like one.” That hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Apostle Peter reminds us of our “servant job description”  when he writes we are to serve “not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly, nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock) 1 Peter 5:2-3).

So, l guess I need to grab my broom and start sweeping. Won’t you join me?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Thought for the Day: Let's All Be Oil Can Carriers

In one of my favorite devotionals Streams in the Desert there is a beautiful story that illustrates the life of a servant.

The story tells of an elderly man who always carried a little can of oil with him wherever he went, and when he would go through a door that squeaked, he would squirt a little oil on its hinges. If he encountered a gate that was hard to open, he would pour oil on the latch. And so he went through life lubricating all or the difficult places, making it easier for all those who came after him, People called the man eccentric, strange and crazy, but that didn’t deter him as he went steadily on, often refilling his can of oil when it was near empty, and continuing to oil whatever difficult places he would find.

Now I don’t know if this is a true or apocryphal story, but it certainly presents a clear picture of what a servant is called to be.

You and I are called to be oil can carriers, and as we walk through life, we ought to be looking for those opportunities to make life a little easier for others. We ought to be looking for opportunities to lubricate the lives of both friends and strangers with a little oil of gladness, joy, generosity, kindness, compassion. There is always someone whose life would be made different because of the oil we spill on their lives.

Whether it be the oil of a kind word,  smile, a letter of appreciation or a phone call. It doesn’t take much time or effort to lubricate the lives of others with the love of Jesus, so keep that oil can full and take it with you wherever you go, as you look for ways to  make life a little easier for those you meet along the way.

Let us keep in mind the words of the Apostle Peter who exhorts us to "Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly-Not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God." 1 Peter 5:2

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Thought for The Day: A Red Envelope Filled with Good News

Dear Friends,

After spending five days with my son and his family in Savannah, I arrived home to discover a red envelope in my mail pile. It came from Nelson Searcy, who is the founder of  “Renegade Pastors,” a  network of some 80,000 pastors who, like me,  are all trying to learn how to become more effective at what we do.

I had recently ordered a couple of items from the ministry and in filing out my credit card information, I noted a question that caught my attention. “How can we pray for you,” it said. Now, not ever wanting to miss an opportunity to be  prayed for, I hurriedly typed in a prayer concern regarding Jean and my recent battles with cancer.

I have done something like this before, but quite honesty I wondered how many of those prayer requests remain just that-prayer requests. Does anyone ever take the time to read and pray over them or do they get relegated to that circular file at the foot of someone’s desk?

Much to my surprise, when I opened the envelope, I found the following note: “Dear Tom, We received your prayer request and wanted to let you know the team has been praying for you and Jean in our daily prayer meetings. We appreciate you both for all that you continue to do for the kingdom.” The letter was signed by Nelson Searcy, and seven of his assistants. No, not some preprinted, canned response, but a personal handwritten note from the pen of a subscriber directed to a brother they neither new nor had ever met.

This all got me to thinking about the times I have told someone I was going to pray for them. Yes, at the time I was serious but unfortunately after a few days that commitment can easily be forgotten. Serious at the time about my willingness to pray, the  “will do” becomes an all too distant memory.

The next time you say you will pray for someone, write down that commitment, add it to your prayer list and then pray and pray and pray. And yes, don’t forget the follow up. Give the person a call after a period and see how they are doing, or drop them a note of encouragement as I received, reminding me that somewhere down in  Boca Raton, Florida, there is a team of prayer warriors who are putting shoe leather to their prayers for Jean and me.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Tuesday, February 11, 2020


New Monmouth Musings: The Key That Changed My Ministry

When Jean and I lived and pastored in Philadelphia, we resided in a house connected to the church by a narrow breezeway. Because our home was adjoining the church and looked like a part of the church, we would have frequent occasions when visitors would knock on our door thinking it was the church office. At that time, we had four young children under the age of 8 and a very busy ministry. My only office was in a small 6 by 10-foot  room off the kitchen. It was there that I did all my counseling, wrote my sermons and met with whomever needed to see me. It was not an ideal situation with Jean nursing our youngest, and with three other active children running around the house often in search of special attention.

While on several occasions I had asked the elders if they would build an office for me so that I might have a more private a place to engage in my ministry the response was always the same: It would cost too much money, there was no place to put it, and your predecessors never needed one. I might add my predecessors never had four young children running around the house or a young mom who was desperately in need of some privacy.

As our children were growing and our ministry was expanding, not having an office was becoming more and more of a strain on both our family and our ministry.

And then it happened. One day one of the newer members in our church, a 78 year old retired contractor who with his wife had left their white suburban congregation because they wanted to be a part of an integrated church, knocked on my door and asked for key to let him get into the church. Unbeknownst to me, Clarence Hoff had become aware of my need, and I mean he was ready to do something about it. I provided him the key and continued to go about my work in my tiny office.

Later in the day I went over to the church and as I walked through the hallway, I glanced to my right only to see Clarence proudly standing outside my newly fashioned office.  Knowing how desperate I was to have an office in the church, Clarence had taken it upon himself to build me one. I thought to myself, “I can’t wait to see the faces of my elders when they walk in on Sunday and see what he has done.” With no permission or forewarning, Clarence had seized the initiative and built me an office, and in doing so he had probably saved my ministry and more importantly my marriage!

Sometimes when we see something that needs to be done and no one is willing to do it, we need to seize the initiative and do it. Yes, it is sometimes true that it is better to do something that needs to be done and ask for forgiveness later.

As Solomon records, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, go and come back, and tomorrow I will give it to you.” Proverbs 3:37-28

Now I am not suggesting that one of you takes a hammer and some nails and sneaks into our church and does some “on your own” remodeling of our downstairs’ kitchen and Sunday School area, but if you do, let me suggest your first stop and renovate the men’s bathroom.  And yes, please don’t let the word get back to the elders who encouraged the renovation.

Have a great day in Jesus,
Pastor Tom