Leadership Thought: Practicing "The 30 Second Rule"

Dear Friends,

Admired for her beauty, Jenny Jerome, (Winston Churchill's mother) glided through the loftiest social circles in Great Britain. Once on consecutive nights, Ms. Jerome dined with England's premier politicians: Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his chief rival, William Gladstone. When questioned about her impressions of the two men, Ms. Jerome made the following observation:

"When I left the dining room after sitting with Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. but when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman."  Story quoted from the internet.

We have all been around people like Benjamin Disraeli. They are the people who make us feel valued when we are with them.

When you first meet them, you instantly know they care about you. They are interested in what you have to say, and they draw out the best in you.

How can we be the kind of person who brings the best out of others?

We can begin by practicing the "30 Second Rule."

During the first 30 seconds you meet someone, throttle the urge to talk about yourself, but focus all your attention on the other person. Be intentional in looking for something complimentary and encouraging to say to the person. 

This is not the time for phony baloney, but a time when you offer genuine and sincere compliments. Complimenting others focuses your attention on them and prevents you from being the center of the conversation. Remember to look for ways to be impressed and not for ways to be impressive.

As you go through your day, be intentional about looking for those little things you can say and do to make others feel valued and important. Forget about yourself and concentrate on making others feel important.

Prenticing the 30 Second Rule will help get you off to a good start in accomplishing this goal.

Yours in faith and Friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: So, Whom Did You Invite to Your Thanksgiving Table?

Dear Friends,

Did you ever invite someone to an event that you hoped he or she would decline? 

You felt guilty about not inviting them because they were a part of your spiritual family, but deep within you recognized you would be glad if they didn't come.

We all have had those spiritual "do I have to" decisions that keep us awake at night. Guilt can be a heavy burden.

Thanksgiving is one of those days when we are confronted with the question of whom will we invite to our table. And sometimes we have to invite people within our family with whom we don't always get along. 

Relationally they are just not a very good fit at our table.

They may have hurt us, embarrassed us, or said something unkind about us, and while they are a part of our spiritual family, we wish that they were not a part of our Thanksgiving family.

Peter reminds us that all those who are a part of God's family are being built up into a spiritual house (1 Peter 2:5).

When Solomon's temple was being built, the noise of the cutting, hammering, chiseling and chipping of the stones that would form the temple, took place underneath the city of Jerusalem. 

When the stones were carried to the temple mount, they were then silently fit together.

Pastor and writer Jon Courson, one of my favorite bible commentators, reminds us, "We are living stones being fit together for an eternal temple in heaven. This life is the quarry, which explains why we always feel like we are being chipped and chiseled and cut and hammered."  

"'Why are they part of the family'? 'Why am I sitting next to this block head,' you ask." 

"You know why? It is because they are a part of the family." 

"As living stones, we constantly rub against one another, knocking rough edges off one another in the process. You see, God puts us right next to the very people He knows will smooth us down, so he can build us into a temple of his glory."

"The problem is, I try to get away from the block head I'm rubbing against. But because God puts me in fixes, to fix us, He puts us with people in situations He knows will shape us most effectively. So, if I try to fix the fix God put me in, He will be faithful to put me in another fix, to fix the fix He wanted to fix in the first place!" 

"If we don't learn this, we'll go from fix to fix until finally we say, 'Ok, Lord. I'm not going to try to fix this, or wiggle out of that, But I'm going to embrace and accept where you have me, because I know you are doing a work on me, shaping me for eternity.'" 

In closing, I am reminded of Peter's exhortation who writes, "We should agree and have concern and love for each other. You should also be kind and humble. Don't be hateful and insult people just because they are hateful and insult you. Instead, treat everyone with kindness. You are God's chosen ones, and he will bless you" (1 Peter, 3:8,  The Promise translation).

Please keep these words in mind next Thanksgiving Day, and yes, every other day, for every day should be a Thanksgiving Day for those who are part of the family of faith.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Three Life Lessons That We Should Never Forget

Dear Friends,

One of my favorite writers and teachers is John Maxwell, John has written over 100 books on leadership, and today he is widely acknowledged as the world's greatest expert on the subject of leadership. 

Recently he shared a series of 29 life lessons his dad had taught him. 

His dad was 98 when he died, and he was still going strong at his death. Shortly before his dad, he was busy leading two worship services every Sunday in the retirement community where he lived.

As John sat beside his father's bedside during the last days of his life, he poignantly shares the life lessons his dad had taught him. As he sat beside his dad during his final hours, he would  think of a lesson his dad had taught him, and then he would bend over his dad and whisper in his ear the lesson he learned and then he would thank him for teaching it to him.

These 29 lessons, which one can access on the internet, are some of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned, and periodically I will be sharing some of those lessons in future Leadership Thoughts.

A Month of Melvin Maxwell Series – John Maxwell Leadership 

Today I share John's own words about one of those lessons his dad had taught him.

"My dad taught me the importance of adding value to others."

"Every day my dad got up for one purpose, and that was to make the day better for someone else.  And every day when he would put his head down on the pillow, there would be no doubt that there would be people who would come into his mind that he knew  he had contributed to in a positive way." 

"Some of the best advice I ever learned was when I sat down with my dad before I went to college. 'How can I succeed,' I asked him, and I will never forget what he said." 

"John, there are three things that are important. And if you do these three things, I promise that you'll always do well."

"What he shared with me that day, I have carried with me my entire life, and every time I teach, write or lead I always remember those words."

"First," he said. " John everyday people go through life not always feeling truly valued. Add value to them. Sometimes these people don't have any sense of their own value. Let these people not only see who they are, but what they can become." 

Secondly, he said,  "Believe in people, and believe the best about them. We are all human. Every one of us has our worst sides. There's probably a day in your own life, and in my life that we hope nobody ever knows about. We don't always operate on the top level, but do your best to believe the best about the people you are around. The best way to get people to live the best is to believe the best about them."

And then thirdly, he said, "You must unconditionally love people." 

"I can promise you that the person that you are communicating with has never been unconditionally loved. I mean just love them with no strings attached. People may forget the things you do, but they will never forget how you (made them feel) by unconditionally loving them."

"And so I took my dad's advice. I try to value all people, believe the best about them and always unconditionally love them."

These are good lessons for all of us to keep in mind.

As I close I am reminded of the statement attributed to Wolfgang Von Goethe who said,  "Treat a man as he is, and he will remain the same, but treat a man as he could be and you will make him what he should be."

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: My Country Music Saturday Morning Challenge to All My Leadership Thought Readers

Dear Friends

I just finished watching Garth Brooks, whose concert held at a dive bar was televised following the Jets and Dolphins football game. Those of you who love classic country like I do, know what an incredible entertainer he is, and how his shows are amazing for the energy he expends on stage.

As I listened to the concert,  I got to thinking how much I love listening to country music, and how it so powerfully speaks to my heart. I thought I would share my 20 favorite country songs in hopes of priming the pump for those of you who also  love country music like I do.

A good friend of mine and I just purchased tickets to the George Strait, Chris Stapleton, and Little Big Town concert at Met Life Stadium in June, and I can hardly wait.

A number of years ago, Jean and I were privileged to see George Strait at one of his three Farewell concerts  held in Philadelphia, and it was one of the highlights of my life.

Over the years I've seen many concerts by some of my all-time favorites like Merle Haggard (My favorite of all) as well as Randy Travis, Don Williams, Reb McIntyre, Travis Tritt, Emmy Lou Harris, Alan Jackson and the Charley Daniels Band.

A few years ago, I embarrassed my wife at a Travis Tritt concert in Red Bank, NJ when I walked to the front of the stage  and started dancing with a woman I never met to "Here's A Quarter Call Someone Who Cares."  

Choosing my top 20 is a difficult thing for me, and every time I take on this challenge, I find that my list changes. 

Here's my list today in no particular order. 

The Dance, Garth Brooks

Bring them Flowers Now, Tanya Tucker

Old Hippie, The Bellamy Brothers.

Gone Country, Alan Jackson

Broken Halos, Chris Stapleton

Amarillo by Morning, George Strait

Cheyanne, George Strait

Wagon Wheel, Darius Rucker 

Pancho and Lefty, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson

Sunday Morning Coming Down, Kris Kristofferson

Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning, Alan Jackson

Whoever's in New England, Reba McEntire

I Should Have Been a Cowboy, Toby Keith

Trying to Get Over You, Vince Gill

Harlan County, Patty Lovelace

Lord, I Hope This Day is Good, Don Williams

Holding Her and Loving You, Earl Conlee

Unfair Weather Friends, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson

Three Wooden Crosses, Randy Travis

She Don't Know She's Beautiful, Toby Keith

Where Have You Been? Kathy Mattea

Today I Started Loving You Again, Gorge Jones

You're My Best Friend, Don Williams

Please Come to Boston. David Allan Coe

Meet me in Montana, Dan Seals and Patsy Montana

Troubadour, George Strait

Sing me Back Home, Merle Haggard

Go Rest High on That Mountain, Vince Gill and Patty Lovelace

You Don't Even Know My Name, David Allan Coe

Everything That Glitters is not Gold, Dan Seals

Looking for a Place to Fall Apart, Merle Haggard

Born Country, Alabama

Saginaw Michigan, Lefty Frizzell

Don't Take the Girl, Tim Mc Graw

And last but not least  the number 1 all-time classic country song, He Stopped Loving Her Today, George Jones

Yes, I know this is a lot more than 20 but who’s counting when you’re talking about your favorite classic country songs? There are just too darn many favorites to limit my list to just 20. 

How about you? I would love to hear your list-maybe not 20 plus but see if you can limit yourself to just 5.

And, if any of you are over the top country fans like me, let me know, and I'll  head up a trip to Nashville and a visit to the Grand Old Opry.

In closing those of you who prefer another music genre, I promise you that if you listen to the songs on my list and  don't  become a classic country convert, I will buy your Grand Old Opry ticket.

Yours in faith and friendship.

Tom

P.S. Yes I know Chris Stapleton might not be considered classic country, but he is just too good to leave off my list.

No typical Leadership Thought devotional.

Leadership Thought: Do You Need a "Yes Day" Today?

Dear Friends,

Do you need a "Yes Day" today?

Living with my daughter and family allows me to be privy to some of their special family rituals. One of those rituals is celebrated on each child's birthday, and it is known as a "Yes Day."

Each birthday, my grandchildren enjoy a "Yes Day" when mom or dad say yes to any reasonable request they make. On that day normal family protocol is thrown to the wind, and each celebrant gets to choose whatever he or she desires to do. The "Yes Day" birthday ritual is something my grandchildren look forward to, and why wouldn't they?

This morning I read about a "Yes Day" another family celebrates, and I thought it worth sharing with you moms and dads, and yes, even grand folk like me.

John O'Leary writes. "Each year, my four children join their dad for one-to-one time on a work trip. It’s sacred time we get to spend together and is affectionately known as their “daddy trips.” Each child looks at my schedule, chooses where they want to go, and plans out absolutely everything we do once we get there.

I act like it’s a gift for them, but those of you with little ones know it’s just me being selfish.

From the moment we leave the house until we return a day or so later, there’s only one thing I do on these trips: whatever the request, even if I am tired or not up for it, my response is to simply say “Yes” and then be excited about it.

Several years ago, my 13-year-old son Jack selected The Phoenician for his trip. It’s a resort I’d spoken at many times over the years. But it’s absolutely amazing how different the experience is when you’re with a child and responding “Yes” to fully participating in life with them.

It’s why minutes after checking in we were swimming. It’s why we went down the waterslide. It’s why we ate lunch outside (in 103 degrees) and then went down the waterslide again. It’s why we went down the slide again after that. And after that time… You get the idea.

It’s why a slice of cake was delivered by room service at 1030 p.m. It’s why we shot baskets on the courts and played ping pong and Miss Pacman and shuffleboard. It’s why we took a tour of their cactus garden. It’s why a man who prides himself on working hard on business trips got absolutely no work done on this one.

And it’s why I had the one of my best trips of the year.

Tomorrow, my little boy turns 18. With Jack’s busy school, sports and social schedule I don’t get to see him as often as when he was little. His approaching graduation from high school and launch into college means I’ll see him even less in years to come.

I recognize that every moment with my oldest child is truly a gift. So today, I cherish almost 18 years of memories we have made together as a family.  And I treasure important life lessons Jack has taught me, one of the most important being how much better life gets when I simply say “Yes” to the opportunities and experiences all around me.

It’s a lesson a child taught me.

Somehow, my friends, I think we might benefit from this lesson, too.

This is your day.

Say Yes. And Live Inspired."

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Will Tomorrow be a ‘Thinkful’ Thanksgiving Celebration

Dear Friends,

Let me begin today’s Leadership Thought by wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving. All of you who are the recipients of this message have in some way wonderfully touched my life.

I have served 7 wonderful churches over 55 years of ministry, and during that time Jean and I have been blessed to cultivate scores of friends, some  whom we have  known for over 70 years.

One of the greatest gifts one can possess is the gift of friendship, and staying connected with you and periodically hearing from you continues to bring me great joy.

Tomorrow will be my first Thanksgiving without my dearest companion, my bride of 55 years. I still miss Jean so much and my grief still erupts at unexpected times and in unsuspecting places.

Today I was visiting a friend and a member in our church who was in the hospital suffering from Parkinson's, the same deadly disease that stole the life of my precious Jean.

Before I left his room, I took time to pray for my friend and his wife, but as I started to pray, I suddenly found myself at a loss-not for words, but for the ability to express those words that were fashioned in my heart. My own pain had momentarily silenced my lips and I stood speechless knowing and feeling  the painful struggle this man and his wife were going through.

I grieve that my Jean is gone, but the good news is that she is not lost from my life. How can you lose someone when you know where they are?

She is in heaven with Jesus, and I know she at very much at home with Him for that is where she longed to be.

And as I left the hospital and slowly walked to my car, an immense feeling of gratitude swept over me as I was wonderfully reminded that I would one day see and be with her again.

 As believers we hold on tightly to the “blessed hope,” the knowledge that one day we will see and be with our loved ones again.

And tomorrow when I sit at our Thanksgiving table and note that empty chair, I can rejoice and give thanks knowing my bride is safe in the loving arms of her Savior.

I will miss the fact that Jean won’t brighten our table conversation tomorrow, but yet I am thankful as ponder the thankful list I just compiled. On that list there are some 30 items I scribbled on a single sheet of paper, and I hope I have time to share some of them as we gather around our “Thinkful” Thanksgiving table.

It has been said that gratitude is the least expressed but most important virtue in a person’s life, but not tomorrow around the Crenshaw table. We have too much to be thankful for, and I trust you do too.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Little Things Mean a Lot When Given in a Spirit of Love

Dear Friend,

The other day, my little dog Maggie and I were out for our daily walk, and I noticed  two little girls sitting behind a card table. They were selling little stones they had just painted. I commented on how beautiful the stones looked, and they told me they were good luck stones. I said, I am always looking for good luck, so I purchased one for a dollar.

I told them how impressed I was with their painting skills, and I praised them for their entrepreneurial spirit. As I said goodbye, I wished them well as Maggie and I resumed our walk.

What I will remember about that brief encounter was how encouraged those two little girls were by my purchase. I was their first customer, and I am sure they probably had visions of earning enough from future sales  to take early retirement.

I stopped by that table because I am consciously looking for occasions to add value to people's lives. Intentionally is important, for unless I am intentional bout adding such value, I will miss opportunities to make that difference.

What a difference we could make, if every day we were intentional about blessing and making a positive difference in someone's life. 

"The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others." Albert Schweitzer.

It matters not how small or insignificant the act-just holding the door for someone-can make a difference in a person's day. I know, because at my age, people are always holding the door for me, and as small an act as that is, it always makes me feel grateful and appreciated.

Adding value to someone rarely occurs by accident. That is why intentionality is so important. Unless we are intentional about adding value to others, we will miss those opportunities to do so.

It is so easy to encourage someone, to lift them up, and bring a smile to their face. However, if we are so busy rushing through our day's agenda, we will never create enough room for those unexpected opportunities to touch another's life.

Winston Church said, "We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."

It didn't take a lot of my time to make a dollar investment in the lives of a couple of little girls, but whatever time and money I offered, it was worth it for the joy I experienced as I witnessed their response that my purchase.

Little things can become big things when they are done in a spirit of love.

Just yesterday I received an e-mail from a former church member living in Virginia who took the time to thank me for a note of encouragement I had sent him. A few clicks on a keyboard, and he had sent me a message that brought great joy to my heart.

The widow's mite had ultimate value because, while seemingly monetarily insignificant,  it was offered from the hands of a woman whose heart was filled with love.

Don't stop giving of your time or resources because you don't think you have much to give. Remember that no gift is too small when it's given from a heart of love.

So go out today with an intentional mindset to make a difference in someone's life.

Hold open a door, offer a smile, give a hug, offer a listening ear, and do as I will do later this morning when I gather for breakfast with a couple of friends, say thanks to Monica, for pouring our coffee and serving our food.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: A 20 To Do List You'll Be Glad You Did

Dear Friends,

I don't remember who sent it to me, but the list below is a good one to tape on your wall. Pick out a couple of these action items to do each day, and the world will be just a little better for your efforts.

1. Compliment three people every day. 

2. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.

3. Be the first to say, "Hello."

4. Live beneath your means.  

5. Treat everyone like you want to be treated.

6. never give up on anybody. Miracles happen. new. paragraph 7.

7. Forget the Joneses.

8. Never deprive someone of hope. It may be all he has. 

9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage. 

10. Be tough-minded but tender hearted.

11. Be kinder than necessary.

12. don't. forget a person's greatest emotional need is to be. appreciated

13. Keep your promises. 

14. Learn to show cheerfulness even when you don't feel like it. 

15. Remember that overnight success usually takes about 15 years. 

16. Leave everything better than you found it.

17. Remember that winners do what losers don't want to do.

18. When you arrive at your job in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone's day.

19. Don't rain on other people's parades. 

20. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

And for good measure, I would add, treat a man as he is, and he will remain the same. Treat a man as he could be, and you will help make him what he should be.

Have a great day but remember "it will only be a great day if you make it a God day." The late Dr. Bob Cook

Leadership Thought: Are You a Member of the Compliment Club?

Dear Friends,

If encouragement is oxygen to the soul, and we can’t live very long without it, and if the Bible frequently exhorts us to encourage one another, (1 Thess. 5:11 and Hebrews 10: 25), why is it that so few people take the time to offer it?

Encouragement is so easy to give. It takes little effort and only a few seconds to give, and yet a few timely words can make a person's day.

The other day, I was having lunch with a friend, and our waitress was especially helpful and attentive.

As she stopped by for the 3^rd time to ask us how we were doing, I thanked her for her continued attention, and I told her how impressed I was with her service.

I said, “In my book, you are the waitress of the year,” and with those words, her face lit up, and she replied, “Thank you, thank you, you will never know how much those words meant to me.”

Just a few short words, but those words helped make a server’s day.

It was Mother Teresa who said, “Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless.”

I still hear those encouragement echoes from my mother, from coaches I’ve had, friends I’ve made, and nurses who recently tended to me while I was in the hospital.

“Great job,” “you can do it,” “I believe in you,” are words everyone longs to hear.

New Testament writer William Barclay states, “One of the highest of human duties is the duty of encouragement. It is easy to laugh at men’s ideals; it is easy to pour cold water on their enthusiasm; It is easy to discourage others. The world is full of discouragers. We have a Christian duty to encourage another. Many a time a word of praise or thanks or appreciation or cheer has kept a man on his feet. Blessed is the man who speaks such a word.” William Barkley, The Letter to the Hebrews.

Today I want to challenge you to be intentional. Be on the lookout for  opportunities to encourage someone.

Give positive feedback, let someone know how they helped you, smile, offer a compliment, send a card or write a letter, listen with not only your ears but your heart, express your care, follow up, hug someone, and notice when people encourage you and thank them.

Join the compliment club and you will not only bless others, but you, yourself will be blessed for as we all know. “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Dealing with Grief by Remembering Who's Left

Dear Friends.

The other night we were watching a video presentation at our weekly Grief Share meeting on the different ways one can deal with grief. and the presenter shared something that spoke to my heart. 

He said, "Don't focus on who left but who’s left."

When we lose someone, it is natural to focus on who left you. You hurt and grieve over the one who has been taken from you, but we must never forget who’s left.

I'm so grateful for the many friends I have left after Jean's passing, friends who have helped encourage and support me during my darkest hours.  I miss my dear wife so much, but I am grateful for those I have I still have left who have walked with me along my path of sorrow.

But of all the persons I have left, and there are many, the one I lean on the most and the one who has been my greatest source of comfort is my friend the Lord Jesus. He is the friend who has assured me, "I will never leave you or forsake you," and who has promised me that "I will be with you always."

And when I focus on His presence, I am filled with overwhelming gratitude, and my heart turns to praise at the thought of His love for me.

And during those times, when I am reminded that I am not  alone, I shout out, "Alexa, play Gratitude, and I begin listening to the words of the song that brings praise to my lips and joy to my heart.  

I hope you will read the words below, but better yet, listen to the song. I think you will be glad you did.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Gratitude - Brandon Lake - Lyric Video - YouTube

05:38

Feb 14, 2021 · Lyric video for the song "Gratitude" by Brandon Lake. From his album "House of Miracles". Written by Brandon Lake, Dante Bowe, and Ben Hastings.Stay Connecte...

·        Date:  Feb 15, 2021

·        Views:  1.9M

·        Author:  TheCatLadyJ

 

                            "Gratitude"

                         All my words fall short

                         I got nothing new

                                                      How could I express

                                                       All my gratitude?

I could sing these songs
As I often do
But every song must end
And You never do

So I throw up my hands

And praise You again and again
'Cause all that I have is a
Hallelujah, hallelujah
And I know it's not much
But I've nothing else fit for a king
Except for a heart singing
Hallelujah, hallelujah

I've got one response
I've got just one move
With my arms stretched wide
I will worship You

So I throw up my hands
And praise You again and again
'Cause all that I have is a
Hallelujah, hallelujah
And I know it's not much
But I've nothing else fit for a king
Except for a heart singing
Hallelujah, hallelujah

So come on my soul, oh, don't you get shy on me
Lift up your song, 'cause you've got a lion
Inside of those lungs
Get up and praise the Lord
Oh, come on my soul, oh, don't you get shy on me
Lift up your song, 'cause you've got a lion
Inside of those lungs
Get up and praise the Lord
Come on my soul, oh, don't you get shy on me
Lift up your song, 'cause you've got a lion
Inside of those lungs
Get up and praise the Lord, hey
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord
Praise the Lord

So I throw up my hands
Praise You again and again
'Cause all that I have is a
Hallelujah, hallelujah
And I know it's not much
But I've nothing else fit for a king
Except for a heart singing
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Leadership Thought: Don't Ever Be So Smart That You Think You Know It All

Dear Friends,

“The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant." These wise words came from Max DePree, the former chairman and CEO of Herman Miller, Inc, the furniture maker that was once named one of Fortune magazine's 10 best managed and most innovative companies.

Today I still member De Pree's book The Art of Leadership which I read over two decades ago while on a cruise with my wife and family. Few books on leadership have impacted me more than this one. The fact that I still remember the time I read it after so many years is a testimony to the impact it had on me.

One of the key aspects of De Pree's leadership involved a principle he learned from his father. It was called 'the rule of abandoning oneself to the strengths of others'. 

His father was always open to the ideas and suggestions of others. He cultivated the kind of relationships with his employees that made them feel that their input was not only welcome but encouraged. He knew that he could learn from the experts, but he was far more interested in learning from the rank and file. They were the ones who knew the company best, and who were in the best position to recommend the kind of suggestions that would strengthen the company. 

He introduced the Scanlon Plan, a plan by which workers made suggestions to management for ways to improve such things as customer service, quality, and productivity. In 1987-88 Herman Miller employees made suggestions that led to cost savings of some $12 million dollars.

Regardless of your position, I believe this principle of 'abandoning oneself to the strengths of others has significant  implications for those in any form of leadership. The best leaders, administrators, coaches, teachers, pastors, and yes, even parents, are generally the ones that are open to the possibility that they can always learn something from the suggestions of others. They are not so arrogant to think that they have all the answers and can never learn from those with whom they work.

Some of the most valuable lessons I have learned as a parent, coach, teacher and pastor have come from those times when I was willing to 'abandon myself to the strengths of others.' Such learning can provide a valuable dimension to one's growth. If we think we know it all, and that those we work with can't teach us anything, we are indeed foolish.

The legendary basketball coach John Wooden was fond of saying, "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

A number of years ago the late R. C. Sproul, a brilliant theologian, was the resident scholar at Pittsburgh Seminary. He  was one of the most creative and intellectual scholars of our time, and he was giving a heavy lecture to a group of his students. One of them raised his hand and asked a very complicated question. Dr. Sproul smiled and said, "The answer to that is very simple, I don't know." 

Those who are willing to confess that they don't know it all, are the ones who are most teachable. God is not looking for those who profess to know it all. He is looking for those who are willing to be quiet and ready to listen and learn from others. 

And oh yes, don't forget, "The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces." (Proverbs 10:6, The Living Bible).

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Is It Wrong to Put Our Own Needs before the Needs of Others?

Dear Friends, 

The other day I was talking with a friend in the church about what she was going to do for Thanksgiving. She was struggling with whether to invite guests to her family table or just spend it alone with her family. 

This person is a giver, always seeking ways to bless and serve others, but she found herself tired and exhausted fulfilling the responsibilities of a demanding job while also meeting the needs of her large family. 

Part of her was feeling guilty about not reaching out and inviting someone to her family table who might be alone at Thanksgiving while the other part of her was screaming, "You are exhausted, and you need time for yourself and your family." and she was struggling with what to do. 

Have you ever felt a similar stress? It's the battle of serving self-versus the battle of serving others and struggling with the guilt of putting your own needs before the needs of others.

Just that morning I had read a wonderful article that I thought might be helpful to her, and maybe to those of  who might be experiencing a similar battle. I hope it helped her and that it might help you as well. 

It is by Steve Shenbaum, and it's called "Leading Ourselves with Compassion."

                                     A message from Steve...

"Leading with compassion… has a nice ring to it. 

Leading with compassion… is a noble and worthy goal for all of us to strive to achieve. 

Leading with compassion… also happens to be one of our Game On signature programs. 

With all that leading with compassion said, and before it’s all done, let’s put first things first. Before we try to lead our staff, move our students, serve our teams, impact our audiences - before we lead others with compassion - let’s start that journey and put our oxygen mask on first by… leading ourselves with compassion.

Finding that extra time and space for “ourselves” is for all of us, with a special nod to those frontliners, caretakers, caregivers, service-oriented, selfless volunteers, and all the heart-centered, servant leaders geared and gifted to always put others first. For all of you – and I do not put myself in the same category as you - I honor you, appreciate you, celebrate you, and I encourage you to put yourself first.

It's easier said than done, but before we all become undone, here’s three questions for us all to honestly and vulnerably consider:

On our imperfect journey as leaders, coaches, teachers, presenters, are you leading yourself with the same encouragement you offer others? 

Are you granting yourself the same grace you give to others? 

Are you caring for yourself with the same compassion you commit to others?

As I metaphorically go out on a limb here - and literally go out sharing the Game On message, hearing the word compassion at every conference I attend - I’m reminded how important it is for those of you naturally wired to lead with compassion to also make sure you spend some time being selfish. That’s right… selfish. I need you, we need you, your staff, students, team, audience, community needs you to give yourself encouragement and grant yourself grace, so you can then continue to lead others with compassion.

Here's to all the leaders, teachers, coaches, presenters who have shown compassion when we so desperately needed it. Thank you for speaking life into others so well, encouraging others so well, and giving of yourselves so well. For that, with that, and because of that, you deserve the same level of compassion, commitment, and care you give to others. 

Leading with compassion has a nice ring to it, it’s a noble and worthy goal, and, as I mentioned earlier, happens to be one of our Game On signature programs. But the ring, the goal, and programs all fall flat if we don’t commit to some practical, reasonable, achievable techniques, and add that extra time and space for ourselves. 

Let’s lift the words off the page, put these noble and worthy goals into action, practice what we teach, and put first things first by… leading ourselves with compassion."

Hoping Steve's message might be of some help to you, I am.

Yours in faith and friendship

Tom

Leadership Thought A Veteran's Day Service I Attended Last Night That I Will Never Forget 

Dear Friends,

Last week we commemorated Veterans Day, a day established in1918 to honor the thousands of men and women who have served in our country's armed forces.

Sadly for me, Veterans Day is a day that doesn’t receive the kind of attention it fully deserves. 

It appears that many of our younger generation who may not have  experienced the horrors of war, fail to appreciate the importance and significance of those in the military who have served to defend and preserve our country's freedoms.

Last night I attended a Veteran's Musical Concert, and of the almost 300 people who were present, better than 90% were 60 and above. 

Sadly in our churches today Veteran's Day is largely forgotten. Often there is little or  no mention of Veteran's Day, and no recognition of those who have served in our military.

I spend my summers in Watertown, N.Y., the training ground for the army’s 10^th Mountain Division, and as a result, there are plenty of military families living in and around the city. As soon as I recognize someone in military garb, I am quick to thank them for their service. From the positive responses I receive, it appears they are especially grateful for such recognition and appreciation.

I am the product of a military family and grateful for it. My dad rose to colonel in the army after earning his college degree in architecture. Following college graduation he joined the army, and he was appointed to oversee the plans for the construction of Oak Ridge, Tenn. where the atom bomb was secretly being built. Like a lot of those who worked in Oak Ridge, he had little knowledge of what would be the atom bomb and its capacity for the destruction of life.

While the bomb shortened and ultimately ended the war, there were many questions and concerns raised about it's morality. My dad was one of those who shared some of those concerns. As a consequence, he soon resigned from the  military to pursue his architectural career.

While proud of my dad's military accomplishments, I remain sad that he never felt comfortable talking about his time spent in the military  I suspect his silence was the result of the guilt he may have felt over playing a role in the atom bomb's production.

Today I continue to be grateful and appreciative of those who serve and have served in the military.

I confess that  I miss those Veteran Day parades that were once held all across America. I miss gathering along the side of the street to watch men and women veterans proudly parade by as crowds cheered in appreciation for their service to our country. From my perspective, those men and women who marched were, and still are, the real heroes of our nation.

This is why I spontaneously rose to my feet  last night and joined with hundreds of others in spontaneous applause as one by one each of the veterans  proudly stood to their feet at the sound of the music representing their branch of service. 

I proudly stood with tears streaming down my face as I watched the names and faces of those I knew as one by one they appeared on the front screen. They were veterans, members of the church where I sat and and where I once served as pastor in the 90's.

There was Bob Billings, a proud army veteran, who was the head of the of the search committee that brought me to the church. And then there appeared the face of Marine veteran, Ned Newland, a dear friend of many years, followed by pictures of Kyle Elam and Bucky Moran and a number of others who had in some way touched my life and ministry. 

Unfortunately the times have changed, and these men and women who fought to preserve our freedoms are often underappreciated at best and forgotten at worst.

But last night for a short while, these friends and military 'heroes'  were remembered and given the true honor and recognition they deserved. 

As I walked to my car following the service, I was filled with pride and gratitude over what I had experienced. In a world where many would disparage and belittle those who serve the military, I was overjoyed that there were still some around who cared enough to remember and honor them.

And as I drove home, I remembered the words of G. K. Chesterton who wrote, "The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him." 

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Discerning God's Will for Your Life.

Dear Friends,

In the book Spiritual Leadership  by Oswald Sanders there is a quote that caught my attention. Sanders writes, “We naively think that the more we grow as Christians, the easier it will be to discern the will of God. But the opposite is often the case. God treats the mature leader as a mature adult, leaving more and more to his or her spiritual discernment and giving fewer bits of tangible guidance than in earlier years." (Spiritual Leadership, Oswald Sanders, p 147.

Sanders words surprised me as I had always assumed that the more mature you were as a believer, the easier it would be to sense God’s purpose and direction for your life.

A few days after reading this Sander's' comments, I was sitting with a friend who was struggling with this same issue. The person was seeking guidance and direction for her life.

As we talked, we both agreed that it would be a lot easier if God would send an angel down from heaven who would drop a note in our lap with explicit directions for the next stage of our life. But as of yet, I have not heard of this happening to anyone. This being the case, how then does one know what your next step is in discovering  God’s purpose and direction for your life?

Well,  prayer would be the first and most obvious place to begin. God does reveal direction for us through the important discipline of prayer. The Psalmist  prays, "O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. He leads the humble in what is right and teaches the humble his way” (Psalm 25:4-5).

But what If God's answer is not immediate or not clear? What if, as Oswald Sanders writes, "God is leaving more and more to (our) spiritual discernment and giving fewer bits of tangible guidance than we are hoping for?"

As my friend and I continued talking, I asked her what her gifts were- both spiritual and natural and what was her passion,  that is, what she would do even if she wasn’t paid for it. I believe that we can often find God’s purpose for our life (that which we were created for) at the intersection of our spiritual gifts and our natural talents and our passion and personality.

Knowing your spiritual gifts and talents combined with understanding your passion and your personality traits seem to be a logical place to help one better understand how God has equipped us to serve Him.  God has created you for a purpose in life. and it wouldn’t seem logical  for God to give us certain gifts and talents and a particular passion and personality and then direct us to a vocation where none of these would be of any value.

However, having said all this, I remind you that God can override any of the above qualities and characteristics and place and use us in ways that seem contrary to our gifts, talents, personalities and passions.

Jeremiah was shy and uncomfortable speaking, but he became a mighty spokesman and spiritual leader for God, and Gideon was a simple farmer who acknowledged his significant leadership inadequacies, and yet he rallied an army to defeat the Midianites and became one of Israel's greatest judges.

Yes, I encourage you to check out your spiritual gifts, natural talents, passion and personality but be careful to remember, "For as the heaven is higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts (Is. 55:9 NLB).

The bottom line is that availability is always the greatest ability one can ever possess, and regardless of our spiritual and natural limitations, God can and will use us to accomplish His plans and purposes if only we choose to make ourselves available. So, let's get rid of any of our excuses for not serving Him andmake ourselves available to be used in whatever way He chooses.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom