Leadership Thought: Have You Ever Sung Songs to a Heavy Heart?

Dear Friend,

This week at our Deacons’ meeting, we spent time sharing  thoughts on how to care for those who struggle with physical and or emotional issues.

We are studying the book Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart,  by Kenneth Haugk. It’s a wonderful book that I would strongly recommend it for those who desire to improve their ability to care for those with ‘heavy hearts.’

The author quotes Shel Silverstein’s poem. “Helping,” which defines two very different kinds of help:

“And some kind of help

Is the kind of help.

That helping’s all about.

And some kind of help

Is the kind of help

We all can do without.”

Proverbs 25:20 reminds us, “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.”

Or as the Message Bible translates this verse, “Singing to someone in deep sorrow is like pouring vinegar in an open cut.” 

We have all met that someone who wants to come along side and offer words of comfort but instead his misguided efforts actually make things worse.

Suffering people can be fragile, so it is important that we are wise and sensitive in caring for someone who is in pain.

The author suggests some helpful things to avoid when trying to help the one who has a ‘heavy heart.”

• Ø  Talking too much and listening to little
• Ø  Having a fix-it mentality
• Ø  Focusing on self rather than the hurting person
• Ø  Wanting people to quickly get over their grieving
• Ø  Giving advice and being too directive
• Ø  Being judgmental  
• Ø  Responding with cliches, platitudes, or pat phrases          

(Partial list p.16-17)

Ministering to hurting people can be challenging, and sometimes our natural tendency is to avoid dealing with their pain. We feel helpless, and we are not sure what to say, so we avoid helping.

I have personally found that the best approach to take when ministering to someone in physical or emotional pain is to simply “shut up and listen.” There will be time to quote Romans 8:28 or Philippians 4:13 or a host of other encouraging Bible verses, but the time is generally not right then. What such a person wants and needs is the listening presence of a person who will to feel their pain. They want someone who will hold their hand, cry with them, and assure them that they love them and that they will always be there for them.

Be a good listener, empathize with them, and pray for the Holy Spirit to minister through you.

I close with this reminder from the author. “Christians need to be right there. To share in the joy or the sorrow. But don’t expect the suffering person to send you an engraved invitation to come alongside. You need to take the initiative” (p 32)

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: The Day I Preached the Greatest Sermon Ever Heard.

Dear Friends,

I remember it well. It was the day I preached the greatest sermon ever heard. It was Easter Sunday, and I had just concluded my message: "The Greatest Story Ever Told," the story of the resurrection.

As I was getting ready to proclaim the benediction, I promised the congregation that if they returned the following Sunday, they would hear the greatest sermon ever preached. It was my effort to take advantage of the Easter crowd and hopefully draw them back the following Sunday, a Sunday that was typically one of the lowest attended Sundays of the year. I am sure some came the following Sunday out of curiosity while others came to prove this prideful pastor wrong, but many did come.

That Sunday I made good on my promise. I put a robe on like Jesus might have worn, descended from the pulpit, and began slowly walking throughout the sanctuary sharing the "Sermon on the Mount" that I had memorized that week. Up and down the aisles I walked, looking into the eyes of those in the pews as I shared the whole of Matthew 5-7, the "Greatest Sermon Ever Preached." To this day I still have people remind me of that sermon. I will never forget the stunned expression on one of the women seated in the pew as I stopped beside her pew and looking her straight in the eyes  quoted, "Thou Shalt not commit adultery."

Well, what has this got to do with a Leadership Thought you might ask? Well last night at a small group meeting, one of our members, a former missionary to Ethiopia, shared how scripture memorization had impacted her life. She encouraged us to take up the challenge of scripture memorization.

Many years ago, I was deeply involved in a Scripture memorization program that was produced by the Navigators, a para church organization that was known for its emphasis on scripture memorization. While I was no longer regularly taking time to memorize God's Word, her message was a wonderful reminder of my previous experience and how scripture memorization had impacted the early years of my ministry.

I share this as a challenge to you who have never tried to memorize God's Word or who like me may have done so but discontinued the practice.

There are many different ways to memorize scripture and if you google "scripture memorization" you will find a number of suggestions. But they all come down to this: "repetition over time." That is how one pastor memorized 46 books of the Bible, just one verse at a time. 

You don't have to memorize whole books of the Bible, although some may choose to do so. Just memorize a verse or two a day, or one verse a week and by the end of the year you will have filled your mind with 52 verses from the Word of God, and there is no telling how those verses will impact your daily life.

It is not how you do it that is important, but that you do it.

Want to join me and others as we memorize God's Word. You can begin with 2 Peter 1:3-4, and if you want to know the rest of the verses my friend shared with us, let me know and we will include you on this scriptural adventure.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. Chuck Swindoll writes. “I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing scripture. No other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends! Your prayer life will be strengthened. Your witnessing will be sharper and much more effective. Your attitudes and outlook will begin to change. Your mind will become alert and observant. Your competence and assurance will be enhanced. Your faith will be solidified.” (Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life, P. 61)

Leadership Thought: Who Says Christians Have It All Together?

Dear Friends,

The late great preacher Charles Spurgeon once said "Fellowship is knowing and being known. It is a natural sharing of our inner identities."

God wills that we should know each other. Why is that true? Because there’s a broken heart in every pew. We all have needs, and God calls us to be available to respond to one another's needs.

We really do need each other. There will be times when I have a happy heart and out of the fullness of my joy, I will minister to the one with a heavy heart. However, there will also be times when I have a heavy heart and my brother or sister will minister to me out of the fullness of their happy heart.

Paul tells we are "to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).

It is not always comfortable to admit our needs to one another, but honesty and transparency is needed for relationships to grow.

A few years I talked with a friend who told me how uncomfortable she was when we broke into small groups. The person indicated that all she wanted to hear the word, and she didn’t like breaking into groups where people would share their needs with one another. You may feel the same way.

And while I understand the heart behind such sentiments, I don’t agree with this kind of thinking as it is not completely scriptural. As believers we are exhorted to "pray for one another," but how can I pray for you, and how can you pray for me, if we don’t know the needs that we carry in our hearts . Relationships grow in the climate of honesty, and this may mean that you and I have to be open and vulnerable. It may mean we have to get out of our comfort zones.

I am reminded of a well known who headed up a large Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. His name was Bruce Thielman, and he has since gone home to be with the Lord. I will never forget the story he told at a pastor's conference.

He related how when he was a bachelor fresh out of seminary and serving his first church in Glendale California, he was lonely and needed someone with whom to talk. He did everything in his power to find fellowship with some other pastors in his area. He called one after another, and when he would suggest getting together for lunch, the pastors would look at their appointment books and reply,  "I can give you some time in a couple of weeks." All the pastors he called were just too busy to meet right away. Finally, out of desperation, he called one guy and said, "Look, I have got to talk with somebody, and I have to talk right now." 

The other guy was quiet, hesitating to immediately respond, and then he finally said, "All right, I can meet, and so they met at a restaurant and Bruce poured out his heart to the pastor, sharing the deep pain of his loneliness.

The pastor listened and then responded, "Bruce the reason I was hesitant to say yes to having lunch with you when you called the other day was because last night I came home and found my wife in the arms of another man." And the two of them just sat there in that restaurant holding hands as they poured out their tears before one another. 

Where do we ever get the idea that Christians have it all together? That is a lie straight from the pit of hell. If anyone should know that we don’t have it all together and that we are sinners and yet sinners saved by the grace of God, it should be us. We should be numbered among those who can be honest enough to face and admit our needs, and our failures because we know that we have a brother or sister who loves us and will pray for us.

One of the most subtle sins of all is the idea that we don’t need each other. I need you and you need me and together we are called to serve one another. Yes, such ministry can be painful, and at times embarrassing, but the only way we can thrive and survive as believers is for us to be available for one another and for our communication to be honest, open and transparent. Yes, we need each other, we really do!

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom