“A Sad Conversation I Had with a Member of the Church”

Dear Friends,

One of the great disappointments most every pastor faces is seeing good people leave the church. Now while I know the church is not perfect and it can’t always be everything to everyone, a sense of personal failure often creeps in as you wonder what I or the church could have done better to prevent the person from departing.

There will always be times when, for whatever reason, people just fail to fit in a church. Sometimes it may be the fault of the pastor and or the congregation and sometimes it may be the fault of the persons leaving, and frequently it may be a combination of both.

Having said this, I confess I am one who desires to see every single person walking through the doors of the church find a home where he/she fits in, is excited, and can thrive in the midst of a loving and embracing fellowship of people who are seeking to grow in their friendship with Jesus and with each other. Call it community, or fellowship or “koinonia” as the New Testament Greek word expresses it. Whatever name you give it, the word is the super glue that binds people together in one family.

And the main ingredient in that super glue is love, love for Jesus, and love for one another. And that love was not passive; it was an active, seeking, searching, and unselfish kind of love that created a kind of community that amazed those on the outside.

Dr. Luke describes it this way in Acts 2:42, 44, 46-47. “They devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Every day they continued to meet together . . . they broke bread in their homes and ate together . . . and the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

A few years ago, I talked with someone who had chosen to isolate herself from church involvement. She expressed that she was unhappy with life and that recently her life had been filled with a number of disappointments. She also acknowledged that she no longer had much personal involvement with anyone in the church. On several occasions I had sought to involve her in a ministry where she would be connected with other people, and on both occasions, she declined saying she was just not ready and just not interested. I felt sad for this person, but unless and until she becomes willing to engage with people, the chances are good that she will continue to grow more and more dissatisfied with her life.

We need each other. We need to be involved with others. We need to work together, serve together, worship together, and spend time together. We are exhorted in Scriptures to bear each other’s burdens, love one another, serve one another, pray for one another, encourage one another, and we can’t do this effectively if we are living in isolation from one another.

We as leaders are always looking for ways to connect those in the body. We desire to do everything we can to foster community, whether through small groups, work days, fellowship breakfasts, Sunday school classes, or fellowship time following services, for we know that when people get together, church ministry not only takes place but relationships are formed and friendships are born, and in the process hurts are often healed and new life is fashioned.

If you are one of those who has chosen to function exclusively as a consumer of what the church offers, I challenge you to risk jumping in and getting involved in some group, or class, or project. If you are comfortable coming to church each Sunday, enjoying worship, only to scoot home as quickly as you came, I suggest that you may not only be cheating the church of the gifts you have to offer, but you, may be cheating yourself of the joy that comes from serving alongside of one another.

As I close, let me provide an option for serving for those of you who might be willing to venture into ministry.  Our fellowship hour following services continues to grow, and we need to help support those few who have been responsible for serving us. How about volunteering to be one of those who help in the set up and clean up for our Sunday morning Fellowship time? If you want more specifics as to how you can become involved, drop me an e-mail, and I will happily provide you more information. I think I can promise that you will be glad you did.

Yours in faith and friendship.

Pastor Tom

tom@nmbchurch.org

P.S. “Be united with other Christians. A wall with loose bricks must be cemented together. “Corrie Ten Boom.

Change, The Difficulty of Waiting For Change

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:1-3

Dear Family,

“The hardest part of faith is often simply to wait. And the trouble is, if we don’t, then we start to fix the problem ourselves-and that makes it worse. We complicate the situation to the point where it takes God much longer to fix it than if we had quietly waited for His working in the first place,” so writes Jim Cymbala, in his book Fresh Faith, p 111

Anyone who has worked with alcoholics knows that all of your efforts are for naught, if the alcoholic is not ready to change. This is true in relationships as well. One cannot change the other person by any exercise of the will if the person is not willing to change. Change generally cannot be forced if it is to be permanent in nature. A person may be pressured to change for a season, but more often than not, that person will revert back to the same familiar pattern of behavior if the motivation for change does not come from within.  As someone once said, “Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and you’ll understand what little chance you have of trying to change others”.

So what is the solution to that marriage partner that who so desperately wants to see change in the life of her spouse? What about those parents with an alcoholic child who want to rescue him or try and change him? The answer is wait and pray.

Waiting is hard. Most of us prefer to fix things ourselves, but if you are like me, anything I fix doesn’t stay fixed very long. Just ask my wife, Jean. The solution is to do as David did: wait. Things were not going very well for him. We are not sure what the circumstances were, but he is in the pits. But it was while he was stuck in the mire that he learned a very valuable lesson in ‘patient waiting’ for he testifies, “I waited patiently for the Lord,” (Psalm 40:1).

Instead of taking matters into his own hands and despairing of anyone, including God to help him, David learned the lesson of patient waiting. He was willing to let God work out His plan in His time according to His purpose. So instead of trying to arrange his own solution, which so many of us are tempted to do, David just waited and trusted the Lord to provide. And you know what? God did just that.

Chuck Swindoll talks about waiting as “compassion in slow motion,” when he describes how hard it is to avoid trying to rescue someone from sinful, destructive behavior. He writes “There are times (not always, but often) when the better part of wisdom retrains us from barging in and trying to make someone accept our help. The time isn’t right, so we wait . . . The Lord would love to piece together the shattered fragments of (that) life. But he is waiting . . . graciously waiting until the time is right. Until (one) is tired of the life (he is) living, until (they see) it for what it really is…until (they recognize their need for Him”). The Finishing Touch, p. 214.

In Psalm 40, David received a number of benefits from his waiting, and so can you and I. God lifted him out of his despair, set his feet on firm ground, steadied his walk and gave him a new purpose. That was good news for David, and that will be good news for you, my brother or sister, as you struggle in that war of waiting. He will “put a new song in (your) mouth, a hymn of praise to (your) God.” Psalm 40:3

On a lighter note on the subject of change, it was Mark Twain who reportedly said the only one who likes change is a wet baby,” and he was probably right.

Yours in faith,

Pastor Tom

Spring Sports and Sunday Church

Dear Friends, 

As a former college athlete, father of a college athlete, and a director of athletics for 8 years at a Christian School in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, I have always been immersed in the athletic world.  As a dad and pastor, I have had to navigate through the often-sticky challenge of balancing athletic involvement with church commitment, and I know many of you are currently dealing with the same tensions.  How does one resolve the pull between sports’ involvement and the desire to cultivate your child’s spiritual development?  The following article is a well written response to the tension so many of us have felt, as we have tried to balance the two conflicting activities.  If you are one of those parents who has had to address this challenge, I would strongly encourage you to read the following article.

I would also encourage you to share with me your personal stories of how you have addressed the tension between the two.  Send your responses to me: tom@nmbchurch.org and I will consider using your comments in future follow up on this very subject.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom.

SPRING SPORTS AND SUNDAY CHURCH

BY: TONY REINKE

FIVE SUGGESTIONS:

Serious athletes surround Mary Kassian, a celebrated ‎‎author‎‎ and ‎‎speaker‎‎, and co-founder of the True Woman Movement.‎

‎Her father-in-law played professional ice hockey for the Canadian National Team. Her three sons are all accomplished athletes, two in hockey and one in volleyball. One of her sons, Matt, is a former NHL hockey player. Mary’s husband, Brent, is a bi-vocational pastor and serves as an Athletes in Action chaplain for pro football and soccer teams in Canada. He also works as director of a physical therapy sports medicine rehab center. With so many sports connections, Mary says, “We have professional athletes through our home all the time.”‎

‎With decades of experience, Mary is conversant with the amateur athletic world (as well as the professional), so I value her wisdom in helping parents navigate the high-pressure, specialized world of youth sports. In anticipation of the upcoming spring and summer seasons, I asked Mary Kassian questions about the costs of team sports, the value of travel teams, and the tensions that come along with sports and church attendance.‎

‎Kid-Driven?‎

‎The first area of caution she offers is a check on parental drive. Are the athletic aspirations driven by the child? Or are they driven by mom and dad? She’s concerned about kids who carry the vicarious ambitions of parents who take amateur sports too far, too fast.‎

‎“I fear we push our children to be far too busy, and to specialize far too early, and to commit far too much time. And it can be parent-driven, rather than driven by a parent discerning a child’s natural bent and inclination and abilities.”‎

‎Before long, kids grow weary of the over-specialized sport.‎

‎“I’ve seen 13- and 14-year-old boys burned out by a sport, and sick of it. Or they feel that they need to excel at it in order to please their parents, and their parents have communicated that their worth and value are wrapped up in how well they do at a particular sport. They get to high school and they’ve already had so much of it, they don’t enjoy it anymore.”‎

‎But obviously a lot of sports are driven by the aspiration of the child, which raises questions about the cost of the sport on the family.‎

‎Weighing the Costs‎

‎As sports specialize and demand year-round practices or training, the costs add up quickly. The price tag is a huge consideration, an expense some families attempt to justify because of potential college scholarships. “Given all these team costs — training, registration, travel, hotels, equipment — the amount of money that you pour into sports to get to the level where you’re going to get a scholarship, you could have probably paid for a lot of college tuition by the time your child turn s sixteen,” she says honestly. And that’s no exaggeration, especially compared to the small sliver of high school athletes who land major-college scholarships. ‎

‎But the cost is not only a drain on the budget; it’s also a glut to the schedule. Serious amateur athletics come with intense practice schedules, training, and weekend competitions at distant places of various range. Travel sports is not just a question about Sundays (more on Sundays below); it also may cost a family its summer vacation time together and needed downtime. Summer-sports travel is hardly relaxing, especially when you add in the adrenaline — the wins and thrills, the losses and disappointments. A full schedule of sports tournaments can be a taxing abuse of the summer months.‎

‎Parents must weigh whether a summer without all these demands on their kids is better for everyone. “Whenever you say ‘yes’ to sports, you must say ‘no’ to other options,” she says. Sports commitments always come with a price. “Often that means saying ‘no’ to giving your child the time and space to simply run around in a field till their feet turn green, or time to kick back and enjoy a childhood that’s not regimented and scheduled.”‎

‎Team Travel on Mission‎

‎But good reasons remain to take up spring and summer athletics. Travel teams provide missional opportunities for us to enter the lives of other families and athletes in ways often not otherwise possible. Sitting in the stands with the same families offers new opportunities. “Everything we do is missional, or ought to be,” Mary says. “So when we’re sitting in the stands with parents, or doing team fundraisers, and the weekend travel — in all of this, you invest a concentrated amount of time with people in a way that you will not spend time with people again in your life.”‎

‎Even without mentioning the potential of Christian athletic coaches, simply being the parent of a child on a travel team can push us into the lives of people we otherwise would not know. Travel sports can “take our families out of the Christian bubble, into the real world, and into people’s lives, and into the broken places of what those people’s lives are really like,” she says. “You need to take that into account when you’re making your decisions, because it definitely is an amazing, concentrated season for sharing the gospel, for displaying your faith, and for just being present and ministering to people where they’re at in terms of their needs. I still have friends from those sports years — hockey-mom friends and volleyball-mom friends. We spent so much time together in the stands, that we’ve remained friends over the years.”‎

‎Christian Life on Display‎

‎Sports can be a place to share life together with others. To be real. With the pressures of travel sports, sports tournaments compress life and raise the stakes for kids — and for parents.‎

‎“All the emotions in your own heart come out when you’re watching your own son or daughter treated unfairly. These pressures really bring out what’s on the inside of the heart. I’ve seen Christian parents — and I’ve been the Christian parent that’s fumbled the opportunity at times — getting so caught up in the game, and wanting your child to excel, and to do well, that you lose sight of greater, bigger, more important things.”‎

‎“You don’t have to be a ‘perfect Christian,’” Mary reiterates in these moments. “These are great opportunities to show what you do when you mess up. It provides opportunities to confess to the other parents and to say: ‘You know, it was wrong for me to lose it like that at the ref, and I’m really sorry. And I ask your forgiveness, because I’m sure it was offensive to you as well.’ These are gospel opportunities to be a ‎‎real Christian‎‎ who admits their sins and to be transparent in a way that many families would never otherwise see.”‎

‎Five Ways to Navigate Sundays‎

‎With the potential of amateur sports, we come back to the question of weekend games and travel sports. How do you balance the demands of travel sports with the priority of the weekly gathering of the local church? ‎

‎For the Kassians, the question was amplified with Brent serving as a pastor every Sunday. They had to get creative and think about youth athletics in ways that could balance the unresolvable tensions. ‎

‎1. Consider a rec league with fewer demands.‎

‎Mary says that parents can step back and consider whether playing recreational league sports is better than higher level sports, which require more travel. “Our son Matt got to the NHL in a way that was really unusual. Because Brent was pastoring at the time, it wasn’t until our oldest son started driving that we could consider higher-level leagues that required significant travel. Our son never attended summer hockey camps. He never went to the developmental programs. Yet he had a lot of natural athletic ability that he developed by playing lots of different sports — baseball, basketball, and football.” All locally.‎

‎2. Weigh the specific costs with each team.‎

‎Parents should go into any sport or team with an up-front knowledge of the cost in terms of practice time and travel. Mary stresses this point. “Even when you’re in grade school, some of the commitment levels that are required are astronomical. Never commit to a team blindly. Ask, Is this team commitment going to cost us five Sundays at church? Eight Sundays? Twelve Sundays?” Be realistic up front.‎

‎3. Embrace the consequences of missing practices or games.‎

‎Consider absorbing the consequences of missing sports on Sunday. Even the recreational league featured Sunday practices, and this posed a problem. “Because it was a rec level, we felt free to tell the coach that we were going to miss some Sundays,” Mary says. “There were times when we went to church and missed hockey practice, and that meant that our son was sitting out the next game.” The consequences were worth it.‎

‎4. Find creative ways to prioritize church attendance.‎

‎You may have some flexibility with church. For those who are not pastors, “If you have a Sunday morning game, see if you can attend church on Saturday night. And maybe you go to church on Saturday night in another city as you travel. Or, if a game is at noon, there may be time to go to church first.”‎

‎5. Draw your child into the conversation.‎

‎Maybe most importantly, before you make any decision about Sunday morning sports, and before missing church because of travel, bring your child into the tensions.‎

‎“Your child will sense what is most important to you. So I think it’s really valuable for a child to watch his or her parents wrestle with keeping Jesus at the forefront, making the planets of our lives revolve around the sun of Christ at the center. Let them know that whatever we decide in the end, they should see a parent wrestle with the tension, asking, ‘You know what, this team is a really great opportunity, but missing church is hard, and we must pray about the costs and the opportunities.’” ‎

‎There’s a teaching moment here for our kids, educating them on the family’s greatest priority. “The bottom line about these hard church questions,” Mary says, “is that we don’t have pat answers or easy formulas. I think you can have a professional athlete, who must play on Sundays, who upholds Christ as supreme. It can be done.” Yes, and when appropriate, we can work that logic back into youth athletics, too.‎

‎Athletic Idols‎

‎In this conversation, there’s no doubt that amateur athletics have claimed a central place in the pantheon of our culture’s false gods, and youth athletics is a further subset of the idolization of children. A Sunday morning drive past any youth sports fields will show just how far-reaching these idols have become in our culture. ‎

‎“Athletics is such a competing god,” Mary says soberly. “I think that it’s so critical that the parents are always checking their own hearts. I needed to check my heart through our process. Where are you drawing your identity? Where are you drawing your sense of meaning? What is in your heart? If this were to end tomorrow, what would be left in terms of your sense of wholeness, and well-being, and who you are? Are you drawing that from the Lord? Is hockey a bigger delight for me than God is? I asked my son to wrestle with that question on an ongoing basis, too.”‎

‎For Christian parents, the questions over teams and leagues and travel opportunities require a lot of humble wisdom and prayer — exposing our motives, evaluating the missional potential, and reaffirming the family’s love for the local church. Given our culture’s love of amateur athletics, and the increasing specialization of these sports, these questions will only become more complex for us and for our kids, requiring greater wisdom — which is what our Father is eager to give us when we come to him in faith (‎‎James 1:5–6‎‎).‎

‎

‎‎

‎

Featured Stars at New Monmouth Baptist Front and Center

Dear Church Family,

What an exhilarating time we spent last week, as we worshiped together and witnessed the baptism and testimonies of our new members. The church was packed and there was an incredible spirit of love throughout the sanctuary. As elder John O’Neill stated, “my tie was wet with tears of joy, as I listened to the remarkable testimonies of those who stepped forward to join the church.” John’s charge to the congregation along with Gary Steidl’s closing remarks, coupled with Bill Roberts’ prayer were all a reminder of how blessed we are to have such mature and committed church leaders, as we continue to move forward into the future.

It happened. I have been encouraging people to go the extra mile in greeting and welcoming people, and Chris and Tanuja Kailas did just that. When a new visitor came, Chris escorted her over to sit with Tanuja, so that she would feel more comfortable worshiping in a church for the first time. Chris and Tanuja, thanks for your great example. 

When you see a visitor, especially one who is here for the first time, don’t just say hi, greet them with a handshake or a hug, but go the extra mile. Ask them if they would like to sit with you and then spend some time after the service getting to know them.

Vanessa Briggs’ elementary school teacher visited us on Sunday, thanks to Vanessa’s continued encouragement to her to visit. She had grown disenchanted with her church, and she was finally ready to venture out to church again. I sat with her in the Family Ministry Center and was blessed to learn of her relationship with Vanessa, and how that relationship resulted in her presence and her decision to worship with us in the future. 

When was the last time you invited someone to church? The sign of a growing church is seen in the number of people being invited to worship each Sunday. Don’t give up after one effort, but keep asking, keep inviting, and keep praying.

I was so blessed this past Saturday our combined men’s and women’s fellowship program with Scott Fritz and Joe Gratzel, who addressed the subject of suicide. Around 75 people, both young and old, were present for an outstanding presentation, but highlighting the day for me was the music presentation by our talented young people. They sang three selections and their contribution was the highlight of my day. Thank you Mark Best for encouraging and pouring your life into these young people. I feel confident that if they stay together they will one day be using their gifts to bless other churches and other ministries. They are a terrifically talented group.

The newly formed deacon board has been meeting for the last three months and they are presently engaged in a calling and visiting ministry. Teddie O’Neill recently spoke at our monthly meeting, providing training on hospital and home visitation, and each of our new deacons are now stepping out of their comfort zones to reach out to a number of people in our church.

I can’t wait for you to see our new welcome area. Not new in the sense of just built, but new in the sense of being refreshed and updated with a special woman’s touch. You will see new wall hangings, posters, tract racks, all of which are a present reminder of our commitment to welcoming new visitors. Thanks Erin Nicastro for your special “welcoming touch.” Thanks also to all of the Welcome Table volunteers, who each week serve behind the welcome table, helping to make new visitors feel so very much at home

I am encouraged by the increased number on our worship team. Thanks Walt Graczyk for your efforts to recruit new people, both young and old, to this ministry. Just two Sundays ago four of our young people were upfront playing drums, guitar and keyboard along with our adult worship team members.

Every week, we are blessed to have a number of U Turn for Christ members on campus to help address all kinds of facility needs. U Turn for Christ is an addiction ministry with a spiritual component designed to help men find recovery through Jesus. Each week, we have the opportunity to pour into their lives through lunch and a devotional we share. They are a great resource, as they share their time and expertise to help maintain our facilities. Of late, they have done a lot of painting in the downstairs kitchen area. They work under the able oversight of Dennis Durant. Our intentions are to renovate the downstairs kitchen area and plans are now being made for new carpet, new lighting and a new stove.

Thanks to Donna Bisgrove, who once again helped provide a beautiful array of Easter Lilies up front, as we celebrated Easter with the largest attendance we have had in a number of years. 

Thanks also to our custodian Evie Best who is the premier church custodian. I often tell her that she maintains the cleanest facilities of any church I have ever visited. Many first-time visitors will judge a church, not by the sermons, but by the spotlessness of the facilities, especially the bathrooms. No need to worry about that with Mrs. Evie, for our bathrooms, and all our church facilities are immaculate, thanks to her conscientious attention.

Also kudos to Eileen Thomas and Karen Bottari, along with a host of other weekly volunteers who set up such and clean up for our Family Fellowship time on Sundays following the service. We are presently looking for volunteers to help share in this ministry, and if you would be willing to help with set-up and clean-up once every two months, please speak to either one of them. And by the way, if you haven’t visited the Family Ministry Center of late, you need to. You will be amazed at the number of people who congregate following services. There is no better time or place to meet and greet new people.  

I could go on and on extolling the various ministries here at New Monmouth Baptist Church. Suffice is to say, we are blessed by these and so many others who have stepped up to use their gifts in the service of Christ. A growing church is one where there is no “unemployment”. So, if you are currently unemployed and looking for work there are ministry needs available, so why not speak to one or our pastoral staff. I think you will be glad you did.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Do You Want To Become Rich? Here's the Secret!

When someone asks you the question, would you like to become rich, most of us get excited, as we start thinking about land, houses, cars and the stuff of life that we have always wanted but could never afford. But I am not talking about the green stuff. I am talking about another commodity; it’s called relationships. The richest people in the world are not those who have the greatest wealth. No the richest people in the world are those who have the greatest wealth of friends. These friends are those who love you, care for you, encourage you and add value to your life. 

What’s the secret to this kind of wealth? It is simple. Just commit to making one new friend every month. Find that person, get to know them, ask them questions, do something with them and then at the end of the year, you will have twelve new friends. If you do this, you will quickly become one of the richest people in the world.

And remember in making friends “The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Suicide: The Awful Temptation and Some Thoughts Regarding It.

Dear Friends,

I will never forget the phone conversation, it was 2003 and I had with a good friend whose daughter had just committed suicide. He told me that he walked into her room to say good morning, only to discover to his horror that his 15-year-old daughter was hanging lifeless with a rope tied around her neck. With everything to live for, this young girl, who was involved in two Christian youth groups and who was an aspiring singer, who had only a few days before had led worship for one of the groups, had cone the unthinkable.  She had taken her life. There was no note, no explanation, no warning signs.

Stephanie’s mom and dad were counted among my closest friends. Scott had been a part of the leadership team at the Presbyterian Church in Red Bank, where I had pastored, and in spite of our deep friendship, I found myself struggling for words, as I talked with him by phone from Fort Lauderdale, where I was now pastoring. All I could do was listen and cry, and in retrospect I learned that this was probably the best ministry I could have provided at such a time. This was not the time for simple solutions nor easy explanations. It was the time to listen, and feel the heartache of my brother in the faith.

I immediately flew to New Jersey to be with the family and to attend Stephanie’s funeral. The church was packed, and as I sat there in the midst of that congregation, I found myself asking what would make a young person with so much going for her reach a point of such despair that she would willingly choose to check out of life.

Just this morning, I again read Scott’s wonderful funeral tribute to Stephanie, and as I did the same emotions I felt 15 years ago rushed over me. The suicide of a child has got to be the most horrendous experience a parent could ever have to suffer.

Sadly, suicide has reach epidemic proportions in our nation. Once every minute there is someone who will try to hurry their appointment with death. There are 24% more deaths by suicide than by murder. Every day seventy Americans take their own lives, nearly three and hour. For American teenagers, it is the number 2 cause of death. The suicide rate for Americans under thirty has increased 300 percent the last decade. Usually suicide victims leave clues of their intention. Four out of five people who do commit suicide have tried it previously, so when it is attempted and is unsuccessful there is a good chance that it will be tried again. The Finishing Touch, Charles Swindoll, pp 240-41

A number of years ago, I filed away an article by Mark Littleton titled “Suicide: The Awful Temptation.” It was a helpful article for me to re-read, as I thought about the Suicide Awareness program, which we will be offering this Saturday as a part of our combined men’s’ and women’s fellowship, which I hope you all are planning to attend. Breakfast begins at 9:00 am, and I hope you will invite your friends and family members to hear my friend Scott share what he has learned about suicide since the death of his daughter. Scott now travels all across the country working with schools, organizations, and political groups seeking to educate them on how to address this crises in our nation.

In Littleton’s article, he shares the following thoughts to consider as you confront one tempted to take his/her life.

1. Make a pact. This is a personal promise that the suicidal can call anywhere, at any time, when despair has driven him to the brink. Even if he only wants to say goodbye and end the pact, it can help.

2. Provide relief from depression. This usually involves giving time to the suicidal, doing something to take his mind off himself. This might involve taking the person out to dinner, to a ball game, or someplace where there is an opportunity for interaction.

3. Encourage every effort and cry over each defeat. Paul instructs us “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15

4. Instill a sense of value. Some verses that you might turn to are: Psalm 139:1-16, Romans 8:29, 2 Corinthians 5:1, Philippians 1:6, 1 Corinthians 10:13, and Psalm 55:22. Keep in mind, however, that God primarily demonstrates His love through others. Words, deeds, and little acts of caring strengthen sagging self-images. The Lord Jesus said that even a cup of water will not be forgotten.

5. Love unconditionally. This can’t be something done to get the right reaction. The suicidal feels no one cares, and when someone communicates, “I’ll tell him I love him and that’ll do the trick,” the suicidal reasons that he’s not really loved and that you just want everything back to normal. The person needs sincere and constant expressions of love. “Moody Monthly, Mark Littleton, February 1982, pp 115-16.

What do you look for to determine if a person is suicidal? Here are some, but not all of the symptoms you might see. You may observe deep depression, physical symptoms such as talk about suicide, a sudden change in personality, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, decreased sexual drive, drastic weight loss, and repeated exhaustion. Be cognizant of actual attempts, and crisis situations like the death of a loved one, failure at school, loss of job or marital or home problems, and a lengthy or terminal illness. If you see any of these signs, it is important that you consult your physician or ask the advice of someone in the counseling field. Above all never ignore the seriousness of one talking about suicide. The common denominator for most suicides includes a sense of worthlessness, failure, loneliness and self-hate. 

Let me close with a story author John Pollock tells about the great missionary Hudson Taylor. Taylor, he says, became so low he wanted to die. He was so despondent that he had the awful temptation . . . even to end his own life . . . But his wife Maria stood between Hudson and suicide. Pollock goes on to say that “the one human factor still stable in his disintegrating world was their love. It hadn’t worn off or worn out.”

Jesus Christ loved Hudson Taylor through his wife, and that love sustained him. Ask God to show you how to unconditionally love the suicidal. It may be the one thing standing between them and “the awful temptation”.

Yours in faith and fellowship,

Pastor Tom

P.S. See you this Saturday, 9:00 am, in the FMC for an important lesson on this important subject of suicide led by Scott Fritz and Joe Gratzel.