Leadership Thought: A Simple Lesson on How to Be Popular.

Dear Friends,

I have been umpiring high school baseball for over 30 years, and over this span of time I have called some good games and some games where I wished I could have had a 'do over.' Umpiring can be a tough, especially in these days when there are so many umpires in the stands who are quick to remind you that they could be calling a much better game. 

But umpiring can also be gratifying, especially those days when you walk off the field and hear those words, "Good job blue," or “You had a good strike zone,” or “we wish you could call all our games. Those words are music to your ears, the kind of words you wish you could hear every time you walk off the field.

Whether you are an umpire or not, all of us long to hear those encouraging words, good job, well done. Everyone does better and feels better when working in an environment of encouragement. It has been said that encouragement is oxygen to the soul, and it is so true. Just as one needs oxygen to breath, everyone needs encouragement to survive.

I love the story of the little boy who said to his dad, "Let's play darts." The dad responded, "How do you want to play?”

The little boy said. “It's simple. I'll throw the darts and you say wonderful,” Everyone loves to hear those words expressing some form of affirmation.

I have never heard anyone tell me they thrive in a constant climate of criticism, an environment where people are always negative and quick to find fault.

Ken Blanchard, a leadership expert has coined the words ‘Management by Walking Around’ that has become a popular leadership expression. Simply put MBWA means wherever you are, always be looking to find someone doing something well and then be quick to reward them with words of encouragement and affirmation.

People will always go farther, work harder and perform better in an environment of encouragement and affirmation.

When you find someone doing something worth rewarding, encourage them publicly while the ‘sweat is still on their brow.’ Let them hear those words. “Great job,” “I’m proud of you,” “I knew you could do it.” Children love to hear those words, but so too doo grownups.

I don’t remember who it was who wrote the following words, but they were important enough for me to memorize them. “Flatter me and I may not believe you, criticize me and I may not like you, ignore me and I will never forgive you, but encourage me and I will never forget you.”

Would you like to be unforgettable? I know you would, and it is so easy to do.  Just reward people every time you see them doing something positive. And do you know what will happen? Every time they see you coming, they will be looking for ways to do something that will elicit your affirmation.

Don’t be ‘tombstone encouragers,’ those who never get to say the good things about someone until there is a tombstone over their head.

One of my favorite verses, and one I memorized long ago are from the pen of the Apostle Paul who said, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Eph 4:29).

Today let me challenge you to find someone you can encourage. Pick up the phone and make a call and let the person know you were thinking of and praying for them. Drop someone a note, of share a word of thanks for the one behind the register at the store, or the one who pumps your gas, or delivers your mail. You will make two people feel good, yourself and the one you bless with your kind and encouraging words.

Yours in faith and friendship

Tom

P.S. "People may forget what you said, or what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou 

Leadership Thought: It's Not What You Know That's Important, It's What You Can Learn.

Dear Friends,

"The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant." These wise words came from Max DePree, the former chairman and CEO of Herman Miller, Inc, the furniture maker that was once named one of Fortune magazine's 10 best managed and most innovative companies.

Today I still member De Pree's book The Art of Leadership which I read over two decades ago while on a cruise with my wife and family. Few books on leadership have impacted me more than this one. The fact that I still remember the time I read it after so many years is a testimony to the impact it had on me.

One of the key aspects of De Pree's leadership involved a principle he learned from his father. It was called 'the rule of abandoning oneself to the strengths of others'. His father was always open to the ideas and suggestions of others. He cultivated the kind of relationships with his employees that made them feel that their input was not only welcome but encouraged. He knew that he could learn from the experts, but he was far more interested in learning from the rank and file. They were the ones who knew the company best, and who were in the best position to recommend the kind of suggestions that would strengthen the company. He introduced the Scanlon Plan, a plan by which workers made suggestions to management for ways to improve such things as customer service, quality, and productivity. In 1987-88 Herman Miller employees made suggestions that led to cost savings of some $12 million dollars.

Regardless of your position, I believe this principle of 'abandoning oneself to the strengths of others' has significant implications for those in any form of leadership. The best leaders, administrators, coaches, teachers, pastors, and yes, even parents, are generally the ones that are open to the possibility that they might learn something from the suggestions of others. They are not so arrogant to think that they have all the answers and can never learn from those with whom they work.

Some of the most valuable lessons I have learned as a parent, coach, teacher and pastor have come from those times when I was willing to 'abandon myself to the strengths of others.' Such learning can provide a valuable dimension to one's growth. If we think we know it all, and that those we work with can't teach us anything, we are indeed foolish.

The legendary basketball coach John Wooden was fond of saying, "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

The late R. C. Sproul, who was one of the great intellectual theological scholars of his time, was giving a heavy lecture to a group of his students. One of them raised his hand and asked a very complicated question. Dr. Sproul smiled and said, "The answer to that is very simple, I don't know." 

Those who are willing to confess that they don't know it all, are the ones who are most teachable. God is not looking for those who profess to know it all. He is looking for those who are willing to be quiet and ready to listen and learn from others. 

And oh yes, don't forget, "The wise are glad to be instructed, but babbling fools fall flat on their faces." (Proverbs 10:6, The Living Bible).

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: A Lesson Learned at Last Night’s Deacons' Meeting.

Dear Friends,

Last night at our Deacon’s meeting, we commenced our time together with a conversation on what it means to be a servant, a quality that one would hope all who were present would possess.   

The chapter we had been asked to read from the book we are studying, Deacons, How They Serve and Strengthen the Church, by Matt Smethurst was addressing the most important quality that every deacon should hopefully possess: a servant’s spirit

The author was quoting Tim Keller who was describing the last meal Jesus spent with his disciples. 

“Jesus served despite the unworthiness of the disciples. Notice John's reminder that Jesus knew the betrayer was present at his last meeting with his disciples (John 13: 2, 10). Jesus saw them all- betrayer, one denier, all forsakers! When he needed them most, they would leave him. One of those sets of feet was dirty and sore from an errand that arranged for his torture and death. What did Jesus do, he washed those feet” (p. 124)

What a stark reminder our Lord has left us of what it means to be a servant. We are to be his 'foot washers.' 

Fulfilling the role of a servant will never be easy. It will often be painful, and thus easily avoided by even those possessing the best of intentions.

A businessman asked a friend, “How do you know if you are a servant.” Wisely, his friend, replied, “By the way you respond when you are treated like one.”

In our ensuing discussion we all agreed it is much easier to act like a servant when we can choose the time and condition of our service, but it is much harder to reflect a servant’s spirit when someone asks or demands our time and place of service.

One of the greatest servants I wished I could have met is a little boy named Chad, who Chuck Swindoll describes in his book Improving your Serve.

“Little Chad was a shy, quiet young fellow. One day he came home and told his mother, he'd like to make a Valentine for everyone in his class. Her heart sank. She thought, ‘I wish he wouldn't do that!’

She was used to watching the children when they walked home from school. Her Chad was always behind them. They laughed and hung onto each other and talked to each other, but Chad was never included.

Nevertheless, she decided she would go along with her son. So, she purchased the paper and glue and crayons. For three whole days, night after night, Chad painstakingly made 35 Valentine's.

Valentine's Day dawned, and Chad was beside himself with excitement! He carefully stacked them up, put them in a bag, and boldly bolted out the door.

His mom decided to bake him his favorite cookies and serve them up warm and nice with a cool glass of milk when he came home from school. She just knew he would be disappointed...... maybe that would ease his pain a little. It hurt her to think that he wouldn't get many Valentines’ - maybe none at all.

That afternoon she had the cookies and milk on the table. When she heard the children outside, she looked out the window. Sure enough, here they came, laughing and having the best time, and, as always, there was Chad in the rear. He walked a little faster than usual. She fully expected him to burst into tears, as soon as he got inside.

His arms were empty, she noticed, and when the door opened, she choked back her tears.

‘Mommy has some warm cookies and milk for you.’ But he hardly heard her words. He marched right on by his face aglow, and all he could say was, 'not a one... not a one.’ Her heart sank.

And then he added, ‘I didn't forget a one, not a single one!’"

Each time I recall this little story I find myself thinking, I wish I could be like Chad, and yet I have such a long way to go to possess his servant’s heart.

Servanthood starts in the mind, with a simple prayer of three words: “Change me, Lord.” That's my prayer for today, and I hope it's yours as well.

As I close, I suggest we be reminded of those words of Jesus, who said, “I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.” (John 13: 15)

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. The call to be a servant has no expiration date for our status as servants never ends. Deacons, How They Serve and Strengthen the Church, Matt Smethurst p, 127 (Paraphrase) 

Leadership Thought: My Book on Encouragement Finally Published but Not Quite the Way I Had Expected.

Dear Friends,

For many years I have had a goal of writing a book on encouragement. I started 15 years ago and had written half the book, but that was as far as I got. I put the book on the back burner, unable to find the time needed to complete it. Much to my surprise, however, I discovered that the book had already been published, but just in a much different format than I had anticipated.

The book, When You Need Encouragement, (Leadership Lessons from the Coach) was recently published and presented to me as a surprise gift at a recent small group Bible study in which I am involved. And not only was this book presented to me, but it also came with 15 other paperback books on subjects including, When You Need: patience, forgiveness, laughter, wisdom, endurance, success, faith, purpose, hope, self-control, prayer, to take action, love, friendship, and justice.

Let me explain. The same friend who months ago completely surprised me by putting together a 600-page book on the subject of leadership, The Home Run, Leadership Lessons from the Coach, a compilation of devotionals I had written over the past couple of years, surprised me again with the publication of a series of 16 individual paperback books titled When You Need…, and included in that series was a book When You Need Encouragement.

My friend Dan Brennan had taken almost 70 messages I had written over the years about encouragement and had them published under the title When You Need Encouragement.

It wasn’t quite the book on encouragement that I started a number of years ago and had been planning to complete, but it was certainly a time saving substitute. And not only did he surprise me and those members in our small group with this book on encouragement, but he also presented me with an additional 15 other paperback books in a series of When You Need…including books on: Patience, Faith, Wisdom, Endurance, Love, Friendship, Success, Purpose, and seven other topics.

I continue to be overwhelmed by Dan’s love, support and encouragement and I am amazed that he secretly found time to complete the project while working a very demanding full-time job.

I have received a number of special gifts over the 50 plus years of my ministry, but none greater than this legacy of love produced by this friend and church elder.

All these books, including The Home Run, Leadership Lessons from a Coach, are available on Kindle by going to Amazon and typing in the title and my name.

At the top of the list, and the book for which I will be most grateful is the book I began writing many years ago, but which was finally completed, albeit in a little different way than I had expected.

I hope you will check out on Amazon When You Need Encouragement, and any of the others above mentioned and let me know what you think.

Writing can be a rewarding but tedious undertaking, but it is a lot easier when you have a good friend like Dan Brennan who does much of the work for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: The Greatest Basketball Player I Ever Coached and the Quality That Made Him Successful.

Dear Friends,

Akeem Morissaint was his name, and I will never forget him. He was five feet five inches, and at the most he weighed 150 pounds. He possessed a smile that lit up the room, and he embodied the kind of determination that would make him a success at whatever he chose to do. The first time he entered our school’s gym in Fort Lauderdale, Fl. I could tell there was something special about him. His parents fled from Haiti during one of their many revolutions, and he showed up on Calvary Christian Academy’s doorstep a few weeks after school started, the beneficiary of some money that a family friend provided to pay for his schooling.

His sophomore year he came out for basketball, and immediately I knew he would be a star because he had a work ethic like no other player I had ever coached, He lived 20 miles from school, and every day he took the train, and each morning I would pick him up at 7:00 at the train station, and together we would drive to our gym where I would work with him. He would practice for an hour until the bell for his first class rang. I well remember some of those early morning workouts. Who could forget a player making 25 three pointers or 79 straight foul shots in a row. He played three years for me, and as a senior he made first team all Broward County, joining the likes of three other exceptional players who went on to play at three of the top Division 1 basketball schools in the country.  

Akeem’s lack of size kept him being recruited by major D-1 schools, but his talent and determination didn’t preclude him from getting a scholarship to Northwest Missouri State, a small school where he starred for several years before an injury ended his playing days.

It has been said that “Leadership is influence," and influence is what Akeem possessed. Everyone looked up to this diminutive athlete who proved that size doesn't matter and that if you want something badly enough, you can achieve it regardless of the limitations you might encounter. As team captain, Akeem led as much by example as he did by his ability. His greatest leadership quality was his determination to be an all-star in spite of his limited size.

One of a leader’s greatest assets is the kind determination Akeem possessed, a relentless inner drive that never allows you to quit until your goal is achieved.

I used to constantly remind my players of the word "Dimitt", a word that can’t be found in any dictionary. It is simply an acronym for "Determination is more important than talent." The word "Dimitt" provides a constant reminder to anyone that if you want to be successful in any walk of life, you must possess the quality of determination. And that thought leads me once again to that beautiful office file cabinet where stored away are a couple of quotes that I would leave with you.

“Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit.” Vince Lombardi

“Habit is the daily battleground on which character is formed."

“The secret of success is to start from scratch and keep scratching.”

“She didn’t know it couldn’t be done, but she went ahead and did it anyways.” Bridget McDonald

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent.” President Calvin Coolidge

But perhaps the greatest quote I could leave with you come from the Word of God where we are exhorted "...To not grow weary in doing good for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Gal 6:9), and “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13).

Why not post those verses on your mirror, and who knows what you might achieve? You may not become an all-star on the basketball floor like Akeem, but I am sure you will be an all-star in the Kingdom of God, and what could be a greater reward than that?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: A Simple Plan for Sharing the Gospel.

Dear Friends,

In the early 1970’s while I was pastoring in Philadelphia Pa., I attended one of the most valuable seminars I have ever taken. It was held in Fort Lauderdale, Fl. where 30 years I would later pastor, it was there that I spent a week learning how to share my faith while attending the Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church. The program was called Evangelism Explosion, and it not only impacted my life, but it impacted the life of my church in Philadelphia, where I taught our members how to go into our community and share their faith while witnessing to others.

I still use parts of what I learned in sharing my faith today. The program was predicated on two introductory questions that I would ask people. The first is “Have you come to the place in your spiritual life where you know for certain if you were to die today, you would go to heaven?” And a second follow up question was “Suppose you were to die today, and God were to say to you why should I let you into heaven, what would you say?” The first question helps you know what they believe about heaven, and the second question informs you of what they believe is needed to get there. More often than not, the answer to the second question would be a series of “I” statements. I go to church, I pray, I do good things, I, I, I, … All such answers generally indicate that the person I am witnessing to is depending on the things they have done to earn their way into heaven. At that point, I will sometimes say, “I thought I might have some good news for you when I asked those first two questions but hearing your response, I know I really have some of the greatest good news you will ever hear. Would you mind if I took a few moments to share that news with you”? 

I always ask permission to share with them to determine their willingness and interest, as I don’t want to force my faith on someone who is openly resistant.

I then quote Ephesians 2:8-9, or if I have a Bible with me, I will open it up and ask them to read aloud the passage themselves. “It is by grace you have been saved through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast.”

Most people believe that it is their good works that will get them into heaven when in reality your good works, no matter how good they are, can never save you. These two verses make it clear that your salvation is not by your own works or efforts but only by God's grace (God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense). That expense was Christ’s death, and it is the only good work that will save you. It is only your faith, (your trust in Christ alone) that will save you, “for all your good works are simply dirty rags” (Is. 64:6). Then I will turn to Romans 3:23, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God” and then to Romans 6:23, “The wages of sin is death, but the (free) gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” I also will have them look at Romans 3:10, Rom. 5:8 and Romans 10:9.

Obviously, time does not allow me to do justice to a complete presentation of the gospel, but hopefully this will help you get started on the path to sharing your faith.

If you are interested in learning more, let me know and if there is enough of a response, I will lead a class on “Sharing Your Faith” this fall at New Monmouth.

I close by adding this: There is no greater joy in life that one can receive than being used to lead someone to Christ.

For more information I suggest you google “Have You Heard of the Four Spiritual Laws,” and you will find one of the most effective tracts ever produced for sharing the plan of salvation.”

Have a great weekend,

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Little Things Are Big Things When Done in Love.

Dear Friends,

We have all said or sung those words, "little things mean a lot," words that sprang from a 50’s love song by Kitty Kallen. l recently had the joy of experiencing just how truthful these often-uttered words really are.

While stepping out of the elevator at Riverview Hospital, I witnessed a mother and a daughter in the hall expressing concern over the news they had recently received regarding a doctor's prognosis regarding a family member. The daughter had her arms wrapped around her mother trying to console her. I realized I had a real opportunity for ministry. I commented that I had witnessed their tearful embrace, and I wondered if I could pray for them. They were caught off guard, but quickly the daughter commented how much she would appreciate prayer. I asked them how I could pray, and they briefly related the circumstances of their concern. I prayed for them and their loved one and after a warm embrace I headed for the parking lot, but not before they profusely expressed their gratitude for my taking time to pray with them.

My encounter with them lasted less than a few minutes, but during that time I felt like I was truly being used by God, as I sought to offer sympathy to this grieving mom and daughter. As I reflected on the experience, I was wonderfully reminded that in God's scheme of things "little things do mean a lot." It took only a few moments to minister to this grieving mother and daughter, and yet in that brief time span, I not only brought hope and encouragement to them, but I experienced the joy of knowing that God had used me to make a small difference in two lives.

All too often we tend to under estimate the value of the small things that we do as His servants, but then I discover that it is those small and seemingly insignificant expressions of love, that God has a way of magnifying their value.

A young lad had only a few loaves and fishes to offer Jesus, but from God's perspective when these gifts were placed in His hands, those fish and loaves would be greatly multiplied, and they would satisfy the hungry crowd gathered on that Capernaum hillside. Yes, it is true that "little things really do man a lot" and “those random acts of kindness" when performed in the spirit of Christ's love have a way of being multiplied in value. 

Someone will often ask me, "Tom, do you remember a particular thing I said or did," and when they go on to describe the words or action I will often confess, "No, I don't remember." Then the person will explain how my words or actions impacted their lives, and I am always surprised to discover the impact of those seemingly tiny and insignificant expressions of love.

It  was Mother Teresa who said, "Not all of us can do great things but we can do small things with great love."

So toay and every day,  let’s be on the lookout for those little opportunities to serve, knowing that even the smallest and most insignificant act of kindness  will be multiplied in value when it is done in His love. 

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

P.S. "If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else."

Leadership Thought: Jumping to Conclusions is the Only Exercise Some People Get!

Dear Friends,

We must always be very careful about jumping to conclusions before knowing all the facts. I am reminded of this danger by the following story.

A lady invited several friends to a mushroom steak dinner. When her maid opened a can of mushrooms, she discovered a slight scum on the top. Since the guests were expected momentarily, the lady of the house suggested, “Give the dog a little, and if he eats it, it's probably alright.”

The dog loved it, eagerly begging for more. After the main course was completed, the maid came in to serve the dessert, but her face was ashen white. She whispered into her employer’s ear, “Ma'am, the dogs dead.”

There was only one thing to do, and the lady did it. She informed her guests of the situation and urged them to go the hospital as quickly as they could. The guests all rushed to the hospital to have their stomachs pumped out.

A short while later the host called her maid and asked, “Where's the poor dog now?

“Out on the front steps, ma’am, where he fell after the car hit him.”

Most of us have all been guilty of making hasty decisions without knowing all the facts. We look at a situation, make a quick judgment, only to discover, much to our embarrassment, that we arrived at a faulty conclusion.

The three tribes (Ruben, Gad, and the half tribe of Manasseh) wanted to live east of the Jordan river on land they had already conquered. They wanted to settle there because they had large herds and flocks and the land on the east side of the Jordan was more suitable for raising livestock. (Numbers 32:1)

Moses was angered because he assumed the tribes were simply attempting to avoid helping their fellow Israelites in the military campaign to subdue and settle Canaan on the other side of the river.

But Moses was wrong. His assumptions were faulty because he didn’t possess all the facts.

Let's make sure in dealing with people that we have all the facts before we draw a false conclusion…the kind that leaves egg on our face.

Don't do as Moses did: he didn't take time to seek out all the facts before he drew his conclusion. Don’t always assume that someone's motives are wrong, even if their plan sounds suspicious. First gather all the facts before making a judgement. Doing so can save you a lot of embarrassment.

Years ago, gifts to the Prairie Bible institute of Alberta, Canada, declined from a certain geographical area. At that time the school’s president, Doctor Maxwell, had undergone two operations for cataracts, one on each eye. When a representative of the school was visiting that particular area, he was approached by a donor who asked Dr. Maxwell why he was riding around in two Cadillac’s. Hasty jumping to conclusions had changed the word “cataracts” to “Cadillacs” and caused people to withhold their gifts. You Don't Have to Go It Alone, Leslie B. Flynn, p. 126

As someone has once said, “a person can save himself from many a hard fall by refraining from jumping to conclusions.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Do You Fear Praying in Public?

Dear Friends

If speaking in public is said to be the number 1 fear among people today (snakes are number 2) than I am sure praying in public is a close third. I have been in prayer groups where some people pray little or not at all. Fear of praying in public keeps their lips silent.

In Nehemiah, God’s Builder, professor Richad Seume tells a lesson he learned on prayer while in seminary sitting at the feet of his professor, Dr. Lewis Sperry Chafer. It seems that a certain minister was in the habit of profound prayers, sometimes resorting to words beyond the understanding of his simple flock. This went on week after week, to the dismay and frustration of the congregation. At last, a ‘wee’ Scottish woman in the choir ventured to take the matter in hand. On a given Sunday, as the minister was waxing his most eloquent verbosity, the little woman reached across the curtain separating the choir from the pulpit. Taking a firm grasp on the robe of the minister, she gave it a yank, and was heard to whisper in her Scottish accent, “Jes call him fether and ask him somethin.”

You and I have probably heard people pray who sound like they have a ‘steeple in their throat’ or as if they were talking through a stained-glass window. The Pharisees were like that. They sought to impress people with their many words, spoken in pious tones. They were a sham. They didn't realize that it was not the words they uttered that were important, but the spirit with which they were uttered.

It makes me think of the story about the author who needed money and wired his publisher, “How much advance will you pay me for my latest novel of 50,000 words?”

The publisher wired back, “How important are the words?” I like that! Some of the words that are spoken in prayer, like that praying Scottish pastor, are not very important.

Prayer is simply the words of a friend talking to his best Friend. Jesus saw the self-righteous behavior of the Pharisees who were seeking to be recognized for their spirituality. Public prayer was one of the ways for them to draw people's attention to their spirituality. Jesus taught that the essence of prayer is not what is said or how it is said, but the spirit of the heart.

If you are one who is fearful of praying in public, just keep your prayers short. Remember your prayers come from your heart, “so don't let your mouth keep moving after your heart has been heard.” Get to the point quickly. Use everyday language. Avoid unnatural expressions that look good on paper but sound corny and forced. The best-spoken prayers are sincere, short, and easy to understand.

When Jesus beckoned Peter to come to him while Jesus was walking on water, Peter got out of the boat and stepped into the water. It was only when Peter took his eyes off Jesus that he began to sink, and it was then that he offered one of the shortest prayers in the Bible, “Lord save me!” That is the kind of prayer we sometimes need to pray. Short and to the point.

Sometimes all we need to pray is just three little words: “Lord, help me.” If that kind of prayer was good enough for old Peter, then I'm sure it will be good enough for you and me as well.

And don’t forget “there is no such thing in the history of God’s eternal kingdom as a right prayer offered in the right spirit, that remains forever unanswered.” Theodore Cuyler.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Be Careful of the Friends You Make. (A Surprising Letter from a "Friend" We All Know).

Dear Friends,

I first met her in high school. She was older than I, and exciting. She'd been around. My parents warned me to have nothing to do with her. They claimed no good could come from our relationship.

But I kept meeting her on the sly. She was so sophisticated and worldly. It made me feel grown up just being with her. It was fun to take her to a party in those days. She was almost always the center of attention.

We began seeing more of each other after I started college. When I got a place of my own, she was a frequent guest. It wasn't long before she moved in with me. It may have been common-law, but it was heartbreaking for my parents. I kept reminding myself I wasn't a kid anymore. Besides, it was legal.

We lived together right through college and into my early days in business. I seldom went anywhere without her, but I wasn’t blind. I knew she was unfaithful to me. What's worse, I didn't care. As long as she was there for me when I needed her (she always was) it didn't matter.

The longer we lived together, the more attached I became. But it wasn't mutual. She began to delight in making me look foolish in front of my friends. But still, I couldn't give her up.

It became a love / hate relationship. I figured out that her glamour was nothing more than a cheap mask to hide her spite and cynicism. I could no longer see her beauty after I came to know her true character.

But old habits are hard to break. We had invested many years in each other. Even though my relationship with her made me lose a little respect for myself, she had become the center of my life. We didn't go anywhere. We didn't do anything. We didn't have friends over. It was just the two of us. I became deeply depressed and knew that she was responsible for my misery. I finally told her I was leaving for good. It took a lot of guts, but I left.

I still see her around. She's as beautiful as when we met. I still miss her now and then. I'm not boasting when I say she'd take me back in a minute. But by the grace of God, I'll never take up with her again.

If you see her, give her my regards. I don't hate her. I just loved her too much.

Chances are you know her family. The name is Alcohol.

(A letter submitted by Robert L. Rogers, Waco TX. and sent to Ann Landers many years ago)

Next month our church is launching its own addiction program, “Recovery Life”, an outreach combining principles of AA and “Celebrate Recovery.” This week I sat with some close friends from the church who are a part of the leadership team of this new ministry, and I listened to the pain that this “friend” had caused them. In retelling their painful encounters with this "friend," I was again reminded of how important it is to choose your friends wisely. Falling in love with the wrong “friend” can be devastating, so be careful of the friends you make.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

 

Leadership Thought: Have You Ever Asked the Question, “How Long, Lord?”

Dear Friend,

The other day I was talking with a person who was struggling with some real health concerns. The person had been praying for several years for healing, but as of now there was no clear answer to her prayers. She was asking, “How Long must I wait?”

I thought of the many people throughout my ministry who have asked the same question, “How long?” How long before I am healed? Or maybe it was how long before I’m married, or out of debt, of find a job, or find sobriety. The “How Long” question is one that many a believer has asked at one time or another.

As God would have it, the very next day in my devotional reading I came across a message that wonderfully spoke to this question, and I shared it with my friend. It came from one of my favorite devotionals, Streams in the Desert. If you don’t have a copy, I encouraged you to get one. It is one of the finest devotionals you can buy. A compilation of messages for each day of the year, it always seems to speak to whatever issue one is facing, bringing wisdom, insight, and encouragement to help you face your situation or challenge.

I quote part of the March 14^th lesson which speaks to those of you who feel like you have been walking up hill for so long that you have grown tired and weary of the journey, and you are asking that question posed by my friend, “How Long?”

“God still has his secrets- hidden from “the wise and learned” (Luke 10: 21). Do not fear these unknown things but be content to accept the things you cannot understand and to wait patiently. In due time he will reveal the treasures of the unknown to you- the riches of the glory of the mystery. Recognize that the mystery is simply the veil covering God's face.”

“’Do not be afraid to enter the cloud descending on your life, for God is in it. And the other side is radiant with his glory.  Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ’ (1 Peter 4:12-13).  When you feel the most forsaken and lonely, God is near. He is in the darkest cloud. Forge ahead into the darkness without flinching, knowing that under the shelter of the cloud, God is waiting for you.”

“A man once stood on a high peak of the Rocky Mountains watching a raging storm below. As he watched, and eagle came up through the clouds and soared away toward the sun. The water on its wings glistened in the sunlight like diamonds. If not for the storm, the eagle might have remained in the valley. In the same way, the sorrows of life cause us to rise toward God.” Streams in the Desert, L.B. Cowman, March 14. pp. 113-15.

So, my dear sister or brother keep looking up at that eagle soaring above that raging storm below and remember, “The only cure for suffering is to face it head on, grasp it round the neck and use it (for the glory of God.”) Mary Craig

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Living with the Heart of Jesus.

Dear Friends,

There is an ancient legend about a monk who found a precious jewel. A short time later, the monk met a traveler who said he was hungry and asked the monk if he could share some of his provisions. When the monk opened his bag, the traveler saw the precious jewel, and on an impulse, asked the monk if he could have it. Amazingly, the monk gave the traveler the stone.

The traveler departed quickly, overjoyed with his new possession. However, a few days later, he came back, searching for the monk. He returned the stone to the monk and made a request: “Please give me something more valuable, more precious than the jewel. Please give me that which enabled you to give me this precious stone. “James W. Moore, Some Things Are Too Good Not to Be True, p. 101.

Compassion is a quality that all of us could use more of. Jesus renewed people with the power of compassion. In Matthew 15: 32 we read “Jesus called his disciples to him and said, I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and they have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on their way.”

Now just earlier the disciples had urged Jesus to get rid of a woman who was begging him to heal her demon possessed daughter. “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us,” the disciples urged Jesus. But Jesus had time for her, just as he has time for anyone who crossed his path with a need.

Jesus was a man who was always moved with compassion (Matthew 9:36; 14:14; 20:32). The Greek word for compassion in these verses means “to suffer with” which implies he cared so much, it physically affected him. That is why when 4000 were camped out on his mountain doorstep, he couldn't just send them away. They had a need, and he was willing to take the time to meet that need.

Oftentimes we avoid becoming involved with people because we know that we will be inconvenienced by addressing their need. It is easier to be like those disciples and say: “Send her/him away.” “I don't have the time.” “I don't have the resources.”  “I don't have the ability.” “I don't have the energy.”

We have all been there and done that. But Jesus reminds us that we need to be aware of opportunities to be his hands, and feet, and to minister with the heart of his love. Not only should we be aware of such needs, but yes, we should even be looking for opportunities to minister compassion as we meet those needs.

And unknown author has observed, “Some of our tears should be like Christ tears-for other people’s troubles.” He never wept for himself. Let us shed no more tears for ourselves until our sympathy with other people has touched us and made us weep.”

Simply put compassion is your pain in my heart.

It is true, as often said that "Others will never care how much we know until they know how much we care."

Yours in ministry,

Tom

Leadership Thought: How to Make Two People Happy with Your Gift.

Dear Friend,

You may have heard some preacher say, “You should give until it hurts.” In response, one person remarked, “Oh just the very thought of giving hurts.” But rather than giving until it hurts, God says, “Give until you feel good.”

Giving blesses two people: the giver and the one who receives the gift, but too often the blessing of giving is lost because we choose to withhold our gift.

A mother wanted to teach her little girl a lesson about giving. She gave her a quarter and a dollar for church. She said, “Put one in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself.”   As they were leaving the church, her mother asked her what she had put in the offering plate. “Well,” the little girl said, “I was going to give the dollar but just before the collection was taken the man said that we should be cheerful givers. I figured I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter and kept the dollar, so I did.”

I think that's exactly the way a lot of people think and act, but that's not what the scripture says, nor is it the way giving works.

Scripture reminds us, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”  Acts 20: 35. The greater blessing belongs to the person who gives from a heart of compassion.

Romans 12:13 encourages us to “Share with God's people who are in need.”

Proverbs 11: 24 - 25 states “One man gives freely, yet gains even more; Another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; He who refuses he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.”

When we share with those in need, God will never let us down. He will provide a twofold blessing, He will not only bless the recipient, but He will also bless us, the giver as well.

Recently before the meal and the offering was taken at a Men’s Breakfast at our church, one of our members came up to me and stuck a $100 dollar bill in my hand, and said, "This is to help with the breakfast and the speaker."  He was not a rich man, but he was rich in the spirit of generosity, and his gift truly blessed me, and from the way he gave it, I knew it blessed him as well.

As believers we do not have to consult a bank book to see how wealthy we are, “for in this world it is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.” Henry Ward Beecher

May God speak to you today and reveal that special someone who would be blessed by your generosity. If you do, you will make two people happy!

Yours in faith,

Tom

Leadership Thoughts: Some of My Best Friends, I’ve Met on Bended Knees.

Dear Friends,

Some of the greatest friends I have, I’ve made on bended knee. There are few things that will forge a friendship faster than praying with one another brother or sister.

I am blessed to meet for prayer with a dozen brothers and sisters every Thursday morning. We meet at the church at 6:00 am, and for the next hour we spend time praying for each another, our church, and our world. 

Those who gather know that in praying they are doing the most important work of the church. They understand the church moves forward fastest on bended knee, and that kingdom business is best accomplished when it’s done through prayer.

Just as we would always close our football practice with a team huddle, we too close our time together with a “holy” huddle.

We conclude our time of prayer with a ‘holy hug.’ We gather together forming the tightest circle possible, and with body against body and arms embracing one another, we close out our time with a final exhortation and a hearty Amen. What a feeling of unity we share as that final amen is sounded.

During these times of prayer, friendships are being forged that will last forever.

I believe the greatest barometer of a church’s effectiveness will be determined by the number of its people who are engaged in prayer.

Charles Spurgeon said, “the condition of the church may be very accurately gauged by its prayer meetings. The prayer meeting is a ‘grace-ometer,’ and from it we may judge the amount of divine working (being done) among a people. If God be near a church, it must pray. And if He is not there, one of the first tokens of his absence will be a slothfulness in prayer. You can tell how popular the church is by who comes on Sunday mornings. But you can tell how popular Jesus is by who comes to the prayer meetings.”

Fresh Wind Fresh Fire, Jim Cymbala, p. 29.

It was S.D.  Gordon who said, “You can do more than pray after you have prayed, but you cannot do more than pray until you have prayed.”

Want to forge lasting friendships, join a prayer group.

Want to fashion a church on fire, fall on your knees.

Have a great weekend, and don't forget you and I grow best on bended knee.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Who Says I Don’t Own My Money?

Dear Friends,

Glad you are still with us after I shared some thoughts about giving in yesterday’s Leadership Thought. Today, I want to continue discussing the subject of our stewardship.1.

Someone said Satan loves to have the church argue about money, for if he can get the church leaders spending more time talking about whether there is enough money to fix the roof, than fixing the ministry that’s under the roof, he has got you.

When it comes to giving, Paul succinctly sums up our responsibility in1 Cor 4:2 which states “that it is required of stewards to be faithful.” A steward is someone who manages someone else’s money. He is an asset manager.  He only does what the owner wants. He doesn’t own the store; he just works there. The steward manages the money that belongs to the owner. It is his responsibility to find out what the owner wants done with his assets, and then carry out his will.

John Wesley, the founder of the Methodist Church, and one of the world’s greatest evangelists, clearly   understood this concept of ownership. When someone told Wesley that his home burned down, he said, “No, it was not his home, but the Lord’s house that burned down. This means one less responsibility for me.” His reaction was not denial but a bold affirmation that God is the owner of all things, and we are simply to manage His assets.

The bible tells us that one day we will all stand before God, and we shall give an account for the way we have managed His assets (Romans 14:10).

One man I read about carries in his wallet a card, and on one side is the statement “God owns every treasure. I am his investment manager." On the other side is written, “God wants me to use earthly treasures to store up heavenly treasures” and underneath are two bible references. They are Christ’s words in Matthew 6:1-4 and Paul’s words to Timothy in 1 Timothy 6:6. I hope you will look them up. 

Simply put, to understand stewardships is to recognize that God owns it all, and that what happens to mine (my resources) is simply the result of what has happened to me.

Apparently not much has happened, if we consider that in 2021 80 percent of church members gave less than 2 percent of their income, and only 5 percent of those members gave a tithe, or at least 10 percent of their income. Few in the church are what might be called sacrificial givers.

It is easy to sing with our lips the words of the old gospel hymns “I surrender all,” and “take my silver and my gold, not a might would I withhold.” However, it another thing to share the message with our lives.

As you and I worship this Sunday, and it’s time to give, let us not be just lip singers but life sharers.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. Just a final thought. “Unless you and I commit ourselves to concrete plans for increasing our giving, I'm afraid God will come one day and find that we have all died from suffocating luxury.” Eva Dan Hartog

Leadership Thought: Why I Don't Believe in Tithing.

Dear Friends.
It has been said that we are most like God when we give and most unlike Him when we withhold.

Jesus talked a lot about money matters because He knew that “money matters”. He talked more about money issues than He did about heaven and hell and faith combined.

It is required of stewards that they be found faithful.

God owns it all and we are simply His money managers.

Stewardship is what happens to mine because of what happens to me. 

With these statements in mind, you might ask is there any benchmark we should consider when it comes to our giving? 

Is the tithe or the giving of 10 percent of our income the goal of our giving? After all, it was what the Old Testament Jew gave. But I would ask can we who live on the other side of the cross be expected to give anything less than then the Old Testament Jew who lived in the shadow of the cross? My answer to that question is no. I believe the tithe is a good place to begin our giving, but I would ask can we lower the ceiling because we stand on higher ground?

It is true that tithing in the New Testament is neither directly commanded nor rescinded. But I would point out that every New Testament example of giving goes beyond the tithe and none falls short of it.

I would ask does God expect his New Covenant children to give less or more that the Jew living under the Old Covenant? Should we as believers lower the standard because we stand on higher ground? Jesus raises the spiritual bar. He never lowers it.  Can we who possess the Holy Spirit and who live in the wealthiest country in the world, give anything less than the tithe?

Let me quote from Randy Alcorn’s wonderful book The Treasure Principle. The tithe is God’s historical method to get on the path of giving. It’s unhealthy to view tithing as a place to stop, but it can be a good place to begin. Even under the first Covenant it wasn’t a stopping place for the Jews who also gave additional offerings beyond the tithe.  Tithing is not the ceiling for giving; it’s the floor. It is not the finish line of giving; it is just the starting blocks. Tithing can be the training wheels to launch us into the mind set skills and habit of grace giving." P 61.

"Grace giving" should be sacrificial giving. Paul says of the Macedonian Christians in 2 Cor 8:2-5 “Although they were going through hard times, and were very poor, they were glad to give generously. They gave as much as they could afford, and even more.  Simply because they wanted to. They even asked and begged us to let them have the joy of giving their money for God’s people.  And they did more than we had hoped.  They gave themselves first to the Lord, and then to us, just as God wanted them to do."  

I believe the Macedonian example should be the model for our giving. Our giving should be generous, sacrificial, and motivated by our love for Jesus and His children. It may be more than the tithe, or it might be less than the tithe, but whatever it is, it should represent a worthy sacrifice in light of the sacrifice Jesus has made for each of us.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom