Leadership Thought: Have You Ever Been Infected with Destination Disease?

Dear Friends,

I hope none of you ever contracts 'destination disease.' It is particularly prevalent among believers. You know you have it when you start coasting through your spiritual life. Your quest for learning and growing slows its pace or worse yet, even stops. Someone describes the symptoms this way: “If you’re green, you’re growing; if you’re ripe, you rot.” Not a good way to end your spiritual life.

William Barkley, in one of his commentaries writes, “We should count it a wasted day when we do not learn something new and when we have not penetrated more deeply into the wisdom and the grace of God.”

Paul recognized the dangers of stagnation sickness that infects us when we miss opportunities for personal growth and development and possess little or no desire to improve and become what we could be.

One writer says when this happens, “We may begin to feel regret, and if we go long enough without growing, we begin to feel like we have had an unused life. And that is not unlike an early death.” 

Paul writes these words to Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:15-16: “Be diligent in these matters; Give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely, persevere in them because if you do, (you) will save both yourself and your hearers.”

Another translation expresses it this way: “Take pains with these things, be absorbed in them, so that your progress may be evident to all."

Believer, do you have a spiritual growth plan designed to keep you growing, and if not, why not? Maybe today would be a good day to do a little spiritual ‘self-care.’  You might begin by assessing your bible study and devotional life and evaluate the condition of your prayer time and your service to others.  If there are some changes needed, why not develop your own spiritual growth plan?

It has been said that there is only one place where a believer must never stay; he must never “stay put."

Thinking we have arrived spiritually, and all there is left for us to do  is to go through our own religious motions, while waiting for the rapture to take us home, is one sure way to die an early death, for death always begins where growth ends.

Yours in faith,

Tom

P.S. "The secret or success is to go through life as a man who never gets used up." Albert Schweitzer

Adapted from a previous Leadership Thought

Leadership Thought: Wondering About the Value of Adversity?

Dear Friends,

Each week I meet with members of U-Turn for Christ, an addiction ministry our church hosts each week. We were studying the subject of adversity, and I asked the men this question: “How has adversity shaped your life?” 

One by one they each began revealing the pain and problems they had experienced as they dealt with their drug or alcohol addiction. They all shared different stories, but they all agreed on one thing: They were glad for the adversity they experienced as they battled with their addiction.

Why would they say that? Because it was adversity that led them into a recovery ministry that taught them about God. Despite their painful pasts, they were all grateful for their pasts for they could discern how that adversity had now brought them face to face with Jesus.

It has been said that “What we call adversity, God calls opportunity.”  God often uses adversity to break the chains of something that needs changing in our lives.

Our brother James reminds us that we are to “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

These brothers in their new-found faith could now see how God had used their painful pasts to produce a new and a promising future. They were now able to fathom God’s promise in Romans 8:28 that “In everything, God works together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose.”

In a recent e-mail devotional I receive from pastor and teacher Allister Begg, I was struck by his words on this subject. He writes, “Rest assured, if you are a child of God, you will be no stranger to the rod. Sooner or later every bar of gold must pass through the fire. Fear not, but rather rejoice that such fruitful times are in store for you, for in them you will be weaned from earth and made meet for heaven; you will be delivered from clinging to the present and made to long for those eternal things that are so soon to be revealed to you. When you feel that as regards the present you do serve God for nothing, you will then rejoice in the infinite reward of the future.”

Let us be reminded that while “God may have placed you in the forge, or on the anvil; He is using your trials to shape you for higher (and greater) things”

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom

 

Leadership Thought: Two Qualities That Will Make You an Incredible Counselor.

Dear Friends, 

I love the Message Translation of James 1:19 which read, "Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger struggle along in the rear."

When I think of the importance of listening, I am reminded of the mother who came home after a long, hard day. Her little girl ran out of the house to greet her. "Mommy, mommy, wait until I tell you what happened today."

After listening to a few sentences, the mother responded by indicating the rest of her story could wait as she needed to get the dinner started. During the meal, the phone rang, then other family members stories were longer and louder than the little girl's story. Once again, she tried to get her mother’s attention after the kitchen was cleaned, and her brother's homework questions were answered, but by then it was time for her to get ready for bed.

The mother came to tuck in her little girl and quietly listened as she prayed. As she bent down to tousle the little girl's curls, and to kiss her soft cheek, the child looked up and asked, "Mommy, do you really love me even if you don’t have time to listen to me?" (Stories from the Heart, by Alice Grey) 

One of the best ways we can show people that we care for them is by listening to them. It is true as the late author and speaker, Bruce Larson has said, "that one of the best ways to demonstrate God's love is to listen to people."  How true it is that listening is simply another word for caring.

I don’t profess to be the greatest listener in the world. I try, but there have been too many times in my life when I have been guilty of allowing the busyness of my life to crowd out my ability to listen to another with a caring heart. Someone facetiously described a good listener as "One who can give you his full attention without hearing a word you say," and sadly, I confess that I have the ability to do just that.

A while ago, I had an experience that reminded me again of the importance of being a good listener, and how, by simply listening, one can heal the hurts of a breaking heart. 

While pastoring in another church, I received a call from the reception area, and there was a young girl who needed to talk with someone. When I came down and met the girl, I found her overcome with emotion. As we walked to my office, tears were falling as she began unraveling her story. To make a long story short, her life was collapsing all around her, and she didn’t think there was anyone who cared. 

We sat down in my office, and for the next 45 minutes, I listen to her as she poured out her heart before me. I didn’t say much. I just listened while asking an occasional question.

At the end of our time together, she got up and thanked me, and then she said, "I really feel so much better now, and I’m so glad that I had a chance to talk with you."

I only wish that every counseling appointment turned out like this one. But what she was saying to me was that she was grateful that someone had the time to listen to her. So many times, what people need most is not the semblance of a sermon but simply  the solace of silence. Unfortunately, most of us are generally much better at delivering sermons than silence.

Let me encourage you today to work extra hard to improve your listening skills. Consciously try to give the person with whom you are talking your fullest attention. 

And remember that two of the most lasting gifts you can give to anyone today is a listening ear and a caring heart. If you will yield both your ears and your heart to Jesus, you will be amazed at what an incredible counselor you will become. 

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. “A good listener is not only popular everywhere but after a while he knows something” Wilson Misner

Leadership Thought: The Key to Living a Thoughtful Life.

Dear Friends,

I love being around thoughtful people. Just the other day at a meeting I was attending, I was surprised by the thoughtfulness of two members of our church family. One member had taken the time to prepare a delicious cherry cheesecake, and the other had purchased a card which was signed by those in attendance and presented to me along with a beautiful wall hanging expressing gratitude for my ministry.

Thoughtful people have a way of saying just the right thing and performing just the right action at just the right time. They are thoughtful because they are always on the lookout to lift others up. They take time to think about how to bless others. Thoughtful people are 'thinkful' people. They are intentional about being thoughtful. They spend time thinking and praying ,planning and preparing ways to bless the lives of others because they are other minded.

Jesus says, "Whoever in the name of a disciple shall give even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones, truly I tell you that person will certainly not lose their reward." (Matthew 10:42)

In the Book of Hebrews, we are told that the Lord is not forgetful to reward our works of righteousness (Heb. 6:10)

When you do something for someone else, that act may be forgotten by the one who receives it, but it will never be forgotten by the Lord. He promises us that He will never forget that action and that the giver will be rewarded. Perhaps now, but even better, in heaven.

So many of the special gifts I remember are not sizeable, expensive, or the kind of gift that might overwhelm you. A phone call reminding you that you are loved and not forgotten you, an unexpected meal delivered when you were too tired to cook, a babysitter who shows up so you and your spouse can have a much-needed night out.

Legendary college basketball coach John Wooden was once asked how he would like to like to be remembered. He replied, "I would like to be remembered as a normal person that was considerate(thoughtful) of others. That would be enough for me." 

So, as we approach our day today, let's stop thinking about ourselves and begin thinking of others, which is the first step in sowing the seeds of thoughtfulness.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought:  Stories of the Power of the Personal Note.

Dear Friends,

For many years I have tried to make a regular habit of writing personal notes to people.

This letter writing habit was born many years ago when I received a wonderful letter of encouragement from a pastor in Norfolk Va. I had never met.

Pastor Sam Tatum had read an article about my involvement with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes while I was attending Virginia Military Institute. I remember being amazed that someone who never knew me would take the time to write such a wonderful letter of encouragement, and the memory of that letter birthed a desire in my heart to encourage others in the same way I had been encouraged.

I love writing notes of encouragement, but I love receiving them as well.

Just this morning I opened my computer to discover a note from a church architect who was a member of a former church I pastored. He was responding to a note I had sent him, and in it he reminded me of something that I had done that encouraged him while pastoring the church when he had been a member.

I can’t express how much his kind words of affirmation meant to me.

You never know how your letter of encouragement might brighten someone’s day, just as my friend’s letter did for me this morning.

In the first Chicken Soup for the Soul book, teacher, Sister Helen Mrosla recounted how a spur of the moment assignment in class became a source of encouragement for her students. On a day when her junior high math students were especially ornery, she asked them to write down what they liked about each of their fellow students. She then compiled the results over the weekend and handed out the list on the following Monday.

Years later, when one of the students, Mark, was killed in Vietnam, she, and some of those former students got together for the funeral. Afterward, Mark‘s father told the group, “They found this on Mark when he was killed,” and he showed them a folded, refolded, and taped paper – the one he had received years before from his teacher.

Right after that, Charlie, one of Mark‘s classmates, said,  “I keep my list  in my desk drawer.” Chuck’s wife said,  “Chuck put his in our wedding album.” “I have mine, too.” Marilyn said,  “in my diary.”

Each person cherished the kind words of encouragement they had received.  That’s the power of a few kind words.”

Story taken from the Maxwell Daily Reader, John Maxwell p. 356.

How true it is that “Kind words are short and easy to speak (write) but their echoes are endless.” Mother Teresa

So, get writing that letter today.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought Did You Know That God Loves Democrats and Republicans?

Dear Friends,

That God loves Democrats may be a surprise to the Republicans and that He loves Republicans may be equally as surprising to Democrats. The fact is, God loves all people, regardless of their political brand. He died for all people, not just the Republicans or the Democrats. Unfortunately, many of us have distorted His teaching to justify our political persuasions, and I confess that there have been too many times when I have been guilty of doing just this. In my personal conversations I have sometimes acted like God is a partisan politician. 

Yes, I care about the political issues before us, and yes, I have strong personal convictions about those issues, but I am not going to use the pulpit to  promote or endorse a political party or a political candidate.

Doing so would be like me hanging a banner over the front door of the church  saying,  "Democrats or Republicans (you make the choice) are not welcome here." 

I want everyone to know Jesus, and I don't want to allow my personal political preferences, whatever they may be, to become a roadblock that would keep one half of our country from meeting Jesus.

The church is for all people, rich, poor, young, old, black, brown, and white, and yes Republicans and Democrats, and we must be careful to make everyone feel welcome regardless of their political views. Jesus related to almost everyone, because people always felt loved and accepted when  they were with Him, and the church must cannot do anything less.

This does not mean that we will accept or agree with everyone's political positions, or that we compromise our biblical principles, but it does mean we will love them in spite of our differences because that's what Jesus would do.

I am happy that our church has resisted the temptation to preach politics from the pulpit. It is not because we as pastors do not have our own strong personal convictions. Not at all. In deliberately choosing not to become politically 'persuasive', we have opted to embrace the teaching of the Apostle Paul who writes, "I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law.(To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. (1 Corinthians 9:20-21)

Pastor Andy Stanley has written a much-needed commentary on the importance of not allowing politics to divide us from one another, something that has happened too many times in today's church.

The title of the book is Not In It to Win It, and his plea is for the church to recognize that we must follow Jesus and Him alone and not allow our personal political preferences to fracture relationships and divide our churches.

In his book he writes, "What a coward. Poser. Pretender. Come on, Paul. Choose a position! You can’t stand in the middle. You’re either hot or you’re cold. Are you afraid of losing followers? Are you trying to have it both ways? Those were sentiments communicated by a good many conservative church folks toward their pastors in the months leading up to the last election. Pastors, like me, who refused to politicize our churches despite intense pressure and criticism. Our refusal to take a side was interpreted as refusal to take a stand—though, in fact, we had taken a stand. We were correctly and courageously refusing to politicize the ekklesia of Jesus. We were demonstrating our commitment to the Great Commission. We refused to alienate half our community by siding with one political party over the other. We chose to stand with Jesus in the messy middle, where problems are solved, rather than capitulate to divisive, broad-brush political talking points." (Not In It to Win It, Andy Stanley, p.8)

I close by reminding believers that Jesus never taught his followers to follow a political persuasion. He simply said, "Come and follow Me," and those are the words I think He would have us hear today.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Leadership Thought: Suffering: It All Depends on Your Perspective.

Dear Friends,

I think the word victim in the dictionary should have the apostle Paul’s picture beside it with a smiley face.

Whenever I am tempted to throw my own pity party, I think of Paul, and all he went through as a follower of Jesus. 

Paul wanted to go to Rome as a preacher to testify to Nero, the emperor, but instead he went to Rome as a prisoner. He was Illegally arrested in Jerusalem, misrepresented in court, incorrectly identified as an Egyptian renegade, entangled in the red tape of political bureaucracy, granted passage across the Mediterranean Sea only to be shipwrecked in a violent storm. And when he finally did arrive in Rome, he was imprisoned and largely forgotten.

And yet, despite all of this, he is never glum or gloomy. His mouth is filled with gratitude not grumbling, for he knows that God has placed him in that prison for a special purpose.

It has been said, “that two men look through the same bars, and one saw the mud and the other saw the stars.” What each saw depended on their perspective.

For Paul, his imprisonment was no accident, but an appointment. It was part of God’s grand design to provide an opportunity for him to reach those he might not otherwise reach with the gospel. It enabled him to have contact with the elite Roman guards and others in government positions.

It has been said that “Christians are like teabags, not much good until they’ve been in the boiling water.” It is easy to be a Christian when everything is going well for us. However, the true test of a person’s character is best seen when he or she loses everything. How a person reacts in good times does not tell me much about a person. No, the best way to evaluate a person’s character is to watch how he or she responds to unfavorable circumstances.

The Apostle Paul passes the character test with flying colors. Why? Because of his perspective.

Like Joseph, who was ripped off by his brothers, he could say with Joseph, “You meant it for evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50: 20).

Paul writes to the church at Philippi, “I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped me to spread the good news. For everyone here, including all the soldiers in the Palace Guard, know that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, many of the Christians here have gained confidence and become bolder and telling others about Christ”(Philippians 1: 12-13).

For Paul, life was not bound up in success, prestige, power, popularity, comfort, or any of these qualities. It was bound up in Christ, and because of it he could say, “For me to live is Christ, and for me to die is gain” (Philippians 1: 21).

How do you rob a person of joy whose one’s life is so centered on Christ? If I live, Christ is with me, and if I die, I am with Him. Either way, I can’t lose.

Let’s keep our eyes focused on Christ today, knowing that whatever we are going through provides an opportunity for us to enlarge and extend our witness to others who may be going through similar circumstances.

We need to remind ourselves that the world is more interested in viewing our lives than listening to our lips.

Our spoken testimony is important, but our living testimony is even more important. And what better witness is there than a Christian ‘tea bag’ smiling in the boiling water.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. “Suffering is the very best gift God gives to us. He gives it only to this chosen friends.” Therese of Lisieux

Leadership Thought: Enjoying the Best Medicine in the World and It Doesn’t Cost a Dime.

Dear Friends,

Whimsy is a word that we on staff use a lot around our church. It is a word that has come to mean a kind of playful communication that often brings joy and laughter to those on both the giving and receiving end. You might call it playful banter. It can momentarily relieve the stress of ministry-yes, there are occasions of stress for those of us engaged in the Lord’s work. 

There is often a lot of laughter that accompanies whimsy, and I have found that laughter can be healthful, even invigorating.  It was President Lincoln who said, “With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh, I should die.”  Laughter can often help get us through stressful or challenging situations. It enables us to step away from a problem for a few moments and gain a fresh perspective on the challenge we are facing.

You may have heard the saying “He who laughs-lasts.” I suspect there is a lot of truth to this statement. Laughter can relieve stress and increases longevity. It may well be true that laughing 100 times a day works the heart as much as exercising for ten minutes on a rowing machine.  Yes, laughter undoubtedly can be good for both the body and yes, even the soul.

"Laughter relieves stress and boredom, boosts engagement and well-being, and spurs not only creativity and collaboration, but also analytical precision and productivity." writes Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks who has also found that cracking jokes at work can make people even more competent." "The Benefits of Laughing in the Office," Harvard Business Review, Nov 16, 2018. 

I have personally discovered that serving on a staff where we often spend time laughing together makes ministry more enjoyable, as it assists in building comradery which is so important in building a team. 

Fun and laughter should be regular ingredients in a Christian’s life. These qualities can make us more relatable. As believers we should be joyful, playful, fun loving, and even whimsical for those possessing these qualities are generally the most attractive people to be around. Who wants to hang with stern, somber, humorless, lemon sucking killjoys who have no appreciation for a few laughs and a little whimsy?

As Christians we should be fun to be with. Our personality should pave the way for the building of relationships, and those relationships can often provide an open door for the communication of the Gospel.

So, followers of Christ, let’s lighten up a bit and put a little more whimsy in our lives. Let’s laugh a little more and show the world that those who bear the name of Christ are the happiest people alive. And why shouldn’t we be, for we are the possessor of abundant and eternal life. 

Martin Luther wrote, “If you’re not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don’t want to go there,” and neither do I.

Yours in Whimsy,
Pastor Tom

P.S. “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).

Leadership Thought: You Can Live Longer by Connecting with Others.

Dear Friends,

Recently I was in Walgreens when and I came across a person in a military uniform. I walked up to him as I often do when I see members of the military, and looking him in the eye, I said, “Thanks for your service.”  And he responded saying, “Thanks, I appreciate your words,” and both of us quickly moved on.” 

Just a few words spoken between two people who never met before, but I experienced an immediate sense of connection between the two of us. I felt good, and I had a sense he did also.

This is what happens when true connection takes place between people, even people who don’t know each other.

As Jean and I were leaving the store, I saw a disabled woman pushing a walker, and I took a few extra seconds to wait and hold the door for her, and she began profusely thanking me. I don’t remember what we said to each other after that-not much of anything-but as we both walked away, I do remember feeling that in assisting her we both connected with one another and that felt good to me, and I suspect she felt the same way.

I don’t share these two examples to draw attention to myself, but only to point out that it doesn’t take much effort-just a few seconds-  to connect with people and experience the wonderful feelings associated with it.

How important it is in life for all of us to look for opportunities to connect with each other.

John Maxwell is fond of saying “Always touch a person’s heart before you ask him for his hand,” and that is good advice for all of us who are interested in building relationships with others.

As Connections Pastor in our church, I am always looking for ways to connect with people and encouraging them to connect with others.

I encourage our members to come to church with the purpose of connecting with someone they don’t know. When every member does that, a large church becomes small and intimate, and a warmth of fellowship develops that possesses magnetic power to attract and retain visitors. Visitors may quickly forget the message they heard from the pulpit, but they will never forget the warmth of fellowship they experienced as people reached out and connected with them.

Churches plan and promote “Make a Friend Sundays,” but why does making friends only happen on special Sundays? Shouldn’t we want to make a friend(s) every Sunday?

Making friends will not happen automatically.  As my mother used to say, “to have friends, you must always seek to be a friend.”

Connection with people doesn’t happen without some degree of intentionality, so I encourage our church members not to leave church until they have spoken and connected with at least one person they don’t know.

Connectors “know the way, go the way and show the way for others.” They are connecting examples because they make connecting a priority.

And by the way connecting is good for your health. It can even help you live longer.

A large-scale research review found that low social connection has as much of an effect on our mortality rate as not exercising and is twice as harmful as being overweight. That review also found loneliness effects morbidity as much as a smoking or alcohol. Connecting with People- What It Is and Isn’t. Andrea Darcy, March 21, 2017-taken from the internet.

Let’s make Romans 12:10 our church motto: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”

So, if you want to live longer, and make your church more attractive while doing so, just make it your goal to make every Sunday, “Make a Friend Sunday.” 

Yours in faith,

Tom

Leadership Thought:  What Do You Do When You Walk by a Street Beggar?

Dear Friends,

I will never forget my experience walking through the dark streets of Savannah, Ga one night. I was with my son walking back to the car after a night out at a restaurant. On the way, we passed a homeless beggar on the street. I kept walking while my son stopped, took out several bills from his wallet, and handed them to the man.

I still recall my feeling of embarrassment that evening. I was a Christian pastor, and shouldn’t it have been me and not my son who stopped, and out of compassion, pulled out those bills and handed them to the beggar?

Have you ever been in a similar situation? You walk on by someone begging on the street corner, and you wonder should I stop and show compassion and give him some money or should I ignore his appeal thinking that all I would be doing would be enabling him and his begging behavior.

Last night at a meeting at church, this question came up in our discussion group. We all agreed that there was no easy answer to the dilemma of whether to give or not to give to such a person.

But doesn’t Jesus tell us to “Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back.” (Luke 6:30)

Both the Old and New Testament are full of admonitions to show compassion to the poor and needy. Jesus reminds us that those who show mercy to the poor, the sick, and the needy are in effect ministering to Him personally and will be rewarded accordingly (Matthew 25:35-40).

Proverbs 14:31 reminds us, “Whoever is kind to the needy honors God.” And Proverbs 21:13 states “If a man shuts his ears to the cry of the poor, he too will cry out and not be answered.”

The apostle John writes, “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with action and in truth?” (1 John 3:17-18)

But the Bible also reminds us that we are to be good stewards of our resources, and doesn’t that caution us against giving away our resources indiscriminately, especially when we have good reason to believe that we might be fostering an ongoing problem and simply enabling the one receiving our money. Doesn’t Paul say, “If a man will not work, he shall not eat.” (1 Thess.3:10)

What if our giving only fosters an irresponsible lifestyle and perpetuates this kind of living. What if the begging person is just too lazy and doesn’t want to work, or what if your money is only used to encourage some addiction?

Iain M. Duguid in Living in the Gap Between Promise and Reality addresses this question by pointing out how most of us respond to this issue. “We base our response on two questions. First, does the person deserve my help? Second, can I help him without any risk or inconvenience to myself? If the answer to both questions is yes, we are normally glad to do what we can for the other person. However, if the answer to either or both questions is no, we tend to hold back.” (p.42)

Yes, too often in making our decision to give or withhold our gift, we make it on the basis of whether we consider the person ‘deserving’ and whether our giving is in any way an 'inconvenience' to us.

I suspect, however, that we would all agree that Jesus would not use these standards to determine the answer to our giving.

After all, we are the least deserving people of all, and yet Jesus willingly gave up His life for each one of us. He died for underserving people and his death was certainly not convenient-who wants to lose his life for underserving people?

In deciding the answer to this question, I think it may be best to err on the side of risk and not caution, based on the  abundance of Scriptures which call for ‘risk’ and ‘inconvenience,’ over safety and comfort. If the Holy Spirit nudges you to give, go ahead and give, for it is important to listen to those Holy Spirit nudges God places in your heart.

However, if on the other hand, you feel a strong prompting of the Spirit not to give, whatever that reason may be, we should honor that compunction and pass on by.

I close with a story from “Christianity Today” about the way C.S Lewis addressed this issue.

“One day Lewis and a friend were walking down the road and came across a street person who reached out to them for help. While his friend kept walking, Lewis stopped and proceeded to empty his wallet. When they resumed their journey, his friend asked, ‘What are you doing giving him your money like that? Don’t you know he’s just going to squander all that on ale?’ Lewis paused and replied, ‘That’s all I was going to do with it.’” (Quoted by Chris Kennedy, “Viewing the World Through the Lens of Faith,” November 21, 2019)

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Dealing with Unmet Expectations and Family Fractures.

Dear Family,

One of the great challenges a pastor faces is helping people deal with disappointment. Sometimes those disappointments derive from unrealistic expectations of the pastor or church members. When a member needs something from the church or the pastor and those needs go unmet, the person may leave hurt or even angry, determined to find another church where their needs will be met.

Unfortunately, there are people like that, and I have met them in every church I have served. When someone doesn’t greet them the way they feel they should be greeted, or the pastor says something that makes them feel uncomfortable, or they don’t like the music, they decide it’s time to leave and look for another church.

Such people don’t always accept the fact that, just like in life, you will not always get along with everyone you meet. They always accept the fact that the messenger on Sunday will not always make them feel comfortable, or the programs will not always meet their needs, or the music will not always be what they would choose.

In one church I served, one member decided to leave because the leadership decided to change the day of the prayer meeting. In another church, I knew of a person who decided not to attend because of something another member had said to them.

In church, just as in families, unrealized expectations can often fracture fellowship. Sometimes peoples’ expectations are unrealistic or even downright selfish. In one of my less charitable pastoral moments, I reminded just such a person “that the church is not about them, it’s about Jesus.” Sometimes people may need to hear that.

When someone comes to me with something that has disappointed them, it is tempting to offer an excuse for someone’s behavior or try to intervene and fix the problem ourselves, even at the risk of making things even worse, a tendency that many of us as pastors are prone to do-we are trained “fixers.” We like happy people in our congregation, and we don’t enjoy living in a family where there are squabbles, or people don’t always get along with one another.

Rather than always trying to fix the issue, however, we need to point such people to their ultimate “fixer” and ultimate source of comfort, and that is Jesus.

Paul writes in 2 Cor 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

We need to encourage them to pour out their pain, hurt, or disappointment to Jesus.

Francis Chan refers to this verse as an example of what the Bible calls “lamenting.” He says, “When you invite people to lament, you are acknowledging that you, as a church leader, are with them in their journey, and you empathize with what they are going through. You do not try to cheer them up. You do not try to fix all their problems. You allow them to feel the hard truth, the raw emotion of the problem or circumstance, and you point them to God.”

Chen’s words provide wise counsel for every pastor, every parent, and yes, for every person who has ever had to deal with someone’s disappointment or unmet expectations.

When dealing with hurt or disappointed people, lets point them to the true source of comfort, the one “who comforts us in all our troubles.” We are not the solution to everyone’s hurts and disappointments, but we do know the One who is, so let’s point them to Jesus, who is the ultimate problem solver.

I know that this is more easily said than done, but the Lord help will help us do it, and He is a much better fixer than we could ever be.

Yours in faith and friendship.

Tom

Leadership Thought: Why I Don’t Believe in Tithing.

Dear Friends,

It has been said that we are most like God when we give and most unlike Him when we withhold.

Jesus talked a lot about money matters because He knew that “money matters”. He talked more about money issues than He did about heaven and hell and faith combined.

It is required of stewards that they be found faithful.

God owns it all and we are simply His money managers.

Stewardship is what happens to mine because of what happens to me. 

Keeping these above statements in mind, you might ask is there any benchmark we should consider when it comes to our giving?

Should the tithe, or the giving of 10 percent of our income, be the goal of our giving? After all, it was what the Old Testament Jew was expected to give. But I would ask can we who live on this side of the cross be expected to give anything less than the Old Testament Jew  who lived in the shadow of the cross? My answer to that question is no. I believe the tithe is a good place to begin our giving, but I would ask can we lower the ceiling because we stand on higher ground?

It is true that tithing in the New Testament is neither directly commanded nor rescinded. But I would point out that every New Testament example of giving goes beyond the tithe and none falls short of it.

Does God expect his New Covenant children to give less or more that the Jew living under the Old Covenant? Should we as believers lower the standard because we stand on higher ground? Jesus raises the spiritual bar. He never lowers it.  Should we who possess the Holy Spirit and who live in the wealthiest country in the world, give anything less than the tithe?

Let me quote from Randy Alcorn’s wonderful book The Treasure Principle. The tithe  is God’s historical method to get on the path of giving. It’s unhealthy to view tithing as a place to stop, but it can be a good place to begin. Even under the first Covenant it wasn’t a stopping place for the Jews who also gave additional offerings beyond the tithe.  Tithing is not the ceiling for giving; it’s the floor. It is not the finish line of giving; it is just the starting blocks. Tithing can be the training wheels to launch us into the mind set skills and habit of grace giving." P 61.

"Grace giving" should be sacrificial giving. Paul says of the Macedonian Christians in  2 Cor 8:2-5  "Although they were going through hard times, and were very poor, they were glad to give generously. They gave as much as they could afford, and even more.  They gave simply because they wanted to. They even asked and begged us to let them have the joy of giving their money for God’s people.  And they did more than we had hoped.  They gave themselves first to the Lord, and then to us, just as God wanted them to do."  

I believe the Macedonian example should be the model for our giving. Our giving should be generous, sacrificial, and motivated by our love for Jesus and His children. It may be more than the tithe, or it might be less than the tithe, but whatever it is, it should represent a worthy sacrifice in light of the sacrifice Jesus has made for each of us.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Adapted from a previous Leadership Thought on the subject of giving

Leadership Thought: Music That Has Changed My Heart and Soul, or Let's Go 'Dancin' to the Boot Scootin’ Boggie.

Dear Friend

Just yesterday in church, one of our members and I wound up talking about the recent death of country legend Lorretta Lynn. Our conversation led to a time of sharing about the roots of country music, and how this music, full of life’s stories, had  touched our hearts.

He mentioned one of his favorite singers, Jim Reeves, and I immediately responded. “He'll Have to Go,” and then be brought up George Jones, and I mentioned “He Stopped Loving Her Today,” considered by many the greatest country song of all time.

Country music, or I should say classic country music, has been the music staple of my life. It started in the 50’s with Hank Williams,’ “Kawliga” and Roy Acuff’s “The Great Speckled Bird,” songs that probably many of you have never heard.

My conversation with my friend, got me thinking about some of my favorite classic country songs. I tried to come up with my top 25 but as soon as I had finished, I immediately thought of a dozen more that I could have added to my list.

I suspect if you take a listen to some of those songs I listed below, you could, become like me, a classic country music junkie. Even you Sinatra fans or Guy Lombardo kind of people may be won over, so take a listen. I think you will be glad you did.

The below songs are in no order:

• Don’t Take the Girl, Tim McGraw
• You Don’t Even Know My Name, David Allan Coe
• Should Have Been a Cowboy, Toby Keith
• He Stopped Loving Her Today, George Jones
• Unfair Weather Friends, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson
• Where Were You When the World Stopped Turning?, Alan Jackson
• You Say It Best When You Say Nothing at All, Keith Whitely or Allison Krause
• Cheyenne, George Strait
• Amarillo by Morning, George Strait
• The Dance, Garth Brooks
• Gone County, Alan Jackson
• All That Glitters is Not Gold, Dan Seals
• Making Believe,  Kitty Wells or Emmylou Harris
• Remember When, Alan Jackson
• Few Old Country Boys Like Me, George Jones and Randy Travis
• I Am Going be Somebody Someday, Travis Tritt
• Kiss an Angel Good Morning, Charlie Pride
• Take Me Home Country Road, John Denver
• Wagon Wheel,  Darious Rucker
• Meet me in Montana, Dan Seals and Marie Osmond or Lefty Frizell and Dottie West
• Pancho and Lefty, Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson
• Chiseled in Stone, Vern Gosden
• Your My Best Friend, Don Williams
• Sing Me Back Home, Merle Haggard
• Convoy,  C. W. McCall (a tearjerker)

Some extras for country laughter,

• The Winner, and Marie Leveau, both by Bobby Bare

As I completed this list, I wondered how I could have left off Old Hippie, Bellamy Brothers; Love Can Build a Bridge, The Judds; Bring them Flowers Now, Tanya Tucker; Traveling Soldier, the Chicks; and on the list goes.

It is hard to narrow down such a list, and if you are a classic country enthusiast you will understand.

No, not much spiritual this morning-just some music that has spoken to my heart over the years.

But then again, there are some great classic country gospel songs out there by country legends as well:

• How Great Thou Art, Carrie Underwood,
• Three Wooden Crosses, Randy Travis,
• The Long Black Train, Josh Turner,
• Why Me, Kris Kristofferson,
• Unanswered Prayers, Garth Brooks,
• Will the Circle Be Unbroken, Carter Family,
•  I Saw the Light, Hank Williams,
• The Old Rugged Cross, Alan Jackson.
• Go Rest High on That Mountain, Vince Gill and Patty Loveless, duet at George Jones funeral

Well, I hope this give you an introduction to some of the best of the country classics. So, buckle up your belt, put on them boots, and let’s go a ‘dancin’ to The Boot Scootin’ Boogie by Brooks and Dunn

I’d love to hear from you some of those songs that have touched your heart and soul.

Have a great day in Jesus,

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: It Only Takes a Minute but It Will Change Two Lives.

Dear Friends,

There is nothing like encouragement to lift your spirits and thrill your soul. Encouragement is like honey, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones-rough paraphrase of a one of Solomon’s proverbs (Proverbs 16:24).

Yesterday I came home from a weekly  breakfast I enjoy with a couple of my friends, and during our time together one of my friends shared with me how he had remembered an encouraging phone call of mine that happened over twenty years ago, a phone call I had long forgotten.

When I later arrived home to check my e-mail, I had the pleasure of reading a beautiful e-mail message filled with encouragement from a friend who was a part of a church I served over thirty years ago. She was responding to an e-mail I had recently sent on the power of a personal hug.

Later that day I received a opened a bright handwritten envelope which I quickly opened only to find a card inside dripping  with words of encouragement and thankfulness.

I hit the encouragement trifecta!

I can’t tell how much those breakfast words, that e-mail “hug” and that bright shining letter meant to me.

Each one of them came from a dear friend whose treasured friendship has impacted my life.

Yes, kind words are sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Once again, I was reminded of the power of encouragement to lift one’s spirits.

I have an old Bible that has now become the repository of notes I have received from friends over the years. Every once in a while, I will open up that bible, pull out a few of those letters, and quietly give thanks for those who have taken the time to write or type them.

In his book The Power of Encouragement, Pastor David Jeremiah writes, “Written encouragement comes directly from the heart, uninterrupted and uninhibited. That’s why it’s so powerful.”  Haven’t we all known that to be true?

Mother Teresa said, “Kind words are short and easy to speak (or write) but their echoes are endless.” Yes, such words of encouragement  are seldom forgotten.

Is there someone who needs to hear some “echoes” of  encouragement today? Why not take a few minutes to jot them a note, send them an e-mail, or better yet pick up the phone and give them some words that come straight from your lips that will go straight to their heart.

You will make two people happy: you will experience the joy of knowing you are making a difference in someone’s life, and your recipient will in turn be thankful you cared enough to remember them.

Get writing or get calling!

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Why I Won’t Help Some Addicts Who Comes to Our Church.

Dear Friend,

“Recovery Life” is a ministry of our church for those with addiction issues, and at one of our recent meetings one of the participants asked, “How do you know when it’s time to stop helping an addict?” The question asked was a familiar one

Although I do not consider myself to be an expert on alcoholism, I have been involved over many years in helping addicts deal with their addiction struggles. During those years I have seen first-hand the devastation that alcoholism causes individual and families.

While I support most all programs of recovery including AA, I have found that the most effective approach to recovery involves a Christ centered approach, and so when a person is seeking some form of treatment, this is the direction I will most often point them.

As we sat around the table that evening, I shared my response to the question of “How does one know when to stop helping someone struggling with addiction” by sharing my early failures in trying to assist people looking for recovery. I wanted to help everyone, and I thought I could help everyone. As a result, there was always a steady stream of people coming to our home or our church in need of help. The word quickly spread that this ‘Crenshaw guy’ was good for a few bucks, so for months in my first ministry I was inundated with people coming to me, not looking for genuine help but simply a generous handout.

Sadly, it took time for me to realize I wasn’t helping them, only enabling them, and when I found other more constructive ways to help them,  I quickly discovered that people stopped coming when I ceased trying to fix their problems.

I wasn’t helping. I was simply being used. The phrase “Show me, don’t snow me” became my mantra. No longer was I willing to be used in helping those who only wanted ‘handout help.’

And through this experience I grew in my understanding of how to help those suffering with addiction, and often that help meant saying no to them.

Al-Anon has an expression “Putting pillows under a person,” so the addict never has to feel the pain of their mistakes.” Too often we are guilty of doing just that, relieving the pain and the problems of the addict while thinking we are loving them and helping them.

Sometimes in trying to help someone struggling with addiction, we only enable them by rescuing them and cleaning up their mess. As a result, we often foster their addiction rather than help treat their addiction.

At the meeting I shared the importance of setting boundaries for addicts, of learning how to say no to them without feeling guilty, something that is not always easy to do.

The bible reminds us that “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Proverbs 28: 13). How serious a person is about recovery will often be discovered by assessing how honest the person is about what he is willing to do to realize recovery.

An enabler has been “defined as doing things for a person with an alcohol problem that they normally could and would do for themselves if they were sober.”

What are some of the signs you are enabling and not helping an addict: Accepting chronic lapses, cleaning up after the addict, giving the addict an ultimatum to stop  and then not following through, giving them a place to stay when they are homeless, lending money to the addict, making excuses for the addict to family and friends, making excuses for their inability to work, paying bills, showing unconditional love by taking on things that the addict has dropped, taking an extra responsibilities because the attic cannot function……..” (Armanda Andruzzi, author of Hope Street and founder of Symptom-Free Wellness).

There may come a time in dealing with a person’s addiction when we say, “I can’t and won’t continue to help you,” and yes, you may have to close your own door to get them to walk through their own door to recovery

We must never stop loving the addict, praying for them, encouraging them, and sharing how Jesus can change their lives, but we must establish clear boundaries regarding what we will do and not do for them and stick with them.

Only then will you be helping them not enabling.

Remember some of the best help you can give an addict it to say the word “no” and say it with conviction and without guilt.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. Would love to hear any experiences you have had in dealing with addiction or those struggling with addiction.

Leadership Thought: Have You Ever Lost You Joy?

Dear Friend,

Did you ever lose your joy? I know there have been times in my life when I have, and I suspect there are times when you have as well.

I recently was talking with a pastor friend of mine who was going through a rough patch in his life. He was struggling to find a sense of purpose in his life and in his ministry, but it had eluded him.

He was thinking of leaving his church, and one day he was talking to a friend about his situation. “I am just unable to find any joy in my ministry anymore,” he told him.

The wise friend said, “I know the answer to your problem: You are looking for joy in the wrong place. You will never find it in your ministry, nor will you find it in your finances, your family, or anything else. The kind of joy you are seeing will never be found in anything related to life’s circumstances for joy that is of lasting value can only be found in the Lord”.

My friend told me those words completely transformed his thinking about his ministry, and I am happy to say he decided to continue pastoring his church. My friend, like many of us, was looking for joy ‘in all the wrong places.’

Joy that is permanent and transformational is never found in life but in only in the Lord.

The Bible reminds us that, “The joy of the Lord is our strength.” Joy comes from Jesus.

Paul writes, “Rejoice in the Lord, always” and that includes in the midst of every trial and every circumstance.

Larry Crabb writes, “Many of us place top priority not on becoming Christ-like in the midst of our problems, but on finding happiness. I want to be happy, but the paradoxical truth is that I will never be happy if I’m concerned primarily with becoming happy. My overriding goal must be in every circumstance to respond biblically, to put the Lord first, to seek to behave as he would want me to. The wonderful truth is that as we devote all our energies to the task of becoming what Christ wants us to be, he fills us with joy unspeakable and a peace far surpassing what the world offers.”

He continues, “Paul said it was his ambition (goal) not to become happy, but to please God at every moment. What a transforming thought! When I drive my car to work and someone cuts me off, when my kids act up during church, when the dishwasher breaks…my primary responsibility is to please God” (Effective Biblical Counseling, Lawrence Crabb, pp. 20-21).

Simply put, if you want to be happy, you won’t find it by seeking after happiness which is so elusive. You will only find it through seeking God. And when you do, you will not only discover happiness in the process, but some even greater-joy, real joy that is never dependent on circumstances, but is always dependent on the Lord.

I am not sure who said it, but long ago I committed it to memory: “Joy is the flag flying high above the castle of the heart, announcing that the king is in residence there.”

So, let’s hoist high our flag and boldly wave it for all to see the King who resides at home with our hearts.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom