Thought for the Day: The Day I Cried In Another Man's Arms

Dear Friends

Many years ago, when I was fresh out of seminary and serving a small church outside of Syracuse, New York, I received a call that I will never forget. An accident had just taken place a hundred yards from the church I served.  I was new to the area and didn't know the family, but from everything I had learned from my brief telephone phone conversation the accident was horrific involving the accidental death of a child.

I had been informed that a dad was outside mowing his lawn when the blade of the lawn mower struck a rock, became disengaged, and like a missile went hurtling through the air, tragically embedding itself in the skull of his four-month-old son who was outside in a stroller.   Seminary had not prepared me for this kind of visit and words often have a way of escaping you when facing a  tragedy like this.

As I quickly walked up the street to the home, I wondered what could I ever say to help this family?  You see in seminary we had always been trained to know and say the right thing in situations like this. However, at this moment, nothing I had ever learned inside the walls of those counseling classes made any sense to me. I felt powerless to speak and inadequate to minister.

As I arrived on the scene, they were loading the tiny child into the back of the ambulance, and I was informed that all attempts at resuscitation had failed, and the child had been pronounced  dead right as he lay there on the front lawn.

Amid the crowd of people who had now gathered, I saw the boy’s dad sobbing uncontrollably as he watched his tiny child being placed into the ambulance. Never having met him  I walked up to him and without knowing or having anything  to say, I just threw my arms around him and hugged him as tightly as I could. For what seemed like minutes and without a word being spoken, we just stood there tightly holding on to one another as we tasted the salt in one another’s tears. To this day just writing about the experience brings tears to my eyes. I don't remember saying a thing, but I later learned that my embrace and my tears  communicated a message far more powerful  than any sermon I could ever preach.

A few days after the funeral, he called me and told me how much he appreciated all I had done for him. As I heard his words, I wondered what I had done that was so deserving of such appreciation.  I hadn't spoken a word, and in my mind I  felt  embarrassed that I had been speechless at a time like this.  "I didn't do much of anything” I said to my friend. "Oh, yes you did,” he said. “You held me and cried with me, and that meant more than anything you could have ever done or said.”

That day I discovered the power of  empathy as communicated through a simple touch. I thought how true the lyrics of the song were made famous by Allison Krause who sings, “You say it best when you say nothing at all.” That tragic episode was one of the greatest learning experiences of my early ministry. It was so reassuring to discover that one doesn’t have to possess all the answers to help someone who is hurting, nor does one need to dispense some empty theological platitudes to help heal a hurting heart.  All one needs are a couple of arms, and a heart that is large enough to feel the pain of another’s loss.

Henri Nouwen sums up the power of empathy when he writes “We tend to look at caring as an attitude of the strong toward the weak, of the powerful toward the powerless, of the haves toward the have nots….Still when we honesty ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us,  we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions or cures have chosen together to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and  tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not curing, not-healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares.  Quoted from Quotations for The Christian World, Edythe Draper, Tyndale House Publishers Inc.

The world doesn’t need answer men to heal the wounds of  broken hearts, just a couple of arms and a heart big enough to feel the pain of another’s loss will do just fine.

Yours in faith and friendship,
Pastor Tom

Thought for the Day: Grab a Broom and Start Sweeping

Dear Friends

A well-dressed woman on an African safari was part of a tour group that stopped briefly at a hospital for lepers. Amid the intense heat and filthy conditions with flies buzzing all around her, she noticed a nurse bending down in the dirt, tending to the puss filled sores of a leper. With disdain she exclaimed, “Why I wouldn’t do that for all the money in the world.” The nurse quietly replied, “Neither would I!”

From time to time it is important to remind ourselves of who and whose we are.  We are  nothing more than “Unprofitable servants”, who are only doing what our Master has called us to do ( Luke 17:10). Following Jesus may not take us to an African leper colony, but that doesn’t change the terms or circumstances of our service for once a servant, always a servant. Wherever we are, we are called to serve, and service is not always fun or easy. It can be hard and humbling and it can be dirty and demeaning. 

I remember the times when I was a senior pastor, and  I had no problem cleaning up  dirty bathrooms. When I saw something that needed to be done, no matter how menial it was, I did it. Because of this, I thought I had somehow arrived at doing this ‘servant thing.’. But when I became one of 17 pastors while serving at Calvary Chapel, Fort Lauderdale, and I was no longer atop the pecking order as a senior pastor, I discovered my servant attitude needed a severe adjustment. It is one thing to be a servant when you can choose whether to be one or not. It is another thing when you are told and required to be a servant, and someone above you is treating you like a  servant, the very thing you’ re called to be. 

A businessman in a bible study asked the leader. “How do you know if you are servant?” The leader wisely responded, “By the way you react when you are treated like one.” That hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Apostle Peter reminds us of our “servant job description”  when he writes we are to serve “not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly, nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock) 1 Peter 5:2-3).

So, l guess I need to grab my broom and start sweeping. Won’t you join me?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Thought for the Day: Let's All Be Oil Can Carriers

In one of my favorite devotionals Streams in the Desert there is a beautiful story that illustrates the life of a servant.

The story tells of an elderly man who always carried a little can of oil with him wherever he went, and when he would go through a door that squeaked, he would squirt a little oil on its hinges. If he encountered a gate that was hard to open, he would pour oil on the latch. And so he went through life lubricating all or the difficult places, making it easier for all those who came after him, People called the man eccentric, strange and crazy, but that didn’t deter him as he went steadily on, often refilling his can of oil when it was near empty, and continuing to oil whatever difficult places he would find.

Now I don’t know if this is a true or apocryphal story, but it certainly presents a clear picture of what a servant is called to be.

You and I are called to be oil can carriers, and as we walk through life, we ought to be looking for those opportunities to make life a little easier for others. We ought to be looking for opportunities to lubricate the lives of both friends and strangers with a little oil of gladness, joy, generosity, kindness, compassion. There is always someone whose life would be made different because of the oil we spill on their lives.

Whether it be the oil of a kind word,  smile, a letter of appreciation or a phone call. It doesn’t take much time or effort to lubricate the lives of others with the love of Jesus, so keep that oil can full and take it with you wherever you go, as you look for ways to  make life a little easier for those you meet along the way.

Let us keep in mind the words of the Apostle Peter who exhorts us to "Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly-Not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God." 1 Peter 5:2

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Thought for The Day: A Red Envelope Filled with Good News

Dear Friends,

After spending five days with my son and his family in Savannah, I arrived home to discover a red envelope in my mail pile. It came from Nelson Searcy, who is the founder of  “Renegade Pastors,” a  network of some 80,000 pastors who, like me,  are all trying to learn how to become more effective at what we do.

I had recently ordered a couple of items from the ministry and in filing out my credit card information, I noted a question that caught my attention. “How can we pray for you,” it said. Now, not ever wanting to miss an opportunity to be  prayed for, I hurriedly typed in a prayer concern regarding Jean and my recent battles with cancer.

I have done something like this before, but quite honesty I wondered how many of those prayer requests remain just that-prayer requests. Does anyone ever take the time to read and pray over them or do they get relegated to that circular file at the foot of someone’s desk?

Much to my surprise, when I opened the envelope, I found the following note: “Dear Tom, We received your prayer request and wanted to let you know the team has been praying for you and Jean in our daily prayer meetings. We appreciate you both for all that you continue to do for the kingdom.” The letter was signed by Nelson Searcy, and seven of his assistants. No, not some preprinted, canned response, but a personal handwritten note from the pen of a subscriber directed to a brother they neither new nor had ever met.

This all got me to thinking about the times I have told someone I was going to pray for them. Yes, at the time I was serious but unfortunately after a few days that commitment can easily be forgotten. Serious at the time about my willingness to pray, the  “will do” becomes an all too distant memory.

The next time you say you will pray for someone, write down that commitment, add it to your prayer list and then pray and pray and pray. And yes, don’t forget the follow up. Give the person a call after a period and see how they are doing, or drop them a note of encouragement as I received, reminding me that somewhere down in  Boca Raton, Florida, there is a team of prayer warriors who are putting shoe leather to their prayers for Jean and me.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

New Monmouth Musings: The Key That Changed My Ministry

When Jean and I lived and pastored in Philadelphia, we resided in a house connected to the church by a narrow breezeway. Because our home was adjoining the church and looked like a part of the church, we would have frequent occasions when visitors would knock on our door thinking it was the church office. At that time, we had four young children under the age of 8 and a very busy ministry. My only office was in a small 6 by 10-foot  room off the kitchen. It was there that I did all my counseling, wrote my sermons and met with whomever needed to see me. It was not an ideal situation with Jean nursing our youngest, and with three other active children running around the house often in search of special attention.

While on several occasions I had asked the elders if they would build an office for me so that I might have a more private a place to engage in my ministry the response was always the same: It would cost too much money, there was no place to put it, and your predecessors never needed one. I might add my predecessors never had four young children running around the house or a young mom who was desperately in need of some privacy.

As our children were growing and our ministry was expanding, not having an office was becoming more and more of a strain on both our family and our ministry.

And then it happened. One day one of the newer members in our church, a 78 year old retired contractor who with his wife had left their white suburban congregation because they wanted to be a part of an integrated church, knocked on my door and asked for key to let him get into the church. Unbeknownst to me, Clarence Hoff had become aware of my need, and I mean he was ready to do something about it. I provided him the key and continued to go about my work in my tiny office.

Later in the day I went over to the church and as I walked through the hallway, I glanced to my right only to see Clarence proudly standing outside my newly fashioned office.  Knowing how desperate I was to have an office in the church, Clarence had taken it upon himself to build me one. I thought to myself, “I can’t wait to see the faces of my elders when they walk in on Sunday and see what he has done.” With no permission or forewarning, Clarence had seized the initiative and built me an office, and in doing so he had probably saved my ministry and more importantly my marriage!

Sometimes when we see something that needs to be done and no one is willing to do it, we need to seize the initiative and do it. Yes, it is sometimes true that it is better to do something that needs to be done and ask for forgiveness later.

As Solomon records, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so. Do not say to your neighbor, go and come back, and tomorrow I will give it to you.” Proverbs 3:37-28

Now I am not suggesting that one of you takes a hammer and some nails and sneaks into our church and does some “on your own” remodeling of our downstairs’ kitchen and Sunday School area, but if you do, let me suggest your first stop and renovate the men’s bathroom.  And yes, please don’t let the word get back to the elders who encouraged the renovation.

Have a great day in Jesus,
Pastor Tom

New Monmouth Musings: The Day I Told My Garbage Collectors I loved Them.

Dear Friends,

This week I had the opportunity to have breakfast with Jason Sena, one of our church members and a recently elected member of the Shrewsbury Town Council.  During our discussion, I commented to him how impressed I was with the rapidity with which our town’s garbage workers tended to their work. They jump off their trucks and literally run to collect and dump the barrels. “What a work ethic they possess,” I said to Jason, “and how impressed I am with the seriousness they display in completing their work.”

Just yesterday as I was looking out my window, I saw Jean give these same garbage collectors a 'high five' as they came by to pick up our garbage. Why the high five? She was simply thanking them because they not only hurriedly picked up and returned the barrels to the curb, but they went one step further, and personally delivered them all the way back to our garage.

A while later while on my walk, I caught up with them, and I told them how much I appreciated their efforts, and especially the extra time they took to deliver our barrels all the way to their garage. “Oh,” they said, “you saw that woman who high fived us.” “I sure did,”  I said, “she was my wife.” I then assured them of how much she appreciated their kindness.

I think I stunned the two workers with my opening remark when I yelled out “I love you guys.” I am not sure that they had ever heard those kinds of words spoken to them during their service. They were so grateful for my comments, and they couldn’t thank me enough. I told them I was going to write a letter on their behalf and inform the town counsel of how impressed I was with their attitude and work ethic. Their last words to me were, “I don’t think anyone from the Town Council has ever thanked us for the work we do.”

Hopefully they were blessed and encouraged by my words. I know their response blessed and encouraged me, and for the rest of my walk I picked up every stray barrel I saw lying in the road and transported it back to the curb where it belonged.

All of this reminded me of how significant a few words of appreciation can be when it comes to encouraging others. It has been said, “Kind words are short and easy to speak and their echoes are endless,” and how true this is.

I am sure each one of us can remember the words of a pastor, coach, teacher or perhaps even some stranger whose words of encouragement impacted our life.

Paul reminds us that we are “to encourage one another and build one another up, just as in fact you are doing” (1 Thess. 5:11), and that is good advice. The writer of Proverbs expresses how beautiful the right words can be when delivered at just the right time. They are like “apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). 

Why not find someone who would be encouraged by your words, and let them know how much you appreciate them. They will be glad you did, and so will you.

And now for the rest of the story. If you have read thus far, I have something for you to do, and I have a special gift to offer you for doing it. We are not sure who, if anyone, is taking the time to read these weekly devotionals, and so we wanted to do a little survey. This is only between you and me, so please don’t spill the beans. Would you simply send your response to me with the words, ”I read it” and your name? This will ensure you receive that special gift. Remember “mum’s the word.” Just respond to me “I read it” and sign your name. Thanks.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

P.S. I may make this offer available for the next couple of weeks in the same secretive way, so please don’t share with anyone. I would hate to have you lose your reward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Monmouth Musings: What We Learned at U-Turn for Christ About Adversity

Dear Friends,

Last Tuesday I met with members of U-Turn for Christ, an addiction ministry that we host each week at New Monmouth. We were studying the subject of adversity, and I asked the question, “How has adversity shaped your life?” 
And one by one they each began revealing the pain and problems they had experienced as they dealt with their drug or alcohol addiction. They all shared different stories, but they all agreed on one thing: They were glad for the adversity they experienced as they battled with their addiction.

Why would they say that? Because it was adversity that led them into a recovery ministry that had taught them about God. Despite their painful pasts, they were all grateful for their pasts for they could now see how that adversity had now brought them  face to face with Jesus.

Someone was right on when they said, “What we call adversity, God calls opportunity.”  How often God uses adversity to break the bonds of some sin that enslaves us.

Together we examined James 1:2-4: where James reminds us that we are to “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

These brothers in their new-found faith could now see how their painful pasts had now produced a new and a promising future. They now had come to fully understood God’s promise in Romans 8:28 that “In everything, God works together for good to those who love God and are called according to his purpose.”

Each day I receive Allister Begg’s e-mailed daily devotional, and I was struck by his words this morning which focused on the very subject we were discussing within our group. He writes  “Rest assured, if you are a child of God, you will be no stranger to the rod. Sooner or later every bar of gold must pass through the fire. Fear not, but rather rejoice that such fruitful times are in store for you, for in them you will be weaned from earth and made meet for heaven; you will be delivered from clinging to the present and made to long for those eternal things that are so soon to be revealed to you. When you feel that as regards the present you do serve God for nothing, you will then rejoice in the infinite reward of the future.”

Have a great day today and remember that “We are always in the forge, or on the anvil; but by trials God is shaping us for higher things.”

Yours in faith and friendship,
Pastor Tom