Leadership Thought Don’t Get Caught Up in the Blame Game.

Dear Friends. 

This morning I stared at the news screen on my computer and the headlines read “Mc Connell Slams Classless Obama for Virus Comments” and “Trump Abruptly Ends Virus Briefings  Over Contentious Exchanges.” I've had enough of the "Blame Game." I want to scream at both sides, “Will you stop blaming each other, put your big boy pants on, act like grown men, and get something done for a change?” 

The “Blame Game” is not new. It reared its ugly head on  the first pages of the Bible. It appears right in the middle of the garden. “Yes, I ate it, “ said Adam, “but the woman you gave me brought me the fruit, and I ate it.” And when the Lord turned to Eve and asked her how she could eat of the fruit, she had her own excuse. She said,  “The serpent tricked me, and that’s why I ate it.” Genesis 3:12-13

We are a society that has grown accustomed to blaming others for our own problems. Rather than accept responsibility, we quickly point our finger at someone else. That is why the courts are inundated with frivolous lawsuits that get more preposterous with every passing day.

Several years ago, I clipped the following excerpt from a magazine,  as a reminder to myself to not get caught up in the blame game. It was a quote by one of my sports’ heroes, John Wooden, who quite possibly is the greatest basketball coach who has ever lived. He said, “Nobody is ever defeated until they start blaming others.” If more people would follow this advice, I suspect we could wipe out the disease of ‘victimitis’ or  ‘the “poor me disorder.”

In Steve Jamison's book Wooden on Leadership,  which happens to be one of my favorite leadership books in my library, Coach Wooden comments  “You can stumble and fall, make errors and mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming others, including fate, for your results. Always believe there is a positive to be found in the negative. Things usually happen for a reason, even when you are unable to discern the reason.” Quoted from a devotional by Craig Impelman from the Internet. 

I have a quote in my files (not sure of the author) that I think might serve as a good reminder to all of us of the pernicious nature of blame.

"Blame never affirms, it assaults.

Blame never restores, it wounds.

Blame never solves, it complicates.

Blame never unites, it separates.

Blame never smiles, it frowns.

Blame never forgives, it rejects.

Blame never forgets, it remembers.

Blame never builds, it destroys.” 

As I close let me leave you with these words to remember: “When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” Robert Anthony

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom

Leadership Thought: A Pastor’s Episode with “Stinkin’ Thinkin’”

Dear Friends,

A Man walked into a fortune teller’s tent at a carnival and paid his money to have his palm read. “I see many things,” she said. Like what?” the man asked.

“You will be poor and unhappy until you are forty-five,” she stated.

“Oh,” he said dejectedly. Then he had a thought. “What will happen when I’m forty-five?”

“You will get used to it.”

Negative thinking often sets the tone for our life. If we expect things to be bad, that is the way they will be. On the other hand, if we expect things to be good, that’s the way they will be.

In Alcoholic Anonymous people often talk about "stinkin’ thinkin’.” The other day I had an episode with “stinkin’ thinkin’.” I was working on our Mother’s Day message. Preaching to a computer screen or a video camera is a new and challenging assignment for many of us as pastors. It is not easy. And I had reinforced that belief by telling myself  again and again how difficult it was. I had spent four excruciating hours trying to record a 25-minute message, with Pastor Nick overseeing the taping. Again, and again I would make a mistake, and have to back up and start all over again. Finally, in exasperation, I cried out, “This is impossible.” And guess what, it would continue to be impossible if I persisted in reminding myself that it would be so. 

I told Pastor Nick that my mind was so filled with negative thinking that I needed to go home and reassess my attitude. When I arrived the next day to repeat the taping, I possessed an entirely different attitude. I attacked the challenge, and within an hour, I had completed the recording. 

What had changed? It was my attitude. In the intervening 24 hours I had realized that my attitude was impacting my actions. My negative expectations had become a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

In between recordings  the Holy Spirit reminded me of one of the first verses I memorized as a new believer.  Philippians 4:13, which states “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” 

Shame on me. I had given up instead of looking up. I had succumbed to “stinkin thinkin.”

Ben Franklin once said. “Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall receive it,” and nothing was just what I had received.

Relying on our own experience, abilities, and wisdom will always get us in trouble. Reminding ourselves of our own inadequacies and insufficiencies will keep us from achieving those significant things God wants us to achieve and accomplish in our life. Shame on me for forgetting this and trusting more in my own abilities than in HIs strength, in my own experience than in His power.

We need to be like the “Little Engine That Could” who kept climbing to the top of that steep mountain all the while repeating “ I think I can,” “I think I can,” “I think I can.” And then when we make it to the top, we can relax and joyfully look back down the mountain and proclaim because of God’s power “I knew I could,” “ I knew I could,” “I knew I could.” 

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom

Leadership Thought: The Day I Stole My Daughter’s Oreo Cookies.

Dear Friends,

The other day as I walked in the front door of my daughter and son in law’s home, I noticed a colorful sign that attracted my attention. It was created by my grandchildren, and it said, “For All Essential Workers, Please Help Yourself.” Underneath the sign was a plastic container with bottled water, canned soft drinks, popcorn, and pretzels. But what really caught my attention were the little mini packages of chocolate Oreo cookies, something I find almost impossible to resist.

At that moment I wondered to myself if I qualified as an “essential worker.” Does picking up my dog’s poop in the backyard, or planting a couple of flower gardens to beautify my children’s  landscape, or occasionally washing dishes for my daughter, qualify me for  “Essential Service” classification. 

It didn’t long for me  to decide. I quickly pocketed one of the packages of Oreo cookies and started to walk on upstairs. But there was one hurdle yet to avoid. It was my daughter, and she was standing right in the path to freedom and our upstairs apartment.

Do I tell her what I what I had just done, and beg forgiveness? Do I casually ask her if she thinks I qualify as an essential worker? Do I walk right by her as if nothing had happened? Or do I confess that her own dad cheated some postal employee or Fed Ex worker, out of what  rightfully belonged to him/her?

You know the answer. I am a pastor, and how could I ever live with myself had I not done anything but openly confess my dishonest act to my daughter. Yes, I came clean, but only because I knew my daughter was the forgiving type. As I expected she said, Dad,  “Enjoy the treats anytime, and she quickly walked on by.

This little episode caused me to think about a popular song from 1954 that  topped the hit tunes charts for seven weeks and sold two million copies. For you trivia buffs it was sung by Kitty Kallen, and its title was “Little Things Mean a Lot.” Some of you old timers are probably humming the tune right now.

Yes, “ little things do mean a lot.” I thought a lot about the sign posted in our yard honoring front-line workers, proclaiming “You are our heroes.” I thought about all the little things Rachel and the children have been doing during their school time writing letters and thank you notes to people who have made a difference in their lives. I thought about John O’Neill, one of our friends from our church who regularly checks my car’s tire pressure  and gives them a squirt of air when needed. And I remembered John’s wife, Teddie, who along with Julie Harris another church member, is always leaving their kitchen specials on our doorstep.

All of these got me to thinking about little things I might do to show my appreciation to others. As a result, I sat down and wrote letters of appreciation to all my doctors and trust me at my age they are many, so it took more than a few minutes.

The world would be a lot better place if those little “Random Acts of Kindness” we have performed would be expanded to include Random Acts of Appreciation as well.

I write all of this, to challenge you to find a way to say thanks to someone today. Would you let them know that you are grateful for their service,  and the little things they do to make your life a little better. Trust me, you will be glad you did, and those you thank will be even gladder. And when you do this, would you e-mail me and let me know your “mission” has been accomplished.

And by the way, my life was blessed last week when one of the doctors I wrote called me to say thanks. It made my day.

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom

Leadership Thought: The World Needs Dreamers.

Dear Family,

I love the story of the little ten-year-old boy, who was selling pencils door to door in his neighborhood. When an interested adult at one house asked him the reasons for selling pencils. He replied, “I want to raise six million dollars to build a new hospital for the city.” Amazed, the inquiring adult exclaimed, “That’s a mighty big job for just one little boy, isn’t it?” “No,” the little boy responded, “I have a friend who is helping me.”

I love that little story because I love that little boy. I love hanging around people like that-those who dream big dreams-and I believe the world needs more people like this little boy. It needs people who are not afraid to dream and risk and dare to tackle great challenges. That is how progress is made and history is changed.

It was just 300 who were left from Gideon’s original army that defeated the Midianites, and it was only 120 faithful prayer warriors in that Upper Room who, after having received the promised Holy Spirit, ventured out boldly to win their world for Christ. And it was Jonathan with only one of his armor bearers who routed the whole Philistine army, because he knew that “Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving, whether by many or few.” (1 Samuel 14:6)

God has never been concerned with great numbers when it comes to accomplishing His will and purpose. The world needs dreamers, who desire to do great things for God, and who look to God and not the odds makers, for they know that one with God is always a majority.

Several years ago, the late Robert Schuller, helped transform a non-descript drive-in movie theater in Orange County, California, into the magnificent Crystal Cathedral. Unfortunately, following Schuller’s death, the church’s  influence and its once famous television ministry waned, and today it is home of the Orange County Roman Catholic diocese.  Whatever one thinks of Schuller’s theology, one can not dispute the fact that what he accomplished for Christ was the direct result of his willingness to dream big dreams.

He writes, “My dreams had all come true and when the dream comes true it dies. It no longer sustains and feeds you. I have since written this prayer: ‘O God, let me die with my best dreams left unfulfilled’. It’s a profound prayer for if I lived to see all my dreams come true, I will have died before I died.” Renew Your Life! Catch a New Dream, Robert Schuller, p. 6

Whether in the church, at home, or in the office or on the athletic fields, we all must dare to dream big dreams, for dreams are the stuff from which success is made and the foundation on which progress is achieved. And you know it ain’t half bad when someone calls you a dreamer, for I know of another dreamer. His name was Joseph, and his brothers sarcastically labeled him a dreamer, and he didn’t do too bad for himself and his God.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Leadership Thought: A Good Time to Graduate from Kindergarten.

Dear Friends,

During this Pandemic when life has slowed its pace for many of us, what a wonderful opportunity we have to grow and improve in some area of our lives.

We have a cottage on Lake Ontario in northern New York, and one of our most significant annual family traditions was to measure the annual growth of our children. One of the first actions they would take after our five-and-a-half-hour pilgrimage to the lake would be to run into our bedroom, where Jean and I would measure them to see how many inches they had grown over the previous year. I remember how excited they were to be measured. They seem to take competitive pride in noting who had grown the most. Those growth marks are still penciled on the wall of our bedroom. This past summer I was once again reminded of these visual growth testimonies, and I thought to myself how grateful Jean and I are that all of our children are healthy and still growing-albeit not in the physical sense as measured by some old pencil marks on a wall, but in the spiritual sense of maturing in their understanding of who they are as children of the King. There is no stunted growth in any of their lives. 

The Apostle Peter reminds us that we are to "grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ". (2 Peter 3:18). "Like newborn babies, crave spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good" (1 Peter 2:2-3).   Growth like children is not automatic for as Tennessee Ernie Ford used to say (I know this reference really dates me) "Too many people start out at the bottom and sort of like it there."  How sad that many of our lives are spiritually stunted, maybe we stopped growing many years ago, and sadly we are now learning that death begins where growth ends. 

I don't remember who said it, but many years ago I copied a quote that I have never forgotten, the writer said, "When someone misses the opportunity for growth and improvement, he may feel regret. If he goes long enough without growing, he begins to feel he has had an unused life. And that is not unlike an early death". 

How unlike the words of William Barclay, the author of one of the best New Testament commentaries ever written who said, "We should count it a wasted day when we do not learn something new and when we have not penetrated more deeply into the wisdom and the grace of God."  

It is easy to be like the child who decided he would quit school. He said "I hate school; it is an awful place. All they do is ask a lot of questions. I can't write. I don't know how to read, and they won't let me talk. There is nothing to it, so I quit."  "But son," the dad said, "you are only in kindergarten."  And there are some who still may be at the kindergarten stage of their spiritual development. They haven't gone far enough for the fun. They are spirituality stunted, stagnant saints who have never learned that death begins where growth ends. 

Only toadstools pop up overnight. Growth takes time, it takes effort, and it takes a steadfast commitment to daily self-improvement. One of my favorite writers was the legendary basketball coach John Wooden who once said, "It is what you learn after you know it all that counts." 

So, my encouragement to all of us, myself included, is to find that spiritual wall in your home and see how you measure up. Are you growing and if not, why not? Today can be the start of a new commitment to spiritual growth, and a good place to begin is at Genesis 1:1 and a wonderful place to end is Revelation 22:21. I promise if you read everything in between you will be a different person, maybe becoming a spiritual giant in comparison with what you were a few years ago. 

I end with the words of a senior saint who ends his correspondence, with these closing words: "Yours at 83 and still growing." 

May each of us capture his spirit.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Pastor Tom

Leadership Thought: Let's Fight Like Christians Over Our Political Views.

Dear Friends, 

Last night I watched a disturbing interview on 60 Minutes which featured an unemployed woman who had lost a high-level position due to the impact of Covid 19. When asked about the economic effects on her family, she said it was devastating. But then she pointed out that the most significant consequence to her family was not financial, but relational. She then expressed how difficult it has been for her and her family to witness the polarizing impact the pandemic is having on our nation. I think she was probably longing, like I am,  for the "join hands" bi partisan efforts that helped unify our country following the 9-11 tragedy. The woman had no apparent political axe to grind. She was just tired of seeing people pointing fingers and spewing words of animosity toward one another that did nothing but only intensify our nation's divide. 

Are you a contentious Christian?  In today’s political world it is easy to become one.  Each one of us may possess strong feelings about our political positions and persuasions. At times we may even draw our political line in the sand which hinders us from communicating with others who may disagree with us.

It is not wrong to feel passionate about the positions we hold, but let’s be careful  in doing so to remember our witness for Christ is more important than the candidates we support or the positions we espouse.

As Christians there are times to be both peaceable (Romans 12:18) and contentious (Jude 3).  We are to be both kinds of people depending on the issue and concerns we address. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…a time for war, and a time for peace.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 8)

Whatever our reaction and response to the issue being addressed, our ultimate concern must always be our witness for Christ.  All of us need to remember that “the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome, but kind to everyone.” (2 Timothy 2:24)  Yes, there is a time to fight for our faith, (and our causes) but let’s be sure the underlying cause for the fight is our love for Jesus and our desire to see others come to know Him.

Philip Yancey in his book The Jesus I Never Knew offers thoughts that provide a much-needed boundary for our conversations and relationships with others.  Yancey writes “I feel convicted by this quality of Jesus every time I get involved in a cause I strongly believe in.  How easy it is to join the politics of polarization, to find myself shouting across the picket lines at the ‘enemy’ on the other side.  How hard it is to remember that the kingdom of God calls me to love the woman who has just emerged from the abortion clinic (and yes, even her doctor), the promiscuous person who is dying of AIDS, the wealthy landowner who is exploiting God’s creation.  If I cannot show love to such people, then I must question whether I have truly understood Jesus’ gospel.”  Quoted from “I Can”, Art Lindsay, p 251.

So maybe the best thing we can do is to turn off our television sets for a while and ask God to show us if our contention is “godly, loving and kind.” And if the answer is no, let's spend some time in prayer seeking ways to be a part of the solution and not the problem to our nation's divide. It may be hard for us to do, but whoever said being a Christian would be easy.

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom

Leadership Thought: Beware of Pride’s Blindness-Just Look at Haman.

Dear Friends,

I don’t know who wrote it, but it was good advice, “Beware of digging a pit for the enemy; you may fall into it yourself.” The character Haman in the book of Esther would never have hung on the gallows had he heeded these words of wisdom (see Esther Ch. 7).

Haman was one of the most evil and despicable men who ever walked this planet. This master manipulator was a classic personification of evil. His Jealous hatred of a Jew named Mordecai, led him to engineer a plot that would send Mordecai to his death on the gallows. But in an Alfred Hitchcock like twist of fate filled providence, he himself is the one who is hung, leaving Mordecai to enjoy the power, privilege and prestige that Haman so desperately coveted.

The Psalmists writes, “The righteousness of the upright will deliver them, but the unfaithful will be caught by their lust.” What a fitting epitaph for Haman’s headstone.

Haman’s’ pride destroyed him, just as it will destroy everyone who lives to exalt himself at another’s expense. It has been said that, “the proud man has a mirror in which he sees himself. A humble man, a window through which he sees others.” 

Paul writes, “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another” (Romans 12:10).

I love the  words of Francois Fenelon, a Roman Catholic archbishop who lived in the early 1700’s. He writes, “Humility is the source of true greatness; pride is ever impatient, ready to be offended. He who thinks nothing is due to him, never thinks himself ill-treated.”

If we all followed the wisdom of this wise old cleric, how much better our world would be. 

Have a wonderful weekend, and don’t forget these words, “an enemy is a costly thing, a luxury that is too expensive to maintain.” With the Word, Warren Wiersbe, p. 276.

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom