Leadership Thought: A Simple Reminder on Making Friends and Building Relationships

Dear Friends,

John Maxwell tells a wonderful story about making good impressions.

He shares how Jenny Jerome (Winston Churchill’s mother) glided through the loftiest social circles in Great Britain. Once, on consecutive nights, Ms. Jerome dined with England’s premier politicians: Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his chief rival, William Gladstone. When questioned about her impressions of the two men, Ms. Jerome made the following observation:

“When I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.”

Maxwell writes, “Perhaps you know leaders like Gladstone - confident individuals who exude with intelligence, and charisma. Whenever you’re around them, you cannot help but notice their charm… because they make every effort to parade their brilliance in front of you. However, I’ll wager that you’d prefer to follow someone like Disraeli, a leader who would rather draw out the best in you than strut his or her personal greatness.”

In building relationships, it is important to take the focus off yourself and focus it on others.

Last Sunday I was sitting next to a person who I noted was taking extensive notes throughout the message. I didn’t know her name, but after the service I introduced myself and told her how impressed I was with the notes she had been taking throughout the service. I affirmed her and asked when she began the habit of taking sermon notes in church. This led to a rather lengthy conversation and ultimately resulted in my making a new church friendship.

The Thirty Second Rule is a good reminder that in the first 30 seconds of meeting someone we should immediately focus our attention on them and not ourselves. We should be looking for ways to make them feel important, remembering your goal is to be impressed, never impressive.

Try to think of something encouraging to say to them. You might compliment them by saying “You have a wonderful smile”, or “you seem to be so comfortable with children”, or I couldn’t help notice how helpful you were to one of my friends.”

I sometimes will imagine that the person I am talking with is wearing a large name tag that cries out "Please help me feel important."

Someone else suggests putting your mother’s face on the person to whom you are talking  as a way of keeping your comments warm and encouraging.

During the close of the conversation, I sometimes will say to the person, “Do you know what I like about you,” and then specify something that impressed me about them.

The 30 Second Rule is no time for ‘phony baloney.’  You must always make sure your comments and compliments are  honest, genuine, and sincere.

Paul writes to the Corinthians, “We have spoken ‘honestly’ with you, and our hearts are open to you.” 2 Corinthians 6:11 NLB. This is a good reminder of the kind of speech that should mark our communication.

The 30 second rule may seem simple, but I can assure you it will improve your interaction with others.

As Mother Teresa, the Roman Catholic nun and missionary remarked, “Make sure that anyone who comes to you always leaves you happier and healthier.”

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, shy or outgoing, that’s good advice for all of us to follow.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: The First Sermon I Ever Preached by Billy Graham

Dear Friends,

It was over 60 years ago when I charged into Rev. Allan Foster’s office and excitingly shared with him how God had changed my life while attending a Fellowship of Christian Athletes conference in Lake Geneva, Wisc.

Little did I know how that visit would impact my life.

Allan was excited to hear my story, and when I had finished, he shocked me with a question I will never forget. He asked, “Tom, how would you like to preach this Sunday?” I never expected a question like that and without thinking I enthusiastically responded "yes."

As I drove home from that meeting, reality set in, and I couldn't believe I agreed to do such a stupid thing. Preach? I had no idea how or where to begin, let alone what I would say.

I thought about calling Rev. Foster and telling him I had second thoughts about my decision, but I was too embarrassed to do so, and so I began thinking about what I might say.

And then I remembered we had some old Billy Graham "Decision" magazines around the house, and each copy always had a wonderful message by Dr. Graham.

I sorted through a number of them, and I picked out a message on the second coming of Christ. Keep in mind I hardly knew much about his first coming, let alone his second coming. 

However, I figured if the message was good enough for Billy Graham to share, it had to be good enough for me and this little congregation to hear.

I worked hard all week crafting a message that was more Dr. Graham's than mine, and when Sunday morning came, I strode to the pulpit confident that I could survive the experience without embarrassing myself too greatly.

I got off to a good start, but after a few minutes I looked down at my manuscript and noticed the clock, and I was shocked to discover I was almost finished with the message, and I had been in the pulpit less than ten minutes.

A few minutes later, I embarrassedly brought the message to a close. I apologized for my brevity, and sheepishly walked to the back of the church hoping I could sneak out of the service without having to greet a single person.

And then it happened. As I sat down, the congregation erupted in applause. I was stunned. I figured the applause must be because the service had been so short that they were excited to beat their Roman Catholic friends for breakfast at the Cherry Tree Inn. But no, they were cheering for me, not realizing they were really cheering for Dr. Graham who wrote most of my message. 

But at that point I didn’t care, as I was desperate to receive any form of affirmation I could get.

While this event took place in 1962, I still vividly remember how encouraged I felt after failing so miserably in my first pulpit attempt.

Affirmation is something one never forgets.  It has often been called the second cousin of encouragement. To affirm someone is to make them "firm," and affirmation does just that. It strengthens and fortifies us. That's what those precious people in that little Henderson, N.Y. congregation did for me. They strengthened me.

I sometimes wonder if they hadn't affirmed me the way they did, would I have ever had the courage to ever set foot in the pulpit again.

If affirming words were rarely spoken in your home, let me give you some words and phrases that you might wish to add to your vocabulary. These words are easy to speak, and they are powerful life changers, especially for the one who is drowning in self-doubt or who has been embarrassed by some past failure.

I'm proud of you, way to go,  magnificent, I knew you could do it, you're very special to me, I trust you, what a treasure you are, hooray for you, beautiful work, you're a real trooper, well done, that's so creative, you make my day, you're a joy, give me a big hug, you're such a good listener, you figured it out, I love you, I'm praying for you...You get the point! There are a lot of ways you can affirm someone.

The Apostle Paul writes, “Don’t let any unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29) This is a good verse to memorize.

Today, let’s all join the best club in the world: The Affirmation Booster Club.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: What Are You Going to Do with the Gospel?

Dear Friends,

Hank was excited about his new method of fishing. He would row out into the middle of his lake, take a stick of dynamite out of his backpack, light it, and then throw it into the water. A big explosion would follow, and immediately fish would rise to the top of the water. Hank then took his large fishnet and began scooping them into his boat. The local game warden had heard about the numbers of fish Hank was catching, so he decided to pay him a visit. He observed Hank's new method of fishing from the shore, and when he saw how Hank was catching his fish, he motored out to pay Hank a visit. 

"Hank," he said, “you can't fish like that. What you are doing is illegal, and I'm going to have to arrest you." 

Hank paid no attention to the warden's words but instead reached into his backpack for another stick of dynamite, lit it up, and handing it to the warden, he said. "Sir, are you going to keep talking or start fishing"?

The same question might be addressed to the church: "Are you going to keep talking or start fishing?” Asked another way, one might query, "Are you going to be ‘fishers of men or just keepers of the aquarium?’"

Sharing our faith is more important than ever in a church culture where people are less likely to come to church as frequently as they once did. As a result, we must become more intentional about taking and sharing the gospel outside the confines of the church. Believers must commit to taking the gospel to the streets.

Statistically, less than 5 per cent of all Christians have ever led someone to the Lord. The church has strayed a long way from the days of the early church when the gospel spread like wildfire because everywhere believers went, they told their friends and neighbors the good news about Jesus. They were gossipers of the gospel. 

Today we will spend millions of dollars to support missionaries around the world, but few believers will even cross the street to share the good news with their neighbors.

As pastor and evangelist Greg Laurie reminds us, "God has called us to infiltrate and not isolate. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called," and the called are you and me. There is no impact without contact, and unless we recapture the 'go' of Gospel, and go to our friends, neighbors. work associates, teammates, how will they ever hear the Good News?

The last command of the church was given by Jesus who said, "We are to go into the world and make disciples baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son,  and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have told you, and remembering that I am with you always even to the ends of the age (Matthew 28:18-20). Unfortunately, as someone has sadly said, this last command of the church has often become the 'lost' command of the church.

If you are reluctant to be one of the "goers" because you feel inadequate, unqualified, untrained. or just plain fearful about sharing your faith, let me introduce you to one of the most valuable learning opportunities I know of for doing evangelism. In a five-session video course, Greg Laurie will teach you how to share your faith. Go online to Harvest.org, and click on online courses, and sign up for Tell Someone. It's free, and I promise you, watching his five excellent half hour videos will be some of the best evangelism training you will ever receive.

And once trained, you can go to your friends and neighbors, share your testimony, and some of the principles you have learned and be used by God to lead others to Jesus.

You might ask how do I know this to be true? Because we used the training in our church, and as a result a number of people who had previously been 'silent witnesses' for Jesus have already begun sharing their faith with others.

Don't be one of those 95 percenters who will never lead someone to Christ. Instead, be a part of God's army of witnesses who is looking to win the world for Him, one person at a time.

Yours in faith and friendship,

 Tom

Leadership Thought: Political Expression and the Sermon on the Mount

Dear Friends.

I always appreciate hearing perspectives from my Leadership Thought reading friends. Regardless of the position you take, positive or critical, it is a compliment to me to know that you have taken the time to engage and reflect on what I have written.

I have some friends I hear from almost daily, and if I didn’t hear from them for a week, I would be concerned about their well-being. Others respond occasionally ,and it is always good to hear from them and learn their reactions and perspectives, and then there are those in the majority who seldom, if ever, respond and who may well be the ones who simply click “delete” when they see the words Leadership Thought pop up on their screens.

In any event I am grateful for all of you and whether you read or not, you will always remain my leadership friends.

I share this with you to let you know I always welcome feedback, and that I occasionally share your responses in future messages. This is the case today as I have chosen to share a response to yesterday’s Leadership Thought on the value of being politically kind in this crazy hate filled political world where everyone is looking to play “I gotcha.”

Yesterday’s Leadership Thought addressed the importance of being kind to each other, something that is difficult to do in this politically charged world. The author pointed out numerous studies that have revealed the harm that anger can have on our physical and mental health.

I quote the response of one of my readers who wrote:

“The greatest thing a man can do for his Heavenly Father is to be kind to some of His other children. That is our job as followers of Christ.”

“The vast majority of Christian Americans seem to be completely favoring and supporting current American politics - but such politics, behavior and underlying values are devoid of kindness (and a lot of other godly behaviors). Indeed, I've heard that some pastors (not here at our church) have recently gotten criticism for preaching Jesus' Sermon on the Mount, claiming that it is part of some toxic, liberal agenda. So, I deeply and sincerely appreciate your focus on those godly attributes, like kindness, which seem to be quickly falling out of favor among many Christians. I also enormously appreciate your attention to other "unpopular" godly attributes such as compassion/mercy rather than bullying, love (including loving our enemies) rather than hatred, unity rather than division, peace rather than hostility/fighting, respect rather than disrespect, etc. etc.”

“I hope that Christians don't ever criticize you for promoting the authentic ways of Jesus! I feel that many Christians have been or are being deceived as they merge politics and their Christian values. I firmly believe the following equation: Religion + Politics = Politics.”

“I believe that when Jesus is merged with politics, He is diminished and eventually eliminated. I appreciate any effort to maintain attention on Jesus and unveil this Christian deception.”

My friend then included a link that contained an article on  how some evangelicals were rejecting Jesus teachings on the Sermon on the Mount as nothing more that liberal talking points.

I am an evangelical who possesses a strong political bias, and while I strive to insure that the expressions of my political  feelings are consistent with the way Jesus would have me respond, I regret that I sometimes get dragged into political discourse that I know is unbecoming of one who is His follower.

The challenge we all confront as believers is to always remind ourselves of how He lived and what He taught, and I’m "just sayin" the Sermon on the Mount might just be the perfect place to begin (Matthew 5:1-12). 

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: A Message Worth Sharing on the Effects of Bad News on our Mental and Physical Health

Dear Friends,

One of my favorite writers, Dave Burchette has shared an interesting message on the effects that  negative news is having on our mental and physical health. I share it with you this morning in hopes   you might find it as enlightening as I did.

A study published by the Psychology Department at the University of Essex looked at the negative emotional and cognitive effect of hearing bad news only. Here is the opening statement from the study.

“Journalists employing the maxim “if it bleeds, it leads” seem intuitively aware of the negativity bias people have in attending to and remembering bad events over good ones. Indeed, negatively valenced news dominates the press and is shared on Twitter more frequently than positively valenced. (newsjournals.plos.org)

The study went on to note that “news featuring others’ immorality captivates people, it can have aversive affective and cognitive impacts, increasing emotional disturbances and negatively skewing people’s belief in the goodness of others”. 

I think we have witnessed that increasing and divisive effect on our culture. The authors are correct that such reporting of bad news “captivates” and leads to lots of unhealthy biting on the clickbait of negativity. The study examined an interesting counterbalance. Would showing acts of human kindness and compassion immediately after the acts of immorality create better emotional health?

The results revealed that seeing those acts of kindness left the test subjects in a better mood and with more positive views of humanity. Just to see if kindness was the difference maker, they showed some subjects only humorous stories to offset the bad news. Those subjects felt better but the conclusion was fascinating.

Quoting the study again.

“Amusing news stories certainly helped buffer the effects of bad news and reduce the mood disturbances they caused. But in comparison, participants who’d been shown acts of kindness reported a more positive mood on average, and a greater belief in the goodness of humanity.

This shows us there’s something unique about kindness which may buffer the effects of negative news on our mental health.”(niemanlab.org)

I find these studies fascinating as a person who believes in the wisdom of Scripture. The effects of kindness were well documented in the writings of the Gospels, the Epistles of Paul, and many other places in the Bible. It is important to note that these concepts were revolutionary in a culture which focused on power and control. Paul’s message to the church at Colossae is just one example of the amazingly positive potential of following the teachings of Jesus.

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful. (Colossians 3)

Scottish writer Henry Drummond observed in the late 19^th century that “the greatest thing a man can do for his Heavenly Father is to be kind to some of His other children”. That is our job as followers of Christ. Too often we have failed to show up for work.

I want the grace that God has given me to make my heart sensitive toward the poor and hurting and spiritually seeking. It is hard to spend much time in the New Testament and not realize our challenge to be kind. Here is a very small sample.

35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. (Luke 6:35, ESV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, (Galatians 5:22 ESV)

32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32 ESV)

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. 1 Corinthians 13:4, ESV)

The charge of hypocrisy leveled at the church has a lot to do with our obsession with sin management over living a life of kindness, grace and service. If I am not living out of grace then the love of Christ isn’t reaching as far as it could. Kindness is clearly step one.

Kindness does not require great skill or advanced degrees. One of my spiritual heroes is Frederick Buechner. He wrote that “if you want to be holy, be kind”. You do not have to like someone to be kind. Kindness is powerful. Kindness tears down walls. Kindness builds trust. Kindness shows the love of Christ through our imperfect efforts. For Christians, kindness gives the hearer a reason to listen to our message of redemption and grace. 

Scientific research shows kindness makes a difference to offset the evil in this world. Scripture tells us kindness can make a difference. The world is overwhelmed with bad news. Wouldn’t it be a blessing to be a kind vessel of Good News for those we encounter on our journey? A good plan is to read the words of Paul and follow Jesus.

Leadership Thought: The Most Important Decision in the World-Goodness or Grace?

Dear Friends,

I will never forget an illustration I heard many years ago while attending an evangelism conference. At the conference one of the speakers presented an interesting way of offering an invitation to receive Jesus.

He invited us to think of a bookshelf. On the top shelf were the great saints like Billy Graham, Mother Teresa, and Corrie Ten Boom.

On the shelf below would be great people, many of them national heroes like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln Mahatma Gandhi etc.

On the next shelf would be the morally respectable, church going and law-abiding individuals who for want of a better word we might describe as good, but very ordinary people.

One the fourth shelf would be those whose reputations we might consider a little suspect-perhaps they would be the kind of people who cut corners ethically and morally, who seldom could be trusted, and whose life is lived primarily to serve themselves. They fall below the shelf of those ordinary people on the shelf above.

And on the bottom shelf are those who we would classify as morally despicable, the rapists, the bank robbers, the murderers, those we might consider the dregs of society.

The speaker then asked us to draw a line where we thought we would fall on these shelves.

Most people drew a horizontal line somewhere across one of those five shelves.

Having done that, the presenter then took a marker and drew a vertical line from top to bottom right down through the middle of the paper to point out that Jesus doesn’t measure goodness as the world measures goodness. It is not goodness that determines our salvation, but it is grace. It is not what we are, but whose we are, that determines, (pardon the expression), our shelf life.

The bible makes it abundantly clear that “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God,” (Rom. 3:23), and that “The wages of sin  is death,” (Rom. 6:23) or separation from God. No one is good, for we are reminded that “There are none righteous, no not one,” so how could anyone ever presume to be good enough to inherit the kingdom of God? And after all, doesn’t Jesus tell us “That you must be perfect even as your heavenly Father is perfect to inherit the kingdom God,” and who among us can live up to this standard?

You see the Mother Teresas and the Billy Grahams are  in the same boat as those residing on the bottom shelf if they have not received Jesus as Lord and Savior. No, God does not grade on a curve. It is not a person’s goodness, but a person’s faith that opens the door to salvation. It is God’s grace and not our goodness that determines our eternal destiny.

The line drawn straight down through the center of those shelves presents us with only two choices. We either possess a heart that is separated from Him, or a heart by faith that has yielded itself to Him. That is the only line that is of value in God’s economy.

Paul reminds us “It is by grace that you have been saved through faith, it is not of yourselves; it is a gift of God, not by works so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

I love what Oswald Chambers has written, “In new birth when one is born again, God does three things that are impossible: the first is to make man’s past as though it had never been; the second, to make a man new all over again, and the third, to make a man as certain of God as God is of Himself.”

May your ‘shelf life’ be eternal.

Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom

Leadership Thought: My Birthday and the Thoughtful Gifts I Received

Dear Friends,

My recent birthday was very special as I received a number of very thoughtful gifts from friends and family members.

I was walking around with my shoes off and a family member noticed a hole in my socks, and so he purchased and carefully wrapped 12 pairs of socks that will probably last me a decade along with a belt to keep my pants from falling down, which I guess is a good thing as what pastor wants to  drop his trousers in the pulpit during a Sunday morning service. To top it off this same family member secretly took a picture of me holding my dog Maggie, and then had it framed. My children gave me a pair of glove handwarmers, and a heated vest for those cold spring days when I am on the field umpiring. From other friends I got a package of handkerchiefs (I know they probably wanted me to remember them whenever I blow my nose, along with a couple of free car washes, something that I really appreciated since my 2012 Hyundai is always in desperate need of a wash. Last year on my birthday, my secretary gave me a couple of gift cards for an oil change, a very thoughtful gift which I won’t forget.

I share all this with you because I wanted to point out the high level of thoughtfulness each of my friends and family displayed in choosing my birthday gifts.

I confess I am not very good at giving thoughtful gifts -Jean was terrific at that- and I have a lot to learn when it comes to thoughtful gift giving. Often my gift giving involves a frantic last-minute trip to Trader Joe's to pick up one of those one-dollar cards from their card rack.

Earlier in the year I shared a Leadership Thought on this same subject- thoughtfulness- but I wanted to elaborate on this quality because I believe thoughtfulness is such a valuable commodity in today’s world.

When I think of the word thoughtful, words like, kind, considerate, understanding come to mind 

Thoughtfulness is a quality that involves much more than just being nice, like holding the door for someone, smiling, or giving someone your place in the line. It can be those things, but it generally goes deeper than just these simple and spontaneous acts of kindness.

Thoughtfulness involves intentionality, reflection, careful planning, and it often takes some degree of time to express.

Thoughtfulness means being alert to other’s needs and deliberately looking for ways to make their lives better. 

It is one of the truest and best tests of Christian character. It is love in work clothes, always elevating the needs of others over your own.

The fruit of the spirit is love, and love is always thoughtful.

Thoughtfulness seeks God’s direction in revealing how you can be useful in serving others.

In the book of Hebrews, we are told that the Lord is not forgetful to reward our works of righteousness. (Hebrews 6:10)

Jesus says, “Whoever, in the name of a disciple, shall give even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones, truly, I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward." (Matthew 10: 42). 

When you do something for someone else, that act may soon be forgotten, but it will never be forgotten by the Lord for He promises us that he will never forget our actions, and that He will reward us, if not now, then even better yet, in heaven.

Let me suggest some ways to lead a more thoughtful life.

Take time to listen to others, really listen. Listen with your heart and ask God to show you how you can bless that other person

Show small acts of kindness: offer to babysit, provide rides, bake  cookies etc.

Give meaningful compliments. People love being complimented. Encouragement is oxygen to the soul, and if the person is breathing, it’s a good sign that they need it.

Show your gratitude and thankfulness with  handwritten thank you notes. You can get wonderful thankful cards at one of my favorite shopping destinations, the Dollar Store.

Try and remember important dates. My important date list is taped on the wall, just an arm's length away from my desk.

Take time to pray and plan. Ask God to show you how you can express His loves to a friend or even to a stranger.

As we approach our day, let's stop thinking about ourselves and begin thinking of thoughtful ways to care for and serve others, for this the first step in sowing the seeds of thoughtfulness.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom