Leadership Thought: The Dangers of Playing the Blame Game, or Watch Out for That Old Mule

Dear Friends,

There is a lot of blame going on in politics. Each side blames the other for the state of our economy.

As I think about all of the 'blamesmanship' taking place I thought about a wonderful story involving a farmer and his mule. The farmer possessed a very critical attitude. He was always blaming others, criticizing others, pointing the finger of responsibility at others. 

He had a mule, and one day after blasting the mule from behind with a 2 by 4 because of something the mule did, the mule got up and kicked him, knocking him dead in his tracks. 

At his funeral, his wife kept nodding her head from side to side or up and down as mourners passed by the casket. At the end of the service, one of the attenders said to his wife, "I noticed that you either nodded your head from side to side or up and down as each person filed past the casket. What were you saying." 

"Well, to the men who came by and expressed their condolences, I was nodding my head up and down, saying yes, thank you for your thoughts, yes, I will be fine, yes, it has been a difficult time........ But when the women passed by, I kept nodding my head from side to side, saying, no, no, no, because they kept asking me if that mule was for sale."

There are people in our lives like that farmer who have little trouble finding fault with others, criticizing others, blaming others. They are the 'blame gamers,' those who never assume responsibility for their own actions. 

The legendary coach, John Wooden, once wrote, "Nobody has ever been defeated until they start blaming others."  And coach Wooden was right.  When you start looking to blame others you lose your focus, and defeat is generally inevitable.

As a former teacher, coach and now an umpire, I've heard my share of people playing the blame game. The referees jobbed us and cost us the game; My teacher never taught us that information for the test. My mom didn't wake me up on time, and because of it, I couldn't get my homework done for class. I wish I had a nickel for every lame excuse I've been given by players, students, fans, and yes, even by my own children. 

Written on a Philadelphia wall were the words "Humpty Dumpty was pushed."  Humpty was a victim, you see. He didn't fall; It was someone else who pushed him. 

'Victimitis' is infectious. It's a contagious disease, and it's on the rise, and we must avoid it like the plague it is.

Such behavior goes all the way back to the first pages of the Bible: "The woman you put here with me- she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it." 

And then the woman gets into the blame game herself and says to God, "the serpent deceived me, and I ate it. (Genesis 3:12-13).

But the classic example is found in Genesis 16. Sarai, is barren, and suggests to her husband, Abram, that he take her maid servant and have a child by her. But when this happens, and Hagar gives birth to a child, Ishmael, Sarai's tune changes and she not only despises Abram's mistress, but she now blames Abram saying, "You are the one responsible for the wrong I am suffering."

Sarai, be careful what you ask for, and when you get it, accept it and stop crying trying to shift the blame to someone else. 

Don't be a 'dumper,' one who dumps the blame in someone else's lap. Instead accept responsibility for your own actions and accept the consequences. 

When Paul and Silas were in prison, they had the option to blame the Roman authorities for their imprisonment. "We are Roman citizens." "We are held without trial." "We are being treated unfairly...". 

No, instead of seething, they were singing, and so should we whenever we are unfairly treated. Paul and Silas could do that for they knew that God was in control, and He would work out the situation for their good and His glory.

Ouch, I have to stop now for my message hit a tender nerve, and I must go and put some salve on my own complaining spirit.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Are You a Charismatic?

Dear Friends,

Are you a charismatic? No, I am not talking about whether you speak in tongues  or go to a church that emphasizes the baptism in the Holy Spirit. I am talking about whether you are the kind of person that draws others to you, the kind of person that others can't wait to be around.

When a charismatic person enters a room, his first thought is not "Here I am," but "There you are." 

A charismatic person's focus is on you, and they make you feel like they are genuinely glad and excited to see and be you. They make you feel like you are the most important person in the room.

When they talk with you, they are not interested in being impressive but being impressed. 

A charismatic person is always looking to bring the best out of the other person. He always gives them the "Triple A" Treatment: attention, affirmation and appreciation.

The moment you put your focus on others, their value will expand in your heart and  mind, and your own self-importance will shrink and  diminish.  

A charismatic person always believes the best in others and in doing so discovers he  truly brings the best out of them. That's what makes a charismatic. 

Are you one?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Wounded Worshippers, A Message Worth Filing Away for Tough Times When They Come

Dear Friends,

I opened my computer this morning and read a message I thought worth sharing with you. It is by Pastor Rick Warren who provides some thoughtful insights on how to address those tough times that inevitably will show up one day on our doorstep. I hope it ministers to you as much as it did me.

Pastor Rick writes, “Everyone gets wounded at one time or another.

Sometimes it’s physical. Other times, it’s emotional, spiritual, or relational. And if you’re not experiencing a wound right now, one is probably on the horizon.

So how do you respond when life hurts? You worship.

That may seem counterintuitive. But worship is the only antidote to pain that brings both healing and hope.

Job is one of the best examples in the Bible of how to worship when you’re hurting. In a single day, he lost everything—his wealth, his health, and even his children. The book of Job tells the story of a man deeply wounded but ultimately unshaken in his devotion to God.

Here are five ways to worship when you’re wounded:

1. Grieve: Tell God how you feel.

Worship doesn’t always start with a smile; it often begins with tears.

Job didn’t hold back: “Job stood up, tore his robe in grief, and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground and worshiped” (Job 1:20 GW).

In the ancient Middle East, people expressed grief by tearing their clothes. God isn’t afraid of your raw emotions. In fact, he welcomes them. When you pour out your hurt, you’re not being unspiritual—you’re worshiping.

Don’t bottle up your pain. God didn’t design your body to store negative emotions. Let them out. Confess them to God. He can handle your honesty.

2. Praise God—not for your problems, but in the midst of them.

Job’s story boils down to one question: Will I worship God when everything goes wrong?

It’s easy to praise God when life is good. But what about when it’s not? That’s the real test of faith.

Life is rarely all good or all bad. It’s more like two parallel tracks—one of joy and one of sorrow—running side by side. Even in our darkest moments, there’s still something to thank God for. Job chose to praise God in the middle of his suffering. You can, too.

3. Ask God for wisdom and strength.

Pain makes it hard to think clearly. Wounds distort our perspective. That’s why we need God’s help to see straight and stay strong.

The Message paraphrase says, “True wisdom and real power belong to God; from him we learn how to live, and also what to live for” (Job 12:13).

Wisdom gives you direction. Strength gives you endurance. Both come from God. The Bible promises, “The LORD saves good people; he is their strength in times of trouble” (Psalm 37:39 NCV).

God may not remove your pain, but he will supply what you need to keep going.

4. Gather with others for support.

God didn’t create you to worship alone—especially when you’re hurting.

The natural tendency when we’re wounded is to withdraw. We isolate. We put up walls. We hide. That might feel safer, but it only prolongs the pain.

If you never learn how to share your pain, you’ll never heal.

That’s why pastors need small groups, too. You need people in your corner who will walk with you through the valleys, not just celebrate with you on the mountaintops.

Don’t wait until the crisis to build those relationships. Find a group where you can be real, be known, and be supported.

5. Keep going.

Perseverance is a form of worship.

Job’s wife told him to curse God and die. But Job refused. Instead, he said, “Though he [God] slay me, yet will I trust him” (Job 13:15 KJV).

That’s radical faith. That’s worship in its truest form.

What gave Job that kind of confidence? He knew his Redeemer lived: “I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth” (Job 19:25 NIV).

Whatever you’re going through, it won’t last forever. Eternity is coming. Your Redeemer is alive. And one day, he will make all things new.

Don’t, don’t let your pain rob you of worship. Don’t let it derail your ministry.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: I Am An ISFP, and I Have a Confrontation Problem 

 Dear Friends,

Years ago, at a weekend elders retreat, we spent part of our morning session assessing our leadership personalities as reflected in the taking of  a modified Meyer’ Briggs Personality Inventory.  It has been over 25 years since I took the test, and I was curious to find out if I had changed as experts say your personality type doesn’t change. as you go through life. I found this to be true; once an ISFP always an ISFP, although, for those familiar with the marking scale, my "P" and my "J" were much closer than I had expected.

ISFP's are  described as gentle. sensitive, nurturing, helpful, flexible and realistic, and I like to think I possess some of those qualities. But one thing ISFP’s do not possess is the ability to confront others, which is an important quality for leaders. Those who  are strong “F’s” (feeling oriented) generally repress  feelings and lack healthy emotional expression which can lead to a lot of stress and frustration. Private and sensitive,  it is often hard for us to have those tough conversations, and we often get butterflies in our belly at the thought of confronting, or worse yet firing someone.

I am vastly different from a former staff member with whom I worked. Prior to seminary, he managed a Bask and Robbins’ ice cream franchise, and he told me he actually enjoyed opportunities to confront people, and he was very comfortable firing them when he needed to do so.  

I sometimes wish I  had a small portion of his confrontational personality as I am the kind of person that always thinks if I wait long enough, I can help change the person, and that our working relationships will eventually improve.

In one of my churches, I had an administrative secretary who was A-1 at performing her job description, but she lacked empathy. She got things done, but often as the expense of other’s feelings, and people told me I needed to find another place for her to work, for she was not a good reflection of my ministry. For a year and a half, I fought and agonized over the decision, always concluding that I could “fix her” and with time she would change and be more like the secretary I needed. However, the unspoken tension only got worse. Finally, I mustered the emotional energy to make a change, and I am happy to say the change was good for both of us. She was repositioned in a new job that was a better fit for her, and I was relieved to find a secretary that was more reflective of my ministry style and values.

If you are like I am, you may find those difficult conversations easy to put off, but here is something that I found very helpful. It came from a podcast  titled, “Why Can’t You Just Like Me and Do What I Say?” I quote from the notes I took.

“Strong, relational leaders tend to lead with care and avoid candor. If it's all care and no candor, this leads to a dysfunctional relationship- things are never all good. Strong task production leaders tend to lead with candor and hold back care. If it is all candor and no care, this leads to a distant relationship, and no one wants to be around you. It is important to maintain mutual purpose and mutual respect when dealing with tough situations.”

The noted writer and speaker, Dr. Henry Cloud teaches  “that what you have today in your home or in your work environment is the result of two things; what you created and what you allowed.”

It isn’t always easy to “speak the truth in love,”( Eph 4:15a), and  when we do,  we must always keep in mind the important balance between caring and candor, so that like Jesus our conversations are always  “full of grace and truth” (John1:14). If we do, we will be able to say with the Apostle John that we are “walking in love” (2 John v. 6), and what better walk could we ever take than the “walk of love.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Quotes taken from the John Maxwell Executive Leadership Podcast with Chris Goede and Perry Holly, Episode  102

Leadership Thought: The Dangers of Jumping to Political Conclusions

Dear Friends,

A friend of mine in South Florida recently sent me a podcast from his retired pastor, Doug Pratt, in which he addresses the dangers of jumping to conclusions regarding our current political landscape. He cautions believers not to be hasty in predetermining the ultimate impact of recent actions taken by our political leadership. I have transcribed a part of his message, and I hope it will be of value in reminding us, regardless of our political persuasions, of the dangers of trying to be political prognosticators.

Pastor Pratt states, "You can't write accurate history while you're living it. In other words, it's impossible to know what is really happening as events are unfolding. Only hindsight offers a perspective that can approach comprehensive truth. But of course, people try to make sense out of life as it unfolds. Those attempts are lacking or incomplete. No one can see every dimension of our current situation, and no one knows the future. The tendency to follow the trap of jumping to premature conclusions is nearly universal. Across the spectrum, from the smartest and best educated to the simplest minded, the best and brightest are not immune to this blunder. Journalists are prone to the arrogance of thinking that they can predict accurately what will come. Their job is to tell us what is happening now, of course, but it's hard for them to resist also trying to tell us what will happen. Proclaimed or self-anointed experts are often wrong. Public opinion polls can also be off base. And when politicians and journalists rely solely on them, it's a recipe for error...”

"My purpose is not to shame or blame, not to criticize or ridicule the mistakes of premature conclusions that we are all tempted to make, but simply to offer a caution. The current immensely complicated situation in our world in the spring of 2025 should make us cautious. Significant portions of American government, culture and the economy are being disrupted and appear to be going through major transitions. A wave of presidential actions and changing political currents feel like a tsunami washing over us. They seem to be unprecedented and potentially are affecting many countries around the world. What will be the outcome and how will we judge these events when we can see them from the more objective perspective of the future? It is possible that the President and his team will prove to have made one or more blunders of overreach. Leaders can mistakenly think that they have more power to control their world than they really do. President Trump's confident promises of the positive effects of his worldwide tariff, the shrinking of the federal bureaucracy, his deal making with foreign leaders and his expansion of executive powers will all work to make America greater may not prosper as he thinks they will...“

“The new president is not immune to the mistake of overreach, but it is also possible that President Trump's initiatives will ultimately prove to be successful. His political obituary has been written prematurely a dozen times. It is possible that he can manage to pull off the following ambitious goals. Peace in Ukraine and the Middle East, a reconfiguring of the global economy, a check on Chinese aggression, the neutering of Iran, the rebuilding of American manufacturing, the shrinking of the federal deficit, the securing of American borders, the strengthening of American presence in Greenland and Panama... If he achieved some of these goals, his second term may be judged by history as a relative success. If he achieves every one of them, he'll be a 'Rushmorian.' If he fails in most of them, or if other unforeseen crises and disasters occur in the next three and a half years, he will be seen as a great disappointment and the American pendulum will likely swing back in the other direction. I will not offer a personal prediction. The world is too complex, and the future too unknowable.”

“How do Christian citizens act in a time of great transition and uncertainty? By doing that, which the scripture calls us to do, and also by going against human nature's impulse to jump to premature conclusions? We wait patiently. We withhold judgment. We pray, we watch, we trust God, and we focus our energies on living our own lives faithfully and fruitfully. We don't let ourselves become caught up in or obsessed with things we can't control and can only understand partially, if at all. "

I believe Pastor Doug's words are important truths to keep in mind as we assess the unfolding of political events. Regardless of our political persuasion, let us never forget that God is in control of our future, and it is He who possesses the last and final word.

Until then I will seek to follow hard after the wisdom found in Proverbs which exhorts us to "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths. Don't consider yourselves to be wise; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. This will be healing for your body and strength for your bones.” (Proverbs 3:5-8)

That’s good advice for all of us whether, Republicans, Democrats or Independents and may we never become those whose only exercise is in the excelling of jumping to conclusions.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: The Sixth Grade Minister I Met in Church Yesterday

Dear Friends.

"When he came to Jerusalem, Paul tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him, not believing that he really was a disciple. But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord, and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus." Acts 9: 26-28)

Did you ever wonder what might have happened to the apostle Paul if it hadn't been for an unsung biblical hero like Barnabas who was willing to risk his reputation in defense of him? Would we have all  the  New Testament letters that Paul wrote? Would Paul's faith have survived the ostracism of the local church in Jerusalem? Would Paul have bolted from the faith, or perhaps started some hybrid version of Christianity?

Of course, we don't know the answer to these questions, but it is conceivable that if it had not been for Barnabas, Paul might never have had the opportunity to meet with the leaders of the Jerusalem Church, and who knows how that might have impacted the spread of Christianity. 

Next to his conversion on the road to Damascus, there may not have been a more significant turning point in Paul's life than the support and encouragement he received from Barnabas, which opened his door to ministry with the Jerusalem elders.

Someone said, “We will never know how many people are lost to the Lord because no one ever came around to give them encouragement?”

When Sir Walter Scott was a boy, he was not considered very bright. As a result, most folks ignored him. When he was twelve, he went to a social gathering where a number of literary figures were present. Robert Burns, the famous Scottish poet, was admiring a painting under which was written a couplet of poetry. He asked about the author, but nobody knew who had written the lines. That was when Scott very shyly quoted the rest of the poem and gave the author's name. Burns placed his hand on the young boy's head and said, “Son, you will be a great man of Scotland someday.” Years later, Scott remembered Burns's encouraging words as the turning point in his life.

Yesterday in church I sat next to a mom and her twelve-year-old son. Following the service, I introduced myself, and the mother mentioned that her son wanted to be a minister. I was excited to speak with him, and I thought to myself, how can I encourage this boy to pursue his dreams, and then it came to me. I reached into my shirt pocket and gave him a bible tract, and I encouraged him to share it with one of his classmates. His eyes lit up when he realized he was not too young to pursue his own ministry.  

I may never know the impact this brief conversation had on this sixth-grade student, and how my words might have encouraged him on his pathway to ministry, but God does and that is what is important.

I truly believe that if we had more people like Barnabas in our world, we would have more Paul’s.

Perhaps it was the encouragement Paul received from Barnabas that led him to write the following exhortation: “Therefore, encourage one another and build each other opt, just as in fact you're doing.” 1Thessalonians 5:11.

Encouragement is one of the most treasured gifts you can give to anyone.

So, speak that word, write that letter, make that call, and yes, maybe even pass along that tract to someone today.

If you do, maybe like Barnabas, you will one day view your name right next to his and Paul’s in God’s Hall of Fame.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Some Reflections on What Makes an Active Church Member

Dear Friends,

What makes an active church member? There are a number of criteria one might offer beginning with one of the most predicable means of measuring church activity, and that is worship attendance. It used to be that an active member was considered to be one who attended church three times a week. They might attend Sunday morning, a mid-week service and maybe a Bible study. Today we have lowered the bar, and many consider worshipping three times a month qualifies you to be called an active member. That is a difference of 75 percent. What if you were to reduce the time you spent with your spouse by 75 percent? The marriage counselor might be just around the corner. Hebrews 10:24-25 exhorts us "to consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another-and all the more as you see the Day approaching". 

But there are other means of measuring active membership, and let me share some of them to see how we stack up? 

Secondly an active member will pursue meaningful relationships with others in the family. One of the best ways to do that is through small group involvement. A member who is involved in a small group will be five times less likely to drop out from the church over a five-year period than one who is not involved in a small group. Relationships are the glue that holds the church together.

Thirdly, you are giving regularly and systematically to the church. You are investing in kingdom purposes through the stewardship of your resources. The bible is clear that "where your treasure is there will your heart be also" (Matthew 6:21). Your heart will follow your money which seems counter intuitive, but it is true. If you invest in the stock market, you will be anxious to regularly check the stock prices because you are interested in your investment. If you give to the church, you become more interested and more involved as you want to know how your giving is being used for kingdom causes.

Fourth, you will be involved in some form of ministry: serving on a cleaning crew, setting up tables for fellowship, ushering, greeting, teaching, welcoming new visitors, serving in youth ministry, teaching Sunday School. There are plenty of opportunities to become involved, and if you are not sure where you might fit in, let us know and we’ll find an area of service that fits your interest. 

Fifth, you are inviting others to church because you want others to experience what you have experienced. If you are excited about something, you will encourage others to become involved. When we find a good restaurant, one of the first things we will do is to tell others about our experience, and the same is true for the church.

Sixth You are reading your bible daily, involved in some form of spiritual discipline like prayer, bible study or fasting, using a daily devotional or watching a podcast.

Seventh you are able to share the vision and purpose of the church. You can articulate your church's core values and its key distinctives that identify you and guide you in developing your mission and ministry.  

I write this not to foster guilt or heap judgment on anyone who doesn't subscribe or measure up to these above qualities of active membership. I fully realize that none of us will probably ever fulfill all of them. But the more qualities we do identify as part of our church's DNA, the more likely we would be considered active members. The church needs active members, each one bearing and sharing part of the ministry load. May God help us develop these kinds of members, who can help us storm the gates of hell and pull down Satan's kingdom. Will you join us?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom