Dear
Friends,
John
Maxwell tells a wonderful story about making good impressions.
He
shares how Jenny Jerome (Winston Churchill’s mother) glided through the
loftiest social circles in Great Britain. Once, on consecutive nights, Ms.
Jerome dined with England’s premier politicians: Prime Minister Benjamin
Disraeli and his chief rival, William Gladstone. When questioned about her
impressions of the two men, Ms. Jerome made the following observation:
“When
I left the dining room after sitting next to Gladstone, I thought he was the
cleverest man in England. But when I sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that
I was the cleverest woman.”
Maxwell
writes, “Perhaps you know leaders like Gladstone - confident individuals who
exude with intelligence, and charisma. Whenever you’re around them, you cannot
help but notice their charm… because they make every effort to parade their
brilliance in front of you. However, I’ll wager that you’d prefer to follow
someone like Disraeli, a leader who would rather draw out the best in you than
strut his or her personal greatness.”
In
building relationships, it is important to take the focus off yourself and
focus it on others.
A while ago I was
sitting in church next to a person who I noted was taking extensive notes
throughout the message. I didn’t know her name, but after the service I
introduced myself and told her how impressed I was with the notes she had been
taking throughout the service. I affirmed her and asked when she began the
habit of taking sermon notes in church. This led to a rather lengthy conversation
and ultimately resulted in my making a new church friendship. Asking relevant
questions of a person is an excellent way of engaging them and building a
friendship.
The
Thirty Second Rule is a good way to start building a new relationship. In the
first 30 seconds of meeting someone we should immediately focus our attention
on them and not ourselves. We should be looking for ways to make them feel
important, remembering your goal is to be impressed, never impressive.
Try
to think of something encouraging to say to them. You might compliment them by
saying “You have a wonderful smile”, or “you seem to be so comfortable with
children”, or I couldn’t help notice how helpful you were to one of my
friends.”
I sometimes will imagine that the person I am talking with is wearing a large
name tag that cries out "Please help me feel important."
Someone
else suggests putting your mother’s face on the person to whom you are
talking as a way of keeping your comments warm and encouraging.
During
the close of the conversation, I sometimes will say to the person, “Do you know
what I like about you,” and then specify something that impressed me about
them.
The
30 Second Rule is no time for ‘phony baloney.’ You must always make
sure your comments and compliments are honest, genuine, and sincere.
Paul
writes to the Corinthians, “We have spoken ‘honestly’ with you, and our hearts
are open to you.” 2 Corinthians 6:11 NLB. This is a good reminder of the kind
of speech that should mark our communication.
The
30 second rule may seem simple, but I can assure you it will improve your
interaction with others.
As
Mother Teresa, the Roman Catholic nun and missionary remarked, “Make sure that
anyone who comes to you always leaves you happier and healthier.”
Whether
you are an introvert or extrovert, shy or outgoing, that’s good advice for all
of us to follow.
Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom
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