Suicide: The Awful Temptation and Some Thoughts Regarding It.

Dear Friends,

I will never forget the phone conversation, it was 2003 and I had with a good friend whose daughter had just committed suicide. He told me that he walked into her room to say good morning, only to discover to his horror that his 15-year-old daughter was hanging lifeless with a rope tied around her neck. With everything to live for, this young girl, who was involved in two Christian youth groups and who was an aspiring singer, who had only a few days before had led worship for one of the groups, had cone the unthinkable.  She had taken her life. There was no note, no explanation, no warning signs.

Stephanie’s mom and dad were counted among my closest friends. Scott had been a part of the leadership team at the Presbyterian Church in Red Bank, where I had pastored, and in spite of our deep friendship, I found myself struggling for words, as I talked with him by phone from Fort Lauderdale, where I was now pastoring. All I could do was listen and cry, and in retrospect I learned that this was probably the best ministry I could have provided at such a time. This was not the time for simple solutions nor easy explanations. It was the time to listen, and feel the heartache of my brother in the faith.

I immediately flew to New Jersey to be with the family and to attend Stephanie’s funeral. The church was packed, and as I sat there in the midst of that congregation, I found myself asking what would make a young person with so much going for her reach a point of such despair that she would willingly choose to check out of life.

Just this morning, I again read Scott’s wonderful funeral tribute to Stephanie, and as I did the same emotions I felt 15 years ago rushed over me. The suicide of a child has got to be the most horrendous experience a parent could ever have to suffer.

Sadly, suicide has reach epidemic proportions in our nation. Once every minute there is someone who will try to hurry their appointment with death. There are 24% more deaths by suicide than by murder. Every day seventy Americans take their own lives, nearly three and hour. For American teenagers, it is the number 2 cause of death. The suicide rate for Americans under thirty has increased 300 percent the last decade. Usually suicide victims leave clues of their intention. Four out of five people who do commit suicide have tried it previously, so when it is attempted and is unsuccessful there is a good chance that it will be tried again. The Finishing Touch, Charles Swindoll, pp 240-41

A number of years ago, I filed away an article by Mark Littleton titled “Suicide: The Awful Temptation.” It was a helpful article for me to re-read, as I thought about the Suicide Awareness program, which we will be offering this Saturday as a part of our combined men’s’ and women’s fellowship, which I hope you all are planning to attend. Breakfast begins at 9:00 am, and I hope you will invite your friends and family members to hear my friend Scott share what he has learned about suicide since the death of his daughter. Scott now travels all across the country working with schools, organizations, and political groups seeking to educate them on how to address this crises in our nation.

In Littleton’s article, he shares the following thoughts to consider as you confront one tempted to take his/her life.

1. Make a pact. This is a personal promise that the suicidal can call anywhere, at any time, when despair has driven him to the brink. Even if he only wants to say goodbye and end the pact, it can help.

2. Provide relief from depression. This usually involves giving time to the suicidal, doing something to take his mind off himself. This might involve taking the person out to dinner, to a ball game, or someplace where there is an opportunity for interaction.

3. Encourage every effort and cry over each defeat. Paul instructs us “Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15

4. Instill a sense of value. Some verses that you might turn to are: Psalm 139:1-16, Romans 8:29, 2 Corinthians 5:1, Philippians 1:6, 1 Corinthians 10:13, and Psalm 55:22. Keep in mind, however, that God primarily demonstrates His love through others. Words, deeds, and little acts of caring strengthen sagging self-images. The Lord Jesus said that even a cup of water will not be forgotten.

5. Love unconditionally. This can’t be something done to get the right reaction. The suicidal feels no one cares, and when someone communicates, “I’ll tell him I love him and that’ll do the trick,” the suicidal reasons that he’s not really loved and that you just want everything back to normal. The person needs sincere and constant expressions of love. “Moody Monthly, Mark Littleton, February 1982, pp 115-16.

What do you look for to determine if a person is suicidal? Here are some, but not all of the symptoms you might see. You may observe deep depression, physical symptoms such as talk about suicide, a sudden change in personality, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, decreased sexual drive, drastic weight loss, and repeated exhaustion. Be cognizant of actual attempts, and crisis situations like the death of a loved one, failure at school, loss of job or marital or home problems, and a lengthy or terminal illness. If you see any of these signs, it is important that you consult your physician or ask the advice of someone in the counseling field. Above all never ignore the seriousness of one talking about suicide. The common denominator for most suicides includes a sense of worthlessness, failure, loneliness and self-hate. 

Let me close with a story author John Pollock tells about the great missionary Hudson Taylor. Taylor, he says, became so low he wanted to die. He was so despondent that he had the awful temptation . . . even to end his own life . . . But his wife Maria stood between Hudson and suicide. Pollock goes on to say that “the one human factor still stable in his disintegrating world was their love. It hadn’t worn off or worn out.”

Jesus Christ loved Hudson Taylor through his wife, and that love sustained him. Ask God to show you how to unconditionally love the suicidal. It may be the one thing standing between them and “the awful temptation”.

Yours in faith and fellowship,

Pastor Tom

P.S. See you this Saturday, 9:00 am, in the FMC for an important lesson on this important subject of suicide led by Scott Fritz and Joe Gratzel.