Dear Friends,
At our weekend elders retreat, we spent part of our morning
session assessing our leadership personalities as reflected in the taking of
a modified Meyer’ Briggs Personality Inventory. It has been over 25
years since I took the test, and I was curious to find out if I had changed as
experts say your personality type doesn’t change. as you go through life. I
found this to be true; once an ISFP always an ISFP, although, for those
familiar with the marking scale, my "P" and my "J" were
much closer than I had expected.
ISFP's are described as gentle. sensitive, nurturing,
helpful, flexible, and realistic, and I like to think I possess some of those
qualities. But one thing ISFP’s do not possess is the ability to confront
others, which is an important quality for leaders. Those who are strong “F’s” (feeling
oriented) generally repress feelings and lack healthy emotional
expression which can lead to a lot of stress and frustration. Private and
sensitive, it is often hard for us to have those tough conversations, and
we often get butterflies in our belly at the thought of confronting, or worse
yet firing someone.
I am vastly different from a former staff member with whom I worked.
Prior to seminary, he managed a Bask and Robbins’ ice cream franchise, and he
told me, he actually enjoyed opportunities to confront people, and he was very
comfortable firing them when he needed to do so.
I sometimes wish I had a small portion of his
confrontational personality as I am the kind of person that always thinks if I
wait long enough, I can help change the person, and that our working
relationships will eventually improve.
In one of my churches, I had an administrative secretary who was
A-1 at performing her job description, but she lacked empathy. She got things
done, but often as the expense of other’s feelings, and people told me I needed
to find another place for her to work, for she was not a good reflection of my
ministry. For a year and a half, I fought and agonized over the decision,
always concluding that I could “fix her” and with time she would change and be
more like the secretary I needed. However, the unspoken tension only got worse.
Finally, I mustered the emotional energy to make a change, and I am happy to
say the change was good for both of us. She was repositioned in a new job that
was a better fit for her, and I was relieved to find a secretary that was more
reflective of my ministry style and values.
If you are like I am, you may find those difficult conversations
easy to put off, but here is something that I found very helpful. It came from
a podcast titled, “Why Can’t You Just Like Me and Do What I Say?” I quote
from the notes I took.
“Strong, relational leaders tend to lead with care and avoid
candor. If it's all care and no candor, this leads to a dysfunctional
relationship- things are never all good. Strong task production leaders tend to
lead with candor and hold back care. If it is all candor and no care, this
leads to a distant relationship, and no one wants to be around you. It is
important to maintain mutual purpose and mutual respect when dealing with tough
situations.”
The noted writer and speaker, Dr. Henry Cloud teaches “that
what you have today in your home or in your work environment is the result of
two things; what you created and what you allowed.”
It isn’t always easy to “speak the truth in love,”( Eph 4:15a),
and when we do, we must always keep in mind the important balance
between caring and candor, so that like Jesus our conversations are always
“full of grace and truth” (John1:14). If we do, we will be able to say
with the Apostle John that we are “walking in love” (2 John v. 6), and what
better walk could we ever take than the “walk of love.
Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom
Quotes taken from the John Maxwell Executive Leadership Podcast
with Chris Goede and Perry Holly, Episode 102
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