Leadership Thought: Have You Ever Sung Songs to a Heavy Heart?

Dear Friend,

This week at our Deacons’ meeting, we spent time sharing  thoughts on how to care for those who struggle with physical and or emotional issues.

We are studying the book Don’t Sing Songs to a Heavy Heart,  by Kenneth Haugk. It’s a wonderful book that I would strongly recommend it for those who desire to improve their ability to care for those with ‘heavy hearts.’

The author quotes Shel Silverstein’s poem. “Helping,” which defines two very different kinds of help:

“And some kind of help

Is the kind of help.

That helping’s all about.

And some kind of help

Is the kind of help

We all can do without.”

Proverbs 25:20 reminds us, “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart.”

Or as the Message Bible translates this verse, “Singing to someone in deep sorrow is like pouring vinegar in an open cut.” 

We have all met that someone who wants to come along side and offer words of comfort but instead his misguided efforts actually make things worse.

Suffering people can be fragile, so it is important that we are wise and sensitive in caring for someone who is in pain.

The author suggests some helpful things to avoid when trying to help the one who has a ‘heavy heart.”

• Ø  Talking too much and listening to little
• Ø  Having a fix-it mentality
• Ø  Focusing on self rather than the hurting person
• Ø  Wanting people to quickly get over their grieving
• Ø  Giving advice and being too directive
• Ø  Being judgmental  
• Ø  Responding with cliches, platitudes, or pat phrases          

(Partial list p.16-17)

Ministering to hurting people can be challenging, and sometimes our natural tendency is to avoid dealing with their pain. We feel helpless, and we are not sure what to say, so we avoid helping.

I have personally found that the best approach to take when ministering to someone in physical or emotional pain is to simply “shut up and listen.” There will be time to quote Romans 8:28 or Philippians 4:13 or a host of other encouraging Bible verses, but the time is generally not right then. What such a person wants and needs is the listening presence of a person who will to feel their pain. They want someone who will hold their hand, cry with them, and assure them that they love them and that they will always be there for them.

Be a good listener, empathize with them, and pray for the Holy Spirit to minister through you.

I close with this reminder from the author. “Christians need to be right there. To share in the joy or the sorrow. But don’t expect the suffering person to send you an engraved invitation to come alongside. You need to take the initiative” (p 32)

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom