Leadership Thought: A Revolutionary Cure for Discouragement Is Just a Few Words Away

Dear Friends

A group of frogs we're walking through a forest. and two of the frogs fell into a pit. All the other frogs looked down and said, "You're as good as dead. You'll never get out of that hole."

The two little frogs didn't want to stay there, and they kept jumping and jumping and jumping, but they couldn't make their way out. One of the frogs who was watching said. "You're going to die. You're going to die. There is no way out."

His words were so discouraging that one of the frogs just gave up and died, but the other frog would not give up. He kept jumping and jumping and finally, much to everyone's surprise, he jumped completely out of the pit. 

The other frog said, "Didn't you hear us? We told you that you couldn't get out of the pit." And the little frog said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm hard of hearing I thought you were cheering me on." 

We live in a culture where there is an epidemic of discouragement. Turn on the news, and no matter what station you listen to the broadcaster will probably be sharing bad news-war in Ukraine, lack of baby formula, gas prices, inflation recession-no wonder our nation's suicide rate has doubled in a decade, and depression is at an all-time high.

According to one survey I read, depression among 14-17 years old rose 60 percent in a decade, and more than half of Americans in general feel left out and unappreciated. 

Because there is so much bad news circulating, there exists a desperate longing for good news. I think most all of us are eager to hear some hopeful, positive, and encouraging news that will lift our spirits and give us something to cheer about. 

As believers you and I are those "Good News People in a Bad News World." We can use our tongues to encourage and lift up those who are discouraged and ready to give up. We can be those cheerleaders that everyone loves to have around.

We can be encouragers. Encouragement starts with doing the small things-just saying "thank you," "I appreciate you," "You did a great job."

The other day after church I had breakfast with some friends. As we were eating, I was noticing this one server who was going out of his way to perform his responsibilities. I never saw anyone clear tables so quickly, or sweep the floor with such determination, or move with such haste.

After our bill was paid, I went back and found him, and I told him how impressed I was with how hard he worked. I told him that I had spoken to his employer and told him that if I was hiring someone, I would want a person like that on my team. You should have seen the beaming smile that marked my new friend's face. He acted like he had never heard such words before, and unfortunately, maybe he hadn't.

Mother Theresa was fond of saying, "Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are endless."

Proverb 25:11 reminds us that "A right word at the right time is like precious gold set in silver."

Paul writes, "We are to encourage one another and build others up." 1 Thess. 5:11

"How curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not." Neil deGrasse Tyson

Let's all be careful to take time to speak the kind of words that lift others up.  If we do, we might just discover a revolutionary cure for discouragement.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: I Hate to Be Critical but...

Dear Friends,

I hate to be critical but...Don't you ever wonder how odd it is for a person to do something he or she hates so much. 

As leaders, whether in the home, church, school, or the world, there are going to be plenty of times when we have to deal with criticism. Just ask any politician who probably deals with more criticism than any of us could ever imagine. 

There is a fabled story about the famous 19th century preacher Philip Brooks. One day Brooks received a letter in the mail. Opening it, he found a clean sheet of paper with only one word written on it: "Fool." 

The next Sunday, Brooks carried the letter into his pulpit in Boston. Holding it up, he announced, "I have received many letters from people who wrote the letter but forgot to sign their name. However, this is the first time I received a letter from someone who signed his name and forgot to write his letter." Now, that is one way of dealing with criticism, but I don't recommend it, unless you are very secure in your position, or you are already looking for a new job. 

When I think of dealing with criticism, I'm reminded of the words of Jesus who said, "Blessed are you when men revile you, and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely, on  account of me. Rejoice, and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." (Matthew 5:10-12)

One of the signs that a person is living a high quality of life is the criticism he receives. The more dedicated one is, the more intense the criticism will be. Remember, monuments are never erected for critics. Like the poor, critics will always be with us, so we had best learn how to deal with them.

Television journalist David Brinkley once remarked that "a successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that have been thrown at him." I like that. Build on the criticism. Use the bricks of criticism to make you a better person, not a bitter person. If there is some truth in the criticism, take that bit of truth, but throw the rest away, and don't dwell on it, for it will eat at you and will eventually destroy your soul.

Abraham Lincoln might have broken under the strain of the Civil War if he hadn't learned the folly of trying to answer all the condemnations hurled at him. His description of how he handled his critics has become a literary gem. General Douglas Macarthur had a copy of it hanging above his headquarters desk, and Winston Churchill had a framed copy of it on the wall of his study. It reads, "If I were to try to read, much less to answer all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how- the very best I can, and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. If the end brings me out alright, then what is said against me won't matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference." 
Sometimes it is just best to remain silent when criticized. Jesus remained silent in the face of the accusations made against him by the chief priest and other Jewish leaders who were demanding answers to their charges (Matthew 27:12 -14). There are times when the wisest thing we can do is to remain silent in the face of criticism and false accusations. Just keep your mouth closed and listen. Don't speak or try to be defensive. Don't point the finger of blame in some other direction, just remain quiet in the face of the one who criticizes you, and in so doing you become that bright and shining star that this dark world so desperately needs to see.

Yes, I know all of what I have said is much easier said than done, but keep in mind that you have a force and power within you that enables you to say, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13). Give it to Him in prayer and let him deal with it. He is much better equipped to fight those kinds of battles than you are."

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P.S. It was Henry Ironside, a well-known preacher of the last century, who said when facing criticism, "if what they are saying about you is true, mend your ways. If it isn't true, forget it and go on and serve the Lord."

 

Leadership Thought: The School That Was Named After Its Janitor

Dear Friends,

What’s in the name?  Well, let’s ask Steve Hartman, American broadcast journalist who tells the following story. When folks in Swedeborg, Mo. decided to name their elementary school building, everyone knew it had to be named after someone truly special.

When you have your name on a building that’s huge. The name would have to be named after someone who was significant, right?

Throughout history there’ve been many national figures who fit that bill. Also, there are lots of famous Missourians who would have been great choices to have their names inscribed over the front door of the school. But in the end, they went with Claudine Wilson.

Who is that, you might ask?  Meet school custodian, Claudine Wilson.

One of the school students said of her, “You can get her a vacuum cleaner, and she’ll appreciate it because she really likes cleaning.”

Another student commented, “Yeah, she’s like in the zone. She focuses, and she just really dedicates herself to the school.”

Her principal said, “She has given so much to the school, and over the past 30 years, she has taken on a busload of additional responsibilities from transportation coordination, often driving a bus when needed, to filling in for absent secretarial staff.”

From lunch duty to landscaping, from facility operations to fill in operator, she is always doing something to make the school better.

Claudine, Swedeborg’s school janitor does it all. Her “How  can I help you,” is a constant reminder that she is always seeking to help make things better for others.

She says, "I just keeps finding ways to serve others and the next thing I know, I was leaving at 6 in the morning and getting home about 7:30 at night.”

And what’s your motivation for doing all that?” she was asked.

“The kids, the kids; they are always in your heart.”

That’s what makes Claudine who she is, a servant of others.

School board president Chuck Boren says, “When these kids get sick, you think they go to the nurse to start with? No, they go to her. If they’ve had a bad night they go to her. I mean, she’s there for each and every one of them."

And after all, that’s why the school board voted unanimously for the new name of the school to be the Claudine Wilson School.

There’s really only one person in this whole community who remains unconvinced that Claudine deserves this honor: it’s Claudine!

She says, “It touches your heart, but I don’t think my name needs to be up on a building somewhere.”

 So, we’ll add humility to one of the reasons why her name needs to be up there.

In America, names on buildings often inspire greatness. The Swedeborg educational leaders define greatness a little differently than most people do.

“Would you want to be like her,” a student was asked?

“Yeah, that’s what everybody should want to be, you know, that’s what I would want to be, also.”

Claudine is an example of a servant leader, who like Jesus, came to serve and help others,

Claudine is more than just a successful person with a building named after her; she is significant, notable, and unforgettable.

It has been said “a leader serves by leading and leads by serving,” and a leader she is. She is the kind of servant leader who places others’ agendas above her own. Servant leaders always give more than they take, and they are always looking to serve and add value to others. They make others better.

An English, nobleman Sir Bartell Fere, served as governor of Bombay, India, in the 1860’s. He was known by both family and acquaintances as the ‘helpful man.’ On one occasion when he was returning from a long trip, his wife sent a newly hired servant to meet him and help him with his baggage. "How shall I know Sir Bartell?” asked the servant. The governor’s wife responded, “Look for a tall gentleman helping somebody.”

Let us never forget that, like Claudine, serving and helping others is always the best preparation for leading others.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Some Thoughts on the Dangers of Witnessing

Dear Friends.

God's timing is always perfect. One always needs to be aware of that when sharing Christ with another person.

I was recently reminded of that when I walked into a hospital room last week and met an 88-year-old man who was recovering from surgery. His neighbor, a church member, had been talking with him about spiritual things, and she asked if I would visit him. I walked into his room and introduced myself, and as I was getting to know him, he interrupted me and  blurted out,  "I need Jesus.” Of course I was quick to oblige, and  I began sharing God's plan of salvation with him. He listened intently and after a few minutes he invited Jesus into his life. After receiving Jesus into his life, he said he wanted to do something that he had never done in 40 years. He told me he wanted to pray, and he immediately proceeded to pray for one of the most sincere and heartfelt prayers I have ever heard. 

Not everyone comes to Christ as quickly and so dramatically as my hospital friend. Often witnessing takes a long time of patient waiting, and  sometimes the one witnessing is tempted to try and hurry up the process by pressuring the hearer to receive Him before he/she is fully ready to make a genuine commitment. The one hearing the gospel may feel pressured into making a premature decision, one made with their lips and not with their heart. When this happens, we wonder why there is no discernible change in their life. The reason is that they are still born, spiritually lifeless, without any fruit in their life to show forth a genuine conversion. In our haste for them to receive Jesus, we may be guilty of pressuring them to receive Christ before they are really ready, and as a result we make it  harder for the next person who witnesses to them for they now become  gun shy to the process while wondering if they are going to be pressured again as they did before. Always beware of trying to pick unripen fruit

One who witnesses must always be sensitive to the person and to the Holy Spirit’s leading to know the appropriate time to ask for a commitment.

Witnessing, it has been said, “is simply sharing Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to Him.” When we witness, the results are always His and never ours. We may be one person in a long line of many witnesses who impact the life of the non-believer, and while it is exciting to personally witness the birthing of a new soul, we must always be sensitive to the fact that we are not the only agents in the evangelism process. Conversion always takes place according to His timetable, not ours, and pressuring someone who is not yet ready can be detrimental to the evangelism process. It may make a person more hesitant to the next person's witness.

I confess that I have sometimes been guilty of trying to hurry the commitment process, and when doing so I have always regretted my actions. Like many, I need to be continually reminded of the apostle Paul’s wisdom who writes, “I planted, Apollo’s watered, but God gave the growth. So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.” (1 Corinthians 3: 5-8)

This is not to say that we must always err on the side of caution when witnessing for fear we might turn someone off to the gospel. Every witnessing situation is different, and we must be sensitive to the Spirit's leading, always reminding ourselves that it is He who saves, not us, and that He can do so in many and varied ways.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

 

Leadership Thought: The Priceless Gift of Jesus' Laughter

Dear Friend,

This picture of Jesus was a special gift that I will treasure for the rest of my life.

It was given to me by a friend who was a member of a church I once pastored in the 80's. 

This past Friday, I visited this church again to participate in a celebration of their 200th anniversary. The visit was a memorable occasion as I participated in their worship service and then enjoyed a wonderful meal with the whole church family. I also spent some time with pastors who served with and before me. 

While there, I saw Don Thomas, a gifted artist who was a long-time member of the church. Don had graciously presented Jean and me with a beautiful oil painting, which I proudly displayed in my office. 

While in his home, Don, who is in his 90s, led me upstairs to his studio, which was full of his paintings. He asked me to pick out one of his paintings as a gift, which I did, but then I saw a picture of Jesus hanging on the wall, and it completely captured my attention. It was the above picture of Jesus who appeared to be laughing. I asked him about the picture, and he told me he painted it because he always wanted people to see the human side of Jesus, who like us, could laugh and smile and express great joy. 

He said over the years he had so many inquiries about the picture that he made a large number of copies, and he wanted me to have one. This picture is now one of my proudest possessions.  

Sometimes we forget the human side of Jesus. Like us He laughed, cried, got tired and yes, at times even got angry, calling religious leaders whitewashed tombs.

We forget that Jesus was in every way like us, except for sin. 

It has been said that there is no more effective testimony of a changed life than a winsome spirit

Such winsome people are just plain fun to  be around. They exude joy, and their laughter is contagious.

As Christians we talk a lot about love, and faith and hope-fruits of the spirit- but we often forget that second on that list known as the fruit of the spirit is joy.

As someone has said, "joy is the flag flying high above the castle of the heart announcing that God is in residence there."

Fun and laughter should be regular ingredients in a Christian's life. These qualities can make us more relatable. As believers, we should be joyful, playful, fun loving, and even whimsical and those possessing these qualities are generally the most attractive people to be around. Who wants to hang with stern, somber, humorless, lemon sucking killjoys who have no appreciation for a few laughs and a little bit of whimsy? 

As Christians, we should be fun to be with. Our personality should pave the way for the building of relationships,  relationships that often open the door for the communication of the gospel.

 So, followers of Christ, let's lighten up a bit and put a little more laughter into our lives. Let's laugh a little more and show the world that those who bear the name of Christ are the happiest people alive. And why shouldn't we be, for we are the possessors of abundant and eternal life. 

And don't  forget that "a joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.  (Proverbs 17: 22).

Martin Luther wrote, "If you're not allowed to laugh in heaven, I don't want to go there," and neither do I.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Recovery and Evangelism Takes Time - Are We Prepared to Take the Time?

Dear Friends,

If you have ever been involved with those struggling with addiction, you know the road to recovery can be a series of successes and failures.

I well remember a testimony I heard several years ago from a speaker at an addiction ministry that we offered at our church.

The person shared her story of recovery which involved one relapse after another.  For her it was one start after another, and each start ended the same-a return to her addictive behavior.

Throughout her many failures, the speaker testified that there were always people in her life who supported her and encouraged her on her journey to recovery.  They didn't give up on her, and they kept reminding her that the power of Christ could break the bondage of her addiction.

Like finding Christ, finding the road to recovery is not always a onetime event. Recovery can be a lengthy process that takes place over a  period of time.  

Seeds that are planted don't sprout up overnight. You can't rush the process. Each seed has a certain timetable before its flower is produced. Think about your own life. How many people did God send into your life before you received Jesus and experienced life change? If you were lucky, you had people around you who were persistent in loving and praying for you, and it was their persistence that encouraged you, especially during those times when you were ready to give up.

Fortunately, our speaker had friends who were committed to her recovery and who were with her for the long haul. Even when they failed to see the changes in her life for which they  hoped, they never gave up on her. Because of their patience and persistent love and their constant and continued encouragement in the face of her many failures, she now enjoys seven years of sobriety, and like last night, she is now sharing the story of her faith-based recovery journey to help others find hope.

Often in our efforts to see evangelize someone saved,  we feel we must give them the whole gospel, and when they don't immediately pray the sinner's prayer, we feel like we have failed, and are tempted to give up on them. However, if we assume responsibility for the success of our evangelistic efforts, we assume something that is not ours to assume. 

The same is true for the recovering addict. They may need to fail a number of times before they experience and embrace the change in their lives we hope to see. During their recovery process they need people around them who will continue to love and encourage them as they seek lasting recovery. 

As believers we are called to be witnesses. Those were our Savior's marching orders. We are reminded in1 Peter 3:15 that we are “to always be prepared to give an account to everyone who asks us for the hope that we have within us,” but we are never the ones ultimately responsible for the person's decision. 

Campus Crusade for Christ (now Cru) has a wonderful definition for evangelism: "Evangelism is sharing Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to God." We are not the ones responsible for the person's salvation. We may deliver the message, but it is God who opens the door to a person's heart. When we understand this, we will never feel a sense of failure, regardless of the person's response to our message.

Whether you are witnessing to someone about Christ, or patiently witnessing to them about recovery, we need to be patient and persistent in offering our love and encouragement. Don't ever give up on them and continue to let them know that you will always be there for them, even when they fail to demonstrate the change you desire to see in their life.

Proverbs remind us that "The righteous falls seven times and rises again" (Prov.24:6), and it just may be that it is that seventh time that he/she discovers Christ or experiences recovery.

Whether witnessing to Christ or encouraging someone on the road to sobriety, patient and persistent love are the keys to success.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: The Day I Almost Quit My Church

Dear Friends,

Several months ago, I spent time reflecting on all the people and events that during my life had shaped and impacted my life and ministry. I was surprised by the number I was able to recall.  Without these people and events, I know that my life and ministry would be dramatically different today. 

I then decided to develop a "Thankful List" in which I described how God used each of those people and events to make a difference in my life and ministry.  At this point I have almost thirty people and events described on that “Thankful List" and my list is still growing.

This weekend I am traveling seven hours east to Greenville, Pa. to celebrate with people who are included on my "Thankful List." It happens that the church is celebrating its 200th anniversary, and to commemorate this occasion, the church has invited all the pastors who have previously served the church to attend a weekend celebration.

Let me share with you the words I wrote in describing why First Presbyterian Greenville was so special to me and why the church was included on my Thankful List.

                 First Presbyterian  Church in Greenville, Pa

Midway through my seven years of ministry in Greenville, Pa, I was growing weary. I was feeling discouraged, and I was thinking I had accomplished everything I could do.  At the time I thought only Jean was aware of my restless spirit, and my longing for a change. I had reached the point where I was now considering a church change, when unbeknownst to me, word had leaked out that I was feeling like the end of my ministry in Greenville was coming to a close.

It was a week or two before Valentine’s Day, when I was suddenly surprised by the volume of Valentine cards that were appearing in my mailbox. Inside those envelopes were cards with handwritten notes of encouragement, each screaming out the words, "We love you, and we appreciate your ministry." They kept on coming, piling up on my desk, even after Valentine's Day.

To this day, I have no idea who or how this mailing campaign was orchestrated, but I do remember how my heart was touched and encouraged by the church’s love and support for me and our family. My longing for a new situation quickly became a thing of the past, as I began  one of the most productive and rewarding times of any ministry I have ever had.

Today I am thankful for the three extra years of ministry my family and I enjoyed with those wonderful Greenville people who 'loved me back home.'

I share this story because it is an example of how encouragement can change one’s heart. It is true that encouragement is oxygen to the soul, and everyone needs it. It revitalizes, refreshes and restores us, and it’s what keeps pastors from giving up when facing those dark days of discouragement.

Pastoring a church can sometimes become discouraging, and I wonder how many pastors might  have quit too soon were it not for the loving encouragement they received from their people.

Pastor Appreciation Day must never be limited to just one day; it must be celebrated daily, so why not celebrate it today by dropping a note of appreciation to your pastor(s).I know that they will be glad you did.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Needed Today- High Road Leaders

Dear Friends,

Our country is in difficult straits. We desperately need a new brand of leader, the kind that will put aside his/her own interests to serve the interests of others. 

Today many of us have become disillusioned and bitter over partisan politics. We need new leadership, the kind who will look to find common ground and shared values that will help unite us rather than divide us. Such individuals are known as 'high road leaders' and they possess certain qualities that make them well suited for the leadership task.

High road leaders are those who always give more than they receive. They focus on the well-being of others; instead of promoting themselves, they look for the good in all people and seek to bring out the best in them. 

Many leaders today expect people to serve them and help them get to the top, but a high road leader is more concerned about helping others get to the top. 

High road leaders are known to possess servant hearts, and they are more interested in meeting the needs of others than meeting their own needs.  

High road leaders always give more than they take. They do so because they know that if they care for the people they lead, those people will love, respect, and want to work hard for them.

High road leaders bring people together instead of dividing them.

They place the agendas of others ahead of their own.

Such leadership is not a natural way of leading, but it can be life changing.

When you serve others, you seek to bring them along with you on the leadership journey because you know you can’t help another person get to the top without getting to the top yourself.

High road leaders view themselves as servants and not celebrities. They know that when they serve others everyone wins. They recognize everyone is important to the success of an organization, and they treat everyone with that same respect.

The late Herb Kelleher, president of Southwest Airlines, was a perfect model of high road leadership.

He treated people like family. He said, “I’d rather have a company bound by love than a company bound by fear.” The results of his leadership are clearly seen in the success of Southwest  that enjoyed 46 consecutive years of profitability.

Herb learned from his mother that every person and every job is worth as much as any other person and any other job. He deplored class mentality. Years ago, one of his executive officers said, “Herb, it’s harder for me to get to see you than it is for a mechanic, a pilot, a flight attendant, or a reservation agent.” Half-jokingly, Herb said, “I can explain that to you very easily, they’re more important than you are!” (Southwest Airlines Employees, Customers Remember Founder Herb Kelleher-taken from the internet)

Those who worked for Herb were his priority They were not perceived by him as just another rung on the ladder, but as equals, and those who worked for Herb loved him.

High Road leadership sounds a lot like servant leadership, the kind where the leader carries a towel and a basin and is always on the lookout for ways to serve others.

God is always looking for towel and basin leaders who are more concerned with service  than status,  faithfulness than fame.

Herb Kelleher and other high road leaders aspired to live out the mission statement of Jesus as expressed in His words: “I have given you an example that you should do as I have done for you” (John 13:15).

May God help each of us be “high road” leaders today and every day.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: You Don't See Movies Like That Anymore

Dear Friends,

"You don’t see movies like that anymore, do you?  it was amazing!" 

Such was the response from Sandy Manchella, a friend from St Louis I met several years ago at a restaurant in Henderson Harbor, a little town a few miles from where I  spend my summers. She was working as a waitress for her brother who had just opened the restaurant, and we became instant friends. How that happened is a subject for another story, but now being on my Leadership Thought mailing list, she e-mailed me the introductory words to my message above. She wanted to let me know about the movie she had just seen.

The movie, Soul on Fire, is about the life of John O' Leary. who as a child suffered burns over 100 percent of his body. Doctors gave him little to no chance of survival. However,  because of the encouragement of Jack Buck, a legendary play by play broadcaster for the St Louis Cardinals, a janitor, who every day faithfully cleaned and disinfected his room, and a nurse who wouldn't let young John give up on himself during those darkest days of his life, John survived to become one of the most popular speakers in the world.

Even before I had learned about him from Sandy, I had come to know John through his writing. His stories and his life experiences were always a source of  great inspiration and encouragement to me, so when I learned they were making a movie about his life I was eager to see it.

So yesterday, on a cold and blustery day, I ventured forth to see what probably will be my only movie of the year, and how glad I was for the choice I made. 

If you are anything like me who averages one movie a year, then this is the one movie you must see. 

For those of you who live in my area it is being shown in theaters in the Monmouth Mall and in Hazlet.

I know this is not a typical Leadership Thought, but I hope my message, and one of John's messages which I share below, will provide you enough encouragement for you to  experience the movie for yourself.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Connecting with People and a Book That Saved Me $4,000

Dear Friends,

Investor Warren Buffett states the ability to speak and connect with people is the most important ability a person could ever develop, and I believe he is right. It is one thing to communicate with people: it's another thing to connect with them. The turmoil taking place in today’s political world is a perfect example of what happens when people communicate and yet are unable to connect. 

I believe the most important key in communication is possessing a genuine interest in the other person.

Good communicators forget about themselves in their effort to connect with others.

They know that it is important to be genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.

Good communicators are always looking for ways to add value to others. They forget about themselves and always look for ways to make the other person feel important. 

It is very true that people don't care about how much you know until they know how much you care, and they may forget what you say, but they will never forget how you made them feel

When looking to connect with people, we must put everything else aside. We must sacrifice our own time, interests, and concerns and focus completely on their needs Our goal is never to impress but to be impressed, and to make the other person feel that he/she is the most important person in the room.

Good listeners are empathetic. They are anxious to learn how the other person feels, and so they listen not only with their ears, but they listen with their heart.

Those seeking to connect with others are curious to learn more about the  person, so they ask relevant questions to move the conversation forward to gain greater clarity on how the person feels so they are better able to help the person.

In his classic book How to Win Friends and Influence People, a book that should be required reading for anyone interested in learning how to connect with people, Dale Carnegie states that that "the sweetest word to a person’s ear is his own name. Remembering names is an important part of connecting with others and using the person's name in your conversation is not only a helpful way of increasing your connection but assisting you in remembering the person's name long after your visit.

Good communicators are always looking for memorable moments that might cement one's relationship. 

Last week I met with the orthopedic surgeon who is going to perform my second hip replacement. He is the same doctor that performed my initial hip surgery 30 years ago. When he walked into the room, I was reading a book on leadership by John Maxwell.  After briefly chatting about the last time we saw each other over 30 years ago, he asked me about the book I was reading. 

I told him of my interest in leadership, and he commented that he had been asked to lead a conference in Naples, Florida for 2,000 orthopedic surgeons on the topic of building and leading your medical team.  I pointed to the book and offered it to him,  I said, "I think you will find some good information in it for your message."  He initially declined, but when I insisted,  he took it, and I facetiously remarked that I would trade him the book for my surgery. He laughed, and after his lengthy assessment of my hip was completed, we discussed the cost since I knew he didn't take Medicare. He told me the cost, and then he said, "I am going to knock off $ 4,000 from my normal fee."

Of course I was grateful for his generosity, so I followed up our conversation by sending him a letter of appreciation along with a devotional book on encouragement that I had written, and a week later I got a personal note from him indicating that each day he was reading a devotional from my book, and  that he found the other book I had given him very helpful in preparing the message he was giving in Naples.

Special stories and shared experiences like this have a way of cementing relationships. In my case a John Maxwell book, How to Be a People Person, not only saved me $4,000, but helped cement a connection that I suspect neither of us will ever forget. 

A friend laughingly suggested I should charge him the balance of the surgery for the  book I sent, and  I said to him that it wouldn’t be fair, for I knew in my heart that my book was not all that good and certainly worth far less that the balance I owed him.

The story and our connection to be continued…

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Teaching Leadership Lessons at the Staff Level

Dear Friends,

Most of my day yesterday was spent in New York city  at the Hospital for Special Surgery where I was having preoperative testing for a hip replacement that was scheduled for October 22nd.

Thirty years ago I had a hip replacement on the same hip, but because I had heart stent surgery performed in  June, the doctor felt it was prudent to push back another surgery for at least six months, so the surgery will now be scheduled for late November or early December which means I will have  to continue limping around  in this old body for a couple more months.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying for me during time, and please continue to pray as I wait for my new scheduled surgery.

As one who has always been interested in developing leaders, I would frequently do leadership training with my staff. Equipping leaders is a key part of every leader’s responsibility, so I am always looking for ways to teach leadership principles at staff meetings. I have found that leadership is often best learned together when the leader and all of the team members sit around a table teaching and learning from one another.

The good leader recognizes that he/she doesn't know all of the answers to every leadership issue, but together with your team, those answers can often be discovered through informal around the table  discussions.

I know  that everything gets better when people get together, for as leadership expert John Maxwell reminds us, "one is always too small a number to achieve greatness." It is amazing what transpires when a group of people get together to learn about leadership. Yes, two heads are always better than one.

One productive way I have found to teach leadership is by providing a list of leadership principles and then providing opportunities for members to discuss them, while sharing their own personal examples of how those principles have been experienced and lived out in their own personal lives. In so doing, everyone is engaged, and every team member has the opportunity to not only become a learner but also a leader. 

Here a just a few leadership principles that lend might lend themselves to informative learning discussions .

“Relationships are forged, not formed. They require time and  common experience.”

“We can do anything, but we can’t do everything.”

“If you want to go up, there must be things that you are willing to give up

“Never take a journey along; always take someone with you.”

“Pass credit when the sweat is still on their brow.”

These are just a few of the possible statements that you could discuss, but you can come up with your own list that addresses the leadership principles you wish to instill in the hearts and minds of your people.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: Shining the Light of Christ's Character in the Athletic Arena

Dear Friends,

Today we have lost many of the wonderful values that once characterized athletic competition. We have experienced cheating scandals and witnessed coaches and teams that will do almost anything to gain an advantage, even if it means skirting the rules to accomplish their goals.  

The sports' world is full of such  stories. Today some coaches teach their players to fake injuries on the field to stop the clock. Teams routinely spy on one another's practices to gain an upper hand. Winning at any cost has become the rule and no longer the exception, and as a coach and  longtime baseball umpire it troubles me, for I know the wonderful values  of respect and integrity athletics can promote. Something has been lost  today on the field and courts of competition, and it is the value of character development.

A year ago, I was the only umpire working a freshman high school baseball game, and I was working behind the plate when I got blocked out by the batter on a steal of third. I couldn't see the play and having to make a quick decision I guessed he was safe, but unfortunately, I guessed wrong , as he was clearly out.  Everyone - the fans, the players and the third base coach, knew I had blown the call and that the visiting team's runner was out and that I had unfortunately called him safe. I huddled up with the coaches, explained the situation, and while both coaches knew he was out, the third base coach said to me you called him safe, and you can't reverse the call. He was right technically, but I had hoped he would have enough integrity to acknowledge my mistake and admit his runner was out. Unfortunately, he did not do this.

To the credit of the home team's coach, also a teacher, he simply walked away disappointed in the opposing coach's attitude and unwillingness to see my mistaken call rectified. To his credit, he used the situation to teach his players that mistakes will happen on the field and in life, and that day those players learned a very valuable lesson in character development. 

On my way home after the game I thought of some of the values we sought to instill in our athletes while I was athletic director at Calvary Christian Academy in Fort Lauderdale.

I thought of Emma Kimso,  who was dribbling up the floor when she noticed the girl who was guarding her had fallen down. She calmly stopped her dribble, helped the girl up, and then picked up her dribble  and headed to the basket where she scored a layup. The official later said to me, "I had no. Idea what to do or what to call."

Some might scoff at such an act, and while admitting it might be a selfless action, they would say it  was completely out of place in the midst of  such competition. My answer to that would be that  we need more Emma Kimso's today. 

I long for those young people who, while giving their best in the sport they are playing, have not lost sight of the fact that "letting your light shine," means  just that- "letting your light shine,"  and that  "light shining" is never out of place, regardless of where it takes place.

Who won the game? I honestly don't remember and frankly I don't care.  All I want to remember is a young lady who for a short moment demonstrated the kind of behavior that makes me proud to have been a coach and athletic director. 

And then only a few days later our wrestling team continued to "let their light shine"  when team members  led two competitors to Christ. Two members of the Eagle team had learned how to share they faith and they witnessed to two opposing team members and led them in a prayer to receive Jesus Christ. How exciting to know that our athletes were integrally involved in God's spiritual harvest

And then I remember how we always had an opening prayer before every home game and how our basketball players would meet at center court following our games to pray with opposing team members, and how our football team would do the same.

I miss seeing or hearing about these kinds of examples today. 

May we be quick to remember that as fans, coaches and players, we need to emulate the quality of sportsmanship reflected in the lives of these young athletes who did not hide their lights under a bushel but in word and deed brightly shined forth the light of Christ's character as they modeled moral and spiritual character, something that is extremely rare in our sports' world today. May their tribe increase.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

Leadership Thought: So, You too Struggle to Share Your Faith

Dear Friends,

I remember one of the first times I shared my faith. I was a young pastor outside of Syracuse, N. Y. and I had been to a conference on evangelism. I knew as a pastor I needed to share my faith more often than I was doing. 

I decided that I would visit the home of Don and Mary Wallburger who had visited our church several times.

I purposely parked my car far enough  from their home, so  that they wouldn't notice me if I chickened out  and left without being noticed.

I remember approaching their door in fear as I offered a few light taps on the door hoping they wouldn't hear them, so I could avoid doing what I knew God had called me to do. Quite frankly this young pastor was scared to death to share my faith.

The Wallburgers did hear the knock and opened the door, and for the next hour I tried to share my faith. I bumbled and stumbled through a gospel presentation, and while they graciously listened, I knew I was not connecting. After what seemed like an eternity, I left embarrassed, feeling like a complete failure in my efforts to reach them for Christ. I am happy to say, however, that this wonderful couple did eventually pray to receive Him in spite of my ineffective witness.

Perhaps your first experience witnessing was something like mine, and you too felt like a complete failure. You  were fearful because you felt untrained and ill equipped to share the faith.

At that point I could have decided to write off evangelism because of my colossal failure. I could have said I don't have the gift of evangelism and left witnessing to others, except for the fact that I knew every Christian has been called to share his faith.

The greatest obstacle to sharing our faith is fear, and almost every believer has to overcome that initial fear. What if those to whom I speak reject me? What if they are not interested in what I have to share or I can't remember any of the verses, and I make a complete fool of myself?

I have news for you. Almost everyone who witnesses for the first time feels that way I  did.

The key to witnessing is to remind ourselves again and again that we are not alone and that the omnipotent One, the Lord Almighty is speaking for us and through us. We are only his vessels, His messengers, and it is the power of the Holy Spirit that takes our imperfect words and uses them to pierce the heart of the unbelieving soul. 

Jesus says, "You shall be my witnesses' when the Holy Spirit comes upon you," and you can be confident that  He will come upon you when you are faithful to share the truth of the gospel. "It is not by might or power,” says the Lord, but it is by my Spirit," and when you trust not in your own abilities but trust completely in the Holy Spirit you can be sure you will always be successful

I love that wonderful definition of  witnessing used by Campus Crusade for Christ: "Witnessing is sharing Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit and leaving the results up to God." 

You are successful whether or not the person comes to Christ. You success comes not from your results but from your obedience. You are faithful, regardless of the results.

I love the words of Matt Smethurst who states in Before You Share Your Faith these words: "Imagine- especially if you didn't grow up in a Christian home- if the person who first spoke the gospel to you had instead been frozen by fear. What if they had concluded, No, Lord, not me! I'm still not equipped, still not ready. Plus, the environment isn't ideal. Where might you be today?" 

Witnessing is for every believer, and I hope you will heed His call to be faithful in sharing the transforming Gospel message that once changed your life.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom