Dear
Friends
It
was a nice evening dinner with two of my daughters and two of my grandchildren.
It was the Olive Garden where we chose to dine, and my daughter ordered Shrimp
Carbonara. It was a wonderful night, and I so appreciated being with family,
even though it was a bit sad as the guest of honor was not present.
Olive
Garden was one of Jean’s favorite places to eat and our family frequently
celebrated special occasions there, and when it came time to order my daughter,
Rachel, ordered Jean’s favorite dish: Shrimp Carbonara.
Last
night was a special night. It was the eve of Jean’s passing two years ago on
February 4th after a seven-year battle with Parkinson’s, and while it was good
to be with family, I confess it was hard at times.
Grief
is like that. There are those momentary moments when some special event
unleashes the grief that’s hidden in your heart and the tears pour out. I
did my best to hide my emotions, but grief is hard to hide.
Earlier
in the day I spoke with a friend who lost her husband recently, and she told me
of how that very day she was putting new name tags on her dogs’ collars, and
she suddenly realized one name was missing from those tags, the name of
her husband who had recently passed away, and whose name and address had always
been engraved on the tags. She said at that moment, “I lost it.”
Grief
is like that. It has a way of surprising you, sneaking up at unexpectant times
to open wide the flood gates of your heart.
Early
on I remember someone quoting to me that “you never completely get over your
grief; you only learn how to manage it.” And my experience with grief
substantiates it’s truth. Managing grief is not an easy task, but it must be
learned if we are to survive emotionally.
While
it’s been two years since Jean has left us, the pain still lingers, but I do
think during this time I have learned how to better manage it.
One
valuable resource for me has been my involvement with GriefShare, an
international ministry that meets at our church
Over
25 years, GriefShare has helped over 1 million people heal from the pain of
grief.
In
the weekly videos and workbooks, those involved meet people who’ve walked
through their own grief and who share what was helpful for them. Those
attending get practical advice and guidance from experts on grief recovery
(counselors, pastors) who have experienced deep loss themselves.
Elizabeth
Gilbert understands the value of being a part of the grief community and
leaning on and learning from others. She writes, “Deep grief sometimes is
almost like a specific location, a coordinate on a map of time. When you are
standing in that forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find
your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves
have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring
hope.”
Christians
call hope, the blessed hope.
As
Christians our greatest hope comes from knowing that there is One who has gone
before us, who died, but yes, who is alive for ever more. He is the one who
promised, “Because I live, you also shall live” and “I have prepared a place
for you that where I am there you may be also.”
I
cling to these words for they provide hope for my heart knowing that there will
come a time when I will be reunited with my Jean and others who have gone home
before me.
Yesterday
I received a card from a good friend who was on our athletic staff when I was
pastoring in Florida. She lost her husband years ago in a tragic motorcycle
accident, and she concludes her note to me with these words. “I praise God for
using your Jean so powerfully in my life. You are not alone in your grief. I,
too, wait to rejoice again in the new heaven and earth at the final
resurrection. For now….we shall comfort each other with these words-we will be
with the Lord forever! "(1 Thess. 4:17-18).
Yes,
the hope of heaven is the best antidote to comfort the broken and grief
stricken heart, for He has conquered death and His promise is that by faith in
Him we can too. Thanks be to Him who opens hope’s door.
Yours
in faith and friendship,
Tom
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