Dear Friends,
John Maxwell tells a wonderful story about
making good impressions.
He shares how Jenny Jerome (Winston
Churchill’s mother) glided through the loftiest social circles in Great
Britain. Once, on consecutive nights, Ms. Jerome dined with England’s premier
politicians: Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli and his chief rival, William
Gladstone. When questioned about her impressions of the two men, Ms. Jerome
made the following observation:
“When I left the dining room after sitting
next to Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in England. But when I
sat next to Disraeli, I left feeling that I was the cleverest woman.”
Maxwell writes, “Perhaps you know leaders
like Gladstone - confident individuals who exude with intelligence, and
charisma. Whenever you’re around them, you cannot help but notice their charm…
because they make every effort to parade their brilliance in front of you.
However, I’ll wager that you’d prefer to follow someone like Disraeli, a leader
who would rather draw out the best in you than strut his or her personal
greatness.”
In building relationships, it is important to
take the focus off yourself and focus it on others.
Last Sunday I was sitting next to a person
who I noted was taking extensive notes throughout the message. I didn’t know
her name, but after the service I introduced myself and told her how impressed
I was with the notes she had been taking throughout the service. I affirmed her
and asked when she began the habit of taking sermon notes in church. This led
to a rather lengthy conversation and ultimately resulted in my making a new
church friendship.
The Thirty Second Rule is a good reminder
that in the first 30 seconds of meeting someone we should immediately focus our
attention on them and not ourselves. We should be looking for ways to make them
feel important, remembering your goal is to be impressed, never impressive.
Try to think of something encouraging to say
to them. You might compliment them by saying “You have a wonderful smile”, or
“you seem to be so comfortable with children”, or I couldn’t help notice how
helpful you were to one of my friends.”
I sometimes will imagine that the person I am talking with is wearing a large
name tag that cries out "Please help me feel important."
Someone else suggests putting your mother’s
face on the person to whom you are talking as a way of keeping your
comments warm and encouraging.
During the close of the conversation, I
sometimes will say to the person, “Do you know what I like about you,” and then
specify something that impressed me about them.
The 30 Second Rule is no time for ‘phony
baloney.’ You must always make sure your comments and compliments are
honest, genuine, and sincere.
Paul writes to the Corinthians, “We have
spoken ‘honestly’ with you, and our hearts are open to you.” 2 Corinthians 6:11
NLB. This is a good reminder of the kind of speech that should mark our
communication.
The 30 second rule may seem simple, but I can
assure you it will improve your interaction with others.
As Mother Teresa, the Roman Catholic nun and
missionary remarked, “Make sure that anyone who comes to you always leaves you
happier and healthier.”
Whether you
are an introvert or extrovert, shy or outgoing, that’s good advice for all of
us to follow.
Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom
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