Dear Friend
Many years ago, when I was fresh out of seminary and pastoring a
small church outside of Syracuse, New York. I received word of an accident
that had taken place just up the street. I was new to the area and
did not know the family.
When I received the call, I immediately left our church and walked
up the block to the site of the accident. I had been informed that a dad had
been outside mowing his lawn when the blade of the mower struck a rock, became
disengaged, and like a missile went hurtling through the air, tragically
embedding itself in the skull of his four-month-old son.
I confess my seminary training had not prepared me for this kind
of visit. Words don’t always come easy when you’re faced with a tragedy like
this. As I quickly made my way to the home, I thought to myself what am I going
to say to this family? You see in seminary we had been trained to
know the right thing to say and do in particular situations, but now my mind
was blank and any thoughts about what I would say escaped me.
As I arrived on the scene, I saw police cars and the flashing red
lights of an ambulance which had just arrived. They were loading the tiny child
into the ambulance, and I was informed that he was dead.
I saw the dad whom I had never met, and I walked up to him not
knowing what, if anything I could say to him. I remember looking him straight
in the eye, and without saying a word, I just wrapped my arms around him and
hugged him. Together we stood there embracing as we tasted the salt in one
another's tears.
I don't remember saying a thing, but my embrace and my tears
communicated a message far more powerful than any sermon I could ever preach.
A few days after the funeral, he called me and told me how much he
appreciated all I had done. I couldn’t imagine what it was that I had done that
was so deserving of appreciation. I hardly spoke a word for I knew
nothing to say, and yet he thanked me for my ministry.
I told him thanks, as I told him that I didn’t feel I had done
very much, and he said, “Oh yes you did. “You held me and cried with me, and
that meant more than anything you could have ever said or done.”
That day I discovered the value of touch, and I learned the
meaning of those well-known lyrics sung by Allison Krause who sings “You say it
best when you say nothing at all.”
That was one of the greatest learning experiences of my life. It
was reassuring to discover that one doesn’t always have to possess the right
words to help someone who is hurting. At times like this there is no need to
deliver theological platitudes for such words are often devoid of any power to
heal a broken heart. All that one needs are a couple of arms and a
few tears from a caring heart that feels the pain of another’s loss.
What do you say at a time like this? Nothing, for what I learned
that day was that “you say it best when you say nothing at all.”
Yours in faith and friendship,
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