Dear Friends,
One of the most influential books in my life has been Gordon
MacDonald's The Effective Father. It has been the basis of study for a number
of Dad’s Classes I have taught over the years, and I have never found a better
book for dads than this one. I still hear from dads who remind me of how their
lives were impacted by our study of this book. One of those men, now a pastor in
our community, used these words to describe how the book impacted his life. He
said, the book "changed my life and made me a better father."
Although I haven’t led one of these classes for several years, I
was encouraged to do so by a friend in a Thursday morning prayer group. It was
not the first time he mentioned it to me, and after hearing him share how much
he felt men needed such a class, I finally got the message: Maybe it is time to
offer the class again.
It took me a while to find the book on my shelves-it is out of
print and every time we studied the book, we have had to order used copies- but
I located my copy. I thumbed through it looking for a story that I have never
forgotten. I found it, and I share it with you.
“It is said of Boswell, the famous biographer of Samuel Johnson,
that he often referred to a special day in his childhood when his father took
him fishing. The day was fixed in his adult mind, and he often reflected upon
many of the things his father had taught him in the course of their fishing
experience together. After having heard of that particular excursion so often,
it occurred to someone much later to check the journal that Boswell's father
kept and determined what had been said about the fishing trip from the parental
perspective.
Turning to the date, the reader found only one sentence entered:
“Gone fishing today with my son, a day wasted.”
MacDonald goes on to write. “Few have ever heard of Boswell's father;
many have heard of Boswell. But in spite of his relative obscurity, he must
have managed to set a pace in his own son's life which lasted for a lifetime
and beyond. In one day alone he inlaid along the grain of his son's life ideas
that would mark him long into his adulthood. But what he did not
only touched a boy’s life, but it set in motion certain benefits that
would affect the world of classical literature. Too bad that Boswell's father
couldn't appreciate the significance of a fishing trip and the pace setting
that was going on even while worms were being squeezed onto hooks. No day is
ever wasted in the life of an infected father”
MacDonald goes on to say, “Family life is an extensional
classroom; It lasts for about 18 years. Within the classroom are children who
are like large lumps of clay. The longer they live, the harder the clay will
become unless the potter consciously can sustain the molding process, keeping
the clay pliable- ‘shapeable.’ Each day the affected father stamps into the
lives of his children: words, attitudes, habits, and responses which one day
will become automatic. It would be frightening if a father did not realize this
fact. For teach he will - whether he's aware of it or not. Ironically, teaching
can be done either through design or neglect. Teaching, conscious or
unconscious, will make an indelible impression upon a child's personality and
become part of a composite of future character performance. The weaknesses and
flaws of the father will be expressed to the children in either case. So, the
questions confront us: do we teach to build or teach to cripple?
Even for an aged old grandfather, those last words resonate within
me. Did I teach to build, or did I teach to cripple?
I confess I don't have a lot of expertise when it comes to
technology, but I am willing to learn. If you are a dad and would like to be a
part of the next 5th of 6th Effective Father
Class, let me know, and I promise I will figure out how to do a Dad’s Class on
zoom, and or in person, so just let me know if you might be interested.
Yours in faith and friendship,
Tom
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