Leadership Thought: The Day I Cried in Another Man’s Arms.

Dear Friends,

I recently finished reading a biography of the famous baseball player Pete Rose. One of the things that struck me in reading about his life was his inability to express emotions. By his own admission he acknowledged that he was unable to cry, which for him was a sign of weakness.

When you read this book, you quickly understand why Pete had some of the issues he did; He lived for one thing and one thing only: to impress his dad through baseball. All his emotions were channeled into that endeavor.

I remember talking with a friend who shared a sad story of marital heartbreak through intermittent tears. The person kept apologizing for his emotions, but I assured him that I was very comfortable with his emotions and that there was no need to feel embarrassed. In fact, midway through our conversation, I even teared up as I listened to the recitation of his painful experience. Yes, there have been numerous times in my ministry that I have been overcome with emotion in the midst of a counseling appointment.

But Tom, aren’t you supposed to remain objective and not allow yourself to be drawn into the client’s emotions?  Now I admit I didn’t major in counseling, but to that kind of counseling approach I say hogwash. If you can’t feel the pain of the person you are counseling, I wonder how effective you could ever be.

A number of years ago, I clipped the following quote from a devotional magazine published by the Navigators called “Your Daily Walk.”  It asked, how many times could you name people who cried in the Bible? The devotion listed a number of occasions where bible characters shed tears:  Genesis 23: 2; 43: 30; 2 Samuel 12: 22; 2 kings 20: 3, Luke 19: 41. These were just a few of the 32 verses I counted where tears are mentioned. The devotional writer states, “Stoic insensitivity may be admired by the world, but the child of God should be no stranger to tears. If you have God’s heart for people, then it will break- repeatedly.

Jesus wept at the sight of lost men and women.

Paul shed tears over lost people; (Romans 9: 22-23,) and Jeremiah’s book, Lamentations, is a tear-stained diary of his efforts to reach lost people for God. Far from being a sign of weakness, I believe tears can be a sign of strength. The person of God who is seeking to minister to broken hearts will often do so with tears of tender compassion that will spring from a soft and tender heart. The person will pray, “Oh Lord, let my heart be broken by the things that break your heart.”

In retirement Thomas Jefferson founded the university the University of Virginia. Because Jefferson trusted that students would take their studies seriously, the code of discipline was lax. Unfortunately, his trust proved misplaced, and the behavior of some students led to a riot in which some professors who tried to restore order were attacked. The following day, a meeting was held between the university’s board and some of the defiant students.

Jefferson began by saying, “This is one of the most painful events of my life,”. and then suddenly overcome by emotion, he burst into tears.” When one of the University’s board members asked the rioters to come forward and give their names, nearly everyone did. Later, one of them said, “It was not Mr. Jefferson’s words, but his tears that caused us to come forward.

It was the first year of my ministry when I was called to the home of a Roman Catholic family living up the street from the church I was serving. His two-year-old son had just been struck by the blade of a lawnmower that had broken off after hitting a rock. The disengaged blade flew through the air, striking his son who died instantly from its impact. I don’t recall saying a word to him, but I do remember just holding him in my arms and weeping together as we tasted the salt in one another’s tears.

A few weeks later the man thanked me for the impact I had made on him, and embarrassed, I apologized telling him how uncomfortable I was that I couldn’t think of anything to say to him in that difficult time. He said, it wasn’t my words, which were few, that impacted him; it was my tears that communicated I cared and understood his pain.

That day my tears were one of my greatest sermons.

We must never apologize for our tears or ever try to hide the expression of our emotions. May we never forget, as pastor Chuck Swindoll states, “A teardrop on earth summons the king of Heaven. “Yes, sometimes tears are God’s way of clearing our vision, and in so doing, God helps us to see his grace made perfect, even in the midst of our weakness.

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom