Leadership Thought: What Does Love Story Have to Do with Leadership?

Dear Friends,

In the 1970 blockbuster movie Love Story, a tear jerker that  happens to be one of my all-time favorite movies, there is a famous line spoken by Ali MacGraw  to her husband played by Ryan O’Neal, who when he is about to apologize for getting angry, she says, “Love  means never having to say I’m sorry.”

Now that may or may not be true in marriage- but if true, then I’ve been wrong a good many times more than I would like to admit for those words, “I’m sorry” have been a regular part of my vocabulary throughout those 53 years of my marriage to my wife Jean.

While I confess it is sometimes hard to express those words “I’m sorry,” they are much needed in our contentious and politically charged world of today where  so few who are so willing to admit being sorry for anything that is  said or done.

But if one truly wants to be an effective leader in today’s world, I can say unequivocally that you must learn how to utter those words, “I am sorry.”

I agree with Dale Carnegie who writes, “If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.”

Unfortunately, it is true that the words “I’m sorry,” are not often heard in today’s world, for they are too often perceived as a sign of weakness that could threaten your credibility as a leader.

But I would say just the opposite is true. Saying, “I am sorry,” are the very words that lend strength and credibility to one’s leadership.

The world is looking for authenticity in leadership, and when a leader steps up and willingly admits to his or her mistakes, people take notice, and they respect and appreciate  such honesty and vulnerability.

When you make a mistake and ignore it, it communicates to your people that you don’t think it was a big deal. However, the problem is that others don’t view it the same way, and they recognize it is a ‘big deal.’ By failing to admit your mistake and  then not apologizing for it, you exacerbate the issue by not only making one error but two and you make things even worse than they could be.

As someone wisely said, “When you mess up, fess up,” and that’s good advice. When you fail, it is important to not only admit you are sorry, (that is too general) but to actually be specific about what you are sorry for. What is it I did, that I am sorry for?

When you admit failure and say you are sorry, you become an authentic leader, and people are looking for that kind of leader in today’s world. People are not looking for perfect leaders but honest and vulnerable leaders who aren’t afraid to own up to their failures and who aren’t afraid to say, “I’m sorry,” “I blew it,” and “I’ll try and do better.

Failure may not hurt your image as a leader, but not admitting to your failure will. When you accept responsibility for what you did and own up to it, you will often regain the trust and respect of your people.

Proverbs 28:13 states a man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance.”

If you and I don’t learn and take responsibility for our failures, we will fail again because “the only real failure is the one from which we learn nothing.” John Powel

Yours faith and friendship,

Tom