Dear Friends,
John O Leary shares a powerful lesson on
forgiving love and radical reconciliation. I share it in his own words, and I
hope it speaks to your heart like it did to mine.
“Forgiveness is not weak. It takes courage to
face and overcome powerful emotions.” -Desmond Tutu
“Of course I will, Dad.”
These were the last words Dave Gibbons ever shared
with his father. Given their past, the fact he spoke them at all was
surprising. But even more extraordinary was what he was agreeing to do. Let me
explain.
The idyllic childhood Dave had enjoyed ended
abruptly as a freshman in high school. He came home from school to his mother
outside the home, weeping. She angrily revealed to Dave that his dad was having
an affair and their marriage was over.
Not believing her, Dave went inside and asked
his dad if it was true. His dad looked him in the eyes, reassured him that mom
was wrong, and that everything would be fine. Relieved, the boy hugged his dad.
Just a few days later, though, as Dave was
cleaning his dad’s car, he found a note from someone named Carolyn professing
her love to his dad. In reading that note, Dave realized his dad had lied to
him, had hurt his mother and had ripped apart their family. The furious boy
committed to never forgiving him. And for years, he passionately lived into
that promise.
As a young man in college, Dave heard what he
described as the unmistakable voice of God telling him it was time to forgive
his dad, and to recognize the freedom found in living with an unoffendable
heart. He repeatedly ignored the voice
The voice remained persistent though, and
eventually, Dave surrendered to it, called his dad, and set up a time to visit.
As Dave sat with his father and his new wife, Carolyn, he asked for forgiveness
for treating them poorly for so many years. And he offered his forgiveness to
each of them for mistakes they had made.
All three of them wept.
On that day, Dave didn’t feel like
saying those words and his feelings about his dad and Carolyn didn’t
immediately change, but the relationship once again had hope. No, it didn’t
remove the pain of the past, but it shifted entirely their future.
Decades later, Dave’s father was diagnosed
with leukemia. As the cancer progressed, and death approached, the two men had
an intimate, final conversation.
As the two men sat on edge of a hospital bed,
looking into one another’s eyes with love, Dad asked Dave if he might be
willing to take care of Carolyn after he died.
Carolyn. The woman who had ripped apart his
family, who had ended his idyllic childhood. There was a long pause, and then
Dave responded,
“Of course I will Dad.”
The men looked into one another’s eyes for a
bit longer. His dad nodded, smiled peacefully, shut his eyes. And passed away.
My friends, we live in a society that
coaches, counsels and coaxes us, above all else, to pay attention to our
feelings, to recognize them as truth, and to act on them accordingly.
Yet the story of Dave Gibbons shows a
different, far less traveled path. Not one of following feelings, but of
choosing love.
Not one that holds fast to every wrong done
to us, but one that embraces the freedom found in living with an unoffendable
heart.
It doesn’t excuse poor behavior; it just
reminds us that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a choice.
And although the choices we make can’t ever
change the past, it can bring peace in the present, hope for the future, and
the potential for radical reconciliation in relationships.
Don’t believe me? Just ask Dave Gibbons.
Today is your day. Live Inspired.
Yours in faith and friendship,
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