Dear Friends,
As one who loves connecting with people, there are a number of things
I have learned over the years that have helped me in the 'connection process.'
There is nothing new or original in what I share, but just some thoughts and
ideas that I have learned and copied down from others. Hopefully, you will find
some that will be of help to you as you seek to connect and make
friends with others.
1. Ask questions of others and then listen. Don't ever try to be
the center of attention. Get to know people's histories. Ask about their hopes
and dreams, and be more concerned about being impressed with them than trying
to be impressive. Speak about what they care about and always offer
direction and hope. French general Napoleon Bonaparte said, "leaders
are dealers in hope."
2. Remember the "thirty second rule." In those first
thirty seconds make an effort to connect with the people with whom you are
talking. Remember the importance of good eye contact. Listen intently to them
instead of focusing upon what you want to say. Make them look good. Find a way
to thank them for something they have done or accomplished and appreciate
something about them that impresses you. Is there something about them, like
their appearance, that stands out?
3. Always find ways to enlarge others. Enlarging others makes you
larger. Believe the best about people and be willing to give your power away.
Secure people love to delegate. It makes you more appreciated, and it develops
a stronger connection as well as greater self confidence in the people to whom
you delegate.
4. Stop lording over people and start listening to them. Stop role
playing for advancement and start risking for others' benefit. Stop seeking
your own way, and start serving others. Albert Schweitzer said "I don't
know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know; the ones among you who
will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. If you
want to lead on the highest level, be willing to serve on the lowest
level."
5. Let people know that you need them. President Woodrow Wilson
said "We should not only use all the brains we have but all that we can
borrow. Why stop with just their brains. Enlist people's hands and hearts
too". Lyndon Johnson was right when he said, "There are no problems
we cannot solve together and very few that we can solve ourselves."
6. Remember the three "A" letter words when you are
with people: attention, affirmation, and appreciation.
7. Remember "a gossip is one who talks to you about other
people. A bore is one who talks to you about himself. And a brilliant
conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself". Make sure
you are numbered among the last.
9. Imagine there is a sign on the chest of everyone with whom you
speak that cries out, "Please help me feel important."
10. When natural find a way to incorporate the following
question into your conversation, "Do you know what I like (admire)
(respect)......about you,” and then state what it is.
11. Always leave people happier than when you met them.
12 No phony baloney. If you are not sincere about what you
share, then don't share it.
A few years ago when I was teaching in another church, I asked
people to get up and greet one another, and then to remember the names of the
people they greeted and after the service to try to connect with them. I
personally did just that, and as a result I made friends with two parents and
their seven-year-old son. Now I confess I didn't score 100 percent on their
names, but at least two out of three 'ain't' bad. I always try to
remember names by association, so after the service I walked back down to
talk with them, and I got the mother's name and the child's name right.
One because the mother's name was the name of one of my daughter's best
friends, and the child's name was Aaron, who I associated with the Old
Testament priest. But when I addressed the dad with the word Nathaniel, he
corrected me and said his name was Benjamin-right biblical idea of association
but wrong Testament!!!!!!!! However, we still connected, and after the
service when I was standing at the door, the family again took time to talk
with me. They told me what a wonderful church it was, and how blessed Aaron was
to be a part of our special needs ministry of the church.
You know people may not like the message or the music, or the
sanctuary, or a number of other things your church or your worship service, but
one thing they will never forget is the people they met. Connecting and
relating to people trumps any bad or negative experience a worshipper might experience.
Let's start connecting, and oh yes, don't carry the memory
association thing too far. Early on in my ministry, I took Jean with me to
visit some new people I had met in church. Their names were the Snows. I walked
up to the door, and confidently thinking I would have no problem remembering
their name by association so when the opened, I calmly said, "Jean, I want
you to meet Mrs. White." The woman calmly responded with a smile, “I
am Mrs. Snow.” I remember that encounter to this day, and I will never
forget Mrs. Snow or is it White. Well, how about Mrs.
"Snow White".
Yours in faith,
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