Dear Family,
One of the great challenges a pastor faces is helping people deal
with disappointment. Sometimes those disappointments derive from unrealistic
expectations of the pastor or church members. When a member needs something
from the church or the pastor and those needs go unmet, the person may leave
hurt or even angry, determined to find another church where their needs will be
met.
Unfortunately, there are people like that, and I have met them in
every church I have served. When someone doesn’t greet them the way they feel
they should be greeted, or the pastor says something that makes them feel
uncomfortable, or they don’t like the music, they decide it’s time to leave and
look for another church.
Such people don’t always accept the fact that, just like in life,
you will not always get along with everyone you meet. They always accept the
fact that the messenger on Sunday will not always make them feel comfortable,
or the programs will not always meet their needs, or the music will not always
be what they would choose.
In one church I served, one member decided to leave because the
leadership decided to change the day of the prayer meeting. In another church,
I knew of a person who decided not to attend because of
something another member had said to them.
In church, just as in families, unrealized expectations can often
fracture fellowship. Sometimes peoples’ expectations are unrealistic or even
downright selfish. In one of my less charitable pastoral moments, I reminded
just such a person “that the church is not about them, it’s about Jesus.”
Sometimes people may need to hear that.
When someone comes to me with something that has disappointed
them, it is tempting to offer an excuse for someone’s behavior or try to
intervene and fix the problem ourselves, even at the risk of making things even
worse, a tendency that many of us as pastors are prone to do-we are trained
“fixers.” We like happy people in our congregation, and we don’t enjoy living
in a family where there are squabbles, or people don’t always get along with
one another.
Rather than always trying to fix the issue, however, we need to
point such people to their ultimate “fixer” and ultimate source of
comfort, and that is Jesus.
Paul writes in 2 Cor 1:3-4 “Praise be to the God and Father of our
Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who
comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble
with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”
We need to encourage them to pour out their pain, hurt, or
disappointment to Jesus.
Francis Chan refers to this verse as an example of what the Bible
calls “lamenting.” He says, “When you invite people to lament, you are
acknowledging that you, as a church leader, are with them in their journey, and
you empathize with what they are going through. You do not try to cheer them
up. You do not try to fix all their problems. You allow them to feel the hard
truth, the raw emotion of the problem or circumstance, and you point them to
God.”
Chen’s words provide wise counsel for every pastor, every parent,
and yes, for every person who has ever had to deal with someone’s
disappointment or unmet expectations.
When dealing with hurt or disappointed people, lets point them to
the true source of comfort, the one “who comforts us in all our troubles.” We
are not the solution to everyone’s hurts and disappointments, but we do know
the One who is, so let’s point them to Jesus, who is the ultimate problem
solver.
I know that this is more easily said than done, but the Lord help
will help us do it, and He is a much better fixer than we could ever be.
Yours in faith and friendship.
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