Leadership Thought: Leaders Are Always Learning How to Be Good Listeners

Dear Friends,

Recently I was out to lunch with a good friend. We hadn’t met for some time,  and after our lengthy lunch, I walked away thinking what a wonderful time I had with my friend.

There is no better lunch than the one which ends that ends with both participants saying “I laughed and learned a lot.”

Having lunch with my friend, sharing stories, and enjoying  memories encompassing  twenty years of ministry, brought a great  sense of joy to my heart.

However, the one regret I had after our time together was wishing that I had talked less and listened more.

When you have lived as many years as I have, you accumulate a lot of stories, and those stories possess the potential to make for long and sometimes boring conversations. I hope this was not the case for our time together, but I do confess that I wished I had talked less and listened and learned more about the person sitting across from me at the table.

At times like this, I need to remind myself that a good conversationalist is one who is more interested in being impressed than being impressive, and  who seeks to make the other person feel valued and important.  A good listener knows the importance of listening with not only his/her ears but his/her heart

Author and speaker John Maxwell shares three helpful questions he often asks when  meeting with people: “What do you laugh (sing) about?”  “What do you cry about?”  “What do you dream about?”  These are good questions to help you get to know   another person.

Yes, you can improve your listening skills by asking good questions and listening intently to the other person’s responses.

Another important listening skill is listening to others with empathy. Pastor Rick Warren writes “listening with empathy means you listen without interruption, and you listen for what’s not being said-the feeling and fears behind the words. And you don’t need to try and fix the problem; sometimes healing comes just from someone listening.”  (Rick Warren, “To Love You Have to Listen,” Rick Warren from the internet)

Romans 15:2 reminds us that “We must  bear the burden of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others.” (TLB).

As I drove home yesterday afternoon, I found myself thinking that I could have made the time with my friend more valuable had I lived out and practiced some of the listening and learning skills I knew but didn’t practice.

Good listeners are faithful friends and great burden bearers, and who doesn’t want friends like that?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom