Leadership Thought: Whoever Said Pastors Should Never Become Too Close to Their People?

Dear Friends,

Years ago, I remember reading an article discouraging pastors from getting too close to their members. “Don’t make close friends with some of them or you will be accused of favoritism which will create issues for your ministry.” 

I can tell you after nearly 60 years of ministry I am so glad I ignored that writer's supposed ‘wisdom.’

I know Jean and I would never have survived the ministry if it had not been for those special friends who stood with us during difficult times. I am still involved in ministry today because of many of those wonderful friends that strengthened and encouraged me during those sometimes dark and discouraging days of ministry.

Six months ago, I began recalling some of those special friends who have made a significant difference in me and my family’s life. My list of people has now grown to 25, and it’s still growing. Next to each name, I have written a paragraph or two describing why I am thankful for their love and encouragement, and I plan on sharing my thankfulness with each one of them during the next several months. These people are all notable members in the Crenshaw’s Hall of Fame.

Christmas and other holidays can be rough for those who have lost loved ones.  One of those Hall of Famers must have known I needed love with Christmas just around the corner, and in my e-mail was the following note: “Tom, I have been meaning to reach out to you. Glad to hear you benefitted from your Grief Share group. I pray as you join your family for this third Christmas without Jean there will be great comfort and support around the table as you all continue to grieve. I pray that God’s grace will cover each of your family’s hearts as you continue to adjust to living without her.” 

“May God bless each of you in a very unique and personal way this ‘Christ’mas season.” 

“Love and miss you, ___.”

After reading that letter, I went back to my desk, physically and spiritually fortified by my friend’s kind and loving words.

For the next hour, I took time to recall a number of the blessings of the many wonderful friends whose love has made a difference in me and my family’s lives.  And as I did, how grateful I was that I had ignored that writer's exhortation to avoid getting too close to my congregation.

In 1985 it was the number one chart topper. In fact, it was the number one song of the year. It was sung by Dionne Warwick. and you probably can recite some of those words from “That’s What Friends Are For.”

"Keep smiling. Keep shining. knowing that you can always count on me for sure. That's what friends are for."

My mom used to remind me that, “The best way to have a friend was to be a friend,” and I hope that the many wonderful friendships that Jean and I enjoyed throughout our years of ministry are the result of our efforts to out my mom’s advice.

In one of my Bibles, I keep a stack of a growing number of love letters of encouragement that over the years I have received from dear friends who have been a part of my ministry.

Unquestionably, that Bible would be among one of the first things I would seek to retrieve should a fire ever consume our home. 

When the church at Philippi heard Paul was sick and in prison in Rome, they sent Epaphroditus on a 700-mile trip to visit him.

When it was time for Epaphroditus to return home, Paul was concerned that his friend would have to make the return trip alone.

There were a lot of acquaintances Paul could have asked to accompany Epaphroditus on his dangerous 700-mile desert travel home, but instead of turning to his acquaintances, he turned to his good friend Timothy, and he asked him to join Epaphroditus on his trip home,” but that’s what friends are for.”

I hope you all have those “forever friends”

Pastor and author Charles Stanley writes, “No matter what our position or status in life, we all need friends, especially those who are genuine, loyal, and lasting. If we have found a friend like this, we should be grateful, because he or she is a priceless possession.” (Charles Stanley, Sermon on Strong Friendships, part. 1)

 So, get writing, get calling, get visiting, and if you do, there is no telling how many treasured friends you might make and how. many lives you might bless, “for that’s what friends are for.”

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom

P. S. “If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires.” Horace Taubel