Leadership Thought: So, You're not a Hugger! Why Not?

Dear Friends,

I love a hug and I'm not embarrassed to ask for one when I need it.

The most difficult period in my life took place when Jean was in the care of hospice, lying in a hospital bed in our bedroom, unable to communicate with anyone in the room.

During that time our friends would come and visit, a part of the vigil of death.

How blessed I was by their faithful presence. They would enter the room, not say a word, and yet in the warm embrace of their arms thrown around me, I felt the love that even words sometimes cannot express.

It's been a little over a year now since Jean has gone home to be with the Lord, but the thought of those  silent hugs of love from those who visited our tiny bedroom still remain freshly etched upon my heart. 

There are few greater ways to express one's deepest love than the hug.

Bill Roberts, a dear friend who has since gone home to be with the Lord, would stand in the back of our church each Sunday, with his arms ever ready to reach out and hug anyone who crossed his path. Oh, how I miss those wonderful Bill Roberts bear hugs.

One of my favorite ways to close a meeting is to call for a group hug. Everyone gathers in a circle, and we put our arms around each other and then we squeeze in and make the circle as small and tight as possible while we close our time in prayer.

I know some people are not comfortable huggers, in fact  they may even go to great lengths to avoid them. I feel sorry for them, for they don't know how valuable such a warm embrace can be.

This week I was speaking at our Ladies fellowship, and one of those present was Eileen, a friend and member who had lost her husband a year before Jean had passed.  As we talked and shared our pain, we suddenly stopped talking and  automatically we both threw our arms around each other in a hug that clearly communicated, "I know the pain you're feeling."

Kathleen Keating in her book Hug Therapy states, "Touch is not only nice it's needed. Scientific research supports the theory that stimulation by touch is absolutely necessary for our physical as well as our emotional well-being."

Another person claims that people need four hugs a day just as preventative maintenance. 

He says, "Seven hugs are absolutely required for good mental health. So rather than take the chance of running a deficit I keep a close count and try never to go below my daily quota. Carrying over from day to day is frowned on."

Unfortunately, today the hug is often misunderstood. This is too bad for an appropriate hug is such a wonderful way of expressing love, warmth and encouragement. Putting your arms around someone and giving them a squeeze is a wonderful way of saying, "I care," "I understand how you're feeling," "I love you."

"It's wondrous what a hug can do.

A hug can cheer you when you're blue.

A hug can say, ‘I love you so,’

Or, ‘I sure hate to see you go.’

A hug is, ‘Welcome back again,’ 

And, ‘Great to see you!  Where've you been?’  

A hug can smooth a small child's pain. 

And bring a rainbow after rain.

The hug- There's no doubt about it-

We scarcely could survive without it! 

A hug delights and warms and charms. 

It must be why God gave us arms. 

Hugs are great for fathers and mothers,

Sweet for sisters, swell for brothers.

And chances are your favorite aunts

Love them more than potted plants. 

Kittens crave them. Puppies love them.

Heads of state are not above them.

A hug can break the language barrier,

And make your travel so much merrier.

No need to fret about your store of 'em,'

The more you give, the more there's more of 'em.

So, stretch those arms without delay

And give someone a hug today!!!!!” 

John W. Drakeford, Hugs, The Awesome Power of Positive Attention, quoted from David Jeremiah's The Joy of Encouragement, p. 79-80. 

So, you're not a hugger? My only question to you is, "Why not?"

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom