Leadership Thought: Would That We All Could Be Like Onesiphorus

Dear Friends

There are few gifts that you can give to someone which are more valuable than the gift of encouragement. It doesn't cost much except a willingness to put the interests of another ahead of your own.

Over the years of ministry, I have been blessed to receive this gift in many forms, but none greater or more memorable than the gift I received over 25 years ago. 

Dan Herman and I met on the wrestling circuit  as dads of two aspiring athletes who were involved in a local youth wrestling program. We had plenty of time to get to know each other as we would sit together at wrestling tournaments that would often start with registration as early as 6:30 AM, and which sometimes didn't conclude until nine or ten at night. 

During that time together, we became good friends. We encouraged each other's children, and we both shared in the joy and pain of our sons' victories and defeats. Slowly, as the relationship developed, I began sharing with him aspects of my commitment to Christ. 

Brought up as a Jew, he seemed eager to learn more about Jesus, and after a number of discussions in my office, Dan took the step of faith and accepted his Messiah. 

Dan's faith continued to grow as did our friendship.

When I left the area to begin a new ministry in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, we were meeting together weekly in a small group for dads wanting to learn how to be better fathers and husbands. 

I will never forget the day I left for Florida. Jean had unfortunately selected our moving date to coincide  with a big garage sale at our home intended to help us sell as many of our belongings as we could. The house was filled with a mass of eager 'shoppers,' some arriving hours before the sale was to begin. Milling around and bumping into each other as they gawked at the items we had planned to sell; I could hardly walk through the house without being jostled by these relentless shoppers looking for a bargain. 

To make matters worse, and adding to the chaos, a number of our friends had shown up to help load our remaining possessions into a truck I had rented for my drive to Fort Lauderdale. 

Jean and I were physically and emotionally exhausted by the events surrounding our move, and as I and some of those church friends strained to close the door shut on the 24' foot rented truck that was jammed packed with our belongings, I remember thinking I don't have enough energy to even lift myself up into the truck cab, let alone get behind the wheel and start out on the 2000 mile trip to Fort Lauderdale.

When I finally did say goodbye to those that had helped load the truck, I gave my wife a big hug, grabbed our cat Samantha, and headed for the truck. I climbed up into the cab, only to discover that sitting there next to the driver's seat was my good friend Dan. 

"What are you doing," I asked? 

"I'm helping you drive to Florida." 

I was overcome by his thoughtfulness and his concern for my safety. I protested that I could make the trip alone, but he would hear none of it. He was there to support and encourage me on my southern journey.

Our drive south turned out to be one of the most unforgettable experiences of my life, and the stories that were born out of our time together are still among some of my most cherished memories.

I guess 'friends don't let friends drive' alone to Fort Lauderdale.

I can't begin to tell you how encouraged I was by Dan's willingness to bless  me with his special gift of service.

Encouragement is often fashioned out of one's faith and friendship. Dan appreciated the friendship we had formed, and for the Savior he had come to know, and to this day we still remain the closest of friends.

After moving back to New Jersey, we continued our friendship meeting together every Wednesday for breakfast.

And when Jean was in the last stages of her fight with Parkinson Disease, it was Dan, who now was a hospice chaplain, who was my constant bedside companion as together we watched Jean's life slowly slip away. 

It has been said that "God gives us memories, so that we might be able to smell the roses in December, and how grateful I am for one of those very special 'roses,' born out of a unique friendship and fashioned from the soil of encouragement.

One doesn't have to go so far as to share a drive to Fort Lauderdale to encourage another. Often encouragement can spring from small, but yet intentional acts of kindness designed to lighten someone's load. Whether expressed in the form of words or actions, encouragement refreshes us and gives us hope. It keeps us going when we don't think we can take another step.

The Apostle Paul was grateful for his little-known friend Onesiphorus who was willing to walk hundreds of miles to visit him when he was in a Roman prison cell.

Paul appreciated his love, and he writes his disciple and friend Timothy: "May the Lord show mercy to the household of Onesiphorus because he refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains" (2 Timothy 1:16-18").

We all are in need cheerleaders like Dan Herman in our lives, those who come along side us in our time of need. They help lift our loads and bear our burdens. They renew and refresh us. That's what encouragement does; To 'en' courage someone means to 'put courage' into that person, courage that keeps them going when they are ready to give in and give up.

May we always remember that "When a person is down in this world, an ounce of help is (always) better than a pound of preaching." Edward George Lytton

Who will you encourage today, and how will you help them?

Yours in faith and friendship,

Tom