Leadership Thought: The Elephant, Donkey and Lamb and What I Learned about How to Win Friends to Jesus Thanks to Matt Agresti.

Dear Friend,

Last night Jean and I were gathered around the dinner table celebrating my grandson’s 11^th birthday, and during our time together politics and the election sneaked into our discussion. Notwithstanding our political preferences, we all concluded that we were tired of  the hateful political rhetoric coming from both sides, which spews hatred and divides friends. 

My daughter Rachel  shared with us how her pastor had preached a sermon on “The Donkey, Elephant and  Lamb”, and I was so intrigued by the title that I rose extra early this morning to listen to it. It was preached  by a good friend, Matt Agresti, who is one of the pastors at Park Church where my daughter and her husband  attend.

I wrote Matt this morning to tell him how blessed I was by his message, and that I planned to steal some of his material. As my friend Harry Flaherty, the state director or the Fellowship of Christian Athlete’s, says, "If it is worth preaching, it is worth stealing," so here goes a part of Matt’s  pilfered message.

Matt discussed the ways we react to people with whom we disagree. We can choose to "fight," that is argue, vigorously defending our position regardless of the cost to our friendship. Or we can  "flee" (flight) and look for the quickest way to disengage and escape the argument, an approach that many  a ‘political pacifist’ might take. But there is a third option that we as believers might take, and that is to choose to love and listen to those with whom we disagree. After all, didn’t Jesus say something about loving our enemies and praying for them, and going the extra mile…and you probably have memorized some other parts of that  same message we call The Sermon the Mount.

Instead of fight or flight, when you are gathered around the Thanksgiving Table this year, and Angry Alex begins to spew his political hatred toward the one who won the election, you can choose to use curiosity and kindness to diffuse the conversation and keep those at the table from fighting or fleeing, or worse yet, never speaking to one another again.

Matt suggest we make  curiosity and kindness our starting points. “I am curious to learn why you believe as you do,” and then spend the next few minutes seriously listening to the other person’s response without thinking of how you are going to negatively combat his reply.  And once you have done your listening, you might ask a second question and that is, “I am curious to know how you have come to the conclusion you did.” The why and the how of curiosity provide an opportunity to hear the other person with the sincere desire of learning why the person feels the way they do.

To listen and genuinely want to learn from the other person is to show  kindness which is the second point that Matt shares in seeking to respond in a way that reflects the kindness of our Master. "What does being prochoice mean to you and how did you arrived at that conclusion," is a much better way of starting a productive conversation than “How could you call yourself a Christian and be prochoice?” I am sure you get my drift.

How many hearts will we change by fighting with someone with whom we disagree or fleeing from those who hold different views from us? The answer is not many. Cancel culture says I write you off, delete you from Facebook, say goodbye to our friendship-all because you don’t agree with me and you don’t think like I do. Curiosity and kindness say, “I am interested in what you believe and why you believe it, and I will be kind enough to listen to you and try to understand your views.”  To take this approach doesn’t necessarily mean you are going to win, if winning an argument is your goal, (and I hope it is not), but it does meant that you might build a relationship that provides on going opportunities to share your love for Jesus in a way that might lead to a friend’s changed heart.

To be kind is to care for the other person. To be kind is to love your enemies, and to walk the extra mile, and to pray for those who persecute you, and yes to invite ‘strangers’ to your table in hopes they might just become your friends and ultimately the friends of Jesus-all  because you were curious and kind. Just a thought.

Have a great weekend

Tom

To listen to Matt's sermon which I would encourage you to do, google Park Church Tinton Falls and click on Matt's message on Oct 25