Leadership Thought: How to Live the Perfect Day (A Lesson on Grief I Learned at the Calico Cat)  

Dear Friends,

I was recently doing some shopping at the Calico Cat, my favorite area thrift store where you can purchase hard cover books for a dollar. and soft cover books for fifty cents. Those prices are hard to beat, so when I visit the store, I always make my way to the bookrack to check out some titles.

I saw a book that caught my attention. It was Grief One Day at a Time, 365 Meditations to Help You Heal After Loss.

Although my wife Jean died almost a year ago, I still am walking my journey through grief, and I am always looking to learn new lessons that might ease my pilgrimage.

I purchased the book on Nov 30th, and once home, I turned to check out the message for that day.

I read the following, "You have not lived a perfect day.... unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to pay you back." Ruth Smeltzer .

She asks the question, "What's a perfect day in grief, anyway? I would say it's a day in which we have embraced and expressed any thoughts and feelings that came up, been honest with- as well as kind to- ourselves, and others, and tried to appreciate each moment."

But then she adds, "But maybe the perfect day is not truly perfect, unless we have gone out of our way to  help someone who can't pay us back. who may not even deserve our kindness."

It is tempting when going through our grief to turn inward, to become me centered, and to focus only on  ourselves: our needs, our loss, our pain, or our loneliness.

But what is truly needed is a shift in our focus from inward to outward, from me to others.

When we are able to get outside ourselves and start to think of serving others, we are able to forget our own pain, pain of grief or any other pain that might plague us.

The late Dr. Karl Menninger, a famous psychiatrist, was visited again and again by a woman who continually complained about her emotional state. He would patiently counsel her , but week after week she would come back never feeling any better. 

He finally said to her that he had told her everything he possibly could to help her, and yet it hadn't made any difference in her emotional state, but he  had one final piece of advice to offer her.  He told her to go across the tracks to the poor side of town, find someone who was in need, and do something to help them.

A few weeks later the grateful woman returned to inform Dr. Menninger that she was a different person. She had discovered that serving others had restored the joy that had so long been missing from her life. 

Paul writes "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:4

"Others," is the key that unlocks our prison door of pain and frees us to live the "prefect day" Ruth Smelter talks about.

Yours in faith and friendship

Tom

P.S. The anonymous writer said it best: "The roots of happiness grow deepest in the soil of service."